fuck bowling, its all about pool. theres opportunity to talk as much as you want but if you need a second to think of what to say, you can just break off mid sentence cause you're concentrating on taking you shot.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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fuck bowling, its all about pool. theres opportunity to talk as much as you want but if you need a second to think of what to say, you can just break off mid sentence cause you're concentrating on taking you shot.
manipulate
Member
Yeah we were both drinking. I guess I should just forget it =/
Universal truth that it is a bad idea.
Even in a warehouse work environment with completely different shifts?
(Also I dont plan on working there in 3 more months)
Obviously the less you work with a person, and if you arent going to be working together for long, then its not as bad. That is, if you know you are leaving.
Captain Howdy
Member
Hey guys, I'm not sure if this would be the right thread for my problem, but it is a girl-age thing.
I have been dating this girl for almost a year now, and things have gotten kind of bad in the past few weeks. My girlfriend and I met at a bar, and for the first probably 8 months or so that we were together, the bar was our usual hangout spot. Back in december, I told her that I was getting sick of always going to the bar (probably like 3 nights a week or more) and that i'd like to just chill at home more. She didn't really take this the way I thought she would, and over the following weeks, I noticed she was still going and hanging out with friends at the bar, but not really mentioning it. I would text her at night to see if she wanted to do something, and she would already be out.
I didn't like this, and when I asked why she was doing that, she basically responded with, "it sounds like you don't want to go to the bar with me anymore, so I'm just gonna go without you." This was obviously not what I intended with my original complaint of spending too much time and money going out.
A little over a week ago, we had gotten into a relatively small argument (I can't really even remember what it was about), and we didn't talk much for the rest of the day. That night, I asked if she would like to come over, and got no response for hours. Long about 10pm, I got a really weird feeling in my gut. It is hard to describe, but I had a strange sick feeling that something was going on. I decided to go over to her place. When I got there, she wasn't home, so I thought I would go to the bar to see if she was there. Her car was there, so i parked to go in and speak to her (possibly dumb on my part, if she was ignoring me, maybe I should have let her.)
Just as I was going to turn my car off, I saw her walk outside to smoke, and she was with a guy and another girl. This guy is a person she has slept with before meeting me, and also cheated on her previous boyfriend with. I was kind of shocked to see them together, because she told me they hadn't spoken in months, and that he is bad news. I decided to text her once more and ask where she was, hoping maybe she would respond. She told me she was at home by herself and that she could meet me later... so she lied.
Later on, I told her that I saw her and that guy hanging out, and that she lied to me. She apologized over and over, but I really didn't know what to say. I feel like I can't trust her anymore, knowing that she has cheated in the past, and that she has been lying to me about the same guy. She said nothing has happened between them (which frankly, I believe), but I still feel very betrayed, even if she wasn't physically cheating on me.
I have been having really mixed feelings towards her since then. I will go from feeling totally happy and content, to really paranoid and angry towards her. Since I don't want to seem TOO crazy, I tend to just not talk to her much now. She is swearing to me every day that she will make things better and that she doesn't want to lose me. I am not sure that I can trust her ever again at this point. She has been saying how much she wants to fix things, but at the same time, she isn't really doing anything towards that. In fact, right now it is 1:00am, she is out drinking with friends, and I haven't heard from her since 7pm.
My instinct is to just end things now. It sucks though because I love her a lot more than any other girl I've been with. Any thoughts on if this feeling of mistrust and betrayal will pass, or are we doomed?
I have been dating this girl for almost a year now, and things have gotten kind of bad in the past few weeks. My girlfriend and I met at a bar, and for the first probably 8 months or so that we were together, the bar was our usual hangout spot. Back in december, I told her that I was getting sick of always going to the bar (probably like 3 nights a week or more) and that i'd like to just chill at home more. She didn't really take this the way I thought she would, and over the following weeks, I noticed she was still going and hanging out with friends at the bar, but not really mentioning it. I would text her at night to see if she wanted to do something, and she would already be out.
I didn't like this, and when I asked why she was doing that, she basically responded with, "it sounds like you don't want to go to the bar with me anymore, so I'm just gonna go without you." This was obviously not what I intended with my original complaint of spending too much time and money going out.
A little over a week ago, we had gotten into a relatively small argument (I can't really even remember what it was about), and we didn't talk much for the rest of the day. That night, I asked if she would like to come over, and got no response for hours. Long about 10pm, I got a really weird feeling in my gut. It is hard to describe, but I had a strange sick feeling that something was going on. I decided to go over to her place. When I got there, she wasn't home, so I thought I would go to the bar to see if she was there. Her car was there, so i parked to go in and speak to her (possibly dumb on my part, if she was ignoring me, maybe I should have let her.)
Just as I was going to turn my car off, I saw her walk outside to smoke, and she was with a guy and another girl. This guy is a person she has slept with before meeting me, and also cheated on her previous boyfriend with. I was kind of shocked to see them together, because she told me they hadn't spoken in months, and that he is bad news. I decided to text her once more and ask where she was, hoping maybe she would respond. She told me she was at home by herself and that she could meet me later... so she lied.
Later on, I told her that I saw her and that guy hanging out, and that she lied to me. She apologized over and over, but I really didn't know what to say. I feel like I can't trust her anymore, knowing that she has cheated in the past, and that she has been lying to me about the same guy. She said nothing has happened between them (which frankly, I believe), but I still feel very betrayed, even if she wasn't physically cheating on me.
I have been having really mixed feelings towards her since then. I will go from feeling totally happy and content, to really paranoid and angry towards her. Since I don't want to seem TOO crazy, I tend to just not talk to her much now. She is swearing to me every day that she will make things better and that she doesn't want to lose me. I am not sure that I can trust her ever again at this point. She has been saying how much she wants to fix things, but at the same time, she isn't really doing anything towards that. In fact, right now it is 1:00am, she is out drinking with friends, and I haven't heard from her since 7pm.
My instinct is to just end things now. It sucks though because I love her a lot more than any other girl I've been with. Any thoughts on if this feeling of mistrust and betrayal will pass, or are we doomed?
Attackthebase
Member
The moment you stop trusting a significant other is the moment your relationship is pretty much done. It is extremely difficult to rebuild that connection, and even then, there is a chance her betrayal will remain in the back of your mind.
You should probably end it with her and find someone better. I couldn't see myself in a relationship with someone who I did not trust.
Vermillion
Banned
Rule number 12.
DualShadow
Member
I've had that happen as well.
Awesome moment when you're out with your new girl and see a girl who you met on OKCupid, but said she 'didn't know what she wanted' and she sees you having an awesome time.
What even more awkward. Having your friend date someone you talked to on Okcupid lol
TheSchwab_7
Member
The past few days I've really missed being in a relationship. Not so much my ex since she was a whore, but the feeling that someone cares about you, all the romantic mushy gushy stuff, etc etc. It's scary because I've been on dates while I've been single, but I can't connect with anyone lately. There are things that I like about the girls, but I don't get that feeling in my stomach you know? I know dating is supposed to help you figure out what you want in an SO, but shit, sometimes it feels like a waste of time.
I've also become a little saddened by the fact that I can't go out to a party and hookup with a random hot chick like everyone else. I sometimes wish I was less emotional and more like a dudebro.
I've also become a little saddened by the fact that I can't go out to a party and hookup with a random hot chick like everyone else. I sometimes wish I was less emotional and more like a dudebro.
Vermillion
Banned
I dunno. A lot of people get those feelings of jealousy.
Hm. Having sex with a drunk person is legally rape. So does that not mean hooking up at parties would also be illegal? Any time you look to go to a party to get laid, doesn't that mean that you're planning a rape?
Questions, questions...
what the fuck are you talking about
Vermillion
Banned
My post is pretty simple. I think I'll make a new thread for it, though.
TheSchwab_7
Member
wat. I'm not going to zone in on drunk girls and just bust out my dong. I never said I was gonna prey on drunk girls at all. What I meant was that I can't go to a party and meet a girl and hookup with her. One night stand style.
what is simple are all of the counter arguments
-being drunk isnt the same as being passed out
-when drunk you can still make your own decisions
-if both people are in a similar state of mind one cant take advantage of the other
you logically know these things, and you know that a line of thinking that ends with 'going to a party looking to get laid means you're planning a rape' is absolutely ludicrous
electricshake
Member
Maybe it depends where you are, but that is not universally true. It's about the ability to give consent - it depends how drunk you are whether you are able to give consent. In the UK anyway, you can have a substantial amount to drink and still be capable of consenting.
So I broke up with my girlfriend just one minute ago... no response. I feel bad for her. 
It's the one I went to Sweden with and I actually had a really great trip with her. Then we went to hotel last weekend and that was great too.
But when I told her I'm sad that she spend all her time with a friend of her and talking with friends on Skype at the hotel instead of with me, then she got really angry, so I had to explain my sadness.
I even went to the airport to wait on her flight and she spent 1 hour talking in phone with a relative instead of with me, that really sucked.
So I broke up with her. I'm done. I wanna be single and concentrate on my projects and on getting better to reject.
It's the one I went to Sweden with and I actually had a really great trip with her. Then we went to hotel last weekend and that was great too.
But when I told her I'm sad that she spend all her time with a friend of her and talking with friends on Skype at the hotel instead of with me, then she got really angry, so I had to explain my sadness.
I even went to the airport to wait on her flight and she spent 1 hour talking in phone with a relative instead of with me, that really sucked.
So I broke up with her. I'm done. I wanna be single and concentrate on my projects and on getting better to reject.
Excellent news!So I broke up with my girlfriend just one minute ago... no response. I feel bad for her.
It's the one I went to Sweden with and I actually had a really great trip with her. Then we went to hotel last weekend and that was great too.
But when I told her I'm sad that she spend all her time with a friend of her and talking with friends on Skype at the hotel instead of with me, then she got really angry, so I had to explain my sadness.
I even went to the airport to wait on her flight and she spent 1 hour talking in phone with a relative instead of with me, that really sucked.
So I broke up with her. I'm done. I wanna be single and concentrate on my projects and on getting better to reject.
Your new, much better, life starts right now. Make the best of it.Excellent news!
And now I feel sad while chatting with her on Skype. I think she makes me feel bad.
Then stop. Do you WANT to feel bad? You've broken up, go live your life for a change
You gain nothing positive from this.Seriously, she got drunk and acted like crap and made my father sad on his birthday, she got kicked out of my mother cause she ignored her. I went to the airport with her to be with her, yet she talks in phone for one hour. She didn't want safe sex. She want to hide in Denmark. She's lying to everyone about where she is. She get angry when I tell her I'm sad, and she get realy angry at me when she have periods. She constantly need contact on Skype and sleeping with me. She gets angry if I turn off the lights. She want me to get an apartment asap and start training now. Etc etc.
Yet I'm trying to stay in contact with her right now on Skype..
Yet I'm trying to stay in contact with her right now on Skype..
I hope you can at least see how terrible this so called woman is, for both herself and for you. You need to break contact yesterday. She doesn't have red flags, she is one.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I think you should straight-out ask her. Make sure she knows that your intentions are not romantic, just friendly.
End it now. She lied once, has a history of it, she'll probably do it again.
STOP. CONTACTING. HER. She is crazy. She will wreck your life more than she already has. Cut ties.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Best advice of the thread so far, lol.
My thinking is that you should break up with her because you've grown apart in your interests. It sounds like it wasn't a very strong connection to begin with; it sounds like most of your relationship took place within that bar.
Also, learn to not be insecure and/or jealous. It's not a good look for anyone. When you start driving around and stalking your GF because she's not answering her texts, you've crossed a line.
So I broke up with my girlfriend just one minute ago... no response. I feel bad for her.
It's the one I went to Sweden with and I actually had a really great trip with her. Then we went to hotel last weekend and that was great too.
But when I told her I'm sad that she spend all her time with a friend of her and talking with friends on Skype at the hotel instead of with me, then she got really angry, so I had to explain my sadness.
I even went to the airport to wait on her flight and she spent 1 hour talking in phone with a relative instead of with me, that really sucked.
So I broke up with her. I'm done. I wanna be single and concentrate on my projects and on getting better to reject.
You sound incredibly needy. Stop this. Your GF is allowed to Skype/phone people when she's with you. Busy yourself. Tell her you're going for a walk or something.
It depends on how much time she spent on Skype with friends, as opposed to simply enjoying her time with him. If it was a real long time, it isn't "incredibly needy" to desire her attention. And if he went to the length to wait with her at the airport before she left on a flight, and she spent the entire time on the phone and in essence ignoring him then it's not "needy" to desire her attention.
There is a line that you can cross between a legitimate desire of your significant others' attention, and neediness. I don't really know the poster, so I can't say for sure, but from what he posted it doesn't sound all that "incredibly needy".
I said I'm going to the gas station to buy a milkshake and a crossaint and all of a sudden she stops her Skype and jumps up to me in my face all mad. That was weird, as I didn't understand why I couldn't go out. She wanted me to stay in the hotel room, but I didnt know what to do there, while she Skyped. I wanted something to eat and drink.
I'm the type that WANTS her to do her own stuff and me doing my own stuff as I have my own life, but when she uses most of the day talking with others, then it's starting to get frustrating, especially as she got mad when I tried to explain it. And especially as this was our trip, where I payed for the hotel for a weekend, as we don't see each other that often.
I think you just answered your own question. If she's done it before then she can do it again. Dump her, you'll find someone better out there.
Captain Howdy
Member
I agree with this, and the other responses. You are right that it was my fault for being insecure and trying to find out what she was doing. It turned out my gut was right and she was lying to me, but it isn't good behavior on my part. Honestly, I have never done that with any other girl I've dated, and I felt like a scumbag doing it with her.
Anyway, I decided to break up with her today. She didn't take it well. Basically, I just told her I couldn't trust her and it is not going to work out. She has been texting me all day since we talked. Since I haven't been responding, her texts have run the gamut from being full of rage and blaming me for ruining things, to being super apologetic and essentially begging me back.
The couple close friends who I have talked to about this essentially echoed what you guys said. It will be for the best, in the end. This was the first time I dated someone who I didn't trust, and it has definitely been a learning experience.
Thanks for the advice.
Stop talking to her.
Going out on a date/drinking for St. Patty's this weekend with a girl I had been seeing for a few weeks. She kind of just straight up stopped seeing me for a month straight. Didn't really hear from her at all. Then just this past weekend when she went to my sister's birthday party (she's my older sister's friend...yeah I know). She only went there because she thought I was going to be there. So she called me up after she left the party and arranged for a date.
She was apparently busy with work and just kind of fell off doing anything socially, which I can believe knowing she works multiple jobs trying hard to breakthrough in the NYC fashion scene here. Although it's fairly apparent she's probably only getting back to me now because she wants to get laid.
Am I totally weak-willed for going out on a date with her now after she ditched me for a month? I am feeling a little man-whorish.
She was apparently busy with work and just kind of fell off doing anything socially, which I can believe knowing she works multiple jobs trying hard to breakthrough in the NYC fashion scene here. Although it's fairly apparent she's probably only getting back to me now because she wants to get laid.
Am I totally weak-willed for going out on a date with her now after she ditched me for a month? I am feeling a little man-whorish.
Really? This had to be the post that follows mine?
your situation is simple. Fuck her, and ignore her.
You're a pretty standup guy.
Weren't you the one that got your girlfriend pregnant? Or am I confusing you with someone else?
Need advice:
So there's this girl I had a coffee outing with a while back and it didn't go well (30% my fault, 70% hers). Since then, things have been terribly awkward between us. However, I think I've detected some remorse on her end (through her blog and status updates, and the occasional smile she shoots my way), but there the possibility I'm just reading something that is not there. I personally would like to give it another go with her, but honestly I have no idea how she feels. GAF has mentioned "if she wanted to date you, she would be dating you", so I'm thinking it's already a lost cause.
Anyway, I ran into her dad and found out she was in a pretty terrible accident. She walked away fine, but it was a traumatic experience for her. I was thinking of sending her a FB message saying I hope she is ok. My goal is to get on more friendly terms with her to get a better idea of what is going on inside her head. My concern is that I'll come off as a "nice" guy, which the titled of this thread tells me not to be.
So, is it safe to send her a quick message, or should I not even bother?
So there's this girl I had a coffee outing with a while back and it didn't go well (30% my fault, 70% hers). Since then, things have been terribly awkward between us. However, I think I've detected some remorse on her end (through her blog and status updates, and the occasional smile she shoots my way), but there the possibility I'm just reading something that is not there. I personally would like to give it another go with her, but honestly I have no idea how she feels. GAF has mentioned "if she wanted to date you, she would be dating you", so I'm thinking it's already a lost cause.
Anyway, I ran into her dad and found out she was in a pretty terrible accident. She walked away fine, but it was a traumatic experience for her. I was thinking of sending her a FB message saying I hope she is ok. My goal is to get on more friendly terms with her to get a better idea of what is going on inside her head. My concern is that I'll come off as a "nice" guy, which the titled of this thread tells me not to be.
So, is it safe to send her a quick message, or should I not even bother?
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
How was it 30% your fault, 70% hers?
Call her and ask her out for coffee again if she's okay to go for it. There's a difference between "nice" guy (lame doormat or sleazy douchebag with the nice guy act) and nice guy (dateable gentleman).
Get laid, don't get emotional and keep things at a superficial level. Nothing wrong being fwb.
Okay, just need a little reassurance, haha. Been a while sine I did the whole FWB thing since I was dating a girl for 2 1/2 years until recently.
She's fun to hang out with anyway. So it's not like I dislike her personality or anything. Not a completely soulless act.
Yeah, but she isn't pregnant. She only thought she was lol.
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