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[thestopsign]

So I'm on vacation in Cancun right now with my family. Haven't been able to really partake in any spring break activities due to my family being fairly straight-laced. I also wouldn't have anyone to go out with and I'm fairly young (19) to be out roaming the bar scene.

Even so I met a really cute girl today while waiting for a bus, unfortunately she was with her family and I was with my brother (who completely lacks social awareness, he's about 6 years older than me). I was talking to her in front of her family for like 15 to 20 minutes, but once we got off the bus I never really followed up on it because I was nervous about doing so in front of my brother and her family. Was really kicking myself about that one after I left, could have just asked her if she wanted to hang out tomorrow or maybe even asked her on a more formal date out to dinner tonight.

 

[Furio53]

So I'm on vacation in Cancun right now with my family. Haven't been able to really partake in any spring break activities due to my family being fairly straight-laced. I also wouldn't have anyone to go out with and I'm fairly young (19) to be out roaming the bar scene.

Even so I met a really cute girl today while waiting for a bus, unfortunately she was with her family and I was with my brother (who completely lacks social awareness, he's about 6 years older than me). I was talking to her in front of her family for like 15 to 20 minutes, but once we got off the bus I never really followed up on it because I was nervous about doing so in front of my brother and her family. Was really kicking myself about that one after I left, could have just asked her if she wanted to hang out tomorrow or maybe even asked her on a more formal date out to dinner tonight.

dude, 19 in cancun during spring break? too young?

Jesus, go tackle some drunk sorority girls... You kidding me with this shit? go out with your brother to some beach volleyball or pool volleyball places, drink a bunch, go to bars, meet women. Everyones so wasted there you're bound to get laid.

 

[thestopsign]

dude, 19 in cancun during spring break? too young?

Jesus, go tackle some drunk sorority girls... You kidding me with this shit? go out with your brother to some beach volleyball or pool volleyball places, drink a bunch, go to bars, meet women. Everyones so wasted there you're bound to get laid.

Like I said, I'm with my family and my brother and mom don't drink/don't approve of drinking. I'm still really tempted to go out, but don't know how my parents would handle it.

As for volleyball, I have been playing it, met a few cool people but nothing that really progressed beyond playing volleyball with them.

Edit: Going out tonight! My dad is fine with it, should be a good experience, I'll report back tomorrow probably.

 

[pgtl_10]

I feel incredibly depressed.

I feel that every woman I know hates me for one reason or another and I don't know why. Everytime I even have an acquaintance with a woman(nothing close) Iend up being treated coldly. I mean one woman who was nice to me throughout law school now treats me coldly this semester.

Today however made me quite depressed. A women at my law school who I only saw once before. Both times she would be seemingly walking in my direction only to turn away the moment she sees me. Today the same thing happen and I merely looked up because she entered the floor of library. I saw her walking away and then looking back as if I'm the reason that she was leaving. I don't even know the woman but obviously she knows me somehow or dislikes me. Which makes me wonder if I have a bad reputation with people.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?!!

 

[Vermillion]

And so, I sit at a party, letting my friends dance with chicks. Meh. I've got to get a hardened soul anyways

 

[soultron]

And so, I sit at a party, letting my friends dance with chicks. Meh. I've got to get a hardened soul anyways

Why not go talk to the girls and other folk who aren't dancing? Do something aside from posting on GAF. If you're going to go to a party only to sit and post on GAF, you can just save yourself the time and do it at home.

 

[Devolution]

I feel incredibly depressed.

I feel that every woman I know hates me for one reason or another and I don't know why. Everytime I even have an acquaintance with a woman(nothing close) Iend up being treated coldly. I mean one woman who was nice to me throughout law school now treats me coldly this semester.

Today however made me quite depressed. A women at my law school who I only saw once before. Both times she would be seemingly walking in my direction only to turn away the moment she sees me. Today the same thing happen and I merely looked up because she entered the floor of library. I saw her walking away and then looking back as if I'm the reason that she was leaving. I don't even know the woman but obviously she knows me somehow or dislikes me. Which makes me wonder if I have a bad reputation with people.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?!!

Think back, have you done anything at all that could be misconstrued?

 

[RawPower]

I feel incredibly depressed.

I feel that every woman I know hates me for one reason or another and I don't know why. Everytime I even have an acquaintance with a woman(nothing close) Iend up being treated coldly. I mean one woman who was nice to me throughout law school now treats me coldly this semester.

Today however made me quite depressed. A women at my law school who I only saw once before. Both times she would be seemingly walking in my direction only to turn away the moment she sees me. Today the same thing happen and I merely looked up because she entered the floor of library. I saw her walking away and then looking back as if I'm the reason that she was leaving. I don't even know the woman but obviously she knows me somehow or dislikes me. Which makes me wonder if I have a bad reputation with people.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?!!

I feel this way quite often, as a matter of fact. D:

 

[hipgnosis]

So I went out again with the girl I mentioned earlier. Yeah this is not just friends hangin out.

Also a weird thing happened to me today. I'm almost certain that a girl started following me. We had an eye contact in a bus. When I exited the bus I noticed she was walking very close to me. I went to the sub and she came there as well, stood right behind me on the escalators and waited the sub next to me. She was looking at me all the time and making lots of eye contact. When the sub came she sat next to me. When I left the sub she left it also and came close behind me. At this point I actually left myself behind her and I didn't want her to follow me to my homedoor. Went to the grocery store and lost her. Either it's a weird coincidence or she was checking where I'm going. The constant eye contact suggests the former. She was cute, but it felt a bit creepy

 

[Darklord]

Wow, so OKC is kind of shitty. It was my first dating profile and was a pretty shitty profile, average pic, ect, I ended up being filtered to the bottom pile of their secret filtering system. There seemed to be like about 20 people in my area and none with very high percentages(some even mostly enemies).So getting sick of it, I deleted it, remade one with a better profile, newer pic and all that and damn! There are TONS of new women showing up, ones that are like 95-98% match even. So they removed almost perfectly compatible people, who live close by because I was 1 or 2 star and they were 4 or 5(I'm guessing)? What a piece of shit.

 

[Vermillion]

Why not go talk to the girls and other folk who aren't dancing? Do something aside from posting on GAF. If you're going to go to a party only to sit and post on GAF, you can just save yourself the time and do it at home.

There were none, lol. I got my friends to dance with some chicks... I asked others, but they didn't want to dance, so I sat down. It was the third party I was at that night, and the only one where I didn't know anyone besides the people I came with.

EDIT: And I've lost my contacts, and I'm hungover, and my friend fucked a chick I kinda sorta liked (so nbd, be over it by day's end) and I'm just dead.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

So I went out again with the girl I mentioned earlier. Yeah this is not just friends hangin out.

Also a weird thing happened to me today. I'm almost certain that a girl started following me. We had an eye contact in a bus. When I exited the bus I noticed she was walking very close to me. I went to the sub and she came there as well, stood right behind me on the escalators and waited the sub next to me. She was looking at me all the time and making lots of eye contact. When the sub came she sat next to me. When I left the sub she left it also and came close behind me. At this point I actually left myself behind her and I didn't want her to follow me to my homedoor. Went to the grocery store and lost her. Either it's a weird coincidence or she was checking where I'm going. The constant eye contact suggests the former. She was cute, but it felt a bit creepy

The fuck, guy. Why didn't you talk to her? Shoulda said something like "Why are you stalking me, you gorgeous creature?" Maybe not the last bit.

Or something like that, less weird. That's what I woulda said, but it would have been weird.

Wow, so OKC is kind of shitty. It was my first dating profile and was a pretty shitty profile, average pic, ect, I ended up being filtered to the bottom pile of their secret filtering system. There seemed to be like about 20 people in my area and none with very high percentages(some even mostly enemies).So getting sick of it, I deleted it, remade one with a better profile, newer pic and all that and damn! There are TONS of new women showing up, ones that are like 95-98% match even. So they removed almost perfectly compatible people, who live close by because I was 1 or 2 star and they were 4 or 5(I'm guessing)? What a piece of shit.

You have enemies?

 

[hipgnosis]

The fuck, guy. Why didn't you talk to her? Shoulda said something like "Why are you stalking me, you gorgeous creature?" Maybe not the last bit.

Or something like that, less weird. That's what I woulda said, but it would have been weird.

I don't know, the situation came out of the blue and I was a bit confused. Propably should've said something but I've got so much going on at the moment that I didn't feel the need. She was super cute, but I don't know, it automatically feels weird if someone is stalking you.

 

[Bealost]

Being semi-stalked by a cute girl is not weird... Just fucking talk to her... Now if I was following a cute girl THAT would be weird. God damn double standards.

 

[Prologue]

Why did bronze wolf get banned?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I don't know, the situation came out of the blue and I was a bit confused. Propably should've said something but I've got so much going on at the moment that I didn't feel the need. She was super cute, but I don't know, it automatically feels weird if someone is stalking you.

Well, if you're being stalked, confront the stalker! Especially if it's a pretty girl, that's just common sense.

It was probably coincidence though. Doesn't hurt to ask.

Being semi-stalked by a cute girl is not weird... Just fucking talk to her... Now if I was following a cute girl THAT would be weird. God damn double standards.

I know... shit, I wished that happened to me. I've actually thought about what I'd do in that 1-in-a-million situation.

I wouldn't follow women around though, I would come off as a creepy stalker.

Why did bronze wolf get banned?

I'm afraid due to some of his comments... he's in the dog house.

 

[smokeandmirrors]

( •_•)
( •_•)->⌐■-■
(⌐■_&#9632

But yeah. Met up with a girl I hadn't seen in almost 2 years. We walked and talked for a bit and ended up at a local school/park and caught up with our lives whilst swinging on a swingset. haha. I did notice her smiling a ton and laughing at all my jokes. She even told me I looked almost exactly like I did when I last saw her. It was great catching up with her. Have been texting her occasionally too.

Felt good to have a cute girl laughing at things I said, even the corny shit.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

( •_•)
( •_•)->⌐■-■
(⌐■_&#9632

But yeah. Met up with a girl I hadn't seen in almost 2 years. We walked and talked for a bit and ended up at a local school/park and caught up with our lives whilst swinging on a swingset. haha. I did notice her smiling a ton and laughing at all my jokes. She even told me I looked almost exactly like I did when I last saw her. It was great catching up with her. Have been texting her occasionally too.

Felt good to have a cute girl laughing at things I said, even the corny shit.

That is a good feeling, bud. More people should appreciate that.

 

[soultron]

I don't know, the situation came out of the blue and I was a bit confused. Propably should've said something but I've got so much going on at the moment that I didn't feel the need. She was super cute, but I don't know, it automatically feels weird if someone is stalking you.

I understand where you're coming from. It's almost like how having girls come onto you too strong can make you feel like a girl's desperate. (Just like if a dude comes on too strong to a girl she'll feel he's desperate.)

If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. That's fine.

If you are ever in that situation again, jokingly saying, "Hey, are you following me," usually elicits a laugh. Try it out sometime. It's a great, although admittedly corny, tactic if you're ever in the supermarket and you keep passing the same girl in the aisles.

Spoiler

(Even though you shouldn't be shopping in the aisles... but that's a subject for a fitness thread!)

 

[ConradCervantes]

Well, happy times weren't going to last forever, I suppose.

I was bored on Monday in between school and work, so I was looking at my girl's photos on Facebook. I come across some old (2+ years) photos of her and her ex cozying up at Summerfest. I get bothered by it and ask one of my friends at work if I should even let this bother me or not. She said the past is the past, and perhaps she forgot she had the photos up there since she has quite a few uploaded overall. Lastly she said not to make a thing out of it.

Of course I chose not to follow her advice, and after dinner Wednesday night I brought it up to my girl and told her that I was kind of bothered by it. She told me not to worry; the pictures were from a long time ago, and the dude turned out to be a scumbag who cheated on her and knocked up the girl he was fucking on the side. I wanted to ask why she still had pictures of them on her Facebook, but we've only been together for a little over a month, and I didn't want to alienate her with jealously-laden questions, so I backed off.

A little later, after we had fulfilled the latter part of Steak & BJ Day, I told her that I didn't mind what she would or wouldn't do with the pictures. I meant it as a bit of a test to see what she'd say. She responded immediately with "Oh no, I'm not taking them down. Why would I? It's a reminder of how dumb I was to ever be with him for as long as I was."

I didn't say anything, just stared upwards at my ceiling. But all I could think about was when my girlfriend from high school went to college and started banging away at anything with a cock and a pulse. First thing I did when I broke it off with her was eradicate her existence from my life. All photos, gifts, everything I had that reminded me of her was gone, burned. It wasn't enough, though; I still had memories of her hurting me that kept me awake at night, wondering if I'd ever get over what had happened. I never needed pictures of her to remember the mistake I had made of staying with her when she went to college and majored in Whoring.

I don't know why I typed this out. I don't know how to feel. It is all in the past, and she and I are now. I like this girl a hell of a lot more and more every passing day, but I don't want to have my doubts about her keeping me from being happy with her. I don't want to be with someone who still has fondness of some asshole who did her wrong, either.

Should I just try to accept her words as the truth, or should she be more considerate of my feelings?

 

[EviLore]

It's Facebook, it's a photo album, it's from years ago. Man up and don't let jealousy, neediness and insecurity screw things over.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Well, happy times weren't going to last forever, I suppose.

I was bored on Monday in between school and work, so I was looking at my girl's photos on Facebook. I come across some old (2+ years) photos of her and her ex cozying up at Summerfest. I get bothered by it and ask one of my friends at work if I should even let this bother me or not. She said the past is the past, and perhaps she forgot she had the photos up there since she has quite a few uploaded overall. Lastly she said not to make a thing out of it.

Of course I chose not to follow her advice, and after dinner Wednesday night I brought it up to my girl and told her that I was kind of bothered by it. She told me not to worry; the pictures were from a long time ago, and the dude turned out to be a scumbag who cheated on her and knocked up the girl he was fucking on the side. I wanted to ask why she still had pictures of them on her Facebook, but we've only been together for a little over a month, and I didn't want to alienate her with jealously-laden questions, so I backed off.

A little later, after we had fulfilled the latter part of Steak & BJ Day, I told her that I didn't mind what she would or wouldn't do with the pictures. I meant it as a bit of a test to see what she'd say. She responded immediately with "Oh no, I'm not taking them down. Why would I? It's a reminder of how dumb I was to ever be with him for as long as I was."

I didn't say anything, just stared upwards at my ceiling. But all I could think about was when my girlfriend from high school went to college and started banging away at anything with a cock and a pulse. First thing I did when I broke it off with her was eradicate her existence from my life. All photos, gifts, everything I had that reminded me of her was gone, burned. It wasn't enough, though; I still had memories of her hurting me that kept me awake at night, wondering if I'd ever get over what had happened. I never needed pictures of her to remember the mistake I had made of staying with her when she went to college and majored in Whoring.

I don't know why I typed this out. I don't know how to feel. It is all in the past, and she and I are now. I like this girl a hell of a lot more and more every passing day, but I don't want to have my doubts about her keeping me from being happy with her. I don't want to be with someone who still has fondness of some asshole who did her wrong, either.

Should I just try to accept her words as the truth, or should she be more considerate of my feelings?

Daddy Evilore knows best.

Don't fuck this up, man. Not all people break up on the same way, it's entirely possible that those old pics don't bug her in the slightest and she's totally over it. Remember your ABCs... Always. Be. Cool.

And don't get insecure.

Edit: I regret saying Daddy Evilore. That was meant as a joke, and now it just looks weird.

 

[LightOfTruth]

I think you may be making a bigger deal about it than it should be. Unless you're not telling us something, did she give you any other reason for your uneasiness?

Edit: meant for conrad

 

[ConradCervantes]

^^

Not at all, and that's why I am so confused here. I know they're just pictures, and I know that this shit is ancient. We chatted about exes on our second date, and she brought him up as the first guy she thought she'd ever marry. Obviously that didn't work out, and she has gone as far as blocking him on FB and changing her phone number so that he'd never be able to contact her.

Since I've been with her, all thoughts of my prior relationships have vanished. She has literally been the only woman I've thought about. Fuck, I even fantasize about her when I'm taking care of business alone. This girl is the total fucking package to me, but I don't want to be thinking that she has this dickhead in the back of her head keeping her from being as happy as she wants to be.

So yeah, in a nutshell, I am indeed insecure and jealous. It's something that's rather crippled me since I was nineteen, and oftentimes I thought therapy could help. I just never pulled the trigger on it.

 

[Devolution]

^^

Not at all, and that's why I am so confused here. I know they're just pictures, and I know that this shit is ancient. We chatted about exes on our second date, and she brought him up as the first guy she thought she'd ever marry. Obviously that didn't work out, and she has gone as far as blocking him on FB and changing her phone number so that he'd never be able to contact her.

Since I've been with her, all thoughts of my prior relationships have vanished. She has literally been the only woman I've thought about. Fuck, I even fantasize about her when I'm taking care of business alone. This girl is the total fucking package to me, but I don't want to be thinking that she has this dickhead in the back of her head keeping her from being as happy as she wants to be.

So yeah, in a nutshell, I am indeed insecure and jealous. It's something that's rather crippled me since I was nineteen, and oftentimes I thought therapy could help. I just never pulled the trigger on it.

There were other men before you, the older you get the more this is going to happen. You need to learn how to deal with it. I thought I was going to be with my ex for the rest of my life (boy was I idealistic), that doesn't mean he's stuck in the back of my head keeping me from being happy with Timedog.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

^^

Not at all, and that's why I am so confused here. I know they're just pictures, and I know that this shit is ancient. We chatted about exes on our second date, and she brought him up as the first guy she thought she'd ever marry. Obviously that didn't work out, and she has gone as far as blocking him on FB and changing her phone number so that he'd never be able to contact her.

Since I've been with her, all thoughts of my prior relationships have vanished. She has literally been the only woman I've thought about. Fuck, I even fantasize about her when I'm taking care of business alone. This girl is the total fucking package to me, but I don't want to be thinking that she has this dickhead in the back of her head keeping her from being as happy as she wants to be.

So yeah, in a nutshell, I am indeed insecure and jealous. It's something that's rather crippled me since I was nineteen, and oftentimes I thought therapy could help. I just never pulled the trigger on it.

Well dude, from what I'm reading, you have got it good. I am telling you, no, ordering you: Do not try to confront her, do not bring it up again, move on and be happy. Trust me, she is happy with right now. He wasn't in her mind till you brought him up, and he is gone just as fast.

 

[hawkshockey11]

Well, happy times weren't going to last forever, I suppose.

I was bored on Monday in between school and work, so I was looking at my girl's photos on Facebook. I come across some old (2+ years) photos of her and her ex cozying up at Summerfest. I get bothered by it and ask one of my friends at work if I should even let this bother me or not. She said the past is the past, and perhaps she forgot she had the photos up there since she has quite a few uploaded overall. Lastly she said not to make a thing out of it.

Of course I chose not to follow her advice, and after dinner Wednesday night I brought it up to my girl and told her that I was kind of bothered by it. She told me not to worry; the pictures were from a long time ago, and the dude turned out to be a scumbag who cheated on her and knocked up the girl he was fucking on the side. I wanted to ask why she still had pictures of them on her Facebook, but we've only been together for a little over a month, and I didn't want to alienate her with jealously-laden questions, so I backed off.

A little later, after we had fulfilled the latter part of Steak & BJ Day, I told her that I didn't mind what she would or wouldn't do with the pictures. I meant it as a bit of a test to see what she'd say. She responded immediately with "Oh no, I'm not taking them down. Why would I? It's a reminder of how dumb I was to ever be with him for as long as I was."

I didn't say anything, just stared upwards at my ceiling. But all I could think about was when my girlfriend from high school went to college and started banging away at anything with a cock and a pulse. First thing I did when I broke it off with her was eradicate her existence from my life. All photos, gifts, everything I had that reminded me of her was gone, burned. It wasn't enough, though; I still had memories of her hurting me that kept me awake at night, wondering if I'd ever get over what had happened. I never needed pictures of her to remember the mistake I had made of staying with her when she went to college and majored in Whoring.

I don't know why I typed this out. I don't know how to feel. It is all in the past, and she and I are now. I like this girl a hell of a lot more and more every passing day, but I don't want to have my doubts about her keeping me from being happy with her. I don't want to be with someone who still has fondness of some asshole who did her wrong, either.

Should I just try to accept her words as the truth, or should she be more considerate of my feelings?

Just because something didn't work in the past doesn't mean they should hide it or cover it up. No matter how bad it was, it probably helped make her into the person she is today.

Also it seems like you are unhappy with yourself/ your past and that is why you are doing this. Stop equating your past to hers. Coupled with the whole already making her your whole life seems like a recipe for disaster to me.

 

[soultron]

Fourth'd on don't let your jealousy fuck this up for you. It's not like those pictures are secret wank material for her. She might actually use these photos as a reminder of what not to do; photos don't have to be used exclusively for feel-good sentimental purposes.

Also, building this girl up and idealizing her as the complete package is setting yourself up for crushing defeat when/if things don't work out. Keep your head -- and your expectations of her -- in check, especially early on. You don't even know her yet.

 

[Devolution]

Fourth'd on don't let your jealousy fuck this up for you. It's not like those pictures are secret wank material for her. She might actually use these photos as a reminder of what not to do; photos don't have to be used exclusively for feel-good sentimental purposes.

Or we can treasure the good times we had with someone regardless. I had fun times with my ex, I wouldn't take those pictures down. It just didn't work out, it happens. If I can't treasure the happiness I felt at one point with him, then that's just unfair.

 

[soultron]

Or we can treasure the good times we had with someone regardless. I had fun times with my ex, I wouldn't take those pictures down. It just didn't work out, it happens. If I can't treasure the happiness I felt at one point with him, then that's just unfair.

Very good points indeed.

 

[ConradCervantes]

Thanks, all. I know this problem is quite infantile in nature, and I'm ashamed that I'm even feeling this way. I like her quite a bit, and the last thing I want to do is push her away over some dead-in-the-ground drama.

It is early yet, as you pointed out, soultron. But good lord, it's quite eerie how alike we are and how many interests we share. I don't know many people in my life who have similar sets of interests, so it's been great to be able to bond with her over our similarities.

Finally, it is unfair to suggest that she just drop any memories of her past for me. I got fucked over badly as well a couple of times, but I also did have some fun times that I wouldn't want to forget about. I shouldn't be such a fucking hypocrite asking her these things.

 

[Devolution]

Very good points indeed.

It's a problem that I've noticed a lot of people have, that the "ex" is somehow holding them back, when in reality (excuse for cases when they're obviously not over them) it's holding back the other person who can't let the idea go that their SO had previous relationships. I had great times with my ex when times were good, there is a reason (or you know several) I'm no longer with him and with a new guy. If you really dig someone, chances are someone else did too, so good luck finding someone who's pure of all relationships. And frankly do you want someone with that little experience or knowledge of what they want? I learned a lot from my long relationship with my Ex and I'm not about to just jump back in the saddle with him but he was a major part of my life for 8 years. People who need to "erase" their exes probably haven't actually dealt with it and moved on. And people who feel like their SOs can't ever talk about their exes need to fucking remember "she/he is with me" and how that counts for something, or hell everything. Anyway done with that soapbox rant.

 

[Hylian7]

It's a problem that I've noticed a lot of people have, that the "ex" is somehow holding them back, when in reality (excuse for cases when they're obviously not over them) it's holding back the other person who can't let the idea go that their SO had previous relationships. I had great times with my ex when times were good, there is a reason (or you know several) I'm no longer with him and with a new guy. If you really dig someone, chances are someone else did too, so good luck finding someone who's pure of all relationships. And frankly do you want someone with that little experience or knowledge of what they want? I learned a lot from my long relationship with my Ex and I'm not about to just jump back in the saddle with him but he was a major part of my life for 8 years. People who need to "erase" their exes probably haven't actually dealt with it and moved on. And people who feel like their SOs can't ever talk about their exes need to fucking remember "she/he is with me" and how that counts for something, or hell everything. Anyway done with that soapbox rant.

Sort of jumping off of this subject though, and I think this is a topic that would be of concern to previously-in-long-term-relationship-GAF: How exactly should you avoid talking about your ex on a date with a new person?

The obvious answer is just "Don't talk about it." But that is A LOT easier said than done. I noticed when I had a date last week that there were so many stories I wanted to tell, but I stopped myself because I would have to keep saying "Well my ex and I...." It was kind of running me out of things to say, and these stories would have been relevant to the conversation. For instance we were talking about cats, and I was going to tell a story about my ex's kitten, but couldn't, and I don't have any cats of my own (I live in a dorm where we aren't allowed to have pets). Does anyone else have this problem?

 

[lawlohwhat]

Thanks, all. I know this problem is quite infantile in nature, and I'm ashamed that I'm even feeling this way. I like her quite a bit, and the last thing I want to do is push her away over some dead-in-the-ground drama.

It is early yet, as you pointed out, soultron. But good lord, it's quite eerie how alike we are and how many interests we share. I don't know many people in my life who have similar sets of interests, so it's been great to be able to bond with her over our similarities.

Finally, it is unfair to suggest that she just drop any memories of her past for me. I got fucked over badly as well a couple of times, but I also did have some fun times that I wouldn't want to forget about. I shouldn't be such a fucking hypocrite asking her these things.

I don't mean to just parrot what soultron said, but you need to slow down here. You can't possibly know if you are that similar to someone after knowing them for a month. And people change all the time. A month or six months or a year or ten years from now things could feel very different for either of you.

As far as the pictures go, think about it this way. If she had never had the experiences in her past shape her into who she is now, then your infatuation for her may not even exist. She is who she is for a reason, even if part of that reason involves a previous relationship that didn't work out.

Relax.

 

[marathonfool]

Thanks, all. I know this problem is quite infantile in nature, and I'm ashamed that I'm even feeling this way. I like her quite a bit, and the last thing I want to do is push her away over some dead-in-the-ground drama.

It is early yet, as you pointed out, soultron. But good lord, it's quite eerie how alike we are and how many interests we share. I don't know many people in my life who have similar sets of interests, so it's been great to be able to bond with her over our similarities.

Finally, it is unfair to suggest that she just drop any memories of her past for me. I got fucked over badly as well a couple of times, but I also did have some fun times that I wouldn't want to forget about. I shouldn't be such a fucking hypocrite asking her these things.

My first foray into this thread and I'm gonna disagree with most of the people here. This is contextual, but depending on your relationships, I don't think feeling uneasy about your significant other keeping old pictures of previous relationships is a sign of insecurity or immaturity.

If you're progressing in the relationship to a point where you are thinking about long term commitment, I think it's quite reasonable to ask your SO to delete or remove reminders of old relationships. Especially if the old relationship was unhealthy or hurtful. It's a sign that the picture/memory holds no value to them anymore in comparison to the current relationship.

Seeing as your relationship is quite early, I think you are creating a comparison between yourself and her old SO.

 

[Devolution]

My first foray into this thread and I'm gonna disagree with most of the people here. This is contextual, but depending on your relationships, I don't think feeling uneasy about your significant other keeping old pictures of previous relationships is a sign of insecurity or immaturity.

If you're progressing in the relationship to a point where you are thinking about long term commitment, I think it's quite reasonable to ask your SO to delete or remove reminders of old relationships. Especially if the old relationship was unhealthy or hurtful. It's a sign that the picture/memory holds no value to them anymore in comparison to the current relationship.

Seeing as your relationship is quite early, I think you are creating a comparison between yourself and her old SO.

I'm not deleting my prom pictures because they make my boyfriend uneasy. He'll just have to deal with the fact that he wasn't first in line.

 

[marathonfool]

I'm not deleting my prom pictures because they make my boyfriend uneasy. He'll just have to deal with the fact that he wasn't first in line.

High school sweethearts are innocuous. I'm talking about adult relationships.

 

[Devolution]

High school sweethearts are innocuous. I'm talking about adult relationships.

Uh this the same relationship that lasted into adulthood for me. So again, I'm not deleting my prom, vacation or whatever pictures because a boyfriend can't deal with the fact that I had someone in my life who was important to me at that point in my life. I'm not shoving them in his face but I'm not getting rid of them either to satisfy some weird insecurity he has about them existing in the first place. He should realize I'm with him and that's who I want to be with regardless of what old photos I happen to have a fondness for.

 

[marathonfool]

Uh this the same relationship that lasted into adulthood for me. So again, I'm not deleting my prom, vacation or whatever pictures because a boyfriend can't deal with the fact that I had someone in my life who was important to me at that point in my life. I'm not shoving them in his face but I'm not getting rid of them either to satisfy some weird insecurity he has about them existing in the first place. He should realize I'm with him and that's who I want to be with regardless of what old photos I happen to have a fondness for.

There's a couple of points of view. You want to say weird insecurity, but the other partner perspective may be thinking you want to hold on to the past. For them it may be weird, especially if the relationship ended up unhealthy and broken. Each couple dynamic is different with difference viewpoints. I'm also talking about a couple in a potentially long term monogamous relationship such as marriage. I wanted to give a different perspective to all the previous responses.

 

[Timedog]

There's a couple of points of view. You want to say weird insecurity, but the other partner perspective may be thinking you want to hold on to the past. For them it may be weird, especially if the relationship ended up unhealthy and broken. Each couple dynamic is different with difference viewpoints. I'm also talking about a couple in a potentially long term monogamous relationship such as marriage. I wanted to give a different perspective to all the previous responses.

AKA insecurity.

 

[soultron]

There's a couple of points of view. You want to say weird insecurity, but the other partner perspective may be thinking you want to hold on to the past. For them it may be weird, especially if the relationship ended up unhealthy and broken. Each couple dynamic is different with difference viewpoints. I'm also talking about a couple in a potentially long term monogamous relationship such as marriage. I wanted to give a different perspective to all the previous responses.

I'd say that ample amounts of both communication and trust should allow the sentimental partner to keep their pictures and for the other to understand that it's not something that should be creating jealousy.

Your perspective is very much welcomed since it gives another point of view. We may disagree, but multiple POVs are a good thing.

 

[Devolution]

There's a couple of points of view. You want to say weird insecurity, but the other partner perspective may be thinking you want to hold on to the past. For them it may be weird, especially if the relationship ended up unhealthy and broken. Each couple dynamic is different with difference viewpoints. I'm also talking about a couple in a potentially long term monogamous relationship such as marriage. I wanted to give a different perspective to all the previous responses.

Those photos document my life and experiences. They are treasured keepsakes. If someone can throw them out for themselves that's their prerogative but I think it's quite unreasonable to ask an SO to delete photos of time spent with an ex. To me it would be a big ass red flag that my new boyfriend has an inability to think that I am well and truly with him.

 

[marathonfool]

Those photos document my life and experiences. They are treasured keepsakes. If someone can throw them out for themselves that's their prerogative but I think it's quite unreasonable to ask an SO to delete photos of time spent with an ex. To me it would be a big ass red flag that my new boyfriend has an inability to think that I am well and truly with him.

Sure, like I said. Each couple dynamic is not the same as your own and you'll run into many different situations where individual viewpoints won't be shared. Such as the value of pictures. Every couple will develop their own rules.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

The pictures shouldn't be a problem. Just by bringing them up are probably gonna cause problems if anything. I still have pictures of me and my ex on my Facebook. She was a part of my life and we had good times. Now she deleted every single picture of me and her, but that's her choice. Our past relationships help shape our current/future ones.

If you ask her to get rid of them, it may send a sign that you're really insecure or something. Just deal with it and realize all that stuff is in the past.

 

[Timedog]

Sure, like I said. Each couple dynamic is not the same as your own and you'll run into many different situations where individual viewpoints won't be shared. Such as the value of pictures. Every couple will develop their own rules.

You're right, and some couple dynamics are based around insecurity.

 

[marathonfool]

You're right, and some couple dynamics are based around insecurity.

Passive aggressiveness isn't a good couple dynamics either

Each couple has their own rules such as how old relationship pictures should be dealt with. Or how much time together each individual needs. Or their viewpoints of opposite gender friendships.

There is a big gray area in many issues and it doesn't mean a sign of insecurity or immaturity. This negotiation is the process in which folks find out if they share similar worldviews and values.

 

[Devolution]

Passive aggressiveness isn't a good couple dynamics either

Each couple has their own rules such as how old relationship pictures should be dealt with. Or how much time together each individual needs. Or their viewpoints of opposite gender friendships.

There is a big gray area in many issues and it doesn't mean a sign of insecurity or immaturity. This negotiation is the process in which folks find out if they share similar worldviews and values.

I'm sorry I can't wrap my head around the idea that having issues with the photos someone has of an ex is anything but insecurity.

 

[soultron]

I'm sorry I can't wrap my head around the idea that having issues with the photos someone has of an ex is anything but insecurity.

For them to be understanding of your stance, you also have to hear them out and attempt to understand where they're coming from too. It's a give and take. c:

Communication is necessary.

 

[Devolution]

For them to be understanding of your stance, you also have to hear them out and attempt to understand where they're coming from too. It's a give and take. c:

Communication is necessary.

To me you either trust your partner or you don't and if I have pictures that doesn't mean I'm holding on to the past, and if I happen to be doing so, deleting the pictures isn't going to solve that problem. And in all honesty it sounds like a method of control not a valid relationship issue.

 

[soultron]

To me you either trust your partner or you don't and if I have pictures that doesn't mean I'm holding on to the past, and if I happen to be doing so, deleting the pictures isn't going to solve that problem. And in all honesty it sounds like a method of control not a valid relationship issue.

I never said you had to give up the pictures. If someone takes issue over something like this, you could assure them that it's not because you're holding a long-lost flame for someone; you're simply holding onto photos because it was one good time you had in your life that you want to remember. It's correcting a misunderstanding through communication. If they still want you to delete the photos after you state your case, then yes, they're being insecure and disregarding everything you said.

I'd much rather have my GF say something that's bothering her so that I can inform her of my view -- rather than having her assume things and secretly resent me for it until it boils over. IMO, feeling comfortable enough to tell your SO something that's bothering them is also a sign of trust. And continuing upon that trust is them taking your word for it. Just my viewpoint.

I'm not saying you're wrong in your stance.