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[Nephtis]

How do you guys go about telling people what you're into? I met a girl a couple of weeks ago and we've been having sex, which is fine. I just hate normal sex, I find it boring. I texted her what I like and asked if she wanted to experiment a little. She hasn't replied since. Idc about her not responding, I'm a big boy, I can deal with it. But I don't want this to be a reoccurring theme where I tell the person what I'm into and they ignore me. Did I do the right thing? Or Should I wait a while next time until we develope more of a relationship? How do you guys generally approach the situation?

This wasn't an issue before as I had ways to find girls who were into it. I don't have that benefit anymore and am left stranded and bored

Well, I can tell you that telling her over text was probably the wrong thing to do. When it comes to revealing things like this to a partner, you want to do it face to face. Encourage her to ask you anything, and to tell you about any reservations they may have about it.

It's just one of those things you need to discuss at length, and introduce her to it little by little. Be honest about it, but be measured too. You don't want to overwhelm your partner - if she seems receptive about it then show her more of what you like, but always be mindful of what she wants. If she's not ok with it, and you don't want normal sex, then perhaps you simply aren't meant to be, and look for another partner that will go for it.

Having a boring sex life where you're left completely unsatisfied is worse than not having a sex life.

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

Well, I can tell you that telling her over text was probably the wrong thing to do. When it comes to revealing things like this to a partner, you want to do it face to face. Encourage her to ask you anything, and to tell you about any reservations they may have about it.

It's just one of those things you need to discuss at length, and introduce her to it little by little. Be honest about it, but be measured too. You don't want to overwhelm your partner - if she seems receptive about it then show her more of what you like, but always be mindful of what she wants. If she's not ok with it, and you don't want normal sex, then perhaps you simply aren't meant to be, and look for another partner that will go for it.

Having a boring sex life where you're left completely unsatisfied is worse than not having a sex life.

Yeah, you're right, talking about it in person may have been better. Because at least than she may have actually responded and I could have gone from there. I was just getting bored and wanted to speed things along. Oh well, ill just have to wait and see who I meet next : thanks.

Is fetlife cool? I saw people on here talking about it in the recent pages, I'm a bit relcuctant to use any sites to meet individuals, but if it's well relieved here then I may check it out at some point.

 

[charlie1701]

I know a guy who had been getting into BDSM hardcore, but is no longer with the woman who was into that. He says its hard for him to really perform with regular sex now. Apparently the girl really got him into being the S in BDSM. He's kind of freaking out about it. I've never done any BDSM. Is this common?

I agree that it would be hard to go back to a relationship where BDSM didn't play any part. However, the guy I've just started seeing is very dominant and I'm submissive. We'd already discussed our kinks but our first time was completely vanilla. Felt just as exciting. Now we're starting to slowly include play.

 

[charlie1701]

My fet username is 93under93.

Edit: I got un-lazy and made a group. Huzzah!

Hey guys, just joined the Fetlife group. I'm Merylsilverberg on there

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

I'm signing up for Fetlife after class tonight, seems like a neat way to meet people with similar interests. Hopefully I don't get murdered though, that would be the opposite of what I want.

Awww, yay! Glad to hear it



I've been away from Fetlife for quite awhile, but I guess I should get back into it.
Soon.

A little too tied up with WoW right now

WoW is all about the bondage.

 

[FZZ]

Wait is there a GAF fetlife community?

If so is there any way I can join?

 

[charlie1701]

Wait is there a GAF fetlife community?

If so is there any way I can join?

Have you already got a Fet profile? Once you're signed up, just search Neogaf on there.

 

[FZZ]

Have you already got a Fet profile? Once you're signed up, just search Neogaf on there.

I do. And thanks!

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

Has anyone done wax play? How is it? Looks like a lot of fun.

 

[Nephtis]

Has anyone done wax play? How is it? Looks like a lot of fun.

It's not bad. You should try it on yourself before doing it to someone though - it will give you a pretty good idea how much / how far you want to take it. Anything I do to my partner (paddles, cat o nine, etc) is something that I've tried out myself to give me a better idea of it.

You also learn a lot about yourself. But to answer your question -- it's all about the setup. It can be a lot of fun for sure

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

It's not bad. You should try it on yourself before doing it to someone though - it will give you a pretty good idea how much / how far you want to take it. Anything I do to my partner (paddles, cat o nine, etc) is something that I've tried out myself to give me a better idea of it.

You also learn a lot about yourself. But to answer your question -- it's all about the setup. It can be a lot of fun for sure

Awesome, I'll give it a shot with someone at some point hopefully.

 

[Krauser Kat]

my girlfriend has done the world of kink before i met her. She was way less happy at that time though. Now she is way happier but a lot less kinky because my ex wife was super vanilla and pretty much hated sex. So our sex isnt crazy but choking and slapping punching made its way in along with restraints and other pretty vanilla stuff. Problem is we are vegan. I want to get her a nice non leather flog for christmas. Any suggestions.

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

I have! Find a candle with a low melting point for wax, and try to stay away from artificially scented ones.

Awesome thanks for the advice.

I was looking around, these should be okay, no?
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FSAZXHW/?tag=neogaf0e-20

 

[TheyTookOurJobs]

Can't say I'm into it that much but people who are into it seem to like Industrial music.

 

[charlie1701]

I had a pretty varied evening with my new partner last night (paddles, lash, hairbrush, misery sticks). All was great, he's amazing.

Thing is, I was supporting most of my weight on my arms for a while, and have some numbness and tingling in my right arm/hand this morning.

If it doesn't disappear I'm going to make a Drs appointment for later in the week in case it continues- has anyone else experienced this?

 

[Dead Man]

Sleepy little South Australia has been having something of a kink revolution this year, monthly parties run by a cool mob of people at one of the local nightclubs, and some great events around our Feast Festival (LBGT Festival). Been a great year so far, hopefully to continue next year.

I had a pretty varied evening with my new partner last night (paddles, lash, hairbrush, misery sticks). All was great, he's amazing.

Thing is, I was supporting most of my weight on my arms for a while, and have some numbness and tingling in my right arm/hand this morning.

If it doesn't disappear I'm going to make a Drs appointment for later in the week in case it continues- has anyone else experienced this?

Something similar was pretty common in basic training when I was in the army, too many push ups and such. For most troops it went away pretty quickly, hopefully rest fixes it for you.

 

[Ayumi]

Being spanked is rewarding. ♡

 

[charlie1701]

Something similar was pretty common in basic training when I was in the army, too many push ups and such. For most troops it went away pretty quickly, hopefully rest fixes it for you.

Thanks, that's good to know! Freaked me out a bit this morning but a bit better now.

 

[FeenieVonKarma]

So wait a moment, the OP is from some years ago now, but is that status regarding BDSM illegality in the UK still the same now? I would like to know, for reasons.

Sorry if there's a more recent response to this, but I searched within the thread and it only came up with responses from 2011.

 

[Nephtis]

Being spanked is rewarding. ♡

It often is for both the giving, and receiving party ;o

 

[Mindwipe]

So wait a moment, the OP is from some years ago now, but is that status regarding BDSM illegality in the UK still the same now? I would like to know, for reasons.

Sorry if there's a more recent response to this, but I searched within the thread and it only came up with responses from 2011.

No legal change. Several cases suggesting it would be very hard to get a jury to convict anyone on this basis, but the CPS are deeply prejudiced against kink orientations, and they can cause you a lot of misery before even charging you.

 

[Deleted member 13876]

So wait a moment, the OP is from some years ago now, but is that status regarding BDSM illegality in the UK still the same now? I would like to know, for reasons.

Sorry if there's a more recent response to this, but I searched within the thread and it only came up with responses from 2011.

Opening the paper here (Belgium) today a couple was convicted for "inhumane beatings" for consenting BDSM play. They started investigating the couple based on a child porn investigation, found no evidence of those charges but discovered they sold pictures of their consensual bedroom activities. The man got a 6 months conditional sentence, the woman 4.

 

[FeenieVonKarma]

No legal change. Several cases suggesting it would be very hard to get a jury to convict anyone on this basis, but the CPS are deeply prejudiced against kink orientations, and they can cause you a lot of misery before even charging you.

Opening the paper here (Belgium) today a couple was convicted for "inhumane beatings" for consenting BDSM play. They started investigating the couple based on a child porn investigation, found no evidence of those charges but discovered they sold pictures of their consensual bedroom activities. The man got a 6 months conditional sentence, the woman 4.

that's such a strange way for them to look at something that happens between consenting adults. Thanks for the info, tho.

 

[DoktorEvil]

Being spanked is rewarding. ♡

Care to share a story or 2?

 

[Moff]

Opening the paper here (Belgium) today a couple was convicted for "inhumane beatings" for consenting BDSM play. They started investigating the couple based on a child porn investigation, found no evidence of those charges but discovered they sold pictures of their consensual bedroom activities. The man got a 6 months conditional sentence, the woman 4.

 

[DoktorEvil]

Opening the paper here (Belgium) today a couple was convicted for "inhumane beatings" for consenting BDSM play. They started investigating the couple based on a child porn investigation, found no evidence of those charges but discovered they sold pictures of their consensual bedroom activities. The man got a 6 months conditional sentence, the woman 4.

How even?

 

[Neoriceisgood]

Will I be arrested for posting in this thread..!? D':

 

[Neoriceisgood]

YES.

Oh no..!


All I did was ask an innocent question ...

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

Opening the paper here (Belgium) today a couple was convicted for "inhumane beatings" for consenting BDSM play. They started investigating the couple based on a child porn investigation, found no evidence of those charges but discovered they sold pictures of their consensual bedroom activities. The man got a 6 months conditional sentence, the woman 4.

That's ridiculous, It seems like a waste of time, space and $ to arrest 2 individuals who have consented to something private in their own bedroom.

I don't know anything about those!

I personally get bayberry wax candles... has to be real bayberry though, not scented. Bayberry wax melts at a VERY low point:

http://www.campbell-light.com/waxes.htm

You can see that bayberry has a melt point that's 116F... which is honestly not that bad.

Just remember to test it on yourself first... drip from a little higher so it has more time to cool, etc.

(Btw, bayberry smells AMAZING naturally. It's just a little pricey.)

Awesome I'll pick up some bayberry candels in the next couple of weeks, you sold me on those.

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

Oh no..!


All I did was ask an innocent question ...

Youarealreadydead.jpg?

 

[Deleted member 13876]

http://www.hln.be/regio/nieuws-uit-...ar-voor-justitie-zijn-we-criminelen-a2126358/

Summary:

A Flemish soldier and his wife have received jail sentences for practicing sm and selling these images on the internet. "We love each other to death, but the justice system thinks we're criminals." The couple is morally and financially devastated. The charges included "inhumane acts, causing intentional harm and torture.

They had received an email with explicit content, were investigated for child porn based on said mail but they soon realized the couple didn't have anything to do with the child porn case. They did find homemade sm videos on their computer. Policemen also asked his son if he could tell them about his parents bedroom practices. The kid knew nothing, but does now."

They took all their bondage gear and sold it, as well as jewelry and clothing that had nothing to do with the case. Lost about 20k in euro this way. Husband also got demoted in the army. Bank accounts were blocked and the husband is borderline depressed. Now that he has a record he could easily get fired too.

They sold some videos to an American paysite, but that should have been fully legal.

 

[kame-sennin]

I've made friends via munches, but so far not play partners. Met on Fetlife actually!

FetLife women get clingy so fast ;_;...

So for those who are active on Fetlife... do you basically just join groups and/or cold message people? I

I'm a little confused. How does one meet someone on Fetlife? From what I've seen, it's more a discussion forum than a dating site. There are also a lot of groups that explicitly ask people not to post ads.

 

[Nephtis]

I'm a little confused. How does one meet someone on Fetlife? From what I've seen, it's more a discussion forum than a dating site. There are also a lot of groups that explicitly ask people not to post ads.

You can also send people messages, and if you've friended them, through IM. Sort of like Facebook for kinky people. If you like each other, you can meet up.

You can also meet through munches, etc..

 

[foxuzamaki]

I cant believe this is a thread that exists on noegaf, for years, and has remained open.

 

[Moff]

I'm a little confused. How does one meet someone on Fetlife? From what I've seen, it's more a discussion forum than a dating site. There are also a lot of groups that explicitly ask people not to post ads.

you can look up people in your area, if you like what you see on their profile you send them a message, it's pretty straightforward

 

[Darksol]

I'm a little confused. How does one meet someone on Fetlife? From what I've seen, it's more a discussion forum than a dating site. There are also a lot of groups that explicitly ask people not to post ads.

I agree it's more discussion forum than anything else. You're also right that you can't post personal ads in most groups. However, anytime you allow people to set up personal profiles, dating will ensue

I joined Fetlife on a whim. I had no intention other than to chat with some like minded people and check out a few photos. But I met my sub (and girlfriend now) there. I just recently got back from Japan, being with her. She visits here in a few months, and then I'll be permanently moving to Japan shortly thereafter to be with her ^-^

I cant believe this is a thread that exists on noegaf, for years, and has remained open.

Heh.

There's even a NeoGAF thread on Fetlife too, (though we rarely seem to use it >.<)

 

[GungHo]

I cant believe this is a thread that exists on noegaf, for years, and has remained open.

It's because people who are actually into shit know how not to shit up their own threads by pretending they're into shit that they're actually not.

 

[Pickman]

I'm a little confused. How does one meet someone on Fetlife? From what I've seen, it's more a discussion forum than a dating site. There are also a lot of groups that explicitly ask people not to post ads.

In my case, I just chat in some threads about interests and occasionally get direct messages from people. I'm not against the idea of meeting people, so I write back and strike up a conversation. Sometimes it's just internet friends with a shared interest, other times it's not.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Shameless bump because of that other thread trending right now about the UK and porn .

I've been to a play party and a munch via fetlife, but it's really not a dating site. If someone is open for that, they'll usually indicate it in their profile, but I think most people (including myself) just have one for the sense of community.

Also, why wouldn't this thread be open? People that are into the lifestyle discuss it like any other interest. Just fewer pictures since this isn't a porn thread (though holy crap, we should start a thread on our neoGAF fetlife group for sexy pictures and videos! I HAVE SO MANY TO SHARE.. but I'll wait until I'm back home from school to link them haha) and like Gungho said, we don't want to shit up our own thread.

The munches, I dunno, those come off like they'd be really awkward for a first-timer. There's a few in my area but I never really nut up and go to them.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

I suppose you're right in that looking at it as a dating site is the incorrect way of approaching it.

 

[Dead Man]

Shameless bump because of that other thread trending right now about the UK and porn .

I've been to a play party and a munch via fetlife, but it's really not a dating site. If someone is open for that, they'll usually indicate it in their profile, but I think most people (including myself) just have one for the sense of community.

Also, why wouldn't this thread be open? People that are into the lifestyle discuss it like any other interest. Just fewer pictures since this isn't a porn thread (though holy crap, we should start a thread on our neoGAF fetlife group for sexy pictures and videos! I HAVE SO MANY TO SHARE.. but I'll wait until I'm back home from school to link them haha) and like Gungho said, we don't want to shit up our own thread.

For a while a few years ago almost all sex talk was banned after Evilore had some concerns with complying with the Google ads TOS. I think all pro drug discussion was banned too. The rules have changed quite a few times over the years. People have copped perms in the gay threads for being too explicit about their own sex life.

Edit: A GAF fetlife group sounds pretty good, actually. Probably have to call it something else though.

 

[Hylian7]

For a while a few years ago almost all sex talk was banned after Evilore had some concerns with complying with the Google ads TOS. I think all pro drug discussion was banned too. The rules have changed quite a few times over the years. People have copped perms in the gay threads for being too explicit about their own sex life.

Edit: A GAF fetlife group sounds pretty good, actually. Probably have to call it something else though.

Oh man this gives me a trip down memory lane. The infamous "Night of the Google Overlords" was hilarious, with that "Just got through holding hands with my girl" thread. Now I want to go read that thread again.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Oh man this gives me a trip down memory lane. The infamous "Night of the Google Overlords" was hilarious, with that "Just got through holding hands with my girl" thread. Now I want to go read that thread again.

In the ten (!) years I've read Gaf (only posted for three years), goddamn there have been some amazing threads. I barely remember those you mentioned.

And I should probably join the Gaf fetlife group, but i am rather lazy

 

[Dead Man]

Oh, I'm too new to remember that.

Either way, I've been pretty explicit in some threads, but I put spoiler tags in them so that's okay, right ? I should probably be more careful though...

(We already have a GAF fetlife group! I haven't been on FL in awhile but I'll check tonight. I think it was linked a couple pages back?)

Shit, I think I've seen it before too, memory is going in my old age, lol. As for the risk of banning, that seems to have been relaxed, I wouldn't worry too much.

Oh man this gives me a trip down memory lane. The infamous "Night of the Google Overlords" was hilarious, with that "Just got through holding hands with my girl" thread. Now I want to go read that thread again.

Good times

 

[Darksol]

I feel like bumping this thread. Anyone ever engage in "consensual nonconsent"?

 

[Darksol]

Con non con!

I love it

Ditto. And it's probably my love's favourite form of role play.

There are few acts that I find more intimate. Obviously it requires an exceptional level of trust between the partners.

 

[Darksol]

Yeah, I think so too. Or, at the very least, it's probably safer with partners that trust each other very well

Honestly, con non con is probably my favorite as well; we don't even consider it play, it's pretty much a 24/7 ongoing dynamic for us.

We aren't 24/7, but yeah it's similar with us. It's just a given part of our dynamic. Obviously we have emergency safewords just in case, but barring that, in practice I have access to her whenever I please, regardless of her will, and she often puts up a hell of a fight.

Last time was particularly enjoyable!

 

[Sai-kun]

*peeks in*

Hi, friends!

 

[Darksol]

^ Hi there! Pull up a chair and stay a while.

 

[News Bot]

I live in Belfast, Northern Ireland and the BDSM scene here is utterly shitty to non-existent. Luckily I seem to naturally attract people with similar tastes.