StopMakingSense
Member
In for Besson.
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Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Review Thread
- Thread starter Penguin
- Start date
What the hell, OP? Way to cherry pick shitty reviews.
The reviews are great so far:
Can't wait to see it! Watching my 4K UHD copy of The Fifth Element tonight as a primer.
Hows the quality on the transfer? Really tempted to pick it up
This is honestly the weirdest rotten watch thread ever on GAF. The cherry picked reviews in the OP do not match up with the actual critical assement so far. At all.
Even after being called out he doesn't fix it lol.
Putting the worst review up front and center and hiding the current RT score is absurd.
Even after being called out he doesn't fix it lol.
Putting the worst review up front and center and hiding the current RT score is absurd.
Vincent Grayson
Member
It's Besson. They could call it absolute garbage and I'd still be going to see it.
Jon Carter
Member
Luc Besson + passion guarantees the film will be interesting.
Yeah pretty much haha.
Because 5th element set the movie critic world on fire?
Principate
Saint Titanfall
The irony seems completely lost on you. That works both ways.
bananafactory
Banned
To be fair that THR review was one of, if not the first, to go up
Tallshortman
Member
Why are people saying the reviews are bad? It has a 73% on RT right now.
I had the exact same reaction. They read like a recommendation to me. :lol
Yup. "A mess with heart" is basically my high bar for this, and it sounds like it'll make that.
MiloHoffman
Member
I'm just going to watch it because of her
It's relatively rare that an RT score goes up as additional reviews are added. So many times, people crow about a high RT rating with only 15-20 reviews.....and then the score plummets as more reviews come out. Valerian may or may not be awesome, but it doesn't seem like the kind of film that will get high marks from critics catering to a broader audience.
Principate
Saint Titanfall
Eh? It'a not that rare. You talking about literally 15 reviews and were at like 10 when I mentioned it.. Many do dramatically go up any down at those numbers because that's how percentages work. Each individual review as a massive effect on the average at numbers this low. As more come in it stabilises and then the usual decline occurs.
It's pretty odd that this even needs to be stated.
Bobby Roberts
Banned
I dont' know that the reviews are really "cherry picked" so much as they were a) first and b) from legitimate outlets as opposed to enthusiast press, for the most part
The Hollywood Reporter
Entertainment Weekly
Variety
Forbes
Nerdist is probably just under that line as a place known for its criticism. But honestly, more review threads could do with posters waiting to quote reviews from way more legitimate/respected outlets as opposed to rushing in the door to post links to Jahns/Collider News/Stuckmann/Angry Joe/Bleeding Cool, what-have-you.
Those five reviews are 1/3rd of the current total, and of the 15 total, are easily the most high-profile sites.
Where the reviews are coming from matters too. Not just the paragraph blurbs being used.
Stop right there. Watch it again, and come back.
JustSomeone
Member
So they are like every other film review ever?
ChimpBottle
Member
Mediocre might be a more accurate word as it's sitting at 43 on Metacritic right now. The Rotten Tomatoes score just indicates that 73% of critics find the movie to be at the very least passable.
b&jy77VjiKn$#F
Member
Seems like a good time.
This is such a weird movie.
It looks amazing. Really. It's like a 2h20m rollercoaster ride of amazing visuals, creature designs, CGI and prosthetic work. It's SO inventive, anything coming out of the Marvel movies or Star Wars or anything like that looks like the most unimaginative borefest by comparison, seriously. It was such a joy getting absorbed in the world.
But then there are the 2 main characters, the acting and the dialogue and hooo boy. It's atrocious. Sometimes it just gives you the feeling you're watching an innocent, fun 80s movie but most offen it's terribly lame one-liners followed by overly sentimental emotional scenes. That whole romantic subplot between Valerian and Laureline is completely terrible since there is NO chemistry between the leads and Valerians comes off more as a Stalker and a Creep than a swashbucking women's hero. It's such a bad miscast. With someone like Chris Pratt (just to go for the easiest possibility) or even Andrew Garfield or something in the main role, sure, that could have worked. But Chronicle guy? Ooof. Since Valerian seems like kind of a dick for most of the movie it only feels weirder that they dropped the "and Laureline" part of the Comic book title. Also, boob armor. Jesus christ, that boob armor.
So it's pretty much what I expected. An incredible rollercoaster ride of enjoyable visuals and camera work regularly interrupted by awful dialogue and an entirely unsurprising plot. I had fun, but also had to facepalm quite a few times. You know, this is a movie you can just turn off your brain and enjoy the visuals and action for, something people have been saying about trash like Transformers since forever. If you really want to get a visual treat and not worry about much else, go for it. It's great to watch on the big screen.
It looks amazing. Really. It's like a 2h20m rollercoaster ride of amazing visuals, creature designs, CGI and prosthetic work. It's SO inventive, anything coming out of the Marvel movies or Star Wars or anything like that looks like the most unimaginative borefest by comparison, seriously. It was such a joy getting absorbed in the world.
But then there are the 2 main characters, the acting and the dialogue and hooo boy. It's atrocious. Sometimes it just gives you the feeling you're watching an innocent, fun 80s movie but most offen it's terribly lame one-liners followed by overly sentimental emotional scenes. That whole romantic subplot between Valerian and Laureline is completely terrible since there is NO chemistry between the leads and Valerians comes off more as a Stalker and a Creep than a swashbucking women's hero. It's such a bad miscast. With someone like Chris Pratt (just to go for the easiest possibility) or even Andrew Garfield or something in the main role, sure, that could have worked. But Chronicle guy? Ooof. Since Valerian seems like kind of a dick for most of the movie it only feels weirder that they dropped the "and Laureline" part of the Comic book title. Also, boob armor. Jesus christ, that boob armor.
So it's pretty much what I expected. An incredible rollercoaster ride of enjoyable visuals and camera work regularly interrupted by awful dialogue and an entirely unsurprising plot. I had fun, but also had to facepalm quite a few times. You know, this is a movie you can just turn off your brain and enjoy the visuals and action for, something people have been saying about trash like Transformers since forever. If you really want to get a visual treat and not worry about much else, go for it. It's great to watch on the big screen.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
This is related to The Fifth Element!?!?!
Spikematic
Member
So it's basically a batshit crazy visual spectacle? Sign me the fuck up, cherry-picked reviews by "respectable" outlets be damned.
Captain Skeleton
Member
None of those reviews sound particularly negative.
firehawk12
Subete no aware
Besson and scifi I guess.
The Driver
Member
It sounds...kinda good?
If it's more to the Speed Racer side than Jupiter Ascending I'm in.
If it's more to the Speed Racer side than Jupiter Ascending I'm in.
After reading that Girls Ask Questions thread on why girls think GAF is overwhemingly male populated these type of posts seem so different
Sgt. Kabukiman
Banned
This is exactly what I expected, sounds like I will love this.
True Savior
Member
I understand shit posting and hyperbole in boards (i do it all the time too) but this
is unacceptable coming from a "critic". This is nothing and it's obvious he writes for a (dim-witted) audience. He starts talking about the razzies (who gives a shit about that), golden turkey awards (who gives a shit about that), calls it euro-trash (i don't understand the european reference, as it's completely decontextualized from any kind of cinema movement), goes on a tangent about other movies of Dane DeHaan (who gives a shit about that), some lame jokes about the inability to act of Cara and Rhianna and then seems to praise hollywood cause it didnt produce this (who gives a shit about that).
The rest of the text has a similar tone. This is not a review. There is nothing in the film he puts into scrutiny and expands his criticism. This is simply nothing and it's kinda toxic for the industry.
is unacceptable coming from a "critic". This is nothing and it's obvious he writes for a (dim-witted) audience. He starts talking about the razzies (who gives a shit about that), golden turkey awards (who gives a shit about that), calls it euro-trash (i don't understand the european reference, as it's completely decontextualized from any kind of cinema movement), goes on a tangent about other movies of Dane DeHaan (who gives a shit about that), some lame jokes about the inability to act of Cara and Rhianna and then seems to praise hollywood cause it didnt produce this (who gives a shit about that).
The rest of the text has a similar tone. This is not a review. There is nothing in the film he puts into scrutiny and expands his criticism. This is simply nothing and it's kinda toxic for the industry.
Discotheque
Banned
for real. such a garbage review, just solely made for an attempt to get some blurbs retweeted and quoted.
andythinkpad
Member
This quote actually make me want to watch it in theater. That sounds like the most Lec Besson thing ever.
Cipher Peon has...unique tastes in movies.
True Savior
Member
Cipher is the goat gaf poster. We are all witnesses.
TheThreadsThatBindUs
Member
Wish Chris Tucker was in this...
Will watch anyway.
Will watch anyway.
LOL
Cabbagehead
Member
That whole "review" was garbage tier. I wonder if there's a razzies for "movie critics" because he's earned himself one, with that word filled poop-shoot. Jesus
digitalrelic
Banned
Truly excellent. Definitely one of my top 4K discs (I own about 15). Lots of grain inherent to the source, but this is the best The Fifth Element will ever look IMO. Huge uptick in detail from my BD. Unbelievable that it's 20 years old already.
UnknownSpirit
Member
I really really really want to see this movie in Dolby Cinema.
That 4K projection with HDR is going to be GORGEOUS..
That 4K projection with HDR is going to be GORGEOUS..
Dreams-Visions
Member
setting yourself up for *great* disappointment I see.