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You ever have a friendship ruined over money? $145

R

Rodney McKay

Member
This happened to my girlfriend last Christmas.

She had a friend from high school and we even went to their wedding earlier in the year.
Around Christmas time she called my girlfriend asking for some money to buy a gift for her husband because they were short of cash.

We had forgotten to get them a wedding gift so we were just going to call it a gift but she insisted that she would pay my girlfriend back. But after a few weeks we heard nothing and after asking about it a few times they just stopped responding all together. A mutual friend told us her and her husband got into drugs at some point (and they were HEAVILY into Amway even before the wedding), so we basically just wrote them off.

I have yet to have someone ask me for money other than my girlfriend (who is very punctual about paying me back), but if I did, I will give that person a deadline, and probably one extra chance if they mess up and aren't able to have the money at that point. Also, I'd never loan anyone more than $50, maybe $100 if they're a legitimately close friend or relative.

If they fail the second chance, they'll never get another cent from me. I saw my girlfriend deal with an old roommate (TWO actually) who ended up owning her thousands of dollars in back rent because she's too nice of a person to put her foot down. One of the roommates was a literal con-man we found out afterwards. He ended up moving back to India before we could sue him, but there was another woman who he owed over 10K to.

I'm never going to let that happen to me.
 
F

Finale Fireworker

Member
If they were really your friend, you'd have your money back right now.

I understand the apprehension people have about ever loaning money and it's generally a good policy never to let people borrow it. But I've loaned money to people I really trust many times and it's an oddly rewarding experience.

To know somebody has gotten through a tough spot on your trust and charity, and they made good on their promise to repay you, does wonders for a relationship.

So I wouldn't say NEVER loan anybody money, but it's an exercise of trust. The real lesson is to be careful who you trust.
 
R

random25

Member
A HS friend from way back, not really close but I consider him a friend nonetheless, asked to borrow some money for the supposed "operation" on his "baby" a year ago. Quoting those words because I wasn't even sure if the information back then was legit. Because he's an old friend and there was supposedly a life on the line I let him borrow about $300. Now, in a third world country that's already a pretty big amount so it's a bit hard to lend it to somebody that's not family. After several months of asking how he's doing and his baby he just went into hiding and I really felt so bad that I got duped by a friend. I just learned that there was really no "baby in operation" after a long investigation sort of.

It's a hard pill to swallow, but man that was a painful lesson learned. I've never been more careful about "old friends" ever since.
 
BizzyBum

BizzyBum

Member
I lent one of my good friends $15,000 to get out of a gambling debt a few years ago.

He paid it all back and continues to pay for shit when I come hang out like food and bar tabs. Guess it just depends who you lend it to.
 
V

Verelios

Member
Never lend anything with an expectation of getting it back. It's a gift.

That said, I broke off three friendships over people being asses over this so what do I know? I'm obviously shit at my own advice.
 
rackham

rackham

Banned
Would it be wrong of me to go to his apartment? At this point, I just gotta talk to him and find out why he's a piece of garbage
 
O

OraleeWey

Member
rackham said:
Would it be wrong of me to go to his apartment? At this point, I just gotta talk to him and find out why he's a piece of garbage
Click to expand...

It sucks OP, but it's better if you let it go. I have lost $2000 this way. I have come to terms that I will never see that money. Just forget about your "friend".
 
K

Koomaster

Member
Yeah during high school my best friend needed a PC for various coursework. I had an extra one and told her she could use it. She offered to rent it monthly and I told her, yeah I don't need any money. But she insisted so I'm like, yeah just $10/month then whatever. Never brought it up to her ever again.

Months later she stops contacting me. I eventually hear from her girlfriend that she resented me for charging her to use my PC. :/

I think she owed me like $50-$60. And I was actually never planning to bring it up, if she never mentioned it and never paid me, I would have not cared at all. I was so surprised that she wanted to destroy our friendship over that without even talking to me about things.

Eventually her girlfriend became my best friend and we're going on close to 20yrs of friendship. So I guess it worked out in the end. But still the pettiest reason I've lost a friend.
 
I

isaacnukem

Member
rackham said:
Honestly if the dude just said he doesn't have it right now I would be understanding but the way he's ignoring me, you would think I'm a loan shark looking to break his legs. He's not even acting like I'm his friend at this point.

This is a guy I've bought lunch for numerous times, invited to my house for lunch and have generally gone out of the way for.
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The thing is, the loan might be something huge weighing on their shoulders, a seemingly insurmountable problem that might seem miniscule from people looking from the outside.

Recently I chatted with a friend, and he said to me maybe he should just kill himself because he doesn't know how he'll pay his debts. I told him that he shouldn't, and that he shouldn't promise deadlines to his debts if he's not sure he can keep them. Or, better yet, don't promise anything at all.

Some of the people he has debts with are also my friends, and I told him I'd speak to them because they might not know his predicament. He told me not to do this, but one of the people he has debts with just happened to ask me why people do exactly what you described in your first post. I explained the situation and after that the friend understood.

Among our circle of friends, I actually have loaned the friend the most money but I don't ask for payment or ask about it at all. Our friendship and his life is more important to me than the money.
 
rackham

rackham

Banned
isaacnukem said:
The thing is, the loan might be something huge weighing on their shoulders, a seemingly insurmountable problem that might seem miniscule from people looking from the outside.

Recently I chatted with a friend, and he said to me maybe he should just kill himself because he doesn't know how he'll pay his debts. I told him that he shouldn't, and that he shouldn't promise deadlines to his debts if he's not sure he can keep them. Or, better yet, don't promise anything at all.

Some of the people he has debts with are also my friends, and I told him I'd speak to them because they might not know his predicament. He told me not to do this, but one of the people he has debts with just happened to ask me why people do exactly what you described in your first post. I explained the situation and after that the friend understood.

Among our circle of friends, I actually have loaned the friend the most money but I don't ask for payment or ask about it at all. Our friendship and his life is more important to me than the money.
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Similar situation. This shitbag set up the dead line himself. He knows I'm stressed out and he knows why.

Then you add on top of that him straight up lying to my face. Saying he'd call me at this time. Saying he'd come by my house at this time. Saying he's at work when I know for a fucking fact he works morning to evening. Like, why have me wait by my phone for you if you have no intention of getting back at me? Why have me wait up late at night for you? What is the fucking point? It genuinely feels like has something against me at this point. I'm going to go to his parents house on Friday. I'm busy tomorrow. I know his parents. I'll send him a message first but he blocked my number again.
 
F

FUME5

Member
rackham said:
Similar situation. This shitbag set up the dead line himself. He knows I'm stressed out and he knows why.

Then you add on top of that him straight up lying to my face. Saying he'd call me at this time. Saying he'd come by my house at this time. Saying he's at work when I know for a fucking fact he works morning to evening. Like, why have me wait by my phone for you if you have no intention of getting back at me? Why have me wait up late at night for you? What is the fucking point? It genuinely feels like has something against me at this point. I'm going to go to his parents house on Friday. I'm busy tomorrow. I know his parents. I'll send him a message first but he blocked my number again.
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Just beat his ass.
 
I

isaacnukem

Member
rackham said:
Similar situation. This shitbag set up the dead line himself. He knows I'm stressed out and he knows why.

Then you add on top of that him straight up lying to my face. Saying he'd call me at this time. Saying he'd come by my house at this time. Saying he's at work when I know for a fucking fact he works morning to evening. Like, why have me wait by my phone for you if you have no intention of getting back at me? Why have me wait up late at night for you? What is the fucking point? It genuinely feels like has something against me at this point. I'm going to go to his parents house on Friday. I'm busy tomorrow. I know his parents. I'll send him a message first but he blocked my number again.
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Do you think he can pay you but is just not paying you, or do you think he really can't come up with the money? I think the only way you will be able to reach him is if you say forget about the deadline for now and you and him should have a talk. Unless you really need the money right now.

The people that my friend have debts to I know for a fact that they didn't really need the money at that point in time and they just need it to buy stuff, so that's why I told him not to worry about not being able to pay them at that point.

FUME5 said:
Beat his ass.
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Violence is never the answer.
 
K

KHlover

Banned
If I lend money I do so without a fixed date of repayment. Thus I also don't lend money I need any time soon. So far everyone has paid it back eventually, so I've lost no friends over it yet.
 
rackham

rackham

Banned
isaacnukem said:
Do you think he can pay you but is just not paying you, or do you think he really can't come up with the money? I think the only way you will be able to reach him is if you say forget about the deadline for now and you and him should have a talk. Unless you really need the money right now.

The people that my friend have debts to I know for a fact that they didn't really need the money at that point in time and they just need it to buy stuff, so that's why I told him not to worry about not being able to pay them at that point.


Violence is never the answer.
Click to expand...

I absolutely don't think he can pay me but the fact that he has repeatedly told me that he was going to pay me and has had me wait up at night for him to show up is on another level of bullshit.

I'm gonna bring it up to his parents because I want them all to feel awkward and like shit. They're neighbors.
 
A

AtomskEater

Member
I dunno why people do that "Nah I'mma pay you back" song and dance when you tell them to consider it a gift, and then dodge calls and contact. I didn't make this awkward, you did! Just accept it as a gift and pay it back as a surprise if you really want to, or pay it forward for another friend in need. Just so obnoxious.

Most of my experiences were with loaning people things like games and never getting them back, or getting them back in worse condition than when they were loaned out. Or the "oh I let Jessica see it" which ends with having to go down a chain of 5 people I don't know who have my shit.

The only time I ever loaned/"gifted" out a significant amount of money was my sister, she needed $200 for something. She ended up paying me back, though.
 
Z

zarnold56

Member
I know 2 people who ended a friendship over the movie Paul Blart Mall Cop. They had issues in the past, but still lived together. One was watching the movie, then went up to his room for over an hour. When he came down, the 2nd friend was watching something else, so the first friend blew up complaining he never gets to watch anything. Within a week the 2nd friend had moved out, and they still haven't talked in 7 years.
 
W

Wood Man

Member
Haven't had anyone ask me for money. Most of my family are too proud and all my friends have steady jobs.

Closest was giving a $200 to my brother to pay for child support when he was on hard times. His ex threatened to not let him see his daughter if he didn't pay. He never asked for it but I could tell he needed the money. He said he'd pay me back but I told him to just take it. He still insisted to pay me back. I told him if you can that's great, if not that's fine too. He never paid me back.
 
E

Earthbound64

Banned
You ever have a friendship ruined over money?
Click to expand...

No.
And I've loaned people more than $145 before.

As others have said - if you "loan" money to friends or family, just assume you're giving it to them with no expectation of being repaid. That way if (when) you aren't, it won't be an issue. And if you are, it'll be a bonus.
 
S

SelfCon

Member
BeforeU said:
lol how old are you guys?

I have to collect like 2-2.5k from my friends combined. We have an excel sheet where we do all the tally. We haven't cleared our balances since December lmao

I am sure I owe them a lot too. We planning to sit down to do this only on coming long weekend. We gonna chill, watch a movie and transfer each other the money. Its kinda tradition now.

If I show you my excel file you will laugh, because we even put 5$ for parking divide it by 5 people. Every cent is accounted for, and we all are on same page. This is going on since 10 years I think.
Click to expand...

This is sounds very...weird?
 
A

Apt101

Member
Once good friends, we now only pretty much say hello via an occasional "merry christmas" on Twitter.

Back when I was a broke college student he "borrowed" $100 from me. He gave a really sob story, and I had several hundred saved up in the bank so I agreed. He dodged me for the money whenever I asked about it. When it became clear he was never paying it back it made me think less of him as a person and I just stopped talking to him. He finally reached out via Twitter, so water under the bridge I guess, but I still don't like him.
 
G

Gordon Shumway

Banned
Nah. I lend when I can. I understand that it's a gamble. I don't hate folks that haven't paid up. I just don't lend to them anymore. For the most part, folks pay me more than they asked for. In the end, it depends on the person..
 
D

digdug2k

Member
rackham said:
Honestly if the dude just said he doesn't have it right now I would be understanding but the way he's ignoring me, you would think I'm a loan shark looking to break his legs. He's not even acting like I'm his friend at this point.

This is a guy I've bought lunch for numerous times, invited to my house for lunch and have generally gone out of the way for.
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If you really don't care, then stop calling constantly for hours on end and just let it go. You do seem like a loan shark the way you're calling. He's avoiding the conversation. He either feels bad or he's a dick, but calling constantly isn't going to change either.

If you do care, then burn his life to the ground over $100, but know you're a petty fuck while you're doing it.
 
Malmorian

Malmorian

Member
If you can't afford to lose it, you can't afford you lend it. Trust no one, family or friends when it comes to money. I learned this the hard way many times
 
R

RichiRamjag

Member
BeforeU said:
lol how old are you guys?

I have to collect like 2-2.5k from my friends combined. We have an excel sheet where we do all the tally. We haven't cleared our balances since December lmao

I am sure I owe them a lot too. We planning to sit down to do this only on coming long weekend. We gonna chill, watch a movie and transfer each other the money. Its kinda tradition now.

If I show you my excel file you will laugh, because we even put 5$ for parking divide it by 5 people. Every cent is accounted for, and we all are on same page. This is going on since 10 years I think.
Click to expand...

Old enough to not require excel spreadsheets to keep tabs on $5 worth of parking when on a trip with friends.
 
F

F34R

Member
I've loaned too much money to friends, never been payed back. One girl, she did need the money, no doubt, and I had it. No problem really. $350. She promised to pay me back when she finished her EMT classes and started working. I knew it would take a few months, and that wasn't a problem at all.

Stopped hearing from her. I never even asked her where the money was. Unfriended me on facebook, changed her number. Goodness. All she had to do was just tell me it was going to take a while to pay it back and that would have been fine. She could have said she was sorry that she wasn't able to pay it back at all. While I wouldn't giver her any money again, that wouldn't ruin a friendship. Honesty is all that was needed.

A few buddies "borrowed" a little bit, a couple times. Never saw a dime back lol. When I'm asked again, I'll show them them how much in the red they already are lol.
 
R

RMI

Banned
I would never give a friend a loan.

Not because I'm afraid they wouldn't pay back, but because if they really needed it I wouldn't expect to be paid back.
 
F

FUME5

Member
Wafflecakes said:
Yeah. Fuck the constitution and stuff!

Hew needs the first amendment anyways?


...and yes, you and your advice are still shitty.
Click to expand...

Not Australia.

As for your spoiler, you don't know a fucking thing about me, so I'd suggest that you don't make personal attacks on people who you don't agree with.
 
V

vegohead

Member
A close friend in high school gave me his moped to keep for free. It was in bad shape and I repaired some parts of it, spending maybe 150 bucks. Well later he wanted it back and I was furious, and he didn't offer to pay me for the repair work.

I didn't talk with him again due to this happening, his location from me and the fact I was dealing with depression.

Later I found out he overdosed at one of those rave music festivals(starscape I think?) Sucks we never got any closure.
 
F

FreedomFighter

Member
Fucking sucks, OP. I'm sorry. And this dude is a complete asshat. You had the best intentions and this is not your fault. This guy, who you believed to be your friend burned you.
≠
In general, I never lend money. When people are in a jam, need money, and ask me... l give it to them (ONLY if I can) with no expectation of getting it back. It's a gift. It's less stressful this way. Even though I have a lot saved up, I still decline most people who ask to borrow money.

OP, I hope you get your money back soon. And of course you know to cut this prick loose once you do. This is not how you treat someone who bailed you out of a jam.
 
M

Meciu

Member
You've learned a valuable lesson OP. I've been there too. Borrowed about 1k though so it was a lot more stressful for me. Eventually, I got my money back but it wasn't easy. Never again.
 
dl77

dl77

Member
I have one best friend I've known since I was 4, so over 35 years now, that I would happily lend any money to with confidence.

However, I have a lot more casual friends who'd I'd be very reluctant to lend more than a tenner to. To paraphrase others in the thread 'Never lend what you can't afford to lose'.

To be honest you're best just writing the money and friendship off. If you've got nothing on paper there's no proof that you either gave him the money or didn't give it purely as a gift so there's not much you could do even if you wanted to take it further. Unless you've got texts or emails confirming it was a loan?

EDIT: I remember my mum once telling me that when she was a child her dad used to have a friend who popped around halfway through the financial month to ask to borrow some money to see him through. He'd always pay it back when he got paid but every month it was the same. In the end her dad gave him the money one month purely as a gift and told him that he wouldn't be lending him any more.
 
Auto_aim1

Auto_aim1

MeisaMcCaffrey
Some of my relatives have paid it back but some haven't, and it's hard to say no to them sometimes. My friends have never asked me for money.
 
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