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[MattyG]

Well GAF, I made it 21 years without something like this but it finally happened. My mom walked in on me.

My girlfriend and I live an hour apart over school breaks, and when we see each other we don't really have anywhere to have sex or anything. So, we occasionally (very rarely, like 3 or 4 times) send nudes back and forth. Tonight I thought it'd be nice because she was in that kind of a mood, so I close my door and don't lock it, because my mother always knocks, and a locked door would be more suspicious than "just a minute" after a knock.

So, pants off, boxers at my knees, trying to take a picture and I see my door slowly creak open and my mother looking at me. She didn't even try to leave or look away, and the way she opened it was like she was trying to catch me. I say "uhh, I'm changing", she leaves, put my pants on and go into the hall outside my room and start nervously asking her questions to try to dispel everything and she just won't talk to me. She has been silent and pissy since then, and I'm incredibly embarrassed and uncomfortable, because I know what she thinks about this stuff and it's not good. I'd like to think me being an adult in a mature relationship and her just barging in would make me in the right in this situation, but apparently not. So now I feel like human garbage and am dreading the treatment I'll probably get from her tomorrow.

So GAF, make me feel better and not so alone. What's your worst "SHIT CLOSE THE DOOR" story?

 

[TissueBox]

At least it wasn't hentai!

I mean, at least this is explainable.

 

[aGuyInaBearSuit]

Have you considered telling her you're an adult and that a no-sex-before-marriage relationship working out in modern society is about as likely as President Jill Stein?

 

[MattyG]

Have you considered telling her you're an adult and that a no-sex-before-marriage relationship working out in modern society is about as likely as President Jill Stein?

If she ever decides to say anything and not just be weird and passive aggressive about it, I plan to. I guess I'm probably just overreacting because a) she won't say a word or look at me and b) man... my mom just saw me with my dick in my hand.

 

[____]

A few years back, my fuckin roommates husband was living with us for like a week before I was moving out. Motherfucker walked in while I was jacking off to bring me my laundry. Gee thanks you helpful bitch you. 😐

Another time as a kid, my mom knocked on my door as I’m watching porn. I hit the monitor OFF button, literally vaulted from my computer chair to my bed to pretend I was asleep and lightly said: “come in” in my best ‘you woke me up’ voice. She came in and immediately was like “I need to use your computer”, and sat down and hit the monitor ON button.

Nothing but ass in fullscreen 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I again dive from the bed, monitor off, click everything off and get back in the bed but obviously it was too late. Shame level on 1000. She hit me with the 🤦🏾 “uh huh....”

 

[Tecnniqe]

Fuckin roommates husband was living with us for like a week before I was moving out. Motherfucker walked in while I was jacking off to bring me my laundry. Gee thanks you helpful bitch you. 😐

Another time as a kid, my mom knocked on my door as I’m watching porn. I hit the monitor OFF button, literally vaulted from my computer chair to my bed to pretend I was asleep and lightly said: “come in” in my best ‘you woke me up’ voice. She came in and immediately was like “I need to use your computer”, and sat down and hit the monitor ON button.

Nothing but ass in fullscreen 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I again dive from the bed, monitor off, click everything off and get back in the bed but obviously it was too late. Shame level on 1000. She hit me with the 🤦🏾 “uh huh....”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🙌🤣🤣

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

I've honestly never shared this story due to the shame involved, but fuck it, I was just a stupid teenager.

I was playing FF8 for the first time right after it released at my cousins house and had just gotten to the space scene where Squall is saving Rinoa and that big fmv plays. I was feeling horny as hell and I'm alone in a back room so I decide to just take care of business so I'd stop having to feel uncomfortable.

I had literally just finished, pants around my ankles looking for some more tissues, half chub flying free and my other female cousin who was around my age bursts in the room from out of nowhere. She takes one look at me, half nude, doesn't say a word and just closes the door and leaves.

I've never been more embarrassed in my life. I made up some story about sharting and attempting to clean up the mess, but I don't know if they bought it. She never mentioned it again.

The worst part is, that part of FF8 is ruined for me on every subsequent playthrough. Rinoa flies through space and I turn bright red.

 

[jb1234]

When I was a teenager, my friend's mom walked in on us jerking it together. Fortunately, we were able to cover up in time but it was blatantly obvious what we were doing.

When my mom came to pick me up, I overheard her and the other mom talking and boy, was that an awkward moment. She thought we were gay.

(Which I turned out to be. Him, not so much.)

 

[NESpowerhouse]

- My college roommate walking in on me right as I was cumming. Somehow managed to tab out of my porn and hide my dick. He didn't see anything.

- This past summer vacation my cousin walked in on me right after I took off my towel and was about to get dressed. I was positive I locked the door, but I guess I didn't.

 

[____]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🙌🤣🤣

Lol guess she got her answer to “why do you always lock your door?” the hard way 😂

 

[NoRéN]

My ex forgot to lock her door and her mom walked in on us while she was sitting on my face.

It was quite embarrassing. It was made worse by the fact that I had to go to my ex's birthday party the following weekend where I met everyone, including grandma, and they all kept asking why mom was acting weird.

 

[Crayons]

I was balls deep fucking this guy I had never met before. I put the latch on the front door of my apartment so that even if someone had the key, the latch would keep the door open for just an inch or so.

My dad came home.

I told the guy to hide in the closet. I rushed to the door and my dad was like why did you lock the front door from the inside? I was like...uhhhh I was jerking off! He went inside my room and the naked guy was just in the closet being as quiet as possible. I was so anxious and my dad could tell and he was just like, "You're acting weird. Are you doing drugs again?" He then lectured me for a few minutes, telling me that if I needed to go to rehab he would pay for it. My dad OPENS the closet door to look for something of his and somehow doesn't notice theres a naked guy in there.


I hid that guy in my closet for like 2 hours before my dad came home and I could sneak him out.

 

[Tecnniqe]

Lol guess she got her answer to “why do you always lock your door?” the hard way 😂

I feel like there's a lot of "mom walkes in on kid holding his penis" stories 🤣

 

[psynergylover]

- My college roommate walking in on me right as I was cumming. Somehow managed to tab out of my porn and hide my dick. He didn't see anything.

- This past summer vacation my cousin walked in on me right after I took off my towel and was about to get dressed. I was positive I locked the door, but I guess I didn't.

probably the most apt avatar for this topic!!!

I guess they never saw it coooooomiiiiiiiing!!!

 

[Alcotholic]

No one has ever walked in on me doing something, or not that I remember (I may have blocked it from my mind from all the embarrassment).

BUUUUUUT.
Remember the thread about the Gaffer who has increasing ridiculous sexual escapades with his Christian girlfriend that escalated to the point where he spread his ass wide open in anticipation for his girlfriend when actually it was his girlfriends family that walked through the door?

 

[____]

No one has ever walked in on me doing something, or not that I remember (I may have blocked it from my mind from all the embarrassment).

BUUUUUUT.
Remember the thread about the Gaffer who has increasing ridiculous sexual escapades with his Christian girlfriend that escalated to the point where he spread his ass wide open in anticipation for his girlfriend when actually it was his girlfriends family that walked through the door?

GOAT GAF thread

 

[MattyG]

These are all making me feel much better about my situation after freaking out about it for a little bit.

No one has ever walked in on me doing something, or not that I remember (I may have blocked it from my mind from all the embarrassment).

BUUUUUUT.
Remember the thread about the Gaffer who has increasing ridiculous sexual escapades with his Christian girlfriend that escalated to the point where he spread his ass wide open in anticipation for his girlfriend when actually it was his girlfriends family that walked through the door?

Oh my god, was that the one where there was a stair handrail involved and I believe a stick figure drawing? I need to find that thread asap.

Edit: Found it.

 

[Psychoward]

No one has ever walked in on me doing something, or not that I remember (I may have blocked it from my mind from all the embarrassment).

BUUUUUUT.
Remember the thread about the Gaffer who has increasing ridiculous sexual escapades with his Christian girlfriend that escalated to the point where he spread his ass wide open in anticipation for his girlfriend when actually it was his girlfriends family that walked through the door?

AND HOW BOUT A RIMJOB FOR GOOD MEASURE

with the drawing made me cry with laughter

 

[GTI Guy]

No one has ever walked in on me doing something, or not that I remember (I may have blocked it from my mind from all the embarrassment).

BUUUUUUT.
Remember the thread about the Gaffer who has increasing ridiculous sexual escapades with his Christian girlfriend that escalated to the point where he spread his ass wide open in anticipation for his girlfriend when actually it was his girlfriends family that walked through the door?

We're going to need the link to that.

 

[FeenixRising]

No one has ever walked in on me doing something, or not that I remember (I may have blocked it from my mind from all the embarrassment).

BUUUUUUT.
Remember the thread about the Gaffer who has increasing ridiculous sexual escapades with his Christian girlfriend that escalated to the point where he spread his ass wide open in anticipation for his girlfriend when actually it was his girlfriends family that walked through the door?

MAN WHAT?!

Yo link that thread pleeeeaaaseeee, I need to read it xD!!!!

 

[MattyG]

We're going to need the link to that.

MAN WHAT?!

Yo link that thread pleeeeaaaseeee, I need to read it xD!!!!

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=885827

I'm dying right now, I forgot how incredible this thread was.

 

[Alcotholic]

These are all making me feel much better about my situation after freaking out about it for a little bit.


Oh my god, was that the one where there was a stair handrail involved and I believe a stick figure drawing? I need to find that thread asap.

Edit: Found it.

That's it. Hahaha. I love it.

 

[NESpowerhouse]

MAN WHAT?!

Yo link that thread pleeeeaaaseeee, I need to read it xD!!!!

Thanks a lot, I was trying to find it by searching for "NeoGAF ass spreader" with no results. :/

I now have that in my search history.

 

[mrklaw]

At university we had a shared house - boys and girls (one floor each). One day I was in my roomplaying something on my Amiga. My back was to the door which was open, and I was using a competition pro joystick - wiggling like mad. A couple of the girls walked past my door and could only see the back of me with my hand near my crotch pumping away. They assumed the worst. Luckily we laughed about it later

 

[KibblesBits]

I remember that thread. It was hilarious.

 

[Gaius Cassius]

Okay, so when i was 10 or 11, I was horny as hell. I had collected magazines from all over the house. I stole them from the mailbox before anyone else noticed. All sorts of magazines, mom's jcpenny catalog, sister's magazines, dad's maxim, didn't matter. The creme de la creme were 2 porn mags I and a friend stole from a local 7 eleven.

So anyway, I spent like 2 months cutting out pages of hot chicks and collecting them. I felt I was ready one day, so I blocked my bedroom door off with a couple of boxes of stuff and then proceeded to tape up the entire bed headboard with pages. Long story short, my mom walked in, pushing the boxes out of the way and asked what the hell I was doing. My naked ass did half a flip, brought the bed cover over, and tore half the pages off, in like one motion. 'Nothing!' Fucking embarrassing.

 

[Baroquemantic]

These are all making me feel much better about my situation after freaking out about it for a little bit.


Oh my god, was that the one where there was a stair handrail involved and I believe a stick figure drawing? I need to find that thread asap.

Edit: Found it.

Oh man, I remember this. Hilarious.

 

[matrixman92]

Nothing actually sexual involving anyone, but....When I was way younger, I had some friends spend the night. We got the bright idea to look up pokemon hentai on the good old family computer. My mom was doing some spy shit and peeked through a smaller than one inch crack in the blinds from outside. So our backs were to the window, and she could see the monitor in full view. She said she was out sweeping.

So she basically saw me and my friends looking at hentai pics of Misty from pokemon and then came in the room and gave us all a talking to and told us to not do it again. Could have been worse I guess...idk how, but it could have been

 

[dr3upmushroom]

Mom walking in as I'm balls deep in a lady friend... She never came over after that.

 

[Azuran]

If she ever decides to say anything and not just be weird and passive aggressive about it, I plan to. I guess I'm probably just overreacting because a) she won't say a word or look at me and b) man... my mom just saw me with my dick in my hand.

Any mother would be shocked to see their son trying to hold a 15-inch dick in their hand.

 

[TheBaldEmperor]

I've honestly never shared this story due to the shame involved, but fuck it, I was just a stupid teenager.

I was playing FF8 for the first time right after it released at my cousins house and had just gotten to the space scene where Squall is saving Rinoa and that big fmv plays. I was feeling horny as hell and I'm alone in a back room so I decide to just take care of business so I'd stop having to feel uncomfortable.

I had literally just finished, pants around my ankles looking for some more tissues, half chub flying free and my other female cousin who was around my age bursts in the room from out of nowhere. She takes one look at me, half nude, doesn't say a word and just closes the door and leaves.

I've never been more embarrassed in my life. I made up some story about sharting and attempting to clean up the mess, but I don't know if they bought it. She never mentioned it again.

The worst part is, that part of FF8 is ruined for me on every subsequent playthrough. Rinoa flies through space and I turn bright red.

Wait what???

 

[Jencks]

I've honestly never shared this story due to the shame involved, but fuck it, I was just a stupid teenager.

I was playing FF8 for the first time right after it released at my cousins house and had just gotten to the space scene where Squall is saving Rinoa and that big fmv plays. I was feeling horny as hell and I'm alone in a back room so I decide to just take care of business so I'd stop having to feel uncomfortable.

I had literally just finished, pants around my ankles looking for some more tissues, half chub flying free and my other female cousin who was around my age bursts in the room from out of nowhere. She takes one look at me, half nude, doesn't say a word and just closes the door and leaves.

I've never been more embarrassed in my life. I made up some story about sharting and attempting to clean up the mess, but I don't know if they bought it. She never mentioned it again.

The worst part is, that part of FF8 is ruined for me on every subsequent playthrough. Rinoa flies through space and I turn bright red.

This is making me laugh so fucking hard. That probably didn't help your case

 

[MattyG]

Any mother would be shocked to see their son trying to hold a 15-inch dick in their hand.

Spoiler

Limes=dick

 

[FeenixRising]

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=885827

I'm dying right now, I forgot how incredible this thread was.

HAHAHAHA!!!!!

And I thought the best story + drawing combo was EightBitNate but this tops it xD

 

[MMarston]

No one has ever walked in on me doing something, or not that I remember (I may have blocked it from my mind from all the embarrassment).

BUUUUUUT.
Remember the thread about the Gaffer who has increasing ridiculous sexual escapades with his Christian girlfriend that escalated to the point where he spread his ass wide open in anticipation for his girlfriend when actually it was his girlfriends family that walked through the door?

Nothing in this thread will ever compare to that

 

[NESpowerhouse]

Nothing actually sexual involving anyone, but....When I was way younger, I had some friends spend the night. We got the bright idea to look up pokemon hentai on the good old family computer. My mom was doing some spy shit and peeked through a smaller than one inch crack in the blinds from outside. So our backs were to the window, and she could see the monitor in full view. She said she was out sweeping.

So she basically saw me and my friends looking at hentai pics of Misty from pokemon and then came in the room and gave us all a talking to and told us to not do it again. Could have been worse I guess...idk how, but it could have been

[NSFW?]

Spoiler

 

[TAJ]

I had a close call where a girl had to dive under the couch. I threw a blanket over myself and played it off like they caught me jacking off even though my pants were on.
Was never caught jacking which is amazing.

 

[Media]

Never happened to me but I was walked in on my step dad looking at what was obviously porn. Pretended I didn't notice and he never mentioned it. He's a grown ass adult so it wasn't that huge a deal but it was a bit weird.

 

[GrizzNKev]

Dude, my mom once walked in on me watching porn in middle school and my dad is a tech guy and installed monitoring software on my computer so he could see my screen at all times and blocked all porn sites on our network.

It fucked with DirectX though so my games would crash. That got him to uninstall it.

 

[GamerJM]

One time my mom walked in on me and I was naked. I don't even think I was masturbating or anything, iiirc I was just naked because I finished and was too lazy to put my pants back on or it was cold or something. I had my blanket over me the whole time, and when I needed to do something that required me to move I took it off and then she said something like "Why are you naked? Actually, I don't want to know," and then things just continued on like normal.

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

Wait what???

This is making me laugh so fucking hard. That probably didn't help your case

I didn't know what to say. After sitting through the scene where 'Eyes on Me' plays (seriously, that song is also ruined for me, oh the irony.) trying desperately to figure out how to salvage the situation, that was the best I could do. I claimed that I had sharted and was stuffing tissues in my pants to help me sneak out to clean up.

Sigh.

 

[NESpowerhouse]

Dude, my mom once walked in on me watching porn in middle school and my dad is a tech guy and installed monitoring software on my computer so he could see my screen at all times and blocked all porn sites on our network.

We had a guy at our high school written up looking at and I quote: "Big Black Dick Porn"

That's literally what they wrote on the office referral.

 

[GrizzNKev]

There was also a time with my ex where we thought the house was empty but my cousin who was staying with us for the summer had come back from somewhere and we didn't notice. The girlfriend was a loud one so it was super obvious what we were doing. When I walked out of my room and realized what had happened, instead of being embarrassed I just cracked the fuck up for like 30 straight seconds.

 

[Tecnniqe]

We had a guy at our high school written up looking at and I quote: "Big Black Dick Porn"

That's literally what they wrote on the office referral.

Oh dear 😅

 

[Disgraced]

She walked in and I was...

Spoiler

...reading NeoGAF.

Spoiler

And then she broke up with me.

 

[HardRojo]

My sister once walked in on me when I was simply looking at pictures of naked women, I wasn't watching a video or doing anything else really, just browsing through the pics. I think I was 15 at the time and she was 14. She was pissed lol, I just shrugged it off.

Edit: Oh, this one is from a few months back, I was at a party in a friend's house (I used to fool around with her, but didn't anymore at that time) and I ended up making out with someone else in the bathroom, then some other girls knocked and opened the door without warning, I bolted inside the shower and stood still for what felt like an eternity, they didn't find out I was there at first, but did so eventually.

 

[MMarston]

I didn't know what to say. After sitting through the scene where 'Eyes on Me' plays (seriously, that song is also ruined for me, oh the irony.) trying desperately to figure out how to salvage the situation, that was the best I could do. I claimed that I had sharted and was stuffing tissues in my pants to help me sneak out to clean up.

Sigh.

Darling so there you are


With that look on your face

 

[Morrigan Stark]

Not to me, but I once got up earlier than usual and needed to go downstairs to grab something from the big fridge or freezer in the basement (the family computer was also in the basement, as was my brother's bedroom). I go down the stairs and see my brother in front of the computer, not moving, not looking at me, just staring into space. The PC was on, but the monitor was off. I said nothing and just kept walking towards the freezer, grabbed whatever it was that I needed, and walked back upstairs, pretending I didn't notice the situation.

I never brought it up with him and we essentially both pretend it never happened, but it was sooo obvious haha.

 

[One Eyed Willy]

I'll one up, instead of being walked "in" on, I walked "out" on the world.

Got drugged while in Vegas a few years ago while at a corporate sponsored event of all places, but at a nice bar in the city nonetheless. Didn't realize it at the time, but had only drank 3 beers and was really tied. Hoofed it back to my room a few blocks down, crashed and went to bed. Some "time" later I sort of came to like you would in a movie or video game. My eyes started to blink slowly and come into focus, just like a movie would portray it. I slowly kind of looked around and got my bearings. "Oh" I thought to myself, "I'm in the hallway I think". I turned around, saw my room door and that confirmed where I was. I reached for the handle to open it.. whoops! I'm locked out! "Shit fuck, shit fuck.. what now? I'm locked out" just before normal panic starts to set in. Then it happens... I look down.

I am standing outside of my room, locked out, in Las Vegas butt fucking naked. Just me, my genitals, and the brisk A/C breeze between my legs.

If I wasn't panicking already, it was in this moment I pushed the limits of the human heart palpitation. Naked, public, locked out of room, Las Vegas... NAKED!! "Shit fuck, shit fuck... what do I do? Is this real life? Quick do something..." I realized I could/should use a hotel phone I've often seen in the middle of hotel hallways in my travels. "How do I find one?" I thought, then realized I could only do this by basically leaving the safety of my 4" wall inlet by my door. So I did it...

I bolted down what was probably 150 ft of long Vegas hotel hallway panicking for a phone, and praying nobody would see me. I get to the elevators, nothing. In this moment I realize I have to go down to the lobby naked in front of hundreds of people...... SHIT FUCK. Then it hit me, "There is some Spa store on our floor near me" I run there, fucking jiggle the handles in a flurry but the store is closed. I notice another long hallway so I bolt. In that moment without a doubt security has caught on to me. 6'3, 230lbs of naked man, long striding his way down the hallways like a scene from a Jackass movie removed scene. I find a phone!!!

"Hi its <me>, I'm in room <room>. I locked myself out of my room and need help asap to get in." "Oh also, I'm completely naked ... not sure how/why but I think was drugged.. please hurry." Pretty sure they thought I was full of shit.

I ran back to my hotel door and waited about 15 minutes before some 20 something security guy shows up and I"m standing there cupping my twigs and berries. He looks like he hates his life at this point. Embarrassing right? HELL FUCKING NO, this man was my savior, the reason religions were started. He asked for my ID to get into my room and I said, "Sorry bro, kinda naked here and don't have it you know?" I got into my room, then showed him my ID. In the span of all of this, I didn't see a single goddamn person at all. I looked at the clock at it was ~1:30AM local time. This probably all took place over a 25 minute time period, so awhile. How I escaped running into the human element is beyond me, but for as long as I live whenever someone tells me they got "an embarrassing story", I know I can top them. The sheer terror of being 100% naked in Vegas, locked out of your room and trying to find a solution is a complete fucking nightmare and crippling feeling. Imagine that, then multiply it by 1,000.

I could probably write an entire screenplay of that night and spin it as a survival flick. Oh well, makes for a good story at least.

 

[NESpowerhouse]

None of you have lived until you have casually watched porn on the living room TV with other people in the house.

And got away with it.