Hypereides
Member
Dont sweat it. Go out with her see what happens.
Right now, theres not much to say about this.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Dont sweat it. Go out with her see what happens.
Right now, theres not much to say about this.
BeautifulMemory
Member
Gfj. No fumbling on your part. All that matters is shes interested
Hypereides
Member
Next time if you get a number. Just text.
PflargBlarg
Member
Good advice. Although, hah, I don't know if I could hold back in that situation. And yeah, the ex is always in the back of my mind. This coming up weekend there's one of our sometimes monthly game days at a friends house (seriously awesome, he must have 100+ board games) and the ex may end up being there as well. So that should at least be interesting.
I work at a gym with lots of students. Whats the opposite of FML?
BeautifulMemory
Member
You made me realize I hardly went to my gym when I was a university student
LordPhoque
Banned
Update on my last post
I texted her "well if you have a boyfriend it might no be a good idea", I basically wanted to say "I don't want a friendly date so... goodbye". She answered "why not ?" Then I said myself : either she's implying she's willing to cheat, or she just wants a friend. In both cases it would be lame to refuse, even though I don't want her as a friend, if the date if friendly then I'll just ignore her in the future.
So I said "okay then, what about thursday"... then she shaid "But you just said it wasn't a good idea" in caps lock, she sounded mad. Well fuck. I finally answered "Well I thought that saying you had a boyfriend was a way of saying no to any kind of date, but politely." She answered all my texts very fast but didn't replied to this one yet.
Texts sucks. Usually I just use them to set a date but this one went wrong, because I really didn't except her to have a boyfriend and to tell me about it just like that (read the previous post)
I texted her "well if you have a boyfriend it might no be a good idea", I basically wanted to say "I don't want a friendly date so... goodbye". She answered "why not ?" Then I said myself : either she's implying she's willing to cheat, or she just wants a friend. In both cases it would be lame to refuse, even though I don't want her as a friend, if the date if friendly then I'll just ignore her in the future.
So I said "okay then, what about thursday"... then she shaid "But you just said it wasn't a good idea" in caps lock, she sounded mad. Well fuck. I finally answered "Well I thought that saying you had a boyfriend was a way of saying no to any kind of date, but politely." She answered all my texts very fast but didn't replied to this one yet.
Texts sucks. Usually I just use them to set a date but this one went wrong, because I really didn't except her to have a boyfriend and to tell me about it just like that (read the previous post)
Ditto. Now the gym I go to is only populated by people over the age of 60 it seems. But then again, you're not supposed to be going there for any eye-candy, might be too distracting anyway.
Drealmcc0y
Banned
How do you guys actually ask a girl out for a drink?
Everything in my head tell me it sounds wrong the way im doing it. Or maybe im over thinking it.
Everything in my head tell me it sounds wrong the way im doing it. Or maybe im over thinking it.
BeautifulMemory
Member
As for me I am just not a gym person, and unfortunately didn't have friends who were into it too. Now I exercise on my own, and of course that meeting people piece is still sorely missing
BeautifulMemory
Member
Just my take - I'd just ask. Plain and simple. The moment you ask your interest is known anyway, so might as well make it as low key and relaxed as possible
Sanky Panky
Banned
"Hey I'm going out for a drink this Friday. Let me know if you want to come."
Drealmcc0y
Banned
No I cant say that because "going for a drink" is something I never do.
Im actually working on this and I might be going out with an old college friend some time in the near future.
But I was hoping we could just have a drink just the two of us on wednesday or thursday night you know?
BeautifulMemory
Member
Sanky Panky
Banned
Fine, then just say "I usually don't drink, but I want to check this bar out. Want to come? You should feel special that you get to witness such a rare event!"
Drealmcc0y
Banned
I actually start cooking lessons tomorrow and if all goes well, I might ask her to come and join me. It could be fun, but maybe I should start with just a drink first.
She really likes to talk so at least I know the conversation wont get stale, which is easily the most frightening thing that could happen in a date. Ive never been on a proper date.
She really likes to talk so at least I know the conversation wont get stale, which is easily the most frightening thing that could happen in a date. Ive never been on a proper date.
Drealmcc0y
Banned
Yeah sounds good, but dont be offended but the bolded is cheesy as hell!
Sanky Panky
Banned
jaja sounded better in my head, but girls like that kind of stuff
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Replace "drink" with "coffee".
You done goofed. But it doesn't matter anyway, since she told you straight up she has a BF. You never really had a shot.
Typically, when a girl tells you she has a BF, it's another way of saying "I'm taken". Best to move on.
Drealmcc0y
Banned
Hey guys.
I've got a first date coming up with someone from online. We've only chatted on the site thus far, but I managed to get her number last night (She was hesitant to give it out) and we've arranged that I'll be cooking dinner at her place, then we're going to watch Nightmare On Elm Street (Her idea...)
I've never been on a date in someone else's home like this. I suppose the couch opens the door for some touching. I'm definitely trying to up my "game" these days.
Any pointers as to how this differs from a regular date?
I've got a first date coming up with someone from online. We've only chatted on the site thus far, but I managed to get her number last night (She was hesitant to give it out) and we've arranged that I'll be cooking dinner at her place, then we're going to watch Nightmare On Elm Street (Her idea...)
I've never been on a date in someone else's home like this. I suppose the couch opens the door for some touching. I'm definitely trying to up my "game" these days.
Any pointers as to how this differs from a regular date?
first mistake. you should give a lot less fucks, or at least pretend not to care... Shoulda just went on that date, flirted with her and gauge the reactions. by saying it's not a good idea, you're practically saying it's either me or your bf. Too forceful, too early.
bad way to go about it all. Seems like you were looking for permission that it was ok, then your follow up text was a much worse idea. too much explaining, and too honest.
first date and it's at her house? You practically skipped a few steps! When you meet up, be overly affectionate, give her a big hug like you've known her for a long time and just haven't seen her in a while. Be flirty and don't be afraid to make contact, has to be natural and not forced though lol. Just joke around and make it a comfortable atmosphere, take initiative.
BeautifulMemory
Member
eh, like I said above, if she told him straight up that she had a BF, then he never had a shot anyway
LordPhoque
Banned
Yeah the funny thing is that I knew that pretty much as soon as I texted but I think I was just mad that I've obviously been trolled.
It's true but read my other posts. Still think I should have go for the date. Usually, I use texts to set date only, never had such an "argument" by texts with a girl I didn't even date once, hence the failure.
LostDaddie said:
It's true but read my other posts. Still think I should have go for the date. Usually, I use texts to set date only, never had such an "argument" by texts with a girl I didn't even date once, hence the failure.
Yeah that's what I've been doing and during longer sessions, it gets pretty obvious that my repertoire isn't the biggest I think. I notice it anyway. Not that I'm not having fun though!
PflargBlarg
Member
You can't worry about that. If the girl likes you she's not going to care. It's all about the delivery of the line. I've said several things to the girl I'm seeing that would probably be considered cheesy, but she loves them. That said, that line is pretty damn cheesy.
Hypereides
Member
Hate to sound like a PUA/player, but she obviously indicated/hinted at discretion....
.... but you failed. Move on broheme.
Btw, dont think too much about it, Most women are still sexual beings. If you dont express your sexual interest the slightest, you wont attract a woman.
DualShadow
Member
Sounds like you're probably texting too much. Use texting to set up the date/time and that should be about it, maybe some light flirting occasionally.
What do you plan to do this year to change this?
save up enough money for a propulsion unit capable of delivering a large caliber piece of metal through my brain to create something even Dexter Morgan would be proud of.
maybe not but i sure do want to! In the meantime ill continue to spend another year at the gym, trying to make more money, and being an overall 'nice' guy thinking it will make a difference.
You'll be forever alone with that attitude. You got to not just enjoy, but love every second of being single. You have to love yourself and place yourself on a pedestal not any woman. 99.9% of women don't deserve to be with you, that should be your mentality. A relationship isn't something you can buy at a store or search for. Besides, who gives a fuck if you're single? Im single and loving every minute of it. I can hang out who I want to, talk to who I want to, go where I want, bang who I want, do what I want at any given time. It's the most freedom you will ever have and the one point in your life you won't have any drama. Besides dude, why do you need a girlfriend? Sex? Are you an animal? Like I said man, I'm being harsh because I used to be the same way. "Oh look Valentine's day single yet again fml" was my thinking. Trust me dude. Be the best you can possibly be, be the smartest you can possibly be, be the funniest you can possibly be, be the nicest guy you can possibly be, and be the most confident guy on the face of the earth. If a woman doesn't want to be with you after that, she is fucking dumb anyway.
Coalission
Banned
Let's be serious though, being in a solid relationship is better than being single any day of the week. I haven't been "single" for over 10 years, one long relationship always right into another, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Having a chick that cares about you and always having someone to share your good days with, your good news with, your new ideas with, etc...good stuff.
Atramental
Banned
I hope my self loathing never reaches this level.
I have friends I can do all that with. A girlfriend should be the last thing on your mind when it comes to girls. You don't know how many guys I know, they meet a new girl and they begin to imagine having kids with them, walking down the street holding hands with the sun setting. Being alone is okay and it is not a necessity to have a girlfriend. You can live an exciting and awesome life without one. So why stress about having one? In the end, every woman will want to be with you. The way I see it, a woman should add to the fun. Not deteriorate it in anyway. Very few women can add to the fun, which is why I'm single at the moment and don't care.
Coalission
Banned
True but my mentality is why just have friends when I could have a woman to do all that with and also get laid as a bonus.
I know where you're coming from though, it's all about the mental zone you're coming from. Become 100% satisfied with yourself and being alone just because it's your own life and nobody should waste it chasing women that probably aren't half the human they are.
Pollux
Member
Don't worry bro you still got GAF.
Exactly.
Yeah girls do this from time to time. Just take it a lesson and be more clear with your intentions next time. She probably knew what was going on but if you give women any room to 'misunderstand' (and therefore put off the awkard bf conversation) a lot of them will do just that. Unfortunately the rescheduling txt you sent is probably gonna make things pretty uncomfortable between the two of you...
Coalission
Banned
I still don't see the part where you're going to add something else or change your current routine.
Maybe you can change your attitude and drop the passive-aggressive suicidal bits. I'm going to be honest and say it probably makes you come off as a real downer in real life. I'm not asking you to start watching Jersey Shore and buy the newest Kings of Leon album so you can talk to everyone, but at least be someone people want to hang out with or have a 5-minute conversation with. Or find people who share the same interests as you right now so you can remain a unique snowflake going against the herd of mindless sheep caught in the ratrace.
It sounds like you need to take some time off from searching for women (and thus remove the pressure that causes you such anxiety) and do some restructuring in life. The gym is great, so keep that, by all means. If you can afford it, try a personal trainer 3 times a week. (A PT 1x a week will not get your adequate results.) I work at a gym and I've witnessed a lot of people come in and become a completely different (empowered, confident) person because their trainer assists them in setting and achieving very difficult fitness goals. One of our PT clients told me today that, after losing a tonne of weight and doing endurance training, he completed his first half-marathon and met a bunch of great new people at the race.
Start asking for advice too. Your impression in my mind has quickly become someone who only drops in this thread to vent frustrations rather than asking, "how can I do this better," or, "what did I do wrong." You've become a negative force. I'm not saying to leave this thread. I want you to stay. But I also want to see you try new things and report back on it. Make it so that your rapport in this thread isn't drenched negativity. Make changes so that you're happy inside -- because that will radiate outward. (I know that sounds cheesy as fuck.)
I know that you're older than I am and you feel pressured to achieve ___ and ____ because you think there's some biological clock ticking away. But you've got to set that aside for now because it's becoming a major obstacle and dragging your mental state down. Remember that it's socially acceptable for men to date younger women. (My brother-in-law is 6 years older than my sister. They met when he was 27 and she was 21.) None of us care that you're a virgin. There's no shot clock in real life so stop looking for it.
I tend to agree with this, but I did strike out once after being invited to her place. She was a virgin, and she thought I was moving too fast. Her last guy had stuck around 6 months waiting and they never had sex. Needless to say, I got out of there in a hurry and never looked back. In general, I agree it's an ideal situation to step up to the plate and not be a pussy.
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