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[genjiZERO]

What. That cannot be right, can it??? Where'd you read that?

I've read the same thing too. Just google "average number of sex partners".

 

[Jburton]

Sure, but you're talking about what someone did in the past. What does that have to do with being compatible? What if she was different and didn't accept her old life, even? We've all done things we regret, but because in the past she did something then suddenly in the present you're incompatible?



What, precisely, is the concern, exactly? If she's clean and if you have the same understanding of the relationship going forward about exclusivity, etc, what are you concerned about?




That "concern" many men have is that they're judgmental pricks, and yeah many women are aware of the double standard society has.

What is the double standard?

Men can fuck as many as they want and be cool, women fuck a couple of guys and they are sluts?

I don't believe in that, my issue is with promiscuity in general ...... I hold myself to the same standard as I would a potential mate.



"Double standard society has" ........... do men and women not make up society? ........ Not just men, many women would have an issue with promiscuity.


I understand the double standard exists in so much as many men do not apply the same standard to themselves as they do others, that is an issue with the individual ....... The fact that many individuals apply the same double standard speaks to it being a common trait among men in general.


As individuals we have the right to be judgemental when choosing who we enter into a relationship with, it is unfortunate that we do not sometimes meet the standards of others ..... whether it be looks, wealth, personality or lifestyle but we all have traits that others might find undesirable and are all victims of being judged.


What I do read from your posts is that you have issues with men, in so much as they are judgemental pricks.


If a woman rejects a man based upon his lifestyle, looks or wealth are they too "judgemental pricks"?

Because in that case we are all judgemental pricks, for having differing tastes, standards and expectations.

 

[RDreamer]

You're a playboy Boco!
The average is only 4 (in a lifetime).

According to this the median for men is 7, and the average for women is 4.

According to this the average is 9 for men, and 4 for women. That's the UK though.

And according to this:

In the survey conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics on 6,237 adults between the ages of 20 to 59 from 1999 to 2002, it was found that 29% of men had 15 or more sexual partners, and 9% of women had sex with 15 or more men.

In the same survey, it’s reported that 46% of black men and 13% of black women had 15 or more sexual partners in their lifetime and 17% of men and 10% of women had 2 or more sexual partners in the previous year.

It’s also reported that 25% of women and 17% of men reported they had no more than one sexual partner in their entire life.

What is the double standard?

Men can fuck as many as they want and be cool, women fuck a couple of guys and they are sluts?

I don't believe in that, my issue is with promiscuity in general ...... I hold myself to the same standard as I would a potential mate.



"Double standard society has" ........... do men and women not make up society? ........ Not just men, many women would have an issue with promiscuity.


I understand the double standard exists in so much as many men do not apply the same standard to themselves as they do others, that is an issue with the individual ....... The fact that many individuals apply the same double standard speaks to it being a common trait among men in general.


As individuals we have the right to be judgemental when choosing who we enter into a relationship with, it is unfortunate that we do not sometimes meet the standards of others ..... whether it be looks, wealth, personality or lifestyle but we all have traits that others might find undesirable and are all victims of being judged.


What I do read from your posts is that you have issues with men, in so much as they are judgemental pricks.


If a woman rejects a man based upon his lifestyle, looks or wealth are they too "judgemental pricks"?

Because in that case we are all judgemental pricks, for having differing tastes, standards and expectations.

I see you didn't answer what exactly the "concern" that you would have is.

Again, if she's clean and if you have the same understanding of the relationship going forward about exclusivity, etc, what are you concerned about?

 

[bill0527]

I've read the same thing too. Just google "average number of sex partners".

Several of these big studies have median number for women between 4-8 partners before marriage and for men its 6-10. These aren't ancient studies either. I skipped over any study that took place before 2010.

If this thread is any indication, when they do this study 10 years from now, those numbers should be much higher. Unless GAF opinion is just a microcosm.

 

[Jenga]

so many used goods in this thread

you people only wish you could be pure as the anime waifus

 

[jimi_dini]

If she cheated on you, admitted it but ultimately said she still loves you, would you be fine with it?

One person will either get really distrustful and/or won't take the relationship serious anymore and/or the other person will cheat again and again.

Being fine with it will not work out most of the time. Relationships are normally based on trust. If this trust is broken, the relationship is broken as well.

According to this the median for men is 7, and the average for women is 4.

According to this the average is 9 for men, and 4 for women. That's the UK though.

That's what they said. Men probably say a higher number. Women probably say a lower number.

 

[Sydle]

I'd be perfectly fine with that, sounds reasonable. Try hearing "I don't know, somewhere in the 50s, 60s, 70s, or maybe a bit more" and then being told "I've had a couple health scares before" after a year of dating.

 

[phosphor112]

20 years later? Doesn't seem to matter in terms of the relationship, but damn some of you guys have low standards.

"Meh, only 20." ONLY? That's... disgusting. This doesn't excuse guys either.

Gotta have your flavor of the month or something?

 

[RDreamer]

About that... would like to bring the "love versus sex" issue back to the table. If she cheated on you, admitted it but ultimately said she still loves you, would you be fine with it? And would you ask her to stop looking for other partners?

Probably depends. The problem I would have is more with the broken trust rather than the sex. If we could get to a ground afterwards where we are on the same page about our exclusivity/lack of or why she wanted to sleep with someone else, then I could be fine with it.

 

[Shadow Hog]

How do you react?

"I have a wife?"

 

[alphaNoid]

20 years later? Doesn't seem to matter in terms of the relationship, but damn some of you guys have low standards.

"Meh, only 20." ONLY? That's... disgusting. This doesn't excuse guys either.

Gotta have your flavor of the month or something?

Keep 'em coming

 

[phosphor112]

Keep 'em coming

That's what she apparently said.

Seriously, it's disgusting. 20 years after the fact, probably still disgusting, but it's no longer relevant to their relationship.

 

[Jburton]

According to this the median for men is 7, and the average for women is 4.

According to this the average is 9 for men, and 4 for women. That's the UK though.

And according to this:








I see you didn't answer what exactly the "concern" that you would have is.

Again, if she's clean and if you have the same understanding of the relationship going forward about exclusivity, etc, what are you concerned about?

And I see you did not respond to many of my points.

In terms of concerns someone might have about a potential partner with a promiscuous past, that I can think of from the top of my head are ...

1. Cleanliness

2. Fidelity

3. Serious personal issues.


You state as a disclaimer that the person has stated that they are clean (this can be proven but the fact that promiscuity makes it a concern, makes it a concern), this is something they can prove.

Fidelity is something you must take on their word and as they say, actions speak louder than words and if some has a history of jumping from one partner to the other then trusting them based on their words becomes a much bigger act of faith than someone who does not have the same past as a promiscuous person.



The fact that they have also been with a lot of people can also speak to that person having serious issues, lack of self esteem and self worth to the point that the reassurances, acceptance and love from a person can not be accepted / believed and they keep looking for it elsewhere, repeatedly.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

One person will either get really distrustful and/or won't take the relationship serious anymore and/or the other person will cheat again and again.

Being fine with it will not work out most of the time. Relationships are normally based on trust. If this trust is broken, the relationship is broken as well.



That's what they said. Men probably say a higher number. Women probably say a lower number.

Yeah, can't really control for boasting, but I'm guessing the true number of partner is the same for both women and men - and based on that research, should be somewhere around 5-6.

 

[Omegasquash]

That's what she apparently said.

Seriously, it's disgusting. 20 years after the fact, probably still disgusting, but it's no longer relevant to their relationship.

We disagree about the volume, but we partially agree about the relevance. Shouldn't be relevant at all, provided there's no risk of disease.

 

[Future PhaZe]

Once you're an adult with some dating experience it becomes really easy to see how quickly and easily things can escalate from casual dating to meaningless, casual sex.

You go on a couple of dates, have dinner, get to kissing a bit, next thing you know you've got a condom on, she finishes, you finish, awkward conversation, realize that's all you were both really looking for and don't speak again. Wasn't all that personal, wasn't much invested, wasn't even that good of sex anyway, etc.

Now if she was having unprotected sex then I would raise my eyebrows a bit, but protected, meh.

My main thing when it comes to numbers is -- how did you come by them? Meaning, were these pretty much guys who acted like they were in it for a relationship and bailed after sex, were they consentual one night stands, some groupie shit, etc. And the only reason I want to know that is because there could be some serious emotional baggage from her being led on by so many guys in her past, but even then just one guy who gives a shit about her that she can invest in can turn her around in a hurry anyway.

 

[HalfBakedProphet]

Ahhhhh, that makes a lot of sense. I forgot that Issun called Waka that. Between the name and your avatar, I imagined being stoned in a room prophesizing (sp?) about the future.

yes! I love Okami. I kind of regret my name in a way, just because people do get the wrong idea. I don't smoke weed. I like my House avatar because its of him in rehab. He's trying to work on himself and improve sans his need for drugs. Shit is inspiring to me, but again some users get the impression I like getting high (not that there's anything wrong with that)

That's the thing, there isn't a right or wrong way of approaching women. There isn't a magic number or a magic amount of time. That's why I can't help but shake my head at the majority of posts in this thread.

We are similar in a way.

You wish you'd approach more women than you do, and I'm envious of guys like you who can develop a relationship beyond two weeks. You have a quality that I don't and I truly wish I knew what that quality is.

We're both romantics seeking that special someone.

truth. I'd be more than happy to switch places for a month, haha. Its hard letting people in, but once they are the connection ends up lasting a long time. I'm also pretty sensitive and things can cut me deep on an emotional level. Again, I somewhat envious of guys who put themselves out there and have thicker skin than me. We need to hang out and take notes.

 

[Bumblebeetuna]

How do you react?

That's a lot of dick.

Ask her how many guys she's slept with since you were married. If she says more than one, divorce. If she says 1, well, she's a lying whore, but what can you do.

 

[RDreamer]

And I see you did not respond to many of my points.

In terms of concerns someone might have about a potential partner with a promiscuous past, that I can think of from the top of my head are ...

1. Cleanliness

2. Fidelity

3. Serious personal issues.

There are tests for 1. It's a legitimate concern, but you should probably be getting tested before new partners anyway. If she's clean there shouldn't be an issue.

What does fidelity have to do with anything at all? You're making a terrible judgmental assumption. Because she's slept with many guys absolutely does not mean she's cheated on anyone, or that she wouldn't be faithful. You're being awfully judgmental here.

And 3, again, you're being rather presumptuous and judgmental. Because she has slept with many guys doesn't mean she has personal issues. The fact that you've assumed things like number 2 and 3 might mean you have some personal issues.

You state as a disclaimer that the person has stated that they are clean (this can be proven but the fact that promiscuity makes it a concern, makes it a concern), this is something they can prove.

Sure, they can prove it, and it has nothing to do with number of people. You can get an STD after one person. You should be getting tested anyway.

Fidelity is something you must take on their word and as they say, actions speak louder than words and if some has a history of jumping from one partner to the other then trusting them based on their words becomes a much bigger act of faith than someone who does not have the same past as a promiscuous person.

Someone could be more unfaithful and had only 2 or 3 partners. Number of partners doesn't have anything to do with faithfulness.

The fact that they have also been with a lot of people can also speak to that person having serious issues, lack of self esteem and self worth to the point that the reassurances, acceptance and love from a person can not be accepted / believed and they keep looking for it elsewhere, repeatedly.

lol, that's quite a bit of assumptions about people. Because someone has had many sex partners it now means they don't accept or believe love and look elsewhere repeatedly? Who died and made you Dr. Phil? Seriously, it means absolutely nothing of the sort.

 

[genjiZERO]

Several of these big studies have median number for women between 4-8 partners before marriage and for men its 6-10. These aren't ancient studies either. I skipped over any study that took place before 2010.

If this thread is any indication, when they do this study 10 years from now, those numbers should be much higher. Unless GAF opinion is just a microcosm.

I'm not so sure, like the person below says I'd imagine over/underrepresentation is an issue. Also, I think GAFs opinion is less in accord with reality and more likely a a reflection of the cultural projection that promiscuity is the cultural norm (through media) which I don't think it is.

That's what they said. Men probably say a higher number. Women probably say a lower number.

I think that's very likely to be true. I actually wouldn't be surprised if the real averages were reversed, and women had more sexual partners than men on average simply because since (in a non rape scenario) women choose sexual partners (not men) it's easier for them to have sex.

 

[Karsticles]

yes! I love Okami. I kind of regret my name in a way, just because people do get the wrong idea. I don't smoke weed. I like my House avatar because its of him in rehab. He's trying to work on himself and improve sans his need for drugs. Shit is inspiring to me, but again some users get the impression I like getting high (not that there's anything wrong with that)

GAF seems pretty good about letting people funk with their names. Though, instead of changing the name, I would PM a moderator to ask for a tag that says something like "This Prophet", with a link to a Youtube video of Waka. Something clarifying. If it didn't make so many people strangely uncomfortable to read my name (which amuses me), I would have asked for one that says "Rhymes with Socrates" or "The 'e' is long".

 

[theytookourjobz]

Sex is not that big of a deal between consenting adults who use protection. As long as my wife was safe before she was with me and isn't with anyone else while she's with me, I couldn't care less how many guys she slept with.

 

[RDreamer]

Ask her how many guys she's slept with since you were married. If she says more than one, divorce. If she says 1, well, she's a lying whore, but what can you do.

And I hope this is a (terrible) joke.

 

[Future PhaZe]

You can't judge faith by numbers. The same arugment that says someone who's slept with a lot of people shows evidence that they can't settle down can easily be flipped to say, hey, this guy's only been with 1 girl, is he going to get bored at some point and say he feels he didn't get a chance to get dating/sleeping around out of his system?

 

[Omegasquash]

Sexual repression all up in this thread.

For real...who cares what a person does with their body? As long as they're not breaking a commitment, why SHOULD you care?

 

[Sanky Panky]

Aside from health concerns (should be non-existent after 20 years) the reaction depends on how insecure the husband is.

 

[Jburton]

There are tests for 1. It's a legitimate concern, but you should probably be getting tested before new partners anyway. If she's clean there shouldn't be an issue.

What does fidelity have to do with anything at all? You're making a terrible judgmental assumption. Because she's slept with many guys absolutely does not mean she's cheated on anyone, or that she wouldn't be faithful. You're being awfully judgmental here.

And 3, again, you're being rather presumptuous and judgmental. Because she has slept with many guys doesn't mean she has personal issues. The fact that you've assumed things like number 2 and 3 might mean you have some personal issues.



Sure, they can prove it, and it has nothing to do with number of people. You can get an STD after one person. You should be getting tested anyway.



Someone could be more unfaithful and had only 2 or 3 partners. Number of partners doesn't have anything to do with faithfulness.



lol, that's quite a bit of assumptions about people. Because someone has had many sex partners it now means they don't accept or believe love and look elsewhere repeatedly? Who died and made you Dr. Phil? Seriously, it means absolutely nothing of the sort.

Yet again you have failed to respond to the points raised in my previous post.

Also why are you attacking me? Are you not supposed to argue the point, not insult the poster?

I have stated that it is my own personal standard and that I do not inflict upon people who are of no concern to me.



My standards are based upon my own previous experiences.

 

[braves01]

I think the only thing to do after a confession like that would be to say get thee out this house slatternly wench, and then undo her secret slut lessons to our daughters by taking them to church every Sunday.

 

[amrihua]

I don't think I'll ever have sex with that many women, that is a lot. I'm not sure what I'll think because I'm not in that situation but I've dated girls who slept with more men than I did with women and never bothered me. If anything I think it shows a healthy appetite, and let's be honest if we all could we would sleep with that many if not more.

 

[Byakuya769]

What does fidelity have to do with anything at all? You're making a terrible judgmental assumption. Because she's slept with many guys absolutely does not mean she's cheated on anyone, or that she wouldn't be faithful. You're being awfully judgmental here.


Someone could be more unfaithful and had only 2 or 3 partners. Number of partners doesn't have anything to do with faithfulness.

Dude, you can readily hop on google and find that quite a few studies have suggested otherwise for both men and women. Doesn't mean it's a straight bar, but don't act like there is absolutely no correlation.

 

[Jburton]

Sex is not that big of a deal between consenting adults who use protection. As long as my wife was safe before she was with me and isn't with anyone else while she's with me, I couldn't care less how many guys she slept with.

That is your own personal standard, other people have different standards ........ it's that simple.


One is no more better or correct than the other.

 

[GungHo]

How many thrusts?!

There's a counter at the base of her spine. You can see it in an X-ray. It's like an odometer. It's illegal to reset it so that you know what you're buying when you go to the wife dealership.

I see you have not addressed the 'stretched out' issue. That means it must be true.

Fisting is like adding rally miles. You can get a discount if you know how to bargain.

 

[btkadams]

20 years later? Doesn't seem to matter in terms of the relationship, but damn some of you guys have low standards.

"Meh, only 20." ONLY? That's... disgusting. This doesn't excuse guys either.

Gotta have your flavor of the month or something?

i don't really care that much. my current boyfriend has no idea how many people he has slept with, but he estimates it is likely in the high hundreds (he's much older, so this isn't unrealistic like it would be for a guy in his 20s). he was in an orgy with 19 other guys a number of years ago and has countless other sex stories, so i don't really have any reason to not believe him. he certainly doesn't advertise that number-range to people.

if anything, it's an ego booster when he claims our sex is the best he's ever had yet he's been with so many others. *puffs out chest*

as long as your SO is safe and has been safe, then all is good. experience makes for better sex.

 

[Clark W. Griswold]

Probably wouldn't care, unless we were together at the time or something.

 

[Omegasquash]

I don't think I'll ever have sex with that many women, that is a lot. I'm not sure what I'll think because I'm not in that situation but I've dated girls who slept with more men than I did with women and never bothered me. If anything I think it shows a healthy appetite, and let's be honest if we all could we would sleep with that many if not more.

That's a good point.

"Well, I'm a happy, healthy attractive person that likes to have fun and presumably I'm in my 20/30/s. I think I'll just pause and wait and decide not to have what I deem a good time with this person because someone told me that having sex with more than X people is dirty."

Said no one ever.

 

[Jackben]

Healthy adult sex life? Bunch of sick heathens in this thread. I bet you manipulate your genitals at night and don't say prayer before eating dinner either.

 

[RDreamer]

Yet again you have failed to respond to the points raised in my previous post.

Also why are you attacking me? Are you not supposed to argue the point, not insult the poster?

I have stated that it is my own personal standard and that I do not inflict upon people who are of no concern to me.

My standards are based upon my own previous experiences.

I'm not attacking you. I'm attacking your points. Your own personal standard is completely judgmental.

As for your previous post, the point you were trying to make is that it isn't at the society level, and that's fine, I accept that you've dropped that. Still, I think at the individual level you're making judgments about people that are kind of presumptuous, in my opinion. If I've still not answered what you were asking, feel free to ask again. That post and the point threaded from the previous one was kind of hard to follow.

 

[Jburton]

That's a good point.

"Well, I'm a happy, healthy attractive person that likes to have fun and presumably I'm in my 20/30/s. I think I'll just pause and wait and decide not to have what I deem a good time with this person because someone told me that having sex with more than X people is dirty."

Said no one ever.

Well I suppose that advances in medical science have changed that to some degree, but in the past and even still today a person who has had lots of sex with many partners is much more likely to have a STI / STD than someone that does not.

If not for condoms and antibiotics things would be a lot worse than they already are, STI / STD are on the rise.


I would also guess that the majority of promiscuous people are the ones less likely to practice safe sex.

 

[Jburton]

I'm not attacking you. I'm attacking your points. Your own personal standard is completely judgmental.

As for your previous post, the point you were trying to make is that it isn't at the society level, and that's fine, I accept that you've dropped that. Still, I think at the individual level you're making judgments about people that are kind of presumptuous, in my opinion. If I've still not answered what you were asking, feel free to ask again. That post and the point threaded from the previous one was kind of hard to follow.

We are all judgemental, we judge things by appearances, wealth, intelligence, lifestyle choices.

We have all been judged and have all judged in return.


This is not gender specific.

 

[theytookourjobz]

Well I suppose that advances in medical science have changed that to some degree, but in the past and even still today a person who has had lots of sex with many partners is much more likely to have a STI / STD than someone that does not.

If not for condoms and antibiotics things would be a lot worse than they already are, STI / STD are on the rise.


I would also guess that the majority of promiscuous people are the ones less likely to practice safe sex.

Your last point is a bit of a reach. I'm promiscuous because I don't fear STDs because I am safe.

 

[Omegasquash]

Well I suppose that advances in medical science have changed that to some degree, but in the past and even still today a person who has had lots of sex with many partners is much more likely to have a STI / STD than someone that does not.

If not for condoms and antibiotics things would be a lot worse than they already are, STI / STD are on the rise.


I would also guess that the majority of promiscuous people are the ones less likely to practice safe sex.

I'd venture otherwise. People are smarter than they were a few decades ago. Pretty much every gal I knew in college that was down for a one-nighter carried a condom or two with them.

Are they more likely? Yeah. But you get tested. And if you're OK with taking the risk, then that's on you (so to speak). I absolutely think that STD's suck (heh), but practice safe sex and know the risk is all.

Edit: ^^ My man...or woman. Well said.

 

[Jburton]

Your last point is a bit of a reach. I'm promiscuous because I don't fear STDs because I am safe.

I would not say so.

The statistics would prove that point.

 

[Omegasquash]

I would not say so.

The statistics would prove that point.

You can't say "I guess" then say "statistics would prove."

I mean, I guess you can, but still. It suggests a correlation. And there are STI/D's that protection doesn't stop.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

In an attempt to make the question harder:

She or He has slept with over 20 guys, and has when pressed admitted to you not being best in bed.

How do you feel now?

 

[RDreamer]

We are all judgemental, we judge things by appearances, wealth, intelligence, lifestyle choices.

We have all been judged and have all judged in return.


This is not gender specific.

And that makes it ok?

And it's not just the judging, it's making assumptions based on those judgments that may very well not be true at all. As I said, faithfulness and number of sex partners may not have anything to do with each other for a person you are thinking about dating. Someone who has only had 2 partners may very well have been cheating on one of them with the other, and someone who has had 20 may very well have let them all know what was going on or they may not have been overlapping in any way. Even if those things are correlated, I still think you're pushing someone aside based on a stereotypical assumption. That's not fair to the person, and it may not be fair to yourself (you could end up with that low partner number unfaithful person as a result!)

In an attempt to make the question harder:

She or He has slept with over 20 guys, and has when pressed admitted to you not being best in bed.

How do you feel now?

I'd feel like asking and figuring out what I'm doing wrong so I can improve.

 

[Omegasquash]

In an attempt to make the question harder:

She or He has slept with over 20 guys, and has when pressed admitted to you not being best in bed.

How do you feel now?

It's never smart to start asking questions like that. EVER.

But if an SO (and I'm a straight male speaking from that standpoint) told me I wasn't the best, I'd say "OK, let's talk about what you like and figure out how I can."

Partners talking about sexual wants is a really healthy thing to do, but asking if you're the best when someone has more than a few notches on their bedpost is cruising for a (ego) bruising.

 

[Jburton]

You can't say "I guess" then say "statistics would prove."

I mean, I guess you can, but still. It suggests a correlation. And there are STI/D's that protection doesn't stop.

So promiscuous person is still a higher risk of carrying STI / STD even when using protection.

 

[GungHo]

In an attempt to make the question harder:

She or He has slept with over 20 guys, and has when pressed admitted to you not being best in bed.

How do you feel now?

 

[RDreamer]

I'd venture otherwise. People are smarter than they were a few decades ago. Pretty much every gal I knew in college that was down for a one-nighter carried a condom or two with them.

Are they more likely? Yeah. But you get tested. And if you're OK with taking the risk, then that's on you (so to speak). I absolutely think that STD's suck (heh), but practice safe sex and know the risk is all.

Edit: ^^ My man...or woman. Well said.

I know quite a few people who are by most people's definitions "promiscuous," since they're polyamorous. They're also faaaaaaar more educated and safe than most of the other people I know.

And a lot of the risk goes way down if you don't do unprotected oral. Most people do, but yeah...

 

[Jburton]

I know quite a few people who are by most people's definitions "promiscuous," since they're polyamorous. They're also faaaaaaar more educated and safe than most of the other people I know.

Anecdotal evidence far outweighed by the statistics does not a good point make.