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The Black Culture Thread |OT4| Learn to love the BBC

FreeMufasa

Junior Member
I got a problem and could really use some advice.

My sister is about to throw her life away at 19 years old. Here's the story.

Summer '11 I came back home from college and my big bro was there too. My sister was 17 at the time. My mom comes running up the stairs to our room shaking. She says that some man called saying he's going to kill our sister. He told my mom that he's her bf. he said he found texts on her phone from another guy saying "hi how r u?" And said he's going to throw acid In her face and kill her. We're black Muslim and this guy is afghan.

I'm usually the rash, hot tempered one in our family and was going nuts. I wanted to kill him. So my bro decided to call him back and he said the same thing and hung up. We were all in shock. We didn't even know she was dating let alone this crazy fuck. Apparently her bf called her and told her what happened and she was scared to come back home after school. When everyone left for work she packed her bags and left the house.

Again we were shocked. We left it for a day and then searched her room. We found an address all the way down in Brighton and my big bro decided to brin her back. He got her back. Call it racist or w/e but I know how a lot of these afghans are in the UK, acid attacks and honor killings do happen. If he was your everyday looser, then whatever that's my sisters choice. But threatening to kill? I had to do something. There was an uproar about illegal afghans in the UK that time so I called immigration on him. Turned out he is here legally. He found out it was me and tried to attack me one time. I put his short ass in hospital for a while. The result of that my sister not speaking to me for 5 months and being even more dedicated to him.

I left for Japan last year but all this shit was a reason for me to stay. My big bro is always in his own world so I was a father figure to the little ones. I got regular updates on the situation by my mum and she said my sister comes home with bruises sometimes. She's found large amounts of gold, new clothes and Gs in her bank account which she says she's just holding for her bf. this dude don't work, got no education. My mom called the police on him and got him arrested. But then my sister ran back to him. He then called my mom and said my sister is his property and he's gonna pimp her out in Brighton to his contacts.....

Fast forward yesterday and I'm skyping with mom. She says they got engaged this month and will marry November 9th. I started screaming saying she's gonna fuck her life up for good. My mom knows, but she knows there's nothing she can do...and in her crazy view, better this horrible piece of shit than a non-Muslim. I spoke to my big bro to sum and he's just on that her life let her do.

My sister was a 98% girl. That's what she got in all her tests and before meeting him she was on her way to oxford university. She had so many friends, both genders and was cool. She used to speak like Kate Middleton, now she sounds like she just immigrated to England 2 months ago.Meeting him her grades dropped hard and she couldn't get into any colleges. I spent 2 hours every night working with her and we got her up to a good standard and she just started at a good college. This dude wants that British passport. He'll get her pregnant ASAP and make her drop out.

I've tried immigration, violence, police, threatening him and talking to my sister but nothing has worked. My mom is just so tired and I know this is killing her inside. I just know this guy will kill her one day. I'll try talk to her one last time to at least push back the wedding 6 months but it that don't work, shit.
 

Gorillaz

Member
I might have misread but does she actually want out of this? Because if you guys have been kicking his ass and getting him arrested and she keeps running it sounds like (subconciously) she dont want to lose him. If your sister doesn't want to be saved from him idk what could be done.


Edit: I would definitely try one last talk/push FM, to get through to her.
 

JohnDoe

Banned
Wow, I can't fathom how you must feel. I'm so sorry dude :(

It's very hard to break up abusive relationships and your sister is so deep into it, at this point it's probably impossible to get her to leave him by trying to talk sense to her.
The best thing you and your family can do right now is to keep close contact with her. Don't let that asshole distance her from you, that's what he wants.

I know this may sound like liberal hippie crap, but if you talk to her, don't be condescending or criticizing. It does absolutely nothing for people in abusive relationships, they're only going to end up feeling even worse about themselves and they're going to hate you.

I'm sure there are professionals or organizations that could help you with this by the way, I'd give them a ring.
 
Damn that's crazy, you're definitely not going to be able to talk sense into her. She's in that "I'm a teen and I know what's best for me" phase of her life, making reasoning with her very hard if not impossible. That....relationship (if you can even call it that) is very toxic; and honestly I would seek some kind of intervention from a third party say from someone who's been in her situation someone she can relate to more. She's going to see her family as people who "want to control her life" and will be very hesitant to take any advice from you seriously; doubly so if it's laced with condescending/criticizing remarks.

I hope you guys can get through to her though.
 
Mufasa...Damn son.

I was in a similar situation with my sister about 12 years ago.....Dude never threatened to kill her....but he was basically obsessed with her. I pretty much did everything you did. He's Puerto Rican and I'm told by my other Latin friends Puerto Ricans are very possessive.

Long story short it was my sisters decision to leave him. She's married now and last year she go her certification as a dental assistant and is doing pretty good for herself...but man your situation is a tough one. She's gonna do what she wants and as much as it's going to hurt you're gonna have to big bro's approach and let her live. I'd suggest just talking to her and let her know you'll always support her. She has to see him for herself....

Edit - And when she finally comes around and gives you the go ahead. Whoop his ass!!!!
 
Kanye's facial expressions stay crackin me up.

o-KIM-570.jpg


Edit - And when she finally comes around and gives you the go ahead. Whoop his ass!!!!

This
 
Mufasa there';s nothing you can really do man, all you can do is talk to her as nicely as possible, but she probably won't listen. you still gotta try to talk to her though, even if it won't work.
 

DrFunk

not licensed in your state
Like everyone else is saying, keep talking to her. It's up to her to realize the danger of this situation, unfortunately. Violence/threats will only make her more devoted to him.

However, when she breaks free, kick his ass
 

FyreWulff

Member
-snip-

I've tried immigration, violence, police, threatening him and talking to my sister but nothing has worked. My mom is just so tired and I know this is killing her inside. I just know this guy will kill her one day. I'll try talk to her one last time to at least push back the wedding 6 months but it that don't work, shit.

I'm having a somewhat similar situation with a woman here. She seems hell bent on diving headfirst into a relationship that will get her harmed or killed. The dude she wants to marry threw up all sorts of red flags from what she told me. Then she goes to be with him for Canadian thanksgiving and a big "eject, eject" moment happened. She came back and told me about it, I tried to just get her to talk through what she just said and see the logic in it, and she reasoned around everything.

I don't know what it is with these kind of people, if they're just so stubborn they have to 'win' or just a personality type that lets abusing fucktards get their hooks into them. I wouldn't even know what to do if she was my actual sister, though. In my case I've already given up.
 

JohnDoe

Banned
I don't know what it is with these kind of people, if they're just so stubborn they have to 'win' or just a personality type that lets abusing fucktards get their hooks into them. I wouldn't even know what to do if she was my actual sister, though. In my case I've already given up.

It's actually not that they have to "win"; they think they deserve the treatment they get. It's just straight up self-loathing and it's not their fault because they are in a mental trap they fell in because their partners saw their emotional vulnerability. These pieces of shit are fucking predators, they seek out women/men who are vulnerable and insecure and know exactly how to manipulate them.
 

FyreWulff

Member
It's actually not that they have to "win"; they think they deserve the treatment they get. It's just straight up self-loathing and it's not their fault because they are in a mental trap they fell in because their partners saw their emotional vulnerability. These pieces of shit are fucking predators, they seek out women/men who are vulnerable and insecure and know exactly how to manipulate them.

Predator is definitely the definition I'd use. Like I said, she told us about this guy and all of his moves were the foundation of cutting her off from everyone. Plus he'll have the benefit of being Canadian and she's American, which mean she's even more isolated once she's up there. I've at least gotten her to make sure to know how to contact the consulate/embassy while she's up there, and told her no matter what, they'll get her back home.
 

JohnDoe

Banned
Predator is definitely the definition I'd use. Like I said, she told us about this guy and all of his moves were the foundation of cutting her off from everyone. Plus he'll have the benefit of being Canadian and she's American, which mean she's even more isolated once she's up there. I've at least gotten her to make sure to know how to contact the consulate/embassy while she's up there, and told her no matter what, they'll get her back home.

Good, keeping in touch with her is top-priority. I hope it works out somehow :(
Idk what I'd do if I had a sister in such a situation. I'd lose my mind.
 

FyreWulff

Member
Good, keeping in touch with her is top-priority. I hope it works out somehow :(
Idk what I'd do if I had a sister in such a situation. I'd lose my mind.

There's an entire convoluted story for why she's even here, but I'd need an alt before I posted it. On a tangent, I'm now taking her to go get a winter coat. This is going to be a harrowing drive through some of the most fucked up road construction I've ever seen

Mufasa, don't do anything that legally fucks you up.
 

Jackben

bitch I'm taking calls.
Eh, not really seeing as how Minecraft is on 360 (and hugely popular) and mobile platforms, and I (absent of proof) suspect most kids playing Minecraft on PCs are doing it on a cheap laptop (which may as well be a sealed box). If anything the gif-applauding only makes the PC-warrior contingent look worse, akin to applauding someone throwing bananas at a black person during a UK football match just because that person happens to be wearing your team's colors.
.
 
sub9u53.jpg

Seeing this pic alot on my facebook and instagram feed and it got me smhing. They have no problem with thier man having sex with another woman because they are the main chick? Is this what the world is coming too?
 

BHZ Mayor

Member
I exaggerated but I've seen more than enough posts justifying gender roles and slut shaming through half-assed evolutionary psychology.

Funny enough, I'm not a big fan of the whole "stop slut shaming" movement. It just comes off as an excuse to settle/not have standards/"if she changes her ways she won't fuck me".

sub9u53.jpg

Seeing this pic alot on my facebook and instagram feed and it got me smhing. They have no problem with thier man having sex with another woman because they are the main chick? Is this what the world is coming too?

Like so.
 
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