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[Miles Quaritch]

I've been thinking about this since the thread about the where a single 31 yo hung herself (not only because she was single, but clearly had other mental health issues) and as such I decided to look around my own social circle and I noticed that almost everyone (myself included) is dating someone a few years younger.

I talked about this with a friend last night, let's call him Simon, he's 32 and was dating someone his age last year, they had a good relationship or so it appeared but she broke up with him when someone else came along and he was left heartbroken (it didn't work out with those two, she tried to get back with him recently, but...more on this later**) so after months of being a miserable ass (seriously, months. Some people...), he decided to get back out there and noticed the interest he was getting from dating sites was from younger women. He got a few messages and dates with women his age, but he found they simply didn't have realistic expectations of a relationship or they were so desperate to move things along that he felt pressured into committing after just a couple of dates.

Then he met his current girlfriend, a 27 yo lawyer and he hasn't been happier. She is pretty amazing from what I've seen and I haven't seen two people so madly in love before. I asked him why did he decide to date someone five years younger and his answer was simple, she wasn't pressuring him to do anything or make commitments he wasn't ready for.

(** You're wondering about this, well his ex recently got in touch in and started to try and worm her way back in his life. When she found out he was dating someone new and younger to boot, she went into a tirade about how he was robbing the cradle and that of course he'd go younger because anyone is age wouldn't want him anyway. Much laughs were had listening to this voice message...)

Anyway, are single women over 30 screwed in some senses? Especially if they want children?

 

[jaekeem]

Kinda?

That's when things get really good for a guy if you've been successful/are rich, and society's expectations end up putting a lot of pressure to settle and have kids on the average woman.

 

[Syriel]

Anyway, are single women over 30 screwed in some senses? Especially if they want children?

Not at all.

The only people who are "screwed" in dating are those who insist on only dating "above their league."

If you're only going to date supermodels, when you're an average jane/joe, you're not going to have many bites.

As for the ex, it's no shock he didn't want to get back together with her. She's an ex who left him.

 

[RulkezX]

Did you forget to finish your OP? You haven't made am argument why they're screwed past "me and my mate like younger women"

 

[Always-honest]

Nah.. I know plenty of 30+ ladies and men who are dating whenever they want.
Even when they have kids.

 

[Morgenstern]

I'm inclined to say no for the most part.

My reasoning being that Western society has largely progressed to the point where it's not seen as weird that a woman might want to prioritize their career over settling down and having a family in their late teens/early twenties. Perhaps in association with that, they're less willing to settle for someone that might otherwise be a poor fit for them.

Of course, if this adult woman happens to have unrealistic expectations of a partner or are just wholly unsuited to be a good partner for anyone, well they're as doomed as any male in the same situation.

 

[Golgo 13]

I think dating gets a little tougher for women as they age and a lot easier for men. As men, our dating pool expands as we get older, for women it shrinks. Not often do you see a 25 year old guy with a 40 year old woman, but it happens the other way around all the time.

That being said, women have ALL the power in dating in their 20's, men just catch up later on I think.

 

[KonradLaw]

Not really. The problem women over 30 have when dating is that they still assume they can still date mostly men of their own age. In reality, they're too old for that and should look for men in their 40s.

Women start up in far more advantageus position than men in romance game, but as years go by their get more and more evenly matched and around 33 men start to gain advantage.

 

[ClosingADoor]

Anyway, are single women over 30 screwed in some senses? Especially if they want children?

I don't see why. But if someone only dates because they are desperate to start a family and have kids, of course that is a turn off for a lot of people. You want someone to be with you for you, not just because you are a random guy willing to have some kids.

 

[Radec]

Not really. The problem women over 30 have when dating is that they still assume they can still date mostly men of their own age. In reality, they're too old for that and should look for men in their 40s.

Women start up in far more advantageus position than men in romance game, but as years go by their get more and more evenly matched and around 33 men start to gain advantage.

Yep. The more they age and being single, the more they tend to lower their standards in finding men.

 

[spekkeh]

They're about as screwed as men are in their twenties.

Which is to say, a bit, but nothing insurmountable.

 

[liliththepale]

This is why I'm terrified of not settling down with someone soon, even though that's the last thing I want right now. I wish things remained balanced between genders in perpetuity.

Not really. The problem women over 30 have when dating is that they still assume they can still date mostly men of their own age. In reality, they're too old for that and should look for men in their 40s.

Why though? Is there a real reason for this, or are you just saying that this is what men can get away with?

 

[Sheroking]

Not really. The problem women over 30 have when dating is that they still assume they can still date mostly men of their own age. In reality, they're too old for that and should look for men in their 40s.

Women start up in far more advantageus position than men in romance game, but as years go by their get more and more evenly matched and around 33 men start to gain advantage.

This seems oddly specific. Are you referencing some kind of study?

 

[Drencrom]

I talked about this with a friend last night, let's call him Simon, he's 32 and was dating someone his age last year, they had a good relationship or so it appeared but she broke up with him when someone else came along and he was left heartbroken (it didn't work out with those two, she tried to get back with him recently, but...more on this later**)

(** You're wondering about this, well his ex recently got in touch in and started to try and worm her way back in his life. When she found out he was dating someone new and younger to boot, she went into a tirade about how he was robbing the cradle and that of course he'd go younger because anyone is age wouldn't want him anyway. Much laughs were had listening to this voice message...)

Hilarious

Also, calling him a cradle robber when he's 32 and she's 27 is pure salt.

 

[FUME5]

They're not.

At the same time, the age range I search for is 28 - 38 and I'm 38.

 

[John Caboose]

I don't know. What I do know is that I (24M) wouldn't mind having a significant other in her early thirties.

 

[taimoorh]

Nah, not when men in their late 40s - 70s want a date.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Did you forget to finish your OP? You haven't made am argument why they're screwed past "me and my mate like younger women"

I wasn't trying to argue they are, I was asking the question if they are and using myself and my social circle as well as the tragic story of one person as the basis for asking.

I don't have much of an opinion on this, but from what I've heard and seen, women over thirty are generally seen as undateable if you don't want to settle down. If you just want a relationship and not have marriage/kids, you look younger is what I've heard more than a few times and it seems to be much easier for men to date younger than for women too. Although this might be personal inexperience/ignorance more than anything based in fact. (that men have more options to date younger than women)

 

[True Savior]

I suppose its harder for women than for men but they are hardly screwed.

I do relate with the age difference, as I am 29 and I tend to go on dates with girls between 22-27.

 

[Tabris]

I'm just over 30 and I refuse to date anyone close to my age. I tend to only date women in their early 20s.

There's expectations that women have in their 30s regarding relationships and they aren't as adventurous anymore. And I'm not mature enough for either. Oh, and there's a larger chance of past relationship baggage.

 

[Jezbollah]

Single women in their 30s kind of hurt themselves when they are dating as in most cases their own biological reproduction clock starts ticking pretty hard by that time.

This alone is a big reason why a lot of their relationships don't work out - their partners feel pressurized to settle down and start families.

Us men are lucky in that we remain fertile until well into our 50s (and often later).

 

[KonradLaw]

Why though? Is there a real reason for this, or are you just saying that this is what men can get away with?

Societal norms and genetics. With men their attractiveness is a lot more about power/wealth than pure physical beauty.
Plus in the end it's all about procreation, even if sometimes people don't get this is what's driving their behaviour. Men retain fertility for far longer.

For a lot of people it takes couple years to get to know your other half and start family. Combine that with the fact that women start to have problems with fertility in late 30s/early 40s and it's not hard to see how they're in disadvantaged position. If you hook up with a woman, who's in her mid 30s you would marry her in her late 30s, which leaves very small window of opportunity to start a family, especially if you want more than one kid.

Medicine is slowly expanding that window, but it's still expensive. Plus even if it becomes cheaper a lot of those mechanisms are subconcious, so it will take a lot time to change.

OKCupid published a set of data couple years back aboud age preferences. For women if pretty much coresponded with their own age, give or take few years. For men it was all early 20s, no matter how old the men themselves where.

 

[Syriel]

I don't know. What I do know is that I (24M) wouldn't mind having a significant other in her early thirties.

When I was single I always dated a little older, which as a guy seemed to make me the odd one out.

In my experience (and those of other guys I know) women are generally happy to date older, but absolutely freak out at the idea of dating a younger man. You see this in face-to-face meet ups as well as in online profiles.

 

[Apt101]

No one is screwed by dating due to age. Are their options as easily open as a twenty year old pony prancing around downtown on a friday? No. But it's not like they have to lock themselves up and commit to a life of solitude because they're 30+.

 

[Abounder]

Women have their first born when they're ~26 years old, on average in the USofA anyway. So there's that.

But I'd say wanting to have kids makes the dating pool that much more shallow, and especially so if you're a woman on the tall side of 30. Can't rush the honeymoon phase

 

[TomServo]

In my experience, it depends on their situation w/ children; do they have any already, and if not, do they want them?

When I was dating in my early 30's, the women that were my age without kids (who wanted them) wanted to date at lightspeed. Date for a year, get married, start knocking out kids right away. As someone who was divorced at 30, that was terrifying. Women in their mid-20's would let you take the relationship at a more natural pace.

The women in their 30's without kids and without the desire to have them typically had a track record of dating older men in their 40's and 50's, and seemed to be looking for someone to take care of them, not a partnership.

 

[ryutaro's mama]

This will not end well methinks.

Will lurk and read.

 

[entremet]

It becomes harder for them. That's very certain. But it's not insurmountable at all. We all have to settle, though.

Not every man marries a model with porn star bedroom skills. Yet we make due.

Society tells women never to settle in the dating game and does them a huge disservice. Look at women that centric media. It's all over. Your 6'2" six figure plus making dude is probably taken or playing the field. You may need to lower your standards.

I see this mentally rampant almost my female friends in their 30s and they stay single.

 

[Forerunner]

What I'm finding out, they are really picky. I'm 27 and I usually date around five years. So 22-32 age range. They want the perfect match. Like +6'0, extremely fit, makes close to or over $100k a year, and etc. They just have unreal expectations, especially when they aren't so great themselves. So I generally try to go younger than myself because they aren't so set in their ways.

 

[HowZatOZ]

Not at all. Tinder and other various apps have opened up the margin of the dating pool to be wide as the eye can see. There's plenty of older women on tinder or badoo looking for men of all ages. They just have to not set their expectations to ridiculous heights and they'll be fine.

 

[Surface of Me]

Louis CK has a bit about this. As you age as a man you slowly gain more power in the dating game, vs women who start out at over 9000 power level and slowly decrease. It's the nature of things, at least in modern Western society.

 

[Always-honest]

This will not end well methinks.

Will lurk and read.

Why? Some things are what they are. No reason to outrage over it.
But i see plenty of women above 30 who have no problem finding dates.

I think finding a steady good relationship will be harder for anyone above 30.
But a date? Nah...

 

[John Caboose]

When I was single I always dated a little older, which as a guy seemed to make me the odd one out.

In my experience (and those of other guys I know) women are generally happy to date older, but absolutely freak out at the idea of dating a younger man. You see this in face-to-face meet ups as well as in online profiles.

Yeah some norms are just weird. I haven't been with a single woman older than me yet. Not even like days older or anything.

 

[jaekeem]

It becomes harder for them. That's very certain. But it's not insurmountable at all. We all have to settle, though.

Not every man marries a model with porn star bedroom skills. Yet we make due.

Society tells women never to settle in the dating game and does them a huge disservice. Look at women that centric media. It's all over. Your 6'2" six figure plus making dude is probably taken or playing the field. You may need to lower your standards.

I see this mentally rampant almost my female friends in their 30s and they stay single.

And do you know who really wins: the top percentile of guys in wealth/attractiveness.

The age of dating apps = boon for them.

 

[Eye for an Eye]

Us men are lucky in that we remain fertile until well into our 50s (and often later).

Actually, there's a correlation between older fathers and autism in some studies. Autism is still a wild card out there in the medical field, but there might be something to it. There is a decline in quality sperm as a man ages, but they don't get hit with menopause that stops everything from working like women do.

A woman is considered "Advanced Maternal Age" at 35, but can have a healthy child into her 40's. There's still a pretty high success rate for embryo adoption/implantation for women in their 40's (some rare cases, even older). It's not uncommon for a woman to choose to be child-free, but that might also hurt if the man does want to have biological children in the future.

In our circle of friends, there's a few single guys in the upper 20's. A couple of them recently started dating (within the past year) with women their age near 30. Neither one has prior relationship baggage and both couple seem to be content with their relationships.

 

[KonradLaw]

Actually, there's a correlation between older fathers and autism in some studies.

True. But there;s also correlation between older fathers and their children living longer. The older the father the more likely the kid is to live to very old age. So you get bigger risk out of the gate, but if you clear that the child will be better off.

 

[DiscoJer]

I don't think so. As a guy when I was in my 30s, I spent the whole decade writing women on dating sites also in their 30s and literally never got any replies out of 100s of messages sent. .

If they had trouble finding someone, they'd probably at least talk to me.. At least a few.

Only real exception seems to be if they have more than 4 children. The only two unsolicited messages I ever got was from women with lots of kids.

 

[Oblivion]

Yeah some norms are just weird. I haven't been with a single woman older than me yet. Not even like days older or anything.

It's been almost the exact opposite for me. Nearly every girl I've dated was older than me except one, where I was older by a year. The youngins don't seem to care for me for some reason.

 

[NetMapel]

Yeah I gave up on dating a long time ago.

 

[KonradLaw]

It's been almost the exact opposite for me. Nearly every girl I've dated was older than me except one, where I was older by a year. The youngins don't seem to care for me for some reason.

 

[Eye for an Eye]

True. But there;s also correlation between older fathers and their children living longer. The older the father the more likely the kid is to live to very old age. So you get bigger risk out of the gate, but if you clear that the child will be better off.

President Tyler is a good example.

 

[John Caboose]

It's been almost the exact opposite for me. Nearly every girl I've dated was older than me except one, where I was older by a year. The youngins don't seem to care for me for some reason.

That's interesting, to be fair, I'm currently at university with the other students I'm in class with mostly being 1-2 years younger. Maybe things will be different when I get out into the workforce. Or not.

 

[entremet]

This will not end well methinks.

Will lurk and read.

I think the title is a huge exaggeration. Many women marry and date successfully in their 30s and beyond, so the title is a bit hyperbolic.

However, dating becoming harder as women get older isn't a new thing. It's pretty embedded media and in culture.

The issue is this being a male dominated board and the speaking about things that may not affect most of the populace can come off as insensitive since most of us our not women and we lack that perspective obviously.

 

[gimmmick]

Age has never been an issue with me, but the last 4 women that I dated have been younger then me. My fiancee is 6.5 years younger then me. There is some truth to what OP has said. Their are a number of women that are over 30 and are just bitter with everyone that has their shit together in in present day. It's not our problem you can't find the perfect guy for you, maybe set the bar low and go from there?

Though I will admit. I might not have a nice of a body as I did back in my 20s, but I sure have grown up, matured and more aware of relationships at 31 then I was at 23.

 

[neurosisxeno]

I can only speak from the male perspective but I've usually dated women younger than myself. I think it stems from the fact that I've never felt all that grown up and prefer women that I have a few years on as padding. Plus, as I enter my late 20's it's turning into "crunch time". A lot of the women I know that have their shit together and I wouldn't mind dating, are essentially outright saying they are looking to start families, which means they want to be married and having kids within the next few years. Most women don't want to be raising a kid into their 50's, yet most men aren't prepared to start having kids until they enter their 30's.

Just as a frame of reference, when I've set "Age Ranges" for things like Tinder or OKC it's usually 21-30, but I'm 26, and more often than not have more interest in the women in the 21-25 range. I'm not at a point in life where I want to really start settling down, and the women in the "fresh out of college" age range are old enough to go out to bars and have some drinks, but young enough that they don't feel rushed to start settling down. It seems like every month more women that I know start getting engaged and announcing they are expecting.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

In my experience women that are still single in their 30's double down for mr right and don't settle, unless they have children.

 

[Jimrpg]

I think dating gets a little tougher for women as they age and a lot easier for men. As men, our dating pool expands as we get older, for women it shrinks. Not often do you see a 25 year old guy with a 40 year old woman, but it happens the other way around all the time.

That being said, women have ALL the power in dating in their 20's, men just catch up later on I think.

A lot of younger girls these days are more interested in younger men who just want to go out and have fun. Older guys while they got the money are boring old bitties from an older generation who don't 'get it'.

 

[SPCTRE]

Anyway, are single women over 30 screwed in some senses? Especially if they want children?

Anecdotally, they are not.

My (now wife) had just turned 31 when we started dating (I was 27). We both want children.

 

[Visualante2]

It has been talked about a lot recently that the number of university educated women is outstripping university educated men. And as you get older, these men are snapped up. So if you are a 30 something woman and insist on dating an 'educated' man then I would expect it to be a struggle.

I hope I am not coming off as a jerk but I did see a subtext of this article where educated was just a euphemism for financially well off. It's not just about looks at least.

 

[entremet]

It has been talked about a lot recently that the number of university educated women is outstripping university educated men. And as you get older, these men are snapped up. So if you are a 30 something woman and insist on dating an 'educated' man then I would expect it to be a struggle.

I hope I am not coming off as a jerk but I did see a subtext of this article where educated was just a euphemism for financially well off. It's not just about looks at least.

This is absolutely correct.

This articles sheds light on the subject:

http://www.vice.com/read/youre-single-because-there-arent-enough-men-253