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[Nipo]

No.

Even if there were no single men over 30. Even if there were no dating sites making it easier to find a partner than ever before... There's still the fact that almost 1 in 2 couples end up divorced, which adds up to a whole lot of new single people of all shapes and sizes on the market.

That is an old stat that needs to die. The divorce rate for college educated couples (those where the gender imbalance is most pronounced)

"the divorce rate for college-educated women dropping to about 20 percent," Women who marry younger than 25 without a degree or any source of their own income have divorce rates close to 40% but that isn't who we're talking about here.

538 looked at this and showed the divorce rate for college graduates between 35-44 is only 10%

So there isn't nearly the whole lot of new single people out there that a lot of people think.

 

[Angelus Errare]

She said dating someone 5 years younger is cradle robbing?!

 

[MikeyB]

I generally find it really tough to date women in their 30s. I just find that they seem to have given up a lot of the time and in a hurry as a result. It becomes super serious from the outset. I can't make it through a first date without being asked what my "intentions" are, and suggesting I just want to get to know them and "see what happens" somehow implies I am a player. It always feels like an awkward job interview.

Curious about what you mean by "given up".

I briefly dated women in their 30s. I really liked that there was a clear intent and little in the way of bullshit. If we weren't long term partner material, no big deal, see you later.

Then again, I'm totally fine starting dating, getting engaged, getting married, a puppy, a house and planning kids within 2.5 years.

 

[Dali]

I wouldn't say they're screwed but going by tender nearly all of them have kids, so at least for me personally that's a deal breaker.

 

[Iron Man Cooking a Crepe]

This is absolutely correct.

This articles sheds light on the subject:

http://www.vice.com/read/youre-single-because-there-arent-enough-men-253

Being educated doesn't make you a great catch. Having a degree doesn't make you a great catch. Having friends that think you're great doesn't make you a great catch.

Hell, most abusers have friends. I run across plenty of great women on paper who aren't actually worth a damn because their mentality when it comes to dating, men, and relationships hasn't progressed past high school.

 

[Funky Papa]

She said dating someone 5 years younger is cradle robbing?!

Scorned exes will say the dumbest shit to hurt you. It's kind of universal, really.

 

[Donos]

I've been thinking about this since the thread about the where a single 31 yo hung herself (not only because she was single, but clearly had other mental health issues) and as such I decided to look around my own social circle and I noticed that almost everyone (myself included) is dating someone a few years younger.

I talked about this with a friend last night, let's call him Simon, he's 32 and was dating someone his age last year, they had a good relationship or so it appeared but she broke up with him when someone else came along and he was left heartbroken (it didn't work out with those two, she tried to get back with him recently, but...more on this later**) so after months of being a miserable ass (seriously, months. Some people...), he decided to get back out there and noticed the interest he was getting from dating sites was from younger women. He got a few messages and dates with women his age, but he found they simply didn't have realistic expectations of a relationship or they were so desperate to move things along that he felt pressured into committing after just a couple of dates.

Then he met his current girlfriend, a 27 yo lawyer and he hasn't been happier. She is pretty amazing from what I've seen and I haven't seen two people so madly in love before. I asked him why did he decide to date someone five years younger and his answer was simple, she wasn't pressuring him to do anything or make commitments he wasn't ready for.

(** You're wondering about this, well his ex recently got in touch in and started to try and worm her way back in his life. When she found out he was dating someone new and younger to boot, she went into a tirade about how he was robbing the cradle and that of course he'd go younger because anyone is age wouldn't want him anyway. Much laughs were had listening to this voice message...)

Anyway, are single women over 30 screwed in some senses? Especially if they want children?

That is often stated as a problem of single women with age of 30 - 35 (who want to have kids). Since 35 is always the age where the risks for the pregnancy get significantly higher, women look at their date partners often with the prospect "could he be a good father"...

Had this case with friends. She's 32, single and scared that she would not find a guy (or THE guy) to form a family. When she dates, she puts to much pressure on herself and the guys... doesn't end well and she gets more frustrated and scared that she wont find anyone.

 

[FreeMufasa]

It becomes harder for them. That's very certain. But it's not insurmountable at all. We all have to settle, though.

Not every man marries a model with porn star bedroom skills. Yet we make due.

Society tells women never to settle in the dating game and does them a huge disservice. Look at women that centric media. It's all over. Your 6'2" six figure plus making dude is probably taken or playing the field. You may need to lower your standards.

I see this mentally rampant almost my female friends in their 30s and they stay single.

 

[SPCTRE]

I briefly dated women in their 30s. I really liked that there was a clear intent and little in the way of bullshit. If we weren't long term partner material, no big deal, see you later.

Exactly, no time for BS makes for relaxed dating (counter-intuitive but true).

 

[Miles Quaritch]

She said dating someone 5 years younger is cradle robbing?!

Scorned exes will say the dumbest shit to hurt you. It's kind of universal, really.

Yeah, she didn't take it well. If I had to guess, she probably convinced herself he couldn't do better than her and when she found he did, she went into crazy mode.

And I can see why. He's too much of a people pleaser and with how much he focuses on one person he deems 'special', it gives the impression that he's too attached/too invested and maybe even a little desperate in how he behaves. We had a talk about it once, but he's just that kind of person. If he's romantically involved with someone, all his focus and attention is on that person.

Can't imagine it myself, Too selfless for me.

That is often stated as a problem of single women with age of 30 - 35 (who want to have kids). Since 35 is always the age where the risks for the pregnancy get significantly higher, women look at their date partners often with the prospect "could he be a good father"...

Had this case with friends. She's 32, single and scared that she would not find a guy (or THE guy) to form a family. When she dates, she puts to much pressure on herself and the guys... doesn't end well and she gets more frustrated and scared that she wont find anyone.

This is definitely the main theme in why those around avoid dating 30+ and if I'm brutally honest, I'm the same. I feel bad because I know a few single thirty something women through work and social circles and they are amazing. One is 33, a hardcore Marvel fan and the one I always talk to/message whenever anything new MCU pops up.

If I didn't know her and encountered her a dating site, would I message her? Probably not and that's just because of the age and everything I think that comes with it.

 

[SillyEskimo]

If my wife and I ever divorced, she would have the pick of the litter and she's 41. She's 1/2 Japanese, 6" tall, highly educated, and makes more than twice as much as I do (and I do well!). She cooks, cleans, and is an absolute demon in the sack. I'm married to the 1%.

 

[Doc_Drop]

This is definitely the main theme in why those around avoid dating 30+ and if I'm brutally honest, I'm the same. I feel bad because I know a few single thirty something women through work and social circles and they are amazing. One is 33, a hardcore Marvel fan and the one I always talk to/message whenever anything new MCU pops up.

If I didn't know her and encountered her a dating site, would I message her? Probably not and that's just because of the age and everything I think that comes with it.

Mate, that's a bit of a shitty attitude no? I mean, it's your life and all, but it seems massively superficial. If they are amazing and share your interests is that not enough? Granted they may have not shown interest in you, but it's just a number until you actually find out what their values are in that way

 

[BajiBoxer]

LOL, I went in for a physical and the nurse listed me as 6'. Not going to lie, it felt pretty great. Next time I had my physical the nurse knocked me back down to 5'11". It surprised me just how much I wanted that inch back :-(

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Mate, that's a bit of a shitty attitude no? I mean, it's your life and all, but it seems massively superficial. If they are amazing and share your interests is that not enough? Granted they may have not shown interest in you, but it's just a number until you actually find out what their values are in that way

Maybe it's a poor attitude to have, but I'm not someone who wants to settle down any time soon. That's something that's in the far flung future and dating someone who is 33 just wouldn't work. They aren't going to wait until I'm ready before we consider getting married or having kids.

That's how I view it.

 

[The Librarian]

Thread title should be edited: "Are single, heterosexual women over thirty screwed when it comes to dating?"

 

[Braag]

I'm 27 (28 next month) and my gf is 21. We live together and I feel no pressure with her.
My friend who is same age as me and dates a chick who is 31 feels fairly pressured about kids and whatnot. They've been together for 4 years but he just isn't sure about getting married and having kids yet...

 

[Roland_Gunner]

Like with most things in dating, it really depends on your confidence and attractiveness. Several years ago I went on a couple of dates with a very good looking woman in her late 30's. It didn't work out and she broke it off. A couple of months later I found out she was seeing a fairly well known college basketball coach in the offseason. I think her boyfriend after that was a retired tech entrepreneur (we had similar friends, wasn't stalking). So she was doing alright.

 

[thecouncil]

Maybe it's a poor attitude to have, but I'm not someone who wants to settle down any time soon. That's something that's in the far flung future and dating someone who is 33 just wouldn't work. They aren't going to wait until I'm ready before we consider getting married or having kids.

That's how I view it.

says who? you gotta stop assuming there, buddy. this all seems to be the problem with the men rather than the women.

Like with most things in dating, it really depends on your confidence and attractiveness. Several years ago I went on a couple of dates with a very good looking woman in her late 30's. It didn't work out and she broke it off. A couple of months later I found out she was seeing a fairly well known college basketball coach in the offseason. I think her boyfriend after that was a retired tech entrepreneur (we had similar friends, wasn't stalking). So she was doing alright.

three boyfriends in such a short time? no wonder! she must've been asking you all for babies! what man can deal with that!?

 

[Future]

I'd agree it can be tougher for some. Pressure to have kids is what does it. If neither party cares that much then it's probably easy. But if you want kids, and are dating someone that's 30, there will be a constant reminder that she's got 5 good "easy" child bearing years. Doctors will tell you after 35 the odds are significantly greater of having pregnancy issues.

Now the opposite is also true: if both man And woman wants kids then it's probably not hard to date at all. You just need to be pickier in who you date. Dating merely due to attraction will be harder: you need someone with similar goals in life. That might mean the 30 year old woman dates an older man ready for children of men her age still are not

As it take longer for people to accumulate wealth, it will be longer before some naturally wants kids. I do think it's easier for some men to date younger women if they reach the point of financial stability later in life.

 

[Enter The 36 Chambers]

I think women with kids have it even harder. For myself when I was on tinder and the like, I'd swipe all the way to the right when I seen even a kid in a picture. May sound harsh but I'm in no way mature enough to raise my own kid If I had one. Nevermind be around someone else's.

My first girlfriend was a couple months older than me. In my mid 20s now and younger girls definitely show more interest.

Current girl is 21. Early twenties dating is terrible compared to later 20s for guys, well for me anyways.

From this thread it seems it only gets better the older we get.



And fuck all this you need wealth and to be crazy hot garbage. Women aren't as visually focused as men are. I grew up flat broke and I'm an average looking guy who mostly dated girls way above me in league. Having confidence and a personality outweigh money and chiseled good looks in my experience.

 

[superdeluxe]

Anyway, are single women over 30 screwed in some senses? Especially if they want children?

No? 30 yo gal would be looking pretty good to those late 30's and older.

This isn't the 1700s, women can have children into their early 40s.

 

[Goro Majima]

As a guy in his early 30s, I found that dating women in the 23-27 range could be a real pain in the ass. They're just a lot more fickle on average because they can afford to be...which gets tiring after a while (literally, if you're like me and like to be in bed at midnight and not out partying). I found women in their early 30s to be wiser, more laid back, more established, and easier to talk to.

I always took the whole "wants to rush things" vibe not as desperation but instead knowing what they want out of life. If your end game is a long term relationship then this is a great age range to date.

 

[SillyEskimo]

I think women with kids have it even harder. For myself when I was on tinder and the like, I'd swipe all the way to the right when I seen even a kid in a picture. May sound harsh but I'm in no way mature enough to raise my own kid If I had one. Nevermind be around someone else's.

My first girlfriend was a couple months older than me. In my mid 20s now and younger girls definitely show more interest.

Current girl is 21. Early twenties dating is terrible compared to later 20s for guys, well for me anyways.

From this thread it seems it only gets better the older we get.

When I was dating, women with kids were an automatic pass. I dated for fun, and just knowing there was a child in the picture drastically changes the dynamic. Being a father/father figure was nothing I wanted or was prepared to be.

I am married now and have children myself. The game has changed. If I were ever single again, it would no longer be a barrier.

 

[Condom]

There are enough older guys ready to date them for something long term.
I'd personally only date (them) for sex and thus I will probably not date someone of over 30 for at least the coming 10 years.

 

[Apathy]

I know internet dating for a woman past 30 us not great. From that book dataclysm, the lead stats guy for Okcupid showed off how steep the drop off was got women after 30 for messages received. It did go up in one instance of younger guys messaging older women (like a milf sort of situation), but overall after 30 it was downhill for women (and worse for black women).

Add for your friend and his crazy ex, the girl he's dating is 27 , how is he robbing the cradle? Jilted people.

 

[Roland_Gunner]

three boyfriends in such a short time? no wonder! she must've been asking you all for babies! what man can deal with that!?

Haha, no this woman had no desire to have kids. I guess she was with one guy for years and years but they never had kids. She just wanted to enjoy the good life. Dating retired rich guys will let you do that.

When I was dating, women with kids were an automatic pass. I dated for fun, and just knowing there was a child in the picture drastically changes the dynamic.

For younger guys on GAF, dating single moms when you're focused on your career can be a good way to go. They can only go out once or twice a week so y'all have a fun date night and there isn't the expectation that you're always around. A serious relationship is very tough but short-term its nice. Lessons learned from watching About a Boy.

 

[Byakuya769]

Going off of what my female friends in that age range say, yeah.. It's hellish.

 

[Forkball]

This seems oddly specific. Are you referencing some kind of study?

Jesus came back to life at 33. Do you have any idea how great "I came back from the dead" is as a pickup line?

 

[Thaedolus]

I've generally kept a rule since I hit 23 that I'll date five years either direction, but really look to someone my age or older. If I were single now, I wouldn't think twice about dating a woman in her mid to upper 30's. My wife's cousin just broke up with her live in boyfriend of seven years last August when she turned 30, and she had dudes lining up at her door: successful, owns a house, no kids...I think those factors are way more important than age. Women in their 30s simply tend to have a whole lot more shit going on then just being "old." If I were on the prowl I'd take a 35 year old with no kids and a career over a 30 year old divorcee wth kids, for example.

Guys just looking at the age factor are really missing a big part of what makes a relationship a good one, and it's not the body like a teenager factor

 

[Subpar Spatula]

Older people tend to be less desirable unless attractive or have money. Not many in that age range are still fit or have lots of disposable income.

 

[Count Dookkake]

I am not opposed to dating women closer to my age but generally speaking I tend to encounter these problems.

- They look older than me. I want to be the old, ugly one.

- They have kids. Not an immediate strike-out, but most kids suck. Or the father is a weird, intrusive presence.

- They expect me to have my shit together completely. Nah, I'm good.

- Once you've fucked someone raised on porn, it's hard to go back a generation.

I'd feel bad about this, but then I remember who they were chasing when we were young.

 

[Into]

The sheer amount of articles and pieces published almost on a daily basis named something like "Where are all the men?", suggests that there is a problem. Its very clearly pandering to their own audience.

Because we live in a culture war, women will blame men, and vice versa.

At the end of the day, if you are single for a long time and strike out numerously, then the only sensible conclusion is that you are severely overestimating your own sexual market value. But that sort of frank, cold and often cruel introspection is not where our culture is now. Everyone is special, and everyone is great. To suggest anything else means you are a bigot. The blame is on someone else.

 

[georly]

God I hope not. I'm (male) 30 and recently single. Really hope I can find someone around my age (roughly + or - 5 yrs). My ex was 5 years older than me. I have no issues whatsoever dating a woman in her 30s.

 

[Forkball]

This made me laugh because last week my friend said that one of her other friends wanted to date a guy who was 6 feet or taller. I thought, "How is she honestly going to know?" If you are a 5'3" woman do you honestly know the difference between 5'11" and 6'1"? I'm 6' and if you brought a dude up to me who was 6'9" and had me guess his height I would have no fucking clue.

 

[Glendemonium]

women above 30 screwed? not really

Try be an unemployed/poor man above 30. Then you are the scum of the dating world.

OR make less than 40k in a rural area. It depends on location. I've found in rural areas, most single women around 30 already married once and had kids, some started as young as 19, so they're looking for a void to fill which can be a very tough decision if you're a single guy who had plans to start a family. Not that they struggle to get dates, it's getting one to commit. That's the common complaint I've heard for ages.

 

[Armadilo]

I'm young and would gladly go out someone older but they would probably say no because i'm younger and the age difference

 

[Wag]

I'm close to 50. You think it's difficult at 30? Wait 20yrs and get back to me.

I've been going to a lot of Meetups lately. I find it's a good way to meet people without the added pressure of a 1 on 1 date.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

says who? you gotta stop assuming there, buddy. this all seems to be the problem with the men rather than the women.

A 33 year old woman who wants kids won't wait two/three/four years until her partner is ready to start trying to have kids.

Is that really an assumption?

 

[TaterTots]

I have never had good luck with younger women. The relationship could be going well and then hit shit city out of nowhere. I have been dumped over minor things that could have easily been worked through, but with their age comes a lack of experience. Women in their 30's have experience and seem to be more understanding. It's a added bonus that they do not fuck around. They are looking for a life long partner, which is what most of us are doing, so I do not understand why its so lop sided. I'm guessing a lot of guys just want to fuck around for awhile.

 

[Bleepey]

Here was the thread about a woman talking about finding a husband at university:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=769292

 

[dreamcastmaster]

I'd swipe all the way to the right when I seen even a kid in a picture.

Makes me cringe when I see either gender with a kid in thier profile pictures on a dating site. Don't use your kid who I'm sure you think is the cutest kid ever, to get attention in the dating game and also there's a recognised time to introduce children into a new relationship and online dating profiles aren't it.

 

[Griss]

There was an article the other day in the Guardian saying that men live far longer when they marry a younger woman (more than 2 years younger I think), but women's life expectancy is cut short if they marry a younger man. For women, the optimal approach appears to be to marry a man about 1-2 years older. Whatever the reason, it seems like biology / destiny points one way - men marry younger, women marry older.

That naturally shrinks the dating pool for women as they age, and when you combine that with the fact that fertility starts declining at some point in the 30s and time becomes a factor, of course women are going to struggle a bit when they hit that mark.

It's hard to feel any particular sympathy, though, because when you were 21-24 a ton of the women in your peer group were going out with dudes in their 30s and men of that age had far less ability to compete. So it's just a redressing of that dating power balance. And it's also the case that those who are still single in their 30s (like myself!) are often simply undesirable in looks or circumstances (like myself!) or carrying a lot of baggage from past relationships, and neither help you out while dating.

That said, it is sad when a woman who desperately wants kids can't have them due to not finding a partner, though. I come from a pretty ugly family so I have plenty of perma-single people of both genders on both sides and there are a couple of the older childless women who are just torn up about it. (And at least one who never wanted kids and fucking loves her life, but that's not what I'm talking about.)

 

[Apathy]

This made me laugh because last week my friend said that one of her other friends wanted to date a guy who was 6 feet or taller. I thought, "How is she honestly going to know?" If you are a 5'3" woman do you honestly know the difference between 5'11" and 6'1"? I'm 6' and if you brought a dude up to me who was 6'9" and had me guess his height I would have no fucking clue.

They really can't unless they themselves are about that height. There was a dude that hated that women posted shit like that on dating sites he made a profile to test out that theory. He was like 5'8 or so (my memory is fuzzy), but put he was 6 feet tall. Good looking guy, did all the right things for a profile and looked for short girls that all said they only date tall guys on their profile, got dates and these girls never noticed, in fact they complimented his height and if they asked on a date he would just day he was 6 feet and they agreed. End of the dates he would tell them his real height and how it didn't matter.

Basically it's like those people that say they can tell an expensive bottle of wine from a cheap one. They can't.

 

[Deleted member 594614]

My GF is 31, I'm 37.
She has no kids and has never been married..she has 2 cats tho..

I made a joke about marrying her the other night while we were out drinking and HOLY shit did I open a bag of worms..

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE EXPLAINING TO YOUR PARENTS YOU WILL NEVER HAVE KIDS!"
"I BET I'M BARREN!"
"I'LL MOST LIKELY DIE ALONE!"

I get it tho. I've dated a few women 30+ a very slim amount have bodies even close to what I've dated sub-30, most have kids (actually a litter of them usually) Age starts to him them REALLY bad in the eyes, crows feet usually bad around 35.
Most of them who don't have the extra income of child support still live at home or have roommates with no outlook on how they'll ever own a home.

I on the other hand am 37, maintain the same size I was at 18 with minimal exercise. Own my own home and usually make close to double what they do.
Sadly too I often am mistaken for younger then they are. My 31 year old GF was angry this happened recently. The GF before her who was 34 asked me to grow a giant beard and wanted me to get a little chubby so I looked older.

I'd hate to be a single 30+ year old woman but I've had one hell of a time as a 35+ year old man.

 

[Zukkoyaki]

The sheer amount of articles and pieces published almost on a daily basis named something like "Where are all the men?", suggests that there is a problem. Its very clearly pandering to their own audience.

Because we live in a culture war, women will blame men, and vice versa.

At the end of the day, if you are single for a long time and strike out numerously, then the only sensible conclusion is that you are severely overestimating your own sexual market value. But that sort of frank, cold and often cruel introspection is not where our culture is now. Everyone is special, and everyone is great. To suggest anything else means you are a bigot. The blame is on someone else.

Yup. Also...

Anecdotally, I feel like long-term singles who don't want to be single tend to never try dating different kinds of people. They have "their type" or certain things they think they absolutely must have be it race, devoutly religious, hobbies, interests, job field, etc and they continuously go for that even though it isn't working out. There comes a time where everyone needs to open up at least a little bit especially in the world of dating.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Funny anecdote:

A 29 yo recently said I was too old at 39.

I didn't have the heart to remind her that she was almost 30.

 

[cpp_is_king]

Anyone have a link to the thread about the single girl who hung herself? Missed this one

 

[Griss]

Here was the thread about a woman talking about finding a husband at university:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=769292

I remember that. It made me rage pretty hard. Even as a guy with good degrees in two different fields (comp sci and law) and a job in the latter field, the ideas that

a) Dating someone without a degree is some major compromise / unthinkable sacrifice, and
b) The dating plight of college educated women is an important political situation, but the equal sitution non-college educated men find themselves in is barely worth remarking upon

drive me crazy. You want to talk about entitlement in dating? It sounds like a lot of those college-educated girls are entitled as fuck.

Funny anecdote:

A 29 yo recently said I was too old at 39.

I didn't have the heart to remind her that she was almost 30.

Nothing wrong with her not wanting to date a guy a decade older, man. Nothing wrong with that at all. I'm sure she was well aware of her own age.

 

[E92 M3]

Back in the day I did a lot of milf hunting, but always fancied older women. I don't think they're screwed at all.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Nothing wrong with her not wanting to date a guy a decade older, man. Nothing wrong with that at all. I'm sure she was well aware of her own age.

I don't recall saying that she was wrong.

Solid white knighting, tho.