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Assassin’s Creed THE MOVIE |SPOILER THREAD| The Spanish Inquisition (for 35% runtime)

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Toa TAK

Banned
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Directed by Justin Kurzel
Written by Michael Lesslie, Adam Cooper, Bill Collage
Produced by Michael Fassbender and Frank Marshall (there’s a shitton more, but I don’t have the time).
Score by Jesper Kyd Jed Kurzel
Release Date: December 21st 2016
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Welcome to the wild, weird, and often incoherent world of Assassin’s Creed. Here you’ll find that everything you learned about in history class was wrong. Sort of. I mean, some of it was true, but not really. Yeah, the Assassins and Templars did duke it out in the Third Crusade, but not for the reasons you think. Adam and Eve totally disobeyed the big rule and took an apple… but it’s a bit different than what your Sunday school teacher may have described it. Peace is the main goal, but we figure that stuff out through relentlessly stabbing people in the night. This is Assassin’s Creed, the series where everything sounds really intriguing and interesting on the surface… sometimes…

In its first feature length movie (unless you count Lineage, I GUESS) Assassin’s Creed follows the story of Desmond Miles Callum Lynch who is kidnapped by the mega corporation Abstergo Industries (think Google, but somehow more sinister) the modern day Templar Order. Callum is forced into the Animus, a machine that forces him to relive the memories of his ancestors. The ancestor in question is Altair Ibn-Ahad Aguilar de Nerha, an Assassin during the Spanish Inquisition. Guiding Callum through this journey are Lady Macbeth and her father, Alfred, as they seek the almighty artifact—the Apple of Eden. You know, that one fruit mankind shouldn’t have but still want. Makes sense. For fans of the franchise, this is a set-up all too familiar. For newcomers… may God have mercy on your soul.


This nifty chart should help you out. See in human history there was only the Inquisition--then the present.

But never mind all that nonsense. For you see, the true beauty of this series lays in the sense of exploration of historical settings not seen often seen in games, if at all. To bring to screen the story of two warring cults throughout time and space (yes, and space) is going to be fascinating if the historical sections are done well and the modern day is kept to a minimum (though that’s not happening. Guess I have to take what I can get). And who better to bring this clunky-ass story to life than the cast and crew of the recent Macbeth adaptation? Turning a silly premise of genetic-memory of secret time guarding Assassin’s into a blockbuster with an indie touch, Jed Kurzel and Michael Fassbender are leading the charge to prove to the world that maybe, just maybe, now is the time for the world to be given a good video game film. Specifically, the time right after Rogue One comes out. I mean, after all, the filmmakers know what’s at stake here:

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If this doesn’t work out, he can always fall back on the Alien series.


She won’t have to worry about scrubbing blood from her hands this time.


God help you if this movie is bad, Mr. Kurzel.

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There we all were... slumped back in our collective chairs as each one of us stared through our desktop screens, laptops, tablets, phones and other means of internet connection as we clicked on the link to the first ever Assassin’s Creed trailer. For fans, it was a moment come true, for others, it was utter slime, for the rest… they were likely indifferent:
Awful music choice.

And honestly it looks like another PoP - forgettable.
It's like I'm watching a trailer for a straight to dvd schlock from early 2000s
well that music was gross.
lmao y'all are so precious when it comes to trailer music.
Soon enough, wannabe John Ottmans started crawling from the ashes of the comments sections, proving that they, too, had uninspired choices in music and trailer editing. Eager to show how well they can fix trailers, they rose above their peers, holding high their AMVs in a vain effort to restore the Assassin’s Creed brand, since Ubisoft’s marketing department have never used mainstream music choices before. Haven’t heard Ezio’s Family enough? Need more Jesper Kyd (yes, you do) WELL don’t you worry, friend, we’ve got you covered. Here! Here! And here! And sweet Christ, here! Loved that E3 trailer for Assassin’s Creed Revelations? Aren’t tired of the association between Iron and the franchise? I’ve got you. Look at all this perfection. Take notes, Trailer Houses.
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this movie will make far more than warcraft.
Callibretto A.K.A. I’ve never played Assassin’s Creed;203331189 said:
Er... am I supposed to believe he'll survive that final jump just by hitting some hay?
Looks desperate when they have to list Fassbender as the only recognizable person in these movies.
Best video game movie. I'm calling it. Ubisoft being heavily involved will make this bueno.
i wonder if in the movie they'll force Michael Fassbender into Ubi's shitty offices in France when he gets out off the animus
This movie is going to bomb, isn't it?
Looks like a fun sunday evening watch on Netflix
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Remember, this is their milestone film.

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Review Thread
Official Website
Assassin’s Creed Revelations OT Why is this here? Because it’s the best this site is going to give for an Assassin’s Creed OT.

*Credit to Quick for the fancy shmancy images and for just being awesome.
 

ryseing

Member
That Kurzel reply is something else. Holy shit.

I had a feeling this would be bad when they announced the past/present split.

Hey Ubi- NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE PRESENT DAY STORYLINE.
 
Here's a spoiler for you guys! It's got an ending that will be complete sequel bait! But alas! The movie has shit reviews and is going up against Rouge One, which means that it'll most likely bomb and kill Assassin's Creed as a movie franchise!

is this a spoiler if everybody knew this was most likely going to happen?
 

Layell

Member
The big question is Ezio in this?

He is in Spain during Assassin's Creed II: Discovery, and apparently takes place in 1491, so maybe???
 
Apparently it was rumored once upon a time that Robert Downey Jr was going to cameo as Leonardo Di Vinci.

My wife is making me see it with her on Wednesday.
Curious to see if we have an Ezio cameo.
 

Wvrs

Member
Is there a single human being on this earth that plays these games for the modern day shit

I would never say for, but I was very invested in the modern day aspect of the story in the first two games; I thought it was handled very well, not too invasive and brief unless you wanted to explore and dig up some further lore.

But by the time AC3 rolled around it was an absolute mess, they really squandered the (imo pretty interesting) scifi-history mash up potential. I don't even pay attention to it now.
 
Apparently it was rumored once upon a time that Robert Downey Jr was going to cameo as Leonardo Di Vinci.

My wife is making me see it with her on Wednesday.
Curious to see if we have an Ezio cameo.
Nope, unless it was a super-minor reference and I missed it. Christopher Columbus is in, though. For some awful, contrived reason.
 

Remmy2112

Member
Nope, unless it was a super-minor reference and I missed it. Christopher Columbus is in, though. For some awful, contrived reason.

Every Assassins Creed game has had historical figures of the period involved for contrived reasons. If it was a historical figure who was ever around the area the game is geographically set in, within a couple decades of the game's timeframe then odds are they appeared in some form or another, or were at least mentioned. Borgias, Medicis, most every significant figure of the American Revolution, Napoleon, etc etc. The list is very long.
 

black_13

Banned
They should've just did Ezio's story.

But the games story line is quite garbage as well. The story just got more and more ridicules with each game.
 
Because he's clearly the guy to put butts in seats.

The OP is incredible so at least we got that out of this.

Every Assassins Creed game has had historical figures of the period involved for contrived reasons. If it was a historical figure who was ever around the area the game is geographically set in, within a couple decades of the game's timeframe then odds are they appeared in some form or another, or were at least mentioned. Borgias, Medicis, most every significant figure of the American Revolution, Napoleon, etc etc. The list is very long.
Right. I've played many of them. He comes out of nowhere for no reason at the very end of the movie. I would've taken a contrived reason!
 

Xevren

Member
This movie was fucking terrible jesus christ. You can pretty much guess everything that's going to happen so really don't need spoilers. I don't get why they decided to go all retarded with the camera's for fight scenes. Every fight scene in like the first hour, whenever someone went for an attack the camera would switch so you didn't really see anything. So it just switched all over the place, it was more infuriating than shaky cam.

Also the end was really stupid. Fassbender the assassin man takes down Jeremy Irons as he holds the apple after giving a speech to the templars and grand templar hall, lights are down a little bit but after he dies they all just left. Figured I dunno, maybe going after him would be prudent. This whole movie was a fucking mess.

Also female assassin dies, not sure if we're supposed to care because they don't even say her name. Or maybe I just don't remember.

Seriously, this movie is garbo.
 
Great OP and thanks for linking to the review thread. I think the embargo was originally supposed to end later today so there should be more dropping.

This movie was fucking terrible jesus christ. You can pretty much guess everything that's going to happen so really don't need spoilers. I don't get why they decided to go all retarded with the camera's for fight scenes. Every fight scene in like the first hour, whenever someone went for an attack the camera would switch so you didn't really see anything. So it just switched all over the place, it was more infuriating than shaky cam.

Also the end was really stupid. Fassbender the assassin man takes down Jeremy Irons as he holds the apple after giving a speech to the templars and grand templar hall, lights are down a little bit but after he dies they all just left. Figured I dunno, maybe going after him would be prudent. This whole movie was a fucking mess.

Also female assassin dies, not sure if we're supposed to care because they don't even say her name. Or maybe I just don't remember.

Seriously, this movie is garbo.

Oof.
 

luxarific

Nork unification denier
That Kurzel reply is something else. Holy shit.

I had a feeling this would be bad when they announced the past/present split.

Hey Ubi- NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE PRESENT DAY STORYLINE.

Not true. Would love to see more present day in the games as well. Think the series lost something when it lost a named protagonist.
 
Apparently, none of the Alamo Drafthouse theaters are showing this. That was enough to finally make my wife give up on seeing this in theaters.

I went and read the spoilers anyway, and there's really nothing to spoil. It sounds like a big pile of shit.
 
This movie was fucking terrible jesus christ. You can pretty much guess everything that's going to happen so really don't need spoilers. I don't get why they decided to go all retarded with the camera's for fight scenes. Every fight scene in like the first hour, whenever someone went for an attack the camera would switch so you didn't really see anything. So it just switched all over the place, it was more infuriating than shaky cam.

Also the end was really stupid. Fassbender the assassin man takes down Jeremy Irons as he holds the apple after giving a speech to the templars and grand templar hall, lights are down a little bit but after he dies they all just left. Figured I dunno, maybe going after him would be prudent. This whole movie was a fucking mess.

Also female assassin dies, not sure if we're supposed to care because they don't even say her name. Or maybe I just don't remember.

Seriously, this movie is garbo.
Director who isn't accustomed to shooting action + wanting to have your actors attempt stunts = this trash fire.
 

Quick

Banned
I'm 50/50 on the modern day setting in each game. Having just finished AC Unity, I'm glad the game kept it to cutscenes and jumping through the rift.

I think it was best during the Ezio trilogy + AC III with Desmond's story. As flimsy a character as Desmond may seem, I think the ongoing mystery at that time kept it intriguing.

They should've just did Ezio's story.

But the games story line is quite garbage as well. The story just got more and more ridicules with each game.

I'm glad they went for an original idea instead of adapting an existing story, really. If only so whatever positive thoughts I have for Ezio's story isn't tainted.

I'm tempted to watch this to witness the tirefire. But that's $12 down the drain.
 

SURGEdude

Member
Crossing Eden, post if you're okay.

BTW has this dude ever disclosed his relationship with Ubisoft? Looking at his twitter and posts here makes me think he's not coming clean on his relationship with that company.

I can't think of an account on here that does more shilling.
 

Stinkles

Clothed, sober, cooperative
BTW has this dude ever disclosed his relationship with Ubisoft? Looking at his twitter and posts here makes me think he's not coming clean on his relationship with that company.

I can't think of an account on here that does more shilling.

Did someone summon me??!!
 
i paid 10 dollars to see this

That good, huh?

watching this movie was a cross between having your dentist fuck up a root canal and drinking the juices of a ghost pepper through your asshole. i would rather chew on asphalt than watch this shit again.

I'm watching Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas and the Star Wars Christmas Special back to back tomorrow. Which is more painful, AC or what I'm doing?
 
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