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[Zakalwe]

When I was a pre-teen/teenager, I used to get bullied a lot. I was an awkward grunger with awful dress sense and gangs of white teenagers in my local area found me a prime target.

Despite this, I'd cross the street more often when I came across groups of black kids, who had never given me trouble.

That was some bullshit. Sorry for it.

 

[Mook1e]

When I was a pre-teen/teenager, I used to get bullied a lot. I was an awkward grunger with awful dress sense and gangs of white teenagers in my local area found me a prime target.

Despite this, I'd cross the street more often when I came across groups of black kids, who had never given me trouble.

That was some bullshit. Sorry for it.

Don't worry about it, it was probably in their imagination and/or they were no angels. Just ask Ishan.

Edit: They should just get out more! (Thumbs Up!)
Fucking hell

 

[Raiden]

Reading stuff like this always makes me think how easy us white folks have it. I don't think id manage Well with that kinda bullshit.

 

[Zakalwe]

Reading stuff like this always makes me think how easy us white folks have it. I don't think id manage Well with that kinda bullshit.

Knowing how hard it was for me, a white person, growing up I have no fucking idea how POC do it.

Pretty humbling tbh.

 

[g11]

Taking a walk at night, I get stared down by groups and couples as I walk by, and they often go silent.

During the day it's different with the refusal to make eye contact with me and a worried body language.

Few days ago I was walking on a decent sized sidewalk, there was a lady coming in the opposite direction. She decided to walk in the grass as she got closer to me and once she passed I looked back and she was back on the sidewalk. There was plenty of room for us to fit on the sidewalk.

I'm not scary looking or intimidating at all and I had bags from 7/11 in my hand. Was legit shocked. Like you'd rather walk in the dirty grass than pass beside me on the sidewalk? Daaaamn.

I'm a white guy and this happens to me on a nearly daily basis. Granted, it mostly happens when I go for a jog at 5AM. Women especially either cross the street or make distance between themselves and me. I don't really take offense because I'm 6'4 and 210lbs and, well that's probably a little scary to see running at you in the dark when you're a woman. I actually got stopped by the police back in March this year while out jogging around my neighborhood. They said they had complaints of someone knocking on doors and then running away. I told them I did no such thing, they asked if I had seen anyone else out while I was jogging and I said I hadn't but I wasn't really looking for other people either. They asked where I lived and if I had ID on me (I didn't) and I told them and they basically followed me home from a distance afterward.

It doesn't happen too much in the day time, but it does seem like most strangers on the street go out of their way to not make eye contact with me which is funny to me because I think I look like a big dork and not scary, but I guess I do have whatever the male equivalent of resting bitch-face is. I don't naturally smile all the time.

The weirdest one was back when I was just out of college and still looking for full time work and I had taken a part time job delivering the New York Times in the morning. Part of my route was in a gated community of pretty upscale townhouse condos. I'd park by the mailboxes, roll all the papers for the condos and then deliver them. One morning, about 3AM, a cop pulled up behind me and asked for my license and what I was doing there. I explained, showed him my license and offered to call my boss so he could hear from him about why I was parked in this gated community. They spoke for about 20 seconds and the cop seemed satisfied and drove off. And then another cop car drove by. And another. 7 in total. My guess is a resident called about a "suspicious person" sitting parked in a car outside his house or something. I never got confirmation but later that year I got a $300 tip from one of the customers that lived across from where I would park. Easily the biggest tip I ever got. I always wondered if he called the cops and felt guilty about it.

But yeah, I dunno if that makes OP feel any better or anything, but there it is. I'm not discounting the OP's experience or anything or saying "it's not racism", just saying it's happened to me too. Some people seem a little too suspicious of their fellow man if you ask me.

 

[trixx]

Yeah I don't know what to say, I've experienced it before numerous times. Try not to think too much about it.

I remember one time while walking home from work a dude walked straight into me. Weird encounter.

 

[flintstryker]

As a black man I'm overjoyed I grew up in Jamaica, wasn't perfect but I didn't get broken by the shit American system

 

[SomTervo]

I cant even imagine.

I was walking down the street the other day and there were 2 black guys walking towards me. I actually had to cross the street to get where I was going and started crossing the street and it crossed my mind "I wonder if they think I am crossing the street because they were walking towards me?"

I hate shit like this. That good old white guilt. As if it wasn't our fault in the first place.

 

[NoName999]

Good Lord some of the responses here are the epitome of insensitivity. Here's what you should actually say:

"I'm sorry that happened to you, but thank you for being trusting enough to open up to us."

Is it that hard? No whataboutisms, no "suggestions", no "I wish I was this famous person" (seriously what), no "it's all in your head", and no implications that he's lying.

 

[Newline]

As a black man I'm overjoyed I grew up in Jamaica, wasn't perfect but I didn't get broken by the shit American system

I'm mixed race (Jamaican / British) but i've lived my whole life in England. Every few years my dad would fly my siblings and me to Jamaica after explaining that it was important us kids 'had some perspective in our lives'. I really appreciate that he did this now, I got to see that the way things are in England aren't the only way. When things feel hostile living in England I could easily internalise that and see myself as the problem. However I wear my ability to navigate these hostile situations as a badge of honour.

 

[Linkstrikesback]

Few days ago I was walking on a decent sized sidewalk, there was a lady coming in the opposite direction. She decided to walk in the grass as she got closer to me and once she passed I looked back and she was back on the sidewalk. There was plenty of room for us to fit on the sidewalk.

I'm not scary looking or intimidating at all and I had bags from 7/11 in my hand. Was legit shocked. Like you'd rather walk in the dirty grass than pass beside me on the sidewalk? Daaaamn.

I had crap like this happen when I was a teenager; because I dressed like a poor person (shock: was a poor family, disclaimer, am white), people did this junk all the time.
Made me feel like crap whenever it happened; I can't even imagine how bad it is when assholes might be doing it to your whole life, through no fault of your own, so I have sympathy.

The worst I've ever seen of this type of racism was in the little town my parents live in: A couple of black people were sitting at the tables outside of an ice cream place, eating ice cream. Virtually everyone I watched crossed over just to avoid having to walk near them, and a lot of people crossed back over when they were further down. Disgusted me at the time and still does.

 

[Mr. X]

Topic reminds me of this:

We were in the airport and I was waiting in line at the ATM and there was a guy in front of me getting money. I came up and he got nervous, so I went to the side and waited for him to finish. I said to my group of friends, “I don't think white people know how much effort in my day is put into making them feel comfortable.” In general, people don't know how much of my time is dedicated to making them feel comfortable.Maybe it has to do with being older, but I just didn't want to do it anymore. I don't want to make people comfortable all the time.

-Donald Glover

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Gotta learn the art of:

1. Dress an non threatening as possible. I suggest light blue jeans and cross

2. Always always always use you job interview voice. Too much bass scares folks.

3. Pretend to be on the phone talking about game of thrones. People love that show.

All joking aside I feel you and experience the same. But I'm just tatthe point where I don't give a shit how someone else feels. It's an insidious form of social engineering when I'm supposed to be more concerned about the feelings of strangers than my own. Fuck them. Enjoy your walk.

 

[Ultravi0lence]

Sorry to hear that OP. What's even crazier is some of the replies. OP is a liar, OP is mentally ill, white people have it just as bad, that one guy who said wear a suit lmao.

I thought GAF was pretty good at empathy!

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Sorry to hear that OP. What's even crazier is some of the replies. OP is a liar, OP is mentally ill, white people have it just as bad, that one guy who said wear a suit lmao.

I thought GAF was pretty good at empathy!

I think some folks read: "Black people complaining again" and roll their eyes and deep down there's a sense of "quit your bitching other people have it bad too!!!" But they can't quite come out and say it that bluntly here so they skirt around it.

 

[OG Shaka Zulu]

LOL... some of ya'll are beyond parody. Its racism he is experiencing, not anxiety or paranoia!

I'm sorry OP. Going through the same shit too. I stopped going out for a smoke at night because I scare the fuck out of people. There's only so much abruptly/awkwardly crossing the street, fleeing, sprinting, scared to death looks from strangers my Black ass can take.

Now I just smoke illegally in my apartment building. I don't get reminded that I'm a savage criminal and people in the neighborhood can walk freely knowing that a feral beast like me isn't on the prowl. Everyone wins!

 

[old manatee]

youre in the bay area. one of the more accepting places on the planet. stop thinking and just be yourself. If you think ppl hate you youre get into more of that cycle of thinking ppl hate you... just go out be yourself meet ppl and you'll see how many ppl love you and most ppl are chill

Tell that to Oscar Grant.

 

[Deuce Deuce]

Sorry OP, but that's just part of the deal.

Hold your head high and walk tall.

 

[perineumlick]

Good Lord some of the responses here are the epitome of insensitivity. Here's what you should actually say:

"I'm sorry that happened to you, but thank you for being trusting enough to open up to us."

Is it that hard? No whataboutisms, no "suggestions", no "I wish I was this famous person" (seriously what), no "it's all in your head", and no implications that he's lying.

Thank you. Just because you say something ignorant but mean well, doesn't make it any less ignorant.

 

[Cyframe]

I believe that it is.
Prejudice won't disappear, and regardless or whether all of the sources of these slights is real or not, if they've reached the point where this constant piling on of micro-agressions his hindering your ability with the outside world, then it might be advisable to see a professional or work on establishing coping mechanisms on your own.

There's nothing wrong with acknowledging how the stress of living as a minority can lead to mental health related issues or just general changed behaviors.

It isn't. This comment was made a few pages back but I need to talk about this.

As a Black person with depression and anxiety, talking to a doctor about these factors and that racism is a contributing cause of it will 9 times out of 10 be met with a flabbergasted look because race is barely touched on during their studies or residency. If a health care professional is not well versed on race relations they can actually be detrimental.

When suggesting help, if a person cannot immediately mention someone who is a minority themselves or someone who is well versed on microaggressions and how racial stress contributes to things like anxiety, depression, and hypertension it's better off not said.

I don't even want to mention racism in healthcare field either.
-----
To the OP, it sucks, as a Black person myself I've dealt with this and can wear you down sometimes.

EDIT:

So many responses in this thread are a casual dismissal of racism which puts more stress on a minority because they have to prove a litmus test to strangers who don't have the same life experience. This is a great example of well-meaning people making things worse because they haven't thought about the factors at play. Good intentions do not always translate into good advice or results especially when race is a factor

 

[Beefy]

Can't even share experiences of the most casual racism possible without some whatabout nonsense.

^

This

 

[AudioNoir]

I'm sorry you go through this, OP. I'm a medium-sized white girl who's scared to go out after dark for fear that any dude I pass is gonna get handsy.

The shit part is it's not your fault you feel the way you do. It sucks. I hope you can overcome it.

 

[Alligatorjandro]

Yikes

 

[Cimarron]

I don't even want to go to my job because people will immediately disqualify my information and go to the nearest lighter skinned person just to be told the same thing.

It's just annoying.

THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE!!! I work in a technical field and this happens to me all the god damn time! Its not just my current job. Other jobs I have had as well.

 

[Supha_Volt]

Sorry OP that is some bullshit to be happening to you... Can empathize with all of this, it's why I stopped walking to work because I would get mean looks and stared at all the way from my house until I got to work. It's the same old shit at work too because plenty of my coworkers won't look me in the eye and talk to me or will avoid me in the hallway and one on one situations.

 

[jchap]

Embrace the power of being able to force weak minded people to the other side of the street and off of your sidewalks.

 

[Two Words]

i am completely within my rights and my legitimate opinion to disagree with op without being someone who doesnt get complex race issues. i can get those issues and still disagree with op. If you dont get that thats your problem

What the hell does "rights" have to do with not getting complex race issues? You clearly don't get it if you doubt OP.

i said he/she could be over stating and over reacting. I did not call him/her a liar reread my posts.

edit: and i said i dont believe the blanket statement op is as kind a person as op believes . which is a very reasonable. we all sometimes think the best of ourselves many a times wrongly.

Oh look, somebody doubting that a black person is as innocent as he says he is for no good reason at all. That isn't surprising to see. All OP said is that he is a helpful person. Apparently that is so hard to believe because reasons.

 

[Unbounded]

SF/Bay Area

I wouldn't have expected this at all. I always assumed SF was one of the more accepting places in the US, no?

 

[Gordon Shumway]

Well..this is a fun thread..😃

 

[fredrancour]

I wouldn't have expected this at all. I always assumed SF was one of the more accepting places in the US, no?

A ton of yuppies grew up in white suburban bubbles and don't know how to deal with people from different backgrounds. being more tolerant of gay people doesn't really help with oblivious privilege turning into casual racism

 

[Phoenix RISING]

I wouldn't have expected this at all. I always assumed SF was one of the more accepting places in the US, no?

Oh my goodness. Gays in the US are not suddenly racially tolerant because they're gay.

Remember that a white person can be gay, but they can't be black. The two have nothing to do with each other.

 

[Unbounded]

A ton of yuppies grew up in white suburban bubbles and don't know how to deal with people from different backgrounds. being more tolerant of gay people doesn't really help with oblivious privilege turning into casual racism

Ah. I didn't know much about SF besides having a bit of an impression that the entire area was generally more progressive. Good to know.

Oh my goodness. Gays in the US are not suddenly racially tolerant because they're gay.

Remember that a white person can be gay, but they can't be black. The two have nothing to do with each other.

Where the hell did I even imply this!?

 

[jph139]

I wouldn't have expected this at all. I always assumed SF was one of the more accepting places in the US, no?

Everywhere in America is racist. Even in the most liberal cities in America, 20% (or more) people voted for Trump, and a vast majority of those left over aren't exactly going to BLM rallies.

A majority of Americans outright don't care for black people. And of those left over, a majority still have that inborn prejudice that manifests itself unconsciously - the "so well spoken" kind of racism.

I'd reckon a majority of the people reacting to OP aren't doing so out of malice or hatred but the sort of deep-set ignorance and insensitivity that you can't just rationalize away.

 

[Jindrax]

Can confirm. Belgium here.
Helped a colleague move yesterday, I was wearing a tracksuit. I had 4 seats for myself on a crowded bus on the weekend because apparently I look dangerous...

 

[Forerunner]

I haven’t experienced this, but I’m biracial (black/white), so I’m lighter skinned. Random people are very friendly and open with me. People will just start conversations with me out of the blue. That being said, if I was darker I’d probably face a lot more casual racism.

 

[Messofanego]

Maybe OP is lying, maybe OP he has an anxiety disorder and is overthinking it, I mean San Francisco Bay Area should have no casual racism/microaggressions in it, maybe it's not racism because I as a non-black person have also experienced these things.

Or maybe we should check ourselves before jumping to such hypothetical whataboutism when sometimes like Occam's Razor, it's just racism.

Accept that these microaggressions when it's between different races is usually racism. Racism ingrained in the subtle and most implicit of ways because we've been conditioned from a young age through media to certain stereotypes and need to actively inhibit our judgmental instincts.

Not everything needs to be given the benefit of the doubt.

 

[Cyanity]

As a white person in the US. This thread is making me depressed. As it should. This country has serious issues and the only thing I can really do to help is slap a BLM logo on my jacket and call out insensitivity when I see it. I wish I could do more.

 

[Slayven]

Ishran's responses are a good example of why minorities get tired of talking about racism. Because it starts at dismissal and ends with accusations.

Like the scene in X-Men when ice man's parents ask if he tried not being a mutant.

 

[commedieu]

This thread should be a lesson for people of color.

Motherfucking op is damn near told that what's happening to him is swamp gas. OUT OF THE GATE.

You can complain all you want about racism. Until other people give a damn to acknowledge it, and demand change for their own fellow man/tax paying citizen, fuck all is going to happen.

It's crazy that the 100% of people posting will admit there is racism in the world. Or that the USA has race issues, but only 4%, if that, will ever admit that a person is experiencing it. There's always a more likely scenario, than flat out racism. We have data, but still. Some anecdote must whitesplain racism away.

Also had to be noted that this is one of the few "both sides" issues. I guarantee you a lot of these responses are from folks that would call themselves liberal..

 

[Synless]

Question from a white guy... are you just being paranoid? I stare at everyone in some capacity no matter what they look like, race, etc... at the same time, I feel like everyone is staring at me and can visibly see it myself.

Regarding above post, I'm not saying it isn't racism, but I am saying doesn't everyone feel like they are being stared at? I am also saying I do stare at everyone, it isn't because I am judging, it's just what I do.

 

[Jintor]

Question from a white guy... are you just being paranoid? I stare at everyone in some capacity no matter what they look like, race, etc... at the same time, I feel like everyone is staring at me and can visibly see it myself.

Read the thread mate

 

[Synless]

Read the thread mate

I read the OP, what am I missing?

 

[Jintor]

I read the OP, what am I missing?

The rest of the thread where people talk about the exact question you asked

 

[commedieu]

Question from a white guy... are you just being paranoid? I stare at everyone in some capacity no matter what they look like, race, etc... at the same time, I feel like everyone is staring at me and can visibly see it myself.

Honest question:

You see there is an entire list. Does that entire list = paranoia to you? That many other posters have also said happens to them as well.

What is your gee-golly-honest inspiration to isolate one thing op has said, and assign possible paranoia to it?

Why are you picking one thing to chime in about?

 

[Enzom21]

I read the OP, what am I missing?

Read more than just the OP.
Hell, the answer to your question was in the OP.

 

[Synless]

Honest question:

You see there is an entire list. Does that entire list = paranoia to you? That many other posters have also said happens to them as well.

What is your gee-golly-honest inspiration to isolate one thing op has said, and assign possible paranoia to it?

Why are you picking one thing to chime in about?

It's a legitimate question to ask. If it's been clarified at this point, I could then ask other questions. It's his opinion and experience of how he feels. I am saying I feel the same way but I'm not brown skinned and view it myself as a type of paranoia.

Read more than just the OP.
Hell, the answer to your question was in the OP.

Well, reading it a second time and noticing the part where he hears people talk about him has changed my original question. It's obvious it's not paranoia now. Let's be rude because I missed a key sentence though.

 

[commedieu]

It's a legitimate question to ask. If it's been clarified at this point, I could then ask other questions. It's his opinion and experience of how he feels. I am saying I feel the same way but I'm not brown skinned and view it myself as a type of paranoia.

This doesn't make sense. As there is an entire list of issues that the combination creates a response from op. Inherently, any one thing extracted from the list could be experienced by individuals.

Ignoring that it's a combination, and projecting your own feelings onto one item is dishonest and insulting. The person is experiencing a full spectrum of racism.

Your first response is to call them paranoid.

Edit:

And don't play the victim here. You were asked if you read the op. You said you did. Multiple times.

So you couldn't even be bothered to read the op, yet, Dr.YOU, knows what time it is. And it could be paranoia.

 

[Oxn]

These situations literally happen to every male on a daily basis.

And i find it funny all the white guys have to identify themselves as white guys in their post.

Edit: im not a white guy.

 

[Synless]

This doesn't make sense. As there is an entire list of issues that the combination creates a response from op. Inherently, any one thing extracted from the list could be experienced by individuals.

Ignoring that it's a combination, and projecting your own feelings onto one item is dishonest and insulting. The person is experiencing a full spectrum of racism.

Your first response is to call them paranoid.

Not once did I call the OP paranoid, I asked. Completely different.

These situations literally happen to every male on a daily basis.

And i find it funny all the white guys have to identify themselves as white guys in their post.

Edit: im not a white guy.

I labeled myself that way so someone could explain to me as I wouldn't obviously understand. Nothing funny about it. Obviously the OP is dealing with something different than what I feel when I go out.

 

[NintendoGal]

Maybe OP is lying, maybe OP he has an anxiety disorder and is overthinking it, I mean San Francisco Bay Area should have no casual racism/microaggressions in it, maybe it's not racism because I as a non-black person have also experienced these things.

Or maybe we should check ourselves before jumping to such hypothetical whataboutism when sometimes like Occam's Razor, it's just racism.

Accept that these microaggressions when it's between different races is usually racism. Racism ingrained in the subtle and most implicit of ways because we've been conditioned from a young age through media to certain stereotypes and need to actively inhibit our judgmental instincts.

Not everything needs to be given the benefit of the doubt.

Racism is clearly there, however in addition to that and as someone who just was told she has social anxiety, can that amplify things? I was thinking how bad my hands get sweaty just thinking of a crowded normal situation.

I am NOT saying this is anxiety to be clear here, I am asking if that can make that worse or does it impact how a psychologist would approach the situation if it was an additional circumstance? A topic I might bring up to my own now to see if she does have experience with this.

Obviously I can only empathize, which is why I'm asking questions since I only have experienced one half of the equation (anxiety).

I do think it's shitty that you can't just be you though OP, especially here. I also hope you're not my neighbor who I glanced quickly at last night late in the evening as we were unloading our car, didn't think it was a long stare, but if it was me (I know the chances are slim!) I apologize!