MutantCyborg
Member
I ended up texting this girl today and haven't received a response yet, I'm done texting her unless she responds. I'll see her on Monday, should I ask her again then?
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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I ended up texting this girl today and haven't received a response yet, I'm done texting her unless she responds. I'll see her on Monday, should I ask her again then?
HarryHengst
Member
I would give it one more shot in person. It can be annoying if people dont always have their phone at hand, but people managed it for centuries, so i wouldnt give up on a cute girl just because she is bad at texting back.
Comedy option: send her a telegram.
MutantCyborg
Member
Lol, sounds like a plan! Now if I only had her address...
Atramental
Banned
Have you ever had a verbal conversation with someone about a subject that you were totally passionate about?
And during that conversation was your speech (and thoughts) fast or slow?
Slow, unless I already knew what I was gonna say.
Vermillion
Banned
I kinda miss debate team for that alone...
TBH, I've never had a meaningful conversation with a female about any interest. It's always generic stuff. One day...
Atramental
Banned
I'm no expert in speech and how it relates to autism but when I was a child I had to go to a speech therapist because I mumbled my words a lot and talked rather slowly. (I still do this to some degree when I'm tired or nervous)
And I don't remember exactly all the verbal exercises I had to do but what I do remember is that I had to do those exercises on a fairly consistent basis.
I think with anything (speech included) the more you do it the better you will become at it. Also, observing and modeling after other people who are good at speaking might help as well.
Atramental
Banned
Having generic/meaningless conversations is just a normal part of life. I have generic conversations with both guys and girls all the time because there's only so many people out there that can relate to me on a deeper level.
But I've also found that some people can become interested in what you are interested in if you define it in terms that they can relate to and understand.
Vermillion
Banned
Meh, Most of the females I've met are pretty generic. If not, they're already with someone/interested in playing games.
Hah. Some of my black friends are talking about how white girls here are afraid of black guys. I kind of feel like that's true to a degree, but I imagine my friends are just creepy. I mean, I've had some limited success.
Hah. Some of my black friends are talking about how white girls here are afraid of black guys. I kind of feel like that's true to a degree, but I imagine my friends are just creepy. I mean, I've had some limited success.
Almond
Member
Is there an appropriate way to tell someone you're not interested, especially if it's someone you could be seeing a lot of? I'll be going back to school this summer after taking a break and I want to be prepared this time, since it hasn't gone smoothly in the past.
EDIT: Maybe this was a bad place to ask? I wasn't trying to offend anyone. I'm just trying to work on some things and I'm not sure what to do.
EDIT: Maybe this was a bad place to ask? I wasn't trying to offend anyone. I'm just trying to work on some things and I'm not sure what to do.
I don't know about that. I think it would be rather awkward/scary to approach an attractive girl on an inner city subway at midnight, for example.
Vermillion
Banned
This is true.
I want to make a Ted Bundy joke but I feel that would be inappropriate. Anyways, no there isn't the perfect moment but there are of course a lot of wrong moments. The thing to takeaway from all of this is that timing is a bitch.
Can you list these wrong moments for me? I've already got one down, apparently.
Anything involving physical or mental harm having just occurred to said girl would probably constitute as a wrong moment.
To find the right moment you have to feel the situation out. Often times it will smack you in the face when you least expect it, and you either run with it or you mess it up. To not mess it up, just remain confident and interesting.
I'm not sure how to go about listing wrong moments, because any time other than the right moment is the wrong moment (by definition...lol).
AdventureRacing
Member
Because it doesn't exist and waiting for that oppurtunity is just an excuse not to approach them.
Errr... so when do you approach? Those all seem like good as opportunities as any. Girls are always with their friends, and if they are studying on a computer or at their job they are obviously bored out of their minds.
Right. She might actually appreciate you coming up to her and giving her a short break from her job or whatever she's doing on the computer. It shows that you can take the initiative to show your interest.
Vermillion
Banned
I know what he's talking about, and I don't want to bother them. They're there to study, and I could take the time to try and start a conversation, but that's only taking them away from their work.
AdventureRacing
Member
What are you doing in the library in the first place? Just ask them what they're doing, who knows if you're lucky it may be something you know about.
I have met plenty of girls in that setting (admittedly they were studying the same course as me and i ran study groups which made it easy).
It's not a great spot to meet women so i'm not sure why it's being singled out anyway. Instead of focusing on places that aren't good to talk to women it might work better to think about where you can talk to them.
That's sort of hard since I don't normally hang out where women gather.
I have a friend who makes it his life goal to try and pick up women in unlikely spots, or at least in place people don't normally think of when trying to hit on somebody like the line in a bank or something like that. He also says that if you're a shy person it's good to talk to three different people each day to try and break your timidness and get you talking with many people.
AdventureRacing
Member
I think maybe that's the problem you need to solve rather than how to pick up women at the library. Where do you tend to hang out?
TurboLibre
Member
What if you're physically shy? Talking has always been easy for me. Even if I'm bad at initiating I'm good at drawing people into my conversations. Escalating, now that's always been an issue. You guys preach that kino stuff, but that falls flat when you're the one that's not comfortable getting close.
You're bad at going up to somebody then? His little practice advice isn't limited to just girls/guys you think are cute, it's for any person. You make an observation and then ask somebody near by about it. The problem for most people is keeping that conversation going but for you it doesn't seem to be that so I don't see the problem here. This is especially easy if you're talking to somebody at their job. The other day I was talking to the cashier at a sushi place I went to, I made a small joke about how this time there were two cooks instead of one and that's how it started. It wasn't because I had a sexual interest in the cashier it was just small talk to get me to open up more easily.
AdventureRacing
Member
You start out with physical contact that is in no way really sexual. Usually i'll incorporate into a story or something i'm telling them and it usually isn't anything more than just putting my hand on their shoulder or leg. Or i'll point something about about their body, usually their hand and i'll touch it to show them what i'm talking about (could be their finger nails, you can even make a joke and pretend to read their palm that seems to work alright).
There's no need to really rush things either unless you're just trying to pick up at a nightclub or something.
I've had 2 situations like this present themselves to me and both were easy to handle as they were video game related. One of them had a tattoo on her wrist which was from the most recent zelda game (so i just asked her about it and went from there). The other was into sonic and i happened to be wearing my sonic shirt which got us talking (she ended up inviting me to come around with her friends who get together and play games). Couldn't believe my luck really.
TurboLibre
Member
I am, but I have ways around that. My conversations are very lively and fun, so I frequently find people joining in. If not I draw them in by asking for their opinion. Works very well.
Well my point is I don't like touching people, so this touch on the leg stuff just isn't comfortable for me. Mainly because I can't tell if they want to be touched or not, and I can't bring myself to get into the "Push forward until they resist" attitude society expects men to have.
I can sort of understand this, the easiest way is to touch a person in a sort of neutral part of their body, the best example being the shoulder.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Triceps/upper arm is clutch.
Never heard the slang clutch before, but if it means what I think it means then yes upper arm is another good example.
Sanky Panky
Banned
It's ok to feel like you do, as long as you recognize that you searching for the "ideal situation" is just a defense mechanism to avoid rejection at all costs.
The more you face rejection, the more comfortable you will become. Just approach a girl and comment on something she's doing. If it doesn't flow naturally, that person is no good for a relationship anyways.
DualShadow
Member
I always use the hand size thing because apparently I have big hands and then I can have a few friendly jabs at her for having "tiny" hands.
AdventureRacing
Member
I've never had that attitude and i've never had any problem.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Where are your normal hang-outs? Where do you go in your spare time or with your buddies?
"Hang out at home watching tv/playing games" is not an acceptable answer. Me and my friends have been doing that for the last few years since we started high school, only in this past year have we been forcing ourselves to actually go out into the city and do new/interesting things.
If you need to be ushered out into the world at gunpoint, I'm willing to aid you in that regard. You know, if you're near where I live.
Then just ask her out.
No, just ask her out.
Friend recently broke up (2 months ago) with his girlfriend (another friend of mine, met her through him).
They've been together nearly 3 years, and after a 'break' period, she finally came out and said that it should be really over. I feel for him, and I want to help him out - it wasn't really his decision so he's taking it a bit rough. Better than I think I would in that situation, but rough none the less.
Right now I am trying to get him to focus on himself, to think about him time, and to eventually down the line take him out and try to upsell this 'single life' thing he has going on. Although I know he'd much rather be at home with a girl, still something I gotta try.
I'm nervous though because he seems to be putting some emphasis on a hope that they'll get back together. And, yeah - that's normal, and I don't want to be a cynic and dash his dreams or anything, but I also don't want to see him try to talk to her in a month and get smashed down again. Not really sure what to do. I'm one of the only friends he feels comfy talking to about this, so obviously I am taking this as a real important responsibility.
I've told him things like, make sure you focus on yourself, one of the best things you can do is to put her on the backburner (at least) and think about positive things you can get out of this opportunity. God, a part of me wants to get him laid, just to nudge him in a direction away from his ex... but I don't know if that would do any good, companionship means a lot to him - much more so than sex.
Sigh, this is hard, I think the best bet is OKC, and I know the concept is mildly appealing to him, but... I can't force him, can I?
They've been together nearly 3 years, and after a 'break' period, she finally came out and said that it should be really over. I feel for him, and I want to help him out - it wasn't really his decision so he's taking it a bit rough. Better than I think I would in that situation, but rough none the less.
Right now I am trying to get him to focus on himself, to think about him time, and to eventually down the line take him out and try to upsell this 'single life' thing he has going on. Although I know he'd much rather be at home with a girl, still something I gotta try.
I'm nervous though because he seems to be putting some emphasis on a hope that they'll get back together. And, yeah - that's normal, and I don't want to be a cynic and dash his dreams or anything, but I also don't want to see him try to talk to her in a month and get smashed down again. Not really sure what to do. I'm one of the only friends he feels comfy talking to about this, so obviously I am taking this as a real important responsibility.
I've told him things like, make sure you focus on yourself, one of the best things you can do is to put her on the backburner (at least) and think about positive things you can get out of this opportunity. God, a part of me wants to get him laid, just to nudge him in a direction away from his ex... but I don't know if that would do any good, companionship means a lot to him - much more so than sex.
Sigh, this is hard, I think the best bet is OKC, and I know the concept is mildly appealing to him, but... I can't force him, can I?
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
You could go 'Romantic Comedy' mode and make a profile for him and try and set something up and then surprise him out of the blue with "Hey dude, you got a date, she'll be here in 20, shower and suit up."
HarryHengst
Member
Im not sure if pushing a friend towards new girls only 2 months after a rough breakup is a great idea. Maybe its just me, but my rule of thumb is to expect to need a week for each month the relationship lasted, to get over it. So a 3 year relationship would need like 6-7 months to fully get over it.
Sure, some guys use new girls to get over an ex-girlfriend. But from what you say im afraid that, even if you set him up with a date, he will only start talking about his ex and how he hopes they get back together. :lol
Sure, some guys use new girls to get over an ex-girlfriend. But from what you say im afraid that, even if you set him up with a date, he will only start talking about his ex and how he hopes they get back together. :lol
hawkshockey11
Banned
Turns out my ex is torn between 2 guys one of them being a person on the Syracuse NCAA basketball team and future NBA player. I am seriously not even mad that she slept with him, I kind of want to give her a big high five.
Also this knowledge somehow makes me feel better. She is moved on and I feel ok with that.
Also this knowledge somehow makes me feel better. She is moved on and I feel ok with that.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
Sorry you got ignored in the flow of the thread. While I have little advice to offer you, I can at least try to get the others' attention.
If that's allowed.
Vermillion
Banned
Black guys, help.
I don't want to make excuses or whatever, but are there any (relatively dark) black people who can confirm it would not be that difficult to land girls of other races?
My friends note that I am "African dark" and that I would have to work significantly harder to get a white girl, for example, than a black girl.
So...?
I don't want to make excuses or whatever, but are there any (relatively dark) black people who can confirm it would not be that difficult to land girls of other races?
My friends note that I am "African dark" and that I would have to work significantly harder to get a white girl, for example, than a black girl.
So...?
Slayer-33
Liverpool-2
Sorry but the way you wrote this stuff made me crack up bro lol, I hope you get a response.
HarryHengst
Member
Well, its samples came from online dating, so it might not accurately reflect real life dating, but okcupid has a blog post about it: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/
Basically, yes, as anything but a white male you are facing worse odds.
Vermillion
Banned
Bad with words today...
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