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[Houston3000]

I need some good second date ideas. I have a long history of second dates that don't transition into third dates and I think it's because my second dates end up being boring.

For a first date I almost always like to meet at a bar and go get a nice desert somewhere. Dinner is usually in the agenda as well. I know that might seem typical and "boring" but it really works for me, at least as far as getting a second date is concerned. Now, if by the end of that first date I'm making out with the girl than the second date is usually a breeze... but not every girl kisses on the first date, especially a lot of the girls I end up liking the most. I went on this great date on Friday with a girl that I think seems really cool. We never got inot kissing but I definitely had a lot of fun and she seems to have as well - we continued chatting back and forth over the weekend and yesterday so far. I told her I was going to take her out again during the date and she seemed cool with it but now I want to officially extend the offer and I'm drawing a blank for something to do that won't totally blow my chances.

We jokingly talked about eating at Burger King for our next date but I honestly can't imagine doing that. I often-times suggest the movie theater but that seems like the boring typical idea

Spoiler

especially if we're not going to make out for half the show

. It's lately been too uncomfortably cold to do anything outside and I hate to just go to a bar/restaurant for a second time in a row. Some girls I'm able to schedule the second date during a holiday (July 4th was fun last year) or around a particular interest (successfully took one girl to a comic book shop, one girl to museum) but I'm not sure I have anything in mind for this one that I'm sure she'd be a fan of. She's a huge board game geek (not talking Monopoly or Scrabble here) but I know nothing about those type of board games nor know a place to go to play them.

I don't know guys, any GENERAL tips? Especially if you're in NYC.

 

[Klyka]

Did anyone ever see pictures of Combine?
I wonder what you have to look like to hate yourself that much.

 

[Johnlenham]

Did anyone ever see pictures of Combine?
I wonder what you have to look like to hate yourself that much.

Nope but im fairly sure he got banned to sort his life out last time and now hes back its pretty much exactly the same situation of:
him saying something - loads of people giving pointers/advice- he ignores it or makes excuses for everything. Rinse and repeat.

I dont mean to be an asshole to him it just winds me up that someone can be so self sabotaging and negative even with so much help.

If you want to make friends you will damn well do what it takes to change.ANYTHING.

If you dont want to put all the effort in your being into it then stop posting about it and live with it. Theres no grey area fall into as the only person that can do it is you.

 

[Danj]

Even if you're broke, why should that stop you from dating? Just be creative with your dates and what you and your person of interest do on them.

The trouble is, you need money in order to start doing the types of activities in which you are likely to meet people in the first place. Well except online dating sites of course but that seems like rather a long shot, I've had a profile up on OKCupid for a while now and gotten nowhere.

 

[Combine]

I like any other Gaffer in this thread would like to see you make some kind of progress instead of wallowing in self-despair and pity be it sitting in a bar for 10 minutes; any kind of small progress. It's the same reason you were banned in the first place. You can do it; you just don't believe you can.

How is something like that progress though? I did exactly that for a while, almost a year, and didn't get one friend out of it. And yeah, I got banned, and went and tried to do things, but nothing ever came out of it. What is measurable progress with this stuff anyway? How do you go from point A to point B? Is there a moment when you finally reach a point where you can say "I've finally accomplished this! I made a friend!" (hell, how do you even know if you've made a friend anyway?).

Nope but im fairly sure he got banned to sort his life out last time and now hes back its pretty much exactly the same situation of:
him saying something - loads of people giving pointers/advice- he ignores it or makes excuses for everything. Rinse and repeat.

I dont mean to be an asshole to him it just winds me up that someone can be so self sabotaging and negative even with so much help.

Again, I'm sorry that my posts are coming across negative. I'm not feeling too negative about myself these past few days. But I'm just stating facts. Again, can't help that those facts don't paint a pretty picture. Though I am a bit miffed by your assertion that I'm ignoring help. Part of me even would say that this online stuff doesn't really count as far as actually "helping" someone. It doesn't take much effort after all. If you can tell me that you'd actually help someone in person then that changes things. So far, no one has offered to help me in that regard.

 

[GiJoccin]

I need some good second date ideas. I have a long history of second dates that don't transition into third dates and I think it's because my second dates end up being boring.
I don't know guys, any GENERAL tips? Especially if you're in NYC.

I usually do drinks first date, maybe some light food thrown in there (no dinner). Dinner second date. Both dates involve good amounts of booze... dinner second date with a bottle of wine + maybe a cool bar afterwards... there are SO many options in NYC that just because you're doing dinner and/or drinks again doesn't mean it's the same thing.

check out a cool fancy-ish bar or themed bar... maybe a boardgame bar - for post dinner? maybe if you want to mix it up, you can do a picnic with the weather being nice - there are lots of options to get picnic-y food... and lots of picnic spots. Alternatively you can pick a cooler restaurant, maybe some kind of korean/japanese bbq, or a tapas place, that involves more sharing.

also, just an observation, but i was at whole foods tribeca last friday night studying, and noticed that it was filled up with board game peoples, not sure if that's a weekly thing, or if it'd necessarily be a good date place.

 

[MutantCyborg]

I have a quick question and one not so quick.

Do people honestly just get caught up in doing things that they forget(or don't) to text people back? It would never happen to me, but that is just the type of person I am. A girl who I have interest in, and who was showing interest, hasn't text me back from my offer to take her out to dinner Sunday night. She seemed positive in the idea that I would take her out when I got her number and talked for a while later that night. A mutual friend of ours warned me beforehand that she doesn't carry her phone a lot, but I wasn't thinking it was this bad.

I haven't texted her since Saturday night when I asked her, so that makes it three days without contact between us. I was thinking of asking her if she is free anytime this week today or tomorrow, should I just wait for a text back and if I don't get it, forget about her? Should I text her again today?

Now for a quick question: Living in a town where there is absolutely nothing to do, how do you find date ideas? When I say nothing to do I literally mean bowling or restaurants. I am about 30 minutes from Philly, but I can't afford parking if I would take my dates there all the time.

 

[EviLore]

Part of me even would say that this online stuff doesn't really count as far as actually "helping" someone. It doesn't take much effort after all. If you can tell me that you'd actually help someone in person then that changes things. So far, no one has offered to help me in that regard.

After hundreds of instances of people trying to help you through your problems, threads getting derailed to focus entirely on you for months at a time, and people legitimately caring, that's a really awful thing to say.

Goodbye, Combine.

 

[Jhoan]

Did anyone ever see pictures of Combine?
I wonder what you have to look like to hate yourself that much.

Nope but im fairly sure he got banned to sort his life out last time and now hes back its pretty much exactly the same situation of:
him saying something - loads of people giving pointers/advice- he ignores it or makes excuses for everything. Rinse and repeat.

To answer both of your questions, yes there are pics of Combine on GAF and they're right here in the Bay Area GAF Meet up thread in February (Devolution's pics). People were even cheering him on in that thread (including myself) but yet he refused to acknowledge it and took it like a bad thing.

She's a huge board game geek (not talking Monopoly or Scrabble here) but I know nothing about those type of board games nor know a place to go to play them.

I don't know guys, any GENERAL tips? Especially if you're in NYC.

I found a couple of links for you pertaining to bars where you could play board games at. I don't know of any date ideas other than the museum, pool, walking around Midtown/Union Square, or a park. The links I found are the following (Try playing Sorry, Life, Parcheesi, or Mousetrap):
http://www.timeout.com/newyork/things-to-do/bars-with-board-games
http://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc=board+games&find_loc=New+York%2C+NY

There's several bars that have board games available to play that might be of interest. I hope this helps and good luck on that date. My bro's been in similar rut himself.

EDIT: Thank you EviLore; I was hoping you'd do it. He seriously needs help. I just don't think posting on GAF was going to do him any favors.

 

[Klyka]

I'd hang out with the guy, but I live an ocean away.

Good call on the ban though, gives him time to do stuff again instead of walloping in self pity here.

 

[Atramental]

Again, I'm sorry that my posts are coming across negative. I'm not feeling too negative about myself these past few days. But I'm just stating facts. Again, can't help that those facts don't paint a pretty picture. Though I am a bit miffed by your assertion that I'm ignoring help. Part of me even would say that this online stuff doesn't really count as far as actually "helping" someone. It doesn't take much effort after all. If you can tell me that you'd actually help someone in person then that changes things. So far, no one has offered to help me in that regard.

That's horse shit, Combine.

Pure and utter horse shit.

 

[Vermillion]

It's sad, really...

 

[Houston3000]

I usually do drinks first date, maybe some light food thrown in there (no dinner). Dinner second date. Both dates involve good amounts of booze... dinner second date with a bottle of wine + maybe a cool bar afterwards... there are SO many options in NYC that just because you're doing dinner and/or drinks again doesn't mean it's the same thing.

check out a cool fancy-ish bar (i've been to Abraco and loved it) or themed bar... maybe a boardgame bar - for post dinner? maybe if you want to mix it up, you can do a picnic with the weather being nice - there are lots of options to get picnic-y food... and lots of picnic spots. Alternatively you can pick a cooler restaurant, maybe some kind of korean/japanese bbq, or a tapas place, that involves more sharing.

one of my favorite dates is a light dinner (in brooklyn - past ones have been at frankie's or lucali) => the jalopy in brooklyn for free live music (on a wednesday), just for an idea

also, just an observation, but i was at whole foods tribeca last friday night studying, and noticed that it was filled up with board game peoples, not sure if that's a weekly thing, or if it'd necessarily be a good date place.

I found a couple of links for you pertaining to bars where you could play board games at. I don't know of any date ideas other than the museum, pool, walking around Midtown/Union Square, or a park. The links I found are the following (Try playing Sorry, Life, Parcheesi, or Mousetrap):
http://www.timeout.com/newyork/things-to-do/bars-with-board-games
http://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc=board+games&find_loc=New+York%2C+NY

There's several bars that have board games available to play that might be of interest. I hope this helps and good luck on that date. My bro's been in similar rut himself.

EDIT: Thank you EviLore; I was hoping you'd do it. He seriously needs help. I just don't think posting on GAF was going to do him any favors.

Well, yeah... I mean I go to dinner for second dates quite often. I mean, most of my dates are at night because of my work schedule so it's almost a given just so we don't starve. I'm basically just trying to get some brainstorming going on for some cool ideas that people might have in this area outside that. Picnics and shit are cool but when it's 40 degrees and windy is simply uncomfortable. Then it rains and it's impossible. If it's nice out I love taking a girl somewhere nice outside, I just doubt it will be this week but maybe I'll be lucky.

Boardgame bars are awesome for dates but they have shit like Scrabble, Checkers, maybe Risk or Life if you're lucky. This girl is into the niche stuff, the complicated board games that usually resemble D&D more than Clue (look at something like Boardgame-GAF) - you need to join Meet-up groups or go to Comic Shops for stuff like that if you don't have a group of friends playing them. Almost feel like it would be offensive to go to one of these bars for a second date, "hey I heard you like board games so let's play Monopoly", when she was showing me all these crazy games on Amazon where you have storytellers and walk around houses and shit while playing.

My last ditch idea is some really interesting cool restaurant bar and then trying to convince her to take a stroll through one of the nice parks or see a movie.

 

[Klyka]

Saw the pics of Combine.
Dude has really interesting features around the eyes.

 

[RawPower]

Combine isn't a bad looker at all, imo. He just needs more confidence.

I'd hang out with the guy, but I live an ocean away.

Good call on the ban though, gives him time to do stuff again instead of walloping in self pity here.

It's probably permanent this time.

 

[Houston3000]

Saw the pics of Combine.
Dude has really interesting features around the eyes.

The sad thing about all of this is he's really a normal (not bad) looking guy. Serious image issues

 

[Jhoan]

Well, yeah... I mean I go to dinner for second dates quite often. I mean, most of my dates are at night because of my work schedule so it's almost a given just so we don't starve. I'm basically just trying to get some brainstorming going on for some cool ideas that people might have in this area outside that. Picnics and shit are cool but when it's 40 degrees and windy is simply uncomfortable. Then it rains and it's impossible. If it's nice out I love taking a girl somewhere nice outside, I just doubt it will be this week but maybe I'll be lucky.

Boardgame bars are awesome for dates but they have shit like Scrabble, Checkers, maybe Risk if you're lucky. This girl is into the niche stuff, the complicated board games that usually resemble D&D more than Clue (look at something like Boardgame-GAF) - you need to join Meet-up groups or go to Comic Shops for stuff like that if you don't have a group of friends playing them.

My last ditch idea is some really interesting cool restaurant bar and then trying to convince her to take a stroll through one of the nice parks or see a movie.

It's gonna be in the 60s all week long so you could figure something out. I think she likes you enough that you don't even have to seek out these "hardcore board game" meet ups that would have board games that she's into. I understand that you're scared of losing her, but it's not a big deal. Doesn't she have any board games that you can play somewhere e.g. her place or a public place where you can play it at?

Hell, even playing something as basic as Risk would good enough; it's common ground for both of you; you the non-board game fan, she the hardcore board game nerd. If you really wanna go out of your way to impress this chick, then go on the dates that you like going on. It's your call man.

 

[GiJoccin]

Picnics and shit are cool but when it's 40 degrees and windy is simply uncomfortable. Then it rains and it's impossible. If it's nice out I love taking a girl somewhere nice outside, I just doubt it will be this week but maybe I'll be lucky.

? 60 and sunny this weekend

*edit* i don't know if i'd go in search of hardcore board games so early on - it's only the second date, find more things in common through just hanging out with her unless she said she wants to play these board games with you. i'm sure she'd think it's sweet of you if you tried to do something purely in her interests, just not necessary so early on IMO

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

After hundreds of instances of people trying to help you through your problems, threads getting derailed to focus entirely on you for months at a time, and people legitimately caring, that's a really awful thing to say.

Goodbye, Combine.

To Combine:

There is a difference between knowing how to do something, and actually doing something about it.

I can relate to Combine. He sounds like a talker. Raised by a single mother. Combine deals with problems through talking. He expresses feelings like a woman would do. That's what boys often (stereotype!) grow up with when they are raised like this.
They are often lack resolve to do something. They shiver in between states of massive egotistical needs about everything revolving around them and their problems.
I bet it rarely phases Combine how difficult it also is for everyone else. He just doesn't see it, because many other people have the self-respect and the social awareness of not boring other people with thoughts like that.

There are many people like Combine, who have the tools, get the advice who can't apply it. It's why many people are fat, why many are sad and lonely, why many are troubled by lifestyle diseases. We know what we have to do but we rarely do it.

Combine is worse than this though. Whenever he has to make a choice in life he goes towards "avoiding pain" instead of "pursuing happiness".
Combine is a coward. He does not want to talk to a girl to pursue happiness. Even if he will get pain momentarily. He goes for avoiding pain. He puts external problems in his way for him not to take action.


Combine is not unique at all. He is infamous on this forum, but in general he is a sad state of the times. And I can so relate. Because I've been there. And the road to recovery is long. I'm not over it, but I know more about myself and my behavior than I did 5-6 years ago.

It's true what they say. It's the first step that is the hardest. It doesn't take long before it hurts more not to do the right right thing, than going back in lame-mode.

It's true what they say. Finding a purpose or thing greater than yourself is a great way to get shit in perspective. You are not that important Combine. Neither is anyone else. Your just a little insignificant thing. If you can't find the thing that is worth living for, you just start. You do stuff, you fail at stuff, you try stuff and you succeed at stuff. You just scan things.

Sign up for weird classes, courses, go do jury duty, go to a bar or cafe and sit alone. Sign up for a kayaking class. Bike all around the city you live in. When you get home at night write down 3 things that went well. It can be small things. "I found 5 bucks today in my old pair of jeans" or "I didn't burn the rice today".

Everyone has to work as hard to you. You don't know the pain and the shit people went through just because you don't know their back story. That goes even for those people you admire. They didn't just become pretty, funny or witty. Just be great. This is serious man. You only got one shot at this goddam life, and thats it. The things you have missed don't have to be wasted. Take all your knowledge of you being you, and use that shit to fuel yourself. You need to carve your way with a spoon out of your shitty situation.



You have a Naruto avatar man. Think of fucking Naruto. Whatever you need to do. Life is suffering. It really fucking is. But eventually if you allow yourself to live in this pain instead of laying down, you will do good. But you need to brave.

When you go up to a woman and she rejects you. It will hurt. I promise you that. But you will also be surprised at how great it will feel to get off your chest. I promise you that as well. It will be like a burden of your shoulders. You went up and talked to her, you knew you would fail, but you did it anyway.


It's pretty amazing how long this thread has been about you Combine. The accumulation of posts, advice, self-help. It really is fucking amazing how people from around the world have contributed to wanting to help you. People could have decided not to give a fuck, but they did. And a lot of them have done a lot. That's the best thing for you right now. You got all the tools. These people gave you all the tools. Just fucking use them. And be brave. It's scary but you have to be brave. If you are not, you will truly die alone full of remorse. The regret you will feel will be unbearable. So don't do it. You have arms and legs and a walking brain. You have no excuse. And you fucking owe people who don't.

 

[Hylian7]

*walks into thread awkwardly*

I have a second date on Thursday! Fuck yeah!

*walks out of thread awkwardly*

 

[Houston3000]

It's gonna be in the 60s all week long so you could figure something out. I think she likes you enough that you don't even have to seek out these "hardcore board game" meet ups that would have board games that she's into. I understand that you're scared of losing her, but it's not a big deal. Doesn't she have any board games that you can play somewhere e.g. her place or a public place where you can play it at?

Hell, even playing something as basic as Risk would good enough; it's common ground for both of you; you the non-board game fan, she the hardcore board game nerd. If you really wanna go out of your way to impress this chick, then go on the dates that you like going on. It's your call man.

"Scared of losing her"? I wouldn't go that far... no, this is more of a general problem I have with second dates and she's the first chick I went out with since I started realizing my second dates usually suck. I mean, I like her of course, and hope it works out but I only really hung out with her once.

? 60 and sunny this weekend

*edit* i don't know if i'd go in search of hardcore board games so early on - it's only the second date, find more things in common through just hanging out with her unless she said she wants to play these board games with you. i'm sure she'd think it's sweet of you if you tried to do something purely in her interests, just not necessary so early on IMO

Hmm, ok - I didn't realize it was going to be nice this weekend. Friday night was definitely a little too cold and it was 39 this morning when I left for work this morning. The board game thing was just something I new she was into, I'll most likely hold off on doing anything for it on the second date. I did tell her I was looking forward to learning how to play some of them though.

Appreciate the help guys, I'll let you know how it goes, if she accepts that is. haha

 

[Darklord]

The sad thing about all of this is he's really a normal (not bad) looking guy. Serious image issues

Sometimes you can't help a person. Nothing you say or do will help. Only they can fix it them self.

 

[Klyka]

Girl and me wanted to meet up tomorrow.
I send her a message earlier asking what a good place to meet would be for her since I don't know how mobile she is.
She never answers.

Well, guess there goes tomorrow's date!

 

[GiJoccin]

this is more of a general problem I have with second dates and she's the first chick I went out with since I started realizing my second dates usually suck.

haha, what do you mean your second dates "usually suck"? you don't need THAT much planning for second dates - if she stops seeing you because you didn't pick out a cool itinerary, that's a good dodge on a crazy for you. second dates are more about chemistry than where you take her, so as long as it's a place you'll be comfortable...

are you just bored with dating in general?

 

[Jhoan]

Sometimes you can't help a person. Nothing you say or do will help. Only they can fix it them self.

Exactly. All Combine needs to do is just live; like Vigilant Walrus said, he needs to appreciate everything he does instead of posing one philosophical question after the other. You want somebody to help you out Combine? Socialize and live. Figure that stuff out as you go through life.

But that's enough out of Combine. I'm glad to see the negativity end and it's for the better. I just hope people like Kinggi post more good news instead of shitty negative news about not being able to talk to a chick at a gym. It won't help at all.

Any way, congrats Hylian7. Good luck on that date man; you got this. Keep us posted. If it goes bad, then at least you can always gain something from it.

 

[low-G]

I have a quick question and one not so quick.

Do people honestly just get caught up in doing things that they forget(or don't) to text people back? It would never happen to me, but that is just the type of person I am. A girl who I have interest in, and who was showing interest, hasn't text me back from my offer to take her out to dinner Sunday night. She seemed positive in the idea that I would take her out when I got her number and talked for a while later that night. A mutual friend of ours warned me beforehand that she doesn't carry her phone a lot, but I wasn't thinking it was this bad.

I haven't texted her since Saturday night when I asked her, so that makes it three days without contact between us. I was thinking of asking her if she is free anytime this week today or tomorrow, should I just wait for a text back and if I don't get it, forget about her? Should I text her again today?

Now for a quick question: Living in a town where there is absolutely nothing to do, how do you find date ideas? When I say nothing to do I literally mean bowling or restaurants. I am about 30 minutes from Philly, but I can't afford parking if I would take my dates there all the time.

If the texting or calling is your only way of communicating then just leave it be. Personally I don't get that kind of mentality, but I will ignore people for 3+ day stretches, but only at the very most initial phase. Maybe she has another date this weekend and doesn't know if she can fit you in yet. Maybe she doesn't know if she has the money or time to go out responsibly.

I've never just let a 'important' text hang indefinitely myself, but my phone is pretty much part of my soul in that if you took it from me I'd collapse into a pile of ash.

You are 30 minutes from Philly? What direction? I'm further from Philly but I've had some dates in the southeast PA/Delaware area. Also, there is definitely free parking in PARTS of Philly, at least.

Girl and me wanted to meet up tomorrow.
I send her a message earlier asking what a good place to meet would be for her since I don't know how mobile she is.
She never answers.

Well, guess there goes tomorrow's date!

I would recommend you just take the initiative and select a place, she'll tell you if she can't make it to there, and if she does something crazy like spend her last dollars on gas or rides a subway for 2 hours you know she wants you bad.



Also, general rule, but if you have already set out well organized plans and just need a girl to say 'yes' it is OK to text her the day of the plans to ask if she's good to go (in my opinion). Had this happen, I KNEW the girl was into me but she had ignored confirming the date plans, texted her and she got back to me and we had a great date.

*walks into thread awkwardly*

I have a second date on Thursday! Fuck yeah!

*walks out of thread awkwardly*

Congrats! Have a great time! Look forward to hearing all about it after I get back from PAX.



Finally, I too was a 'talker' and 'thinker' instead of a do'er. It WAS cowardice. Just one day my desire to have a girlie in my life became bigger than my fear of doing everything it would take to get said girlie. For me it wasn't hard, it was simply making that final choice, that determined choice to endure whatever it took, whatever was necessary. Once I got out the gate I was barreling forward at a speed I never could have imagined possible from anyone, and the results speak for themselves. Things are pretty incredible right now for me, literally inches away from my own idealized idea of 'perfection'. (I realize that things will not always be this good, but hey I'm lovin it right now)

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

To Combine:

There is a difference between knowing how to do something, and actually doing something about it.

I can relate to Combine. He sounds like a talker. Raised by a single mother. Combine deals with problems through talking. He expresses feelings like a woman would do. That's what boys often (stereotype!) grow up with when they are raised like this.
They are often lack resolve to do something. They shiver in between states of massive egotistical needs about everything revolving around them and their problems.
I bet it rarely phases Combine how difficult it also is for everyone else. He just doesn't see it, because many other people have the self-respect and the social awareness of not boring other people with thoughts like that.

There are many people like Combine, who have the tools, get the advice who can't apply it. It's why many people are fat, why many are sad and lonely, why many are troubled by lifestyle diseases. We know what we have to do but we rarely do it.

Combine is worse than this though. Whenever he has to make a choice in life he goes towards "avoiding pain" instead of "pursuing happiness".
Combine is a coward. He does not want to talk to a girl to pursue happiness. Even if he will get pain momentarily. He goes for avoiding pain. He puts external problems in his way for him not to take action.


Combine is not unique at all. He is infamous on this forum, but in general he is a sad state of the times. And I can so relate. Because I've been there. And the road to recovery is long. I'm not over it, but I know more about myself and my behavior than I did 5-6 years ago.

It's true what they say. It's the first step that is the hardest. It doesn't take long before it hurts more not to do the right right thing, than going back in lame-mode.

It's true what they say. Finding a purpose or thing greater than yourself is a great way to get shit in perspective. You are not that important Combine. Neither is anyone else. Your just a little insignificant thing. If you can't find the thing that is worth living for, you just start. You do stuff, you fail at stuff, you try stuff and you succeed at stuff. You just scan things.

Sign up for weird classes, courses, go do jury duty, go to a bar or cafe and sit alone. Sign up for a kayaking class. Bike all around the city you live in. When you get home at night write down 3 things that went well. It can be small things. "I found 5 bucks today in my old pair of jeans" or "I didn't burn the rice today".

Everyone has to work as hard to you. You don't know the pain and the shit people went through just because you don't know their back story. That goes even for those people you admire. They didn't just become pretty, funny or witty. Just be great. This is serious man. You only got one shot at this goddam life, and thats it. The things you have missed don't have to be wasted. Take all your knowledge of you being you, and use that shit to fuel yourself. You need to carve your way with a spoon out of your shitty situation.



You have a Naruto avatar man. Think of fucking Naruto. Whatever you need to do. Life is suffering. It really fucking is. But eventually if you allow yourself to live in this pain instead of laying down, you will do good. But you need to brave.

When you go up to a woman and she rejects you. It will hurt. I promise you that. But you will also be surprised at how great it will feel to get off your chest. I promise you that as well. It will be like a burden of your shoulders. You went up and talked to her, you knew you would fail, but you did it anyway.


It's pretty amazing how long this thread has been about you Combine. The accumulation of posts, advice, self-help. It really is fucking amazing how people from around the world have contributed to wanting to help you. People could have decided not to give a fuck, but they did. And a lot of them have done a lot. That's the best thing for you right now. You got all the tools. These people gave you all the tools. Just fucking use them. And be brave. It's scary but you have to be brave. If you are not, you will truly die alone full of remorse. The regret you will feel will be unbearable. So don't do it. You have arms and legs and a walking brain. You have no excuse. And you fucking owe people who don't.

Jesus. That was impressive. It's good to see that you're more than dolphin terrorist blow jobs hypothetical guy. I wonder if Combine will actually be impacted by what you say. But I doubt it. He'll take a look and just decide everyone's against him or some shit.

*walks into thread awkwardly*

I have a second date on Thursday! Fuck yeah!

*walks out of thread awkwardly*

Nice.

 

[Klyka]

I would recommend you just take the initiative and select a place, she'll tell you if she can't make it to there, and if she does something crazy like spend her last dollars on gas or rides a subway for 2 hours you know she wants you bad.



Also, general rule, but if you have already set out well organized plans and just need a girl to say 'yes' it is OK to text her the day of the plans to ask if she's good to go (in my opinion). Had this happen, I KNEW the girl was into me but she had ignored confirming the date plans, texted her and she got back to me and we had a great date.

Meh, I hate unreliable people and I'm not desperate enough to run after some girl I never even met. I'll spend the day tomorrow enjoying myself and relaxing a bit.

 

[Atrus]

Girl and me wanted to meet up tomorrow.
I send her a message earlier asking what a good place to meet would be for her since I don't know how mobile she is.
She never answers.

Well, guess there goes tomorrow's date!

I've had that happen quite often and its usually pretty confusing depending on the personalities your dealing with.

It usually helps if you're more assertive in your messages. For instance, asking an open question invites ambiguity and poses no pressure to reply while declarative sentences place more pressure on responses.

For instance: "What's a good place to meet for you?" can be followed up with "Haven't heard back from you. Will wait for you at X unless you forget =p. Let me know if things change."

In hindsight, you'd want to have as little beseechment type phrases as possible and more declarative phrases just to improve your chance of a response.

The biggest concern of course is that if a girl hasn't actively done as she said or replied ever, that it's a sign she may not be interested enough to be respectful. Usually you have to acknowledge that people are busy or weird things happen (lost/broken cellphone etc.) but if its consistent then your mind has to be a little suspicious of why for your own sake. Little clues that when learned early on can save you a significant amount of investment in a bad relationship.

 

[Houston3000]

haha, what do you mean your second dates "usually suck"? you don't need THAT much planning for second dates - if she stops seeing you because you didn't pick out a cool itinerary, that's a good dodge on a crazy for you. second dates are more about chemistry than where you take her, so as long as it's a place you'll be comfortable...

are you just bored with dating in general?

I am kind of bored with dating honestly. I had two semi-serious relationships last year (I say that in the sense that I was with them for 3+ months) but before that, between them, and since then I've went on countless dates. I enjoy meeting all these women to some degree and I definitely enjoy when I get lucky but the whole thing is kind of becoming a chore. I'm really just looking for the right person.

When I say my second dates "usually suck" I mean that, by the end, any chemistry we may have had or I thought we had on the first date is fizzled. I can't help but think it's because the date's aren't exciting enough - they put up with the first date being booze and dinner because it's tradition and gives us a chance to talk but by the second date they want something more fun and entertaining - unique even. I've been able to provide that in the past with some luck but I'm not always able to time it or come up with something exciting enough to keep the one's I like interested.

For example, the two girls I said I dated for a few months last year. First one, for our second date we went ice-skating - which was fun as hell because I'd never done it before and then we went out to the park and they had this big event going on with flying kites and everything. For the other girl, our second date was on the 4th of July... we met in the afternoon and spent a few hours shopping around the comic book shop (she was into that, I didn't really care), then we went to the movies and saw Super 8 and made out the entire time, snuck into Washington Square Park after it closed, then went to a rooftop party in New Jersey to watch the fireworks over Manhattan. I'm not able to make those sort of things happen every week and when the second date ends up being the same as the first date except at a different restaurant - it makes sense why she'd be weary of going out a third time.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Easier said than done for some. By nature some people are shy or don't have an Alpha personality. Takes time to ease into such situations, but a good way to do it is working retail since it forces you to talk with customers.

Even if you're shy, there's a no-fail way to make conversation with people. Just ask yourself "what can i ask to get to know this person."


"What did you do this weekend?"

"How's your day going so far?"

Or observe anything about them, that can lead to you asking questions about them




Nobody will ever bite your head off for you asking questions about them. 99% of people love talking about themselves.

 

[PigSpeakers]

Guys, I was supposed to go on a date today (it was postponed from last saturday because she was sick). I texted her earlier today asking her if she was well enough to go, and eventually she got back to me and said she was still a little sick, but wanted to know if I still wanted to go. I told her yes, but I'd be willing to change the original plans up if she wanted to. She hasn't texted me back and it's been over an hour now. Should I call or text back? Or will that seem weird and obsessive?

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

Guys, I was supposed to go on a date today (it was postponed from last saturday because she was sick). I texted her earlier today asking her if she wanted to go, and eventually she got back to me and said she was still a little sick, but wanted to know if I still wanted to go. I told her yes, but I'd be willing to change the original plans up if she wanted to. She hasn't texted me back and it's been over an hour now. Should I call or text back? Or will that seem weird and obsessive?

dont get sick mate! that would suck.

 

[PigSpeakers]

dont get sick mate! that would suck.

I'm not so worried about myself. I almost never get sick. I've never missed work even.

 

[Houston3000]

I'm not so worried about myself. I almost never get sick. I've never missed work even.

haha, I never get sick usually. The last time I got sick was because some girl I was dating insisted she had a sore throat but I convinced her to go out with me on a (third) date anyways. Promising her we'll "just hang out, get something light, and watch a movie at the apartment". I couldn't swallow for a week after that

Spoiler

shouldn't have kept kissing her

 

[RawPower]

I guess as far as I'm concerned, I'm afraid of being considered 'creepy'. That's why I rarely approach girls. Any advice?

 

[Beer Monkey]

I guess as far as I'm concerned, I'm afraid of being considered 'creepy'. That's why I rarely approach girls. Any advice?

Instead of approaching girls, work on expanding your social circles. As circles collide, people meet each other without approaching.

 

[ClovingWestbrook]

I guess as far as I'm concerned, I'm afraid of being considered 'creepy'. That's why I rarely approach girls. Any advice?

They think you're creepy for not approaching them, at least if you just stare from afar.

 

[Minamu]

Well, strange things happened this Friday. Found myself in a pickle that I've never experienced before, where the woman chasing me wanted to stay over at my place after the party. Before we actually went out I talked to my friend about it and told him that that wouldn't happen and that turning her down would be easy. But it really wasn't So I ended up saying yes... But it never happened because I told another friend of mine what was going down and she decided to "cockblock" the other girl, as the apparently really good friend she is. This worked perfectly as she whined about us already having made plans for sex that night right in front of the woman chasing me. The save was a thing of beauty but unfortunately the chaser didn't take it very well at all. She stormed out of the club, sent a few angry text messages where she said good bye. Next, she deletes me, and a friend of mine (collateral damage), from facebook xD Haven't heard a peep from her since then. And I didn't even go home with my friend in the end either (thus ending my "streak").

Saturday though, out of the blue, a friend of a friend that I've never actually met nor talked to, but I know to have been interested in me last year, wants to add me on facebook. She's apparently engaged now but I could tell from her looks yesterday (she was in town visiting said friend) that she liked me. Nothing happened but I'm enjoying the symmetry in it all, hehe. One girl deletes me, another one wants to be my friend. Friday night seems like bad karma but instead I get rewarded the day after?

PigSpeakers: No, no more text messages tonight. She's obviously busy or too sick to answer, so just live your life until she gives you a call. If you have to ask, it's probably a bad idea, right?

 

[RawPower]

They think you're creepy for not approaching them, at least if you just stare from afar.

And what do you say when you do approach them? Just "hi, how are you" and shit like that?

 

[exarkun]

I guess as far as I'm concerned, I'm afraid of being considered 'creepy'. That's why I rarely approach girls. Any advice?

1 dont stare
2 get drunk
3 smile introduce yourself, tell her she looks cute, and ask if she wants a drink
4 touch the small of her back while she is drinking it and ask if she wants to dance
5 ???
6 babies

works every time. Most women will have predetermined if you will have success in the first 10 seconds. make it count!

 

[Slayer-33]

1 dont stare
2 get drunk
3 smile and ask if they want a drink
4 1. touch the small of her back 2. while she is drinking it and ask if she wants to dance
5 ???
6 babies

Wut.

1.

2.

 

[GiJoccin]

I am kind of bored with dating honestly.

Maybe that boredom is coming across in your dates..

you could try picking something you'll enjoy, rather than worrying about what she'll enjoy. odds are if she sees you having a great time, it'll be infectious and she'll feel the same way. you could plan out the "perfect date" for her, but if you're bored she will be too.

the dates you mentioned sound like a lot of random things happened on your dates - all things you can't plan for.

see how this one goes, if it doesn't go that great maybe it's time to take a little break from dating. it can be a grind

PS Smorgasburg is coming back this weekend - could be a fun off the cuff date spot

 

[RawPower]

1 dont stare
2 get drunk
3 smile introduce yourself, tell her she looks cute, and ask if she wants a drink
4 touch the small of her back while she is drinking it and ask if she wants to dance
5 ???
6 babies

works every time. Most women will have predetermined if you will have success in the first 10 seconds. make it count!

I don't drink.

 

[ClovingWestbrook]

And what do you say when you do approach them? Just "hi, how are you" and shit like that?

Really depends man. You can't go up to a chick with a 'line' in hand. You also can't come across like you've prepared what you're gonna say. Ya gotta be relaxed. Sometimes a "Hi there, I'm so and so' will do. Depends on the environment. For instance, if you're hanging out at Starbucks and you see a chick reading, ask what she's reading, is it interesting. If she looks like a student, ask if she goes to school around the area, etc.

 

[exarkun]

Wut.

1.

2.

if you don't like that use the hover hand, i hear women don't think its...intrusive

my friend does that, but then again he's australian.

@rawpower: you dont drink? Then put yourself in a completely relaxed state, realize it doesn't matter if she shoots you down, and go for it!

 

[ClovingWestbrook]

if you don't like that use the hover hand, i hear women don't think its...intrusive

my friend does that, but then again he's australian.

@rawpower: you dont drink? Then put yourself in a completely relaxed state, realize it doesn't matter if she shoots you down, and go for it!

Australiany. You mean.

 

[Slayer-33]

if you don't like that use the hover hand, i hear women don't think its...intrusive

my friend does that, but then again he's australian.

@rawpower: you dont drink? Then put yourself in a completely relaxed state, realize it doesn't matter if she shoots you down, and go for it!

Oh nah I didn't understand the post you made earlier, read the line I bold lol.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Based on this reply and what else I remember of you I still think you want it too much. It's a strange logic trap, but not wanting / needing it so bad, being happy just to talk to someone, get to know them, makes it easier. Zero expectations from the start really has helped me. Literally, expect nothing at all positive (but don't expect negative either).

Yeah, every one of my success stories has involved kino. Start with a touch of the elbow or shoulder, touching the hand. Walking somewhere I go for her arm, hand, or waist. Then getting more familiar we sit together and we're right up on each other, thighs, thigh rubbing, grabbing (I like thighs, ok?). Kissing / making out just before or after this. Then to breasts. As an adult then it's basically wide open unless she freaks out, I guess. Talking 1-3 date span there for that whole progression I think, but it will depend on many factors. I really think it is really important.

Bluntness depends on the girl, but usually it'll still take a bit of a delicate touch. I sort of guide a girl along. I'm not gonna be 'HAY LET'S DO SEX SOON OK?'. Usually I go to some lengths to avoid such a topic even if I'm well into kissing / touching.

I had 4 or 6 girls 'screw over' my confidence until the latest 4 boosted it extremely. That's just life. Take the hits, you'll land some of your own soon.

Thanks, I needed that.

Starting yesterday, I began jogging again. Feels really good, even though I'm sucking wind after a couple minutes, lmao. Gonna try to use that as a distraction from my girl issues, and as a way to stop me from wanting it so much, as you suggested. Summer's rolling around, so if I can get a job and get back onto my fitness regimen and diet I should be okay for a little while.

Haha, my friends were poking fun at me saying girls constantly flake on me because I only go after smart girls, who they suggest would rather do homework than go on dates. I used to look down on dumb/immature girls, but if I can get some serious weight loss going (immature girls are very look-oriented), I may change my standards and try approaching a lot of the more, uh... vapid, shall we say, girls. Altering my attitude to a more blusterous/less polite attitude may help, too.

 

[MutantCyborg]

I have a quick question and one not so quick.

Do people honestly just get caught up in doing things that they forget(or don't) to text people back? It would never happen to me, but that is just the type of person I am. A girl who I have interest in, and who was showing interest, hasn't text me back from my offer to take her out to dinner Sunday night. She seemed positive in the idea that I would take her out when I got her number and talked for a while later that night. A mutual friend of ours warned me beforehand that she doesn't carry her phone a lot, but I wasn't thinking it was this bad.

I haven't texted her since Saturday night when I asked her, so that makes it three days without contact between us. I was thinking of asking her if she is free anytime this week today or tomorrow, should I just wait for a text back and if I don't get it, forget about her? Should I text her again today?

Now for a quick question: Living in a town where there is absolutely nothing to do, how do you find date ideas? When I say nothing to do I literally mean bowling or restaurants. I am about 30 minutes from Philly, but I can't afford parking if I would take my dates there all the time.

My post got caught up in the drama or was ignored. Not quite sure, so I'm bringing it to the next page.

If the texting or calling is your only way of communicating then just leave it be. Personally I don't get that kind of mentality, but I will ignore people for 3+ day stretches, but only at the very most initial phase. Maybe she has another date this weekend and doesn't know if she can fit you in yet. Maybe she doesn't know if she has the money or time to go out responsibly.

I've never just let a 'important' text hang indefinitely myself, but my phone is pretty much part of my soul in that if you took it from me I'd collapse into a pile of ash.

You are 30 minutes from Philly? What direction? I'm further from Philly but I've had some dates in the southeast PA/Delaware area. Also, there is definitely free parking in PARTS of Philly, at least.

Well, I have her number and I wont see her until next week some time. So I could wait until then to talk to her again if I needed too, but I'd love to have something to do in the mean time. She did mention something about a sport she played and she wasn't sure when she would be free, but then again she is also a little shy. Maybe she is just honestly busy this week, she seemed up to it when I got her number.

I live near the Pennsylvania/Delaware/New Jersey border, so vaguely southwest of Philly. If you have any suggestions could you PM me or you can post them if you are okay with that.