I think if I put too much effort into it in terms of time allocations and such I would quickly lose interest. I'm just going to start off with bulletpoints of things to do with as many as possible, that way even if I don't do everything I set out to do at least it would still be a considerable amount in the grand scheme of things. Makes sense in my head anyway!
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Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
- Start date
- Status
I think if I put too much effort into it in terms of time allocations and such I would quickly lose interest. I'm just going to start off with bulletpoints of things to do with as many as possible, that way even if I don't do everything I set out to do at least it would still be a considerable amount in the grand scheme of things. Makes sense in my head anyway!
you're an idiot if you think that. There is hope for eternity and it can be found in Jesus Christ. The Bible says the very essence of why we exist is to love. Why do you think that will end at death?
Feel the same way, but get to distracted and overwhelmed easily.
Today I went to a psychiatrist. Except, instead of the appointment to get the medicine to change my brain chemistry so I don't contemplate killing myself all the time, I instead tried to convince the lady at the front to call my insurance company (like any other doctor I've ever been to in my life), which she refused to do without a physical copy of my insurance card, which I don't have yet.
The receptionist at the front wouldn't a) take my insurance info, b) call the insurance company to verify my info, c) give me an email address to forward along the pdf copy I had on my phone, d) allow me the use of a computer to print it out myself, e) log in to my email to print it out, or f) care, at all.
I asked why I should give my business and my insurance company's money to an office that was so unhelpful and she just kinda shrugged.
I was so mad and hopeless I went home and laid in bed for about seven hours. First time I've ever been overwhelmed with despair.
I don't know what to do, now. Maybe it's just better for me not to seek treatment at all. I've made it this far, right?
The receptionist at the front wouldn't a) take my insurance info, b) call the insurance company to verify my info, c) give me an email address to forward along the pdf copy I had on my phone, d) allow me the use of a computer to print it out myself, e) log in to my email to print it out, or f) care, at all.
I asked why I should give my business and my insurance company's money to an office that was so unhelpful and she just kinda shrugged.
I was so mad and hopeless I went home and laid in bed for about seven hours. First time I've ever been overwhelmed with despair.
I don't know what to do, now. Maybe it's just better for me not to seek treatment at all. I've made it this far, right?
Laughing Banana
Weeping Pickle
You folks know what depresses me the most? The uncertainty about "the future." Or not having any plan for the future at all.
I try to dismiss that uncertainty feeling by trying to adhere to the mantra of "living for today instead of tomorrow" but I know this is weak justification at best and, worse, just my unhealthy way of escaping from trying to deal with no-plan-for-the-future thing.
I mean, video games and all the fun things in the world helps keeping my mind busy, but I know that some day reality will knock my front door and it will knock it hard. I am especially terrified because it seems like as I am right now, I don't know how to answer that knock.
The feeling of uncertainty.... it's the worst kind of feeling
I try to dismiss that uncertainty feeling by trying to adhere to the mantra of "living for today instead of tomorrow" but I know this is weak justification at best and, worse, just my unhealthy way of escaping from trying to deal with no-plan-for-the-future thing.
I mean, video games and all the fun things in the world helps keeping my mind busy, but I know that some day reality will knock my front door and it will knock it hard. I am especially terrified because it seems like as I am right now, I don't know how to answer that knock.
The feeling of uncertainty.... it's the worst kind of feeling
I've been pretty depressed ever since I graduated from college a couple of months ago. Mainly because I haven't been able to find a job and I'm stuck living at home. But I found a job that I'll be starting very soon; it's a call center debt collecting job. It pays okay, about $10/hour plus commission. And my boyfriend and I are moving in together very VERY soon (next Thursday) but dammit all I still have all of this negativity in my head.
I know my mom isn't gonna like that me and my boyfriend are moving in together since she's a homophobe but I'm not gonna let her stop us from moving in together this time. She did once before back in June. I don't know how to explain it. She just has this control over me and it makes me feel helpless and inadequate, especially since I fight her with everything she wants me to do. I know she means well but she has a funny way of showing it by being all domineering like that. My dad on the other hand is just the opposite: He's easy going and doesn't get bothered by much but it seems like he's also under my mom's thumb.
I don't know. I'm just really nervous of what's going to happen next. I still need to tell my parents that I'm moving in with my boyfriend since obviously my stuff won't be there but with the way my mom reacted when I suggested moving, I strongly think that it's gonna be the same thing again. I'm just afraid that it'll be worse. That I'll get cut off or that there will be a falling out or something.
I'm also really dissatisfied with my life in general right now. I'm 25 but I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be at this age. I have a job that any moron could do with or without two Bachelor's Degrees. My Bachelor's Degrees are fucking worthless anyway (Communications and English). I'm still as chubby as I've ever been. I constantly get in spats with my mom and even my grandma over stupid shit that I always have to apologize for because God forbid they're ever in the wrong. Two of my close friends are divorcing each other and, just as I predicted, my group of friends is splitting apart and taking sides because of it. The divorcing parties have even noted that I'm the only one who has stayed neutral in all of this. But I fear that I'll be gone from both groups since I tried to be the jack of all trades while being the master of none. The weather here in Cleveland has been fucking depressing with constant rain, snow, wind, and overall gray skies.
I swear, sometimes I just feel like starting over with my life. I wanted 2013 to be kind of a reboot of where I was going. To start fresh. But two months into it and this year has been sucking hard. Besides, even if I did try to strike it out on my own and leave my hometown forever, I really feel like I would fail massively. Every time I try to speak my mind or do something for myself it just fucking blows up in my face and I end up eating dirt. Why should I even try to live my own goddamn life?! I swear, it's like life is one big fucking joke. I seriously think I'm not meant to be in this world sometimes. It pains me since I literally don't fit in anywhere and I always have to look on the brighter side of things in dire and shitty situations. But I just can't do it anymore. I can't keep on taking the bare minimum. I can't look for the good in a shitty situation. I need to cut out the bad in my life. But how can I when it's the only thing that's supporting me?
I know my mom isn't gonna like that me and my boyfriend are moving in together since she's a homophobe but I'm not gonna let her stop us from moving in together this time. She did once before back in June. I don't know how to explain it. She just has this control over me and it makes me feel helpless and inadequate, especially since I fight her with everything she wants me to do. I know she means well but she has a funny way of showing it by being all domineering like that. My dad on the other hand is just the opposite: He's easy going and doesn't get bothered by much but it seems like he's also under my mom's thumb.
I don't know. I'm just really nervous of what's going to happen next. I still need to tell my parents that I'm moving in with my boyfriend since obviously my stuff won't be there but with the way my mom reacted when I suggested moving, I strongly think that it's gonna be the same thing again. I'm just afraid that it'll be worse. That I'll get cut off or that there will be a falling out or something.
I'm also really dissatisfied with my life in general right now. I'm 25 but I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be at this age. I have a job that any moron could do with or without two Bachelor's Degrees. My Bachelor's Degrees are fucking worthless anyway (Communications and English). I'm still as chubby as I've ever been. I constantly get in spats with my mom and even my grandma over stupid shit that I always have to apologize for because God forbid they're ever in the wrong. Two of my close friends are divorcing each other and, just as I predicted, my group of friends is splitting apart and taking sides because of it. The divorcing parties have even noted that I'm the only one who has stayed neutral in all of this. But I fear that I'll be gone from both groups since I tried to be the jack of all trades while being the master of none. The weather here in Cleveland has been fucking depressing with constant rain, snow, wind, and overall gray skies.
I swear, sometimes I just feel like starting over with my life. I wanted 2013 to be kind of a reboot of where I was going. To start fresh. But two months into it and this year has been sucking hard. Besides, even if I did try to strike it out on my own and leave my hometown forever, I really feel like I would fail massively. Every time I try to speak my mind or do something for myself it just fucking blows up in my face and I end up eating dirt. Why should I even try to live my own goddamn life?! I swear, it's like life is one big fucking joke. I seriously think I'm not meant to be in this world sometimes. It pains me since I literally don't fit in anywhere and I always have to look on the brighter side of things in dire and shitty situations. But I just can't do it anymore. I can't keep on taking the bare minimum. I can't look for the good in a shitty situation. I need to cut out the bad in my life. But how can I when it's the only thing that's supporting me?
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
That's a good idea! I think I'll try to make some bulletspoints tomorrow. Are you gonna post your list? I'd be curious to take a look at it. :3
You folks know what depresses me the most? The uncertainty about "the future." Or not having any plan for the future at all.
I try to dismiss that uncertainty feeling by trying to adhere to the mantra of "living for today instead of tomorrow" but I know this is weak justification at best and, worse, just my unhealthy way of escaping from trying to deal with no-plan-for-the-future thing.
I mean, video games and all the fun things in the world helps keeping my mind busy, but I know that some day reality will knock my front door and it will knock it hard. I am especially terrified because it seems like as I am right now, I don't know how to answer that knock.
The feeling of uncertainty.... it's the worst kind of feeling
I know what you mean. I don't have any plans for the future at all. Right now I'm living in a fantasy land but I know that some day - a day that is probably nearer than it is farther - as you say, reality will come knocking. And I'm not prepared for it at all.
i've been making a list of bulletpoints at the start of the day then ticking them off since Labombadog suggested it some pages back. they aren't major things i'm doing, like at all , but i've found it helps to keep stock of all things you've done, motivates you to do more as you tick things off and helps prevent you from forgetting important things which causes more stress and anxiety. i've also kept every finished list in a folder and looked over last weeks on sunday and felt good at all the things i had managed when normally i feel like i've do nothing at all at the end of every week.
here's mine for today if it helps and isn't weird for me to post (i often add things as the day progresses and they come to mind too)
http://i.imgur.com/xGm5eOU.jpg
it's midday and i've barely done anything. better get cracking!
here's mine for today if it helps and isn't weird for me to post (i often add things as the day progresses and they come to mind too)
http://i.imgur.com/xGm5eOU.jpg
it's midday and i've barely done anything. better get cracking!
Whats this about?
Bel Marduk
Banned
Stopped taking zoloft recently and I felt the worst lows I'd ever felt (without even good reason) and came very close to killing myself. That was only a few weeks ago and I'm starting to enjoy life again.
VanillaCakeIsBurning
Member
You folks know what depresses me the most? The uncertainty about "the future." Or not having any plan for the future at all.
I try to dismiss that uncertainty feeling by trying to adhere to the mantra of "living for today instead of tomorrow" but I know this is weak justification at best and, worse, just my unhealthy way of escaping from trying to deal with no-plan-for-the-future thing.
I mean, video games and all the fun things in the world helps keeping my mind busy, but I know that some day reality will knock my front door and it will knock it hard. I am especially terrified because it seems like as I am right now, I don't know how to answer that knock.
The feeling of uncertainty.... it's the worst kind of feeling
That's my same situation. I wonder if my relative inactivity is a result of denying this.
Collete
Member
Well, I called the only therapist within driving distance to take me in assuming her costs were low (yes I'm dirt poor.)
She said at first it would only cost a $1.50 to see her, but then all of a sudden a sentence later said "Oh she can only go as low as $30 dollars, the other will be $50".
I can't afford $30 bucks without being undetected by my parents....*sigh*
All going south...
Edit: Also just realize I lost 13 pounds in total due to stress unintentionally...I'm not overweight or anything and have been looking to lose weight....Just not like this. I just hope it's not turning into anorexia...
Yes...
I'm glad I'm not the only one like this. It feels extremely lonely doesn't it?
I still don't know where I'm going, not even know what I'm meant to be doing or where I should be.
It eats at me every single day because I know I can't stand on my two feet and will be broken with just the lightest touch.
I remember reading on GAF a year back about how people deal with not knowing what to do. What helped most of them was: fear itself. The fear of not knowing what to do and in those times, an adrenaline rush for survival kicks them up from the dark and pushes them where they need to go.
That said, you and me are fearing right now but not much is happening, but maybe it will some day. Maybe we'll both get out.
It's a list of people that don't mind being contacted and willing to talk to you about your mental illnesses and/or your issues.
I have used this list just recently and helped clear my mind a little.
Don't worry though, they are kind people and are from this thread. They are not random people that might insult you.
She said at first it would only cost a $1.50 to see her, but then all of a sudden a sentence later said "Oh she can only go as low as $30 dollars, the other will be $50".
I can't afford $30 bucks without being undetected by my parents....*sigh*
All going south...
Edit: Also just realize I lost 13 pounds in total due to stress unintentionally...I'm not overweight or anything and have been looking to lose weight....Just not like this. I just hope it's not turning into anorexia...
You folks know what depresses me the most? The uncertainty about "the future." Or not having any plan for the future at all.
I try to dismiss that uncertainty feeling by trying to adhere to the mantra of "living for today instead of tomorrow" but I know this is weak justification at best and, worse, just my unhealthy way of escaping from trying to deal with no-plan-for-the-future thing.
I mean, video games and all the fun things in the world helps keeping my mind busy, but I know that some day reality will knock my front door and it will knock it hard. I am especially terrified because it seems like as I am right now, I don't know how to answer that knock.
The feeling of uncertainty.... it's the worst kind of feeling
Yes...
I'm glad I'm not the only one like this. It feels extremely lonely doesn't it?
I still don't know where I'm going, not even know what I'm meant to be doing or where I should be.
It eats at me every single day because I know I can't stand on my two feet and will be broken with just the lightest touch.
I remember reading on GAF a year back about how people deal with not knowing what to do. What helped most of them was: fear itself. The fear of not knowing what to do and in those times, an adrenaline rush for survival kicks them up from the dark and pushes them where they need to go.
That said, you and me are fearing right now but not much is happening, but maybe it will some day. Maybe we'll both get out.
It's a list of people that don't mind being contacted and willing to talk to you about your mental illnesses and/or your issues.
I have used this list just recently and helped clear my mind a little.
Don't worry though, they are kind people and are from this thread. They are not random people that might insult you.
Sidewinder
Member
Maybe you should send a PM to Bagels, he's our own Doogie Howser, just a little bit older and a little less famous
Maybe you should send a PM to Bagels, he's our own Doogie Howser, just a little bit older and a little less famous
Twice as old AND half as famous!
I should have titled this - sorry. This is a running list of depression-GAFfers who are open to be contacted about mental health issues. You can click on their names to PM them, some are often in the unofficial chat, many will share their skype or steam if you PM them.
I know...every one of these people, actually. They're all fantastic resources. If you asked me to come up with a list of people to talk to about depression, it would basically be this (plus several more of you!).
We have an incredibly strong community on skype, steam, chat - I really encourage everyone to take advantage of what we have here. It can be extra useful as the thread can move too fast (or some of us are afraid that we talk too much) for everyone to get responses.
Bagels [skype: gaf.bagels] [Chat]
Lunch
EdmondD [Chat]
Fiction
Oomikami
Prax [Chat Moderator]
Colin
heidern
Empty
Smiley90 [Chat]
nimbus
I know...every one of these people, actually. They're all fantastic resources. If you asked me to come up with a list of people to talk to about depression, it would basically be this (plus several more of you!).
We have an incredibly strong community on skype, steam, chat - I really encourage everyone to take advantage of what we have here. It can be extra useful as the thread can move too fast (or some of us are afraid that we talk too much) for everyone to get responses.
Bagels [skype: gaf.bagels] [Chat]
Lunch
EdmondD [Chat]
Fiction
Oomikami
Prax [Chat Moderator]
Colin
heidern
Empty
Smiley90 [Chat]
nimbus
It's unlikely that the citalopram is causing the panic attacks. Antidepressants just don't work that fast - a reaction in 3 days, let alone 3 hours, is super unlikely. UNLESS you're also taking something like St. John's Wort or tryptophan - you can put yourself into a hyper-serotonin state that way (the light therapy won't do that - that's a great therapy, btw).
Honestly, if you had your panic attacks resolve after one dose of citalopram, most people would call that placebo effect. Almost everyone feels better after doing ANYTHING for depression or anxiety. Just going to the doctor makes me feel better. There is a positive therapeutic affect (or there can be negative effects - like the panic attacks, perhaps) - don't write that off.
20mg is the usual starting dose of citalopram. If you're more comfortable at 10mg, start there, no problem. Even if the initial effects may not be entirely due to the drug, it sounds like it works in the longer term.
Now, the issues you're feeling with your career and your untapped potential aren't going to go anywhere with pills. I keep pushing Mind Over Mood - the text we work from in therapy here. It's a really cheap way to get started in cognitive behavioral therapy. It works better in the group setting, or in individual therapy - you need other people to help you see things from different perspectives. I loathe self-help crap, so that's not what this is.
I hope your wife keeps doing well! I hope some of this helps. You cvan always PM me, post here, find me on skype, etc.
DodgyGeezerFella
Member
I really do feel like a completely empty, shut down person, and i've been that way for years.
I'm always against social outings, I seem to enjoy absolutely nothing, I have absolutely no idea how to connect with people (and get scared when people attempt to with me), I bottle up damn near everything, I have no go to do anything either.
The really annoying thing ? I very rarely have these day where, I wake up and feel amazing, I suddenly break out of my shell, become a bit out-going, social, and people enjoy being around me. I feel like what I should be. But then I wake up the next day and its back to being miserable. And this just makes me even more depressed. I feel like I should be that fun guy that comes out now and then, but I have no idea how to get back into that.
I just have no idea how to talk normal shit with people or relax at all.
Currently taking some AD's but they only seem to block out the negative thoughts, but there not going to change me. I need to start doing something with my life to get some mojo on the go, but I have absolutely no idea where to start
Probably some wild ramblings but it helps sometimes to just type this shit out.
I'm always against social outings, I seem to enjoy absolutely nothing, I have absolutely no idea how to connect with people (and get scared when people attempt to with me), I bottle up damn near everything, I have no go to do anything either.
The really annoying thing ? I very rarely have these day where, I wake up and feel amazing, I suddenly break out of my shell, become a bit out-going, social, and people enjoy being around me. I feel like what I should be. But then I wake up the next day and its back to being miserable. And this just makes me even more depressed. I feel like I should be that fun guy that comes out now and then, but I have no idea how to get back into that.
I just have no idea how to talk normal shit with people or relax at all.
Currently taking some AD's but they only seem to block out the negative thoughts, but there not going to change me. I need to start doing something with my life to get some mojo on the go, but I have absolutely no idea where to start
Probably some wild ramblings but it helps sometimes to just type this shit out.
When's your birthday?
It says Tuesday right in the comic! Also I wrote "know" instead of "known" on the last page.
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
Stopped myself from an anxiety attack. Don't know how I did it really, but I just made myself calm down. I'm constantly worrying about if I'm taking my life in the right direction or if I'm just wasting time, despite me being fairly young. I was freaking out and just thought of myself at this time last year and thought of all the positive changes I've made and how I'm different from who I was, and that actually helped a lot.
I also pooped.
I also pooped.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Original cartoon replaced with abbreviated version.
All of a sudden I want a doughnut (I know it's a bagel, but I have a sweet tooth).
Also, your handwriting is legible. You have to work on making it illegible as it's very unbecoming of a doctor to have legible handwriting.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Great, thanks for posting your list! I forgot to make one today, so I'll try to remember to make one tomorrow.
I feel like that sometimes.
Same here. I want to connect with people, but the moment they try to connect with me I get scared and shut them out. I also bottle everything up.
Yeah, I know the "real" me is inside there somewhere, and he comes out occasionally but he always goes away.
I don't know how either. I wish there was a tutorial online or something.
I need to start doing something with my life to get some mojo on the go, but I have absolutely no idea where to start
Starting is, like, the hardest part of anything.
I should probably type out my ramblings more often. I already feel better just typing this out.
sorry for the v. late reply. yeh its complicated lol. in my head i know that im at a healthy weight and for the first time in a few years i have a healthy BMI, but im still not happy with the way my body looks. you are correct though i am mainly trying to tone but that comes hand in hand with losing weight (for me anyway).
Bel Marduk
Banned
Great, thanks for posting your list! I forgot to make one today, so I'll try to remember to make one tomorrow.
I feel like that sometimes.
Same here. I want to connect with people, but the moment they try to connect with me I get scared and shut them out. I also bottle everything up.
Yeah, I know the "real" me is inside there somewhere, and he comes out occasionally but he always goes away.
I don't know how either. I wish there was a tutorial online or something.
Starting is, like, the hardest part of anything.
I should probably type out my ramblings more often. I already feel better just typing this out.
Ratsky, you have a massive post count on NeoGAF, thousands of people read what you say every day and it doesn't seem to make you nervous to post here at all. Do you feel that there would be a way to transfer that to your real life social anxiety?
Collete
Member
I OD'd on valerian a few days ago...and still feeling the fatigue effects. I just kind of wish it ended me already though.
So behind on school work but every day I just feel like I'm drowning and overwhelmed with myself...It's hard just to even be normal anymore.
I know I say a bunch of crap here that isn't really productive, I'm sorry. It all sounds like a poorly written journal.
It's just all hazy...
So behind on school work but every day I just feel like I'm drowning and overwhelmed with myself...It's hard just to even be normal anymore.
I know I say a bunch of crap here that isn't really productive, I'm sorry. It all sounds like a poorly written journal.
It's just all hazy...
The Hermit
Member
I am on Venlafaxin, but sometimes when I feel good enough I forget to take it... I am achieving a lot in my life lately so I am getting less and less dependent of meds.
XT Vengeance
Member
I am on Effexor XR. It works pretty well, but the depression still strikes full force some days.
Collete
Member
Yeah...took 6 doses of the normal recommended amount.
I was planning to combine it with a sleep med to end me for good, but someone found out and talked me out of it.
Thanks man...*sigh*
It just feels all hopeless and knowing I'll be on my own soon, when I can't even take care of myself now.
Not to the mention I have tried my best to isolate myself from everyone hasn't really went as planned.
Great, thanks for posting your list! I forgot to make one today, so I'll try to remember to make one tomorrow.
I feel like that sometimes.
Same here. I want to connect with people, but the moment they try to connect with me I get scared and shut them out. I also bottle everything up.
Yeah, I know the "real" me is inside there somewhere, and he comes out occasionally but he always goes away.
I don't know how either. I wish there was a tutorial online or something.
Starting is, like, the hardest part of anything.
I should probably type out my ramblings more often. I already feel better just typing this out.
I wish we could get your confidence up! I haven't seen you on Skype in forever, which sucks because you're such an easygoing, funny, smart guy! I know you don't feel like it, but you're such a cornerstone of this community. You've helped me a ton - I still say you'd make an amazing doctor - and I'm not just saying that to make you feel good. Dead serious.
Don't be a stranger here or on Skype! You help me more than I help you, so I want to see you around purely for selfish reasons.
I've been doing really well recently (I've been asked why I post here so much when I don't strike people as having depression, which is nuts!), and it's thanks to all of you guys. I take a lot of strength from this community and, if I do anything at all for Depression-GAF, it's because I really owe it to all of you. It's never a bother, it's never annoying - I try my best to be there for you guys, not because I have to, but because I want to. I've lived with this thing for a long time now, and I'm still learning from all of you, but we can all get better. We're in this together, yeah? Maybe sharing an illness isn't the IDEAL way to make friends, but the friendships are incredible. Piano and I often have these "holy shit! How did this amazing community for depressed people form on a gaming forum?" conversations. It's because of people like Ratsky who can take their own suffering and put it to use to help others. Shit's INSPIRING!
Kind of in a gushing mood today, I guess. <3 ya, Ratsky! You're a good man. I'm incredibly proud to call you a friend. It's an hono(u)r, man.
XT Vengeance
Member
I know that feeling. I'm 21 and living with my parents while i go through school. I have a shitty job, but I am working on getting an internship. I'm just afraid that if when I finally do move out everything will fall apart. I attempted suicide once, locked myself in my room with a knife. Was about to do it when the police showed up and managed to talk me down.
I'm scared that when I am on my own there won't be anyone there to help.
After living with depression for I feel is 5 years things got bad enough that I visited my GP. I found it incredibly difficult to even open up to my GP. I need to let the people around me know family, friends and tutors. I've decided to tell my tutors first because it affecting my studies significantly however I just sat for two hours outside my tutors office during office hours and couldn't muster up the courage to go and say how I feel. In my mind I don't think they'll understand nor do I think I will be given the time needed to sort myself out. I also feel like they'll look at me differently (negatively). All of these are excuses and now I feel even more depressed because I didn't even do the one thing I promised to do today.
You need help (lady-)bro! You're too amazing to have this happen. You can get help and you can get better! I know therapy is expensive, but there isn't a person here who wouldn't kick in to get you some help. You've done so much for others in this thread, just accept a little help in return, yeah? Maybe the therapist will take the $30 directly so you can't even refuse it. Don't make me do it!
I think opening up to anyone you don't too well on a personal level would be difficult. Which is why I've never really considered counselling, plus communication problems makes it more difficult for me. I can portray how I'm feeling better in this sort of format, where I have time to think about and explain how I'm feeling. I'm not very good at doing that off the top of my head in the flesh. So maybe sending your tutors an email would be better for you? As they would most likely be more patient and understanding if they knew what was going on.
end you for good? go fuck yourself. i'm rooting for you man. you'll figure this out. you'll get over this time. i believe in you.
Collete
Member
I can't ask anyone for help from here.
And I did nothing for anyone here either.
(Also do check your Steam, I suggested an idea.)
Don't put your faith in me too much, but I thank you for the encouraging words.
Even though I have my doubts continuing with this, I'm still trying to push on.
It's just too much on me though...
We know you're not asking, but what if we won't let you refuse?
I'll join Bagels in chipping in.
What is a suicide prevention hotline supposed to do? Talk to the caller? Tell them sweet nothings like their life is going to get better or that people would be sad if they died? Is that supposed to help?
...I'm done with this, but I know I'm too afraid to even make an attempt. It's always been that way. It pisses me off.
Sorry, probably not appropriate here especially since I'm probably not even clinically depressed, but I had to post this after seeing Bagels' post.
...I'm done with this, but I know I'm too afraid to even make an attempt. It's always been that way. It pisses me off.
Sorry, probably not appropriate here especially since I'm probably not even clinically depressed, but I had to post this after seeing Bagels' post.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
You're underestimating the power of empathy. Sometimes all you need is a simple conversation.
I see. Guess I wouldn't know much about that outside of the social worker and psychologist I saw before. I never feel like their concern or empathy is genuine; just a fabrication.
too much for what? maybe too much to seem like you can deal with it in a reasonable way .. which is understandable. but at the end of the day, the only "too much" is when you give up. you just typed that you're still trying to push on. you haven't had too much. just keep going.
What suicide hotlines did for me when I felt really down one day was it made me feel sheepish about thinking of killing myself. He asked me if I had a plan and I really didn't, though my mind gravitated towards a sharp knife in the kitchen. And I ended up feeling silly that I would go through with hurting myself just to show this person on the other line that I wasn't just fucking around. So yeah, letting another person into your headspace helps a lot.
I dunno - I give a shit, and I know almost nothing about you. I'm going into psychiatry because I've been there and I don't want ANYONE to go through that. The people who volunteer at these hotlines are generally there for the same reason - they've been there.
I wouldn't believe talking to a stranger would do shit either, but I've experienced it over and over. From just PMing people and saying "hey, read your post. I have depression, too. Want to talk?", I've had the most intimate conversations with people. I talk to at least 3 of you every day, I've been on the phone with 5-6 of you, and I easily talk to a dozen different people a month. The contact list I posted is no joke. There are amazing people in here.
I'm jaded and cynical and, until pretty recently, not really emotionally available. I'm interested in receptors and molecules more than talk therapy. But I've really come to believe in this stuff. I'm just a student, so I can't prescribe ANYTHING in the clinic. What I can do is talk and care. And that is honestly magical. If I could prescribe a drug or talk to someone for 30 minutes, I'd choose the latter, easily, almost every time (not for, you know, cancer - my talking [listening] isn't quite that good...yet).
Don't we all just want to be listened to and understood?
Collete
Member
I still refuse...
I just can't accept being helped like this. Doesn't feel right to me.
I may say I push on, but doesn't mean I'm capable of doing so.
you wont know unless you try you son of a bitch.
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