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Giant Bomb Thread 2: A thread on a popular internet message board

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D

DaBuddaDa

Member
Ah yes, the shock of the reality of having to take care of a helpless little human being. Ironically, the first year or so is the easiest. Wait 'til they learn to walk.

Parents in general are gods amongst men.
 
W

winstano

Member
RomanticHeroX said:
I can't help but think Vinny's just going to pass out on the Bombcast.
Click to expand...

"Hey everyone it's Tooooooooosday April 17th 2012, welcome to the Giant Bombcast, I'm your host Ryan Davis, alongside me Jeff Gerstmann"
"Hello!"
"Bradley Shoemaker"
"Emails"
"Trick Tricky Klepek"
"'sup"
"And the triumphant return, ladies and gentlemen of proud new parent, Vinny Caravella!"
"zZZzzzzzZZZZzzzz...."
"Vinny Caravella!!"
"Zzzzzz.... *snort* Coffee? eh? Poop? Zzzzz"
 
H

Hoo-doo

Banned
Fuck, terrible timing, my membership just ended and I don't have a spare 50$ to throw at them right now. Bring back the 35$ yearly membership sale!
 
D

DaBuddaDa

Member
How to become Vinny without having a kid:

1) Program an extremely loud alarm clock to go off in a random interval between a half hour and three hours.

2) Place the alarm clock in a bedroom that isn't your bedroom.

3) Whenever the alarm clock goes off, you must immediately go to it and hold it for a random interval between 5 minutes and 30 minutes before it will turn off (remember to set it to "ear-shatteringly loud")

Repeat steps one through three for two weeks straight, including weekends, 24/7.
 
F

FStop7

Banned
kRVfR.jpg

36539.jpg


Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte... just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that when you're in the water, Chief? You tell by looking from the dorsal to the tail fin. What we didn't know, was our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin', so we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know, it was kinda like old squares in the battle like you see in the calendar named "The Battle of Waterloo" and the idea was: shark comes to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark will go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us... he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.
Click to expand...
 
M

MiniBossBattle

Member
DaBuddaDa said:
How to become Vinny without having a kid:

1) Program an extremely loud alarm clock to go off in a random interval between a half hour and three hours.

2) Place the alarm clock in a bedroom that isn't your bedroom.

3) Whenever the alarm clock goes off, you must immediately go to it and hold it for a random interval between 5 minutes and 30 minutes before it will turn off (remember to set it to "ear-shatteringly loud")

Repeat steps one through three for two weeks straight, including weekends, 24/7.
Click to expand...

4) The constant fear/realization that you are in charge of a helpless human life. Its the ultimate videogame escort mission. Except it lasts for years.

Welcome to parenthood Vinny. It gets better. Also, go to sleep Vinny where ever/whenever you can. You have be a napping ninja.
 
L

LuchaShaq

Banned
DaBuddaDa said:
How to become Vinny without having a kid:

1) Program an extremely loud alarm clock to go off in a random interval between a half hour and three hours.

2) Place the alarm clock in a bedroom that isn't your bedroom.

3) Whenever the alarm clock goes off, you must immediately go to it and hold it for a random interval between 5 minutes and 30 minutes before it will turn off (remember to set it to "ear-shatteringly loud")

Repeat steps one through three for two weeks straight, including weekends, 24/7.
Click to expand...

Don't forget to set all of your money on fire and do something horrible to your girlfriend so she won't be able to have sex for awhile+be too tired to once she's able.

Kid is cute though, honestly find most babies horrifically ugly.



Wasn't there a dave livestream on friday? I was at work so I've been waiting for the video/audio about the new site features and such?
 
R

RomanticHeroX

Member
DaBuddaDa said:
How to become Vinny without having a kid:

1) Program an extremely loud alarm clock to go off in a random interval between a half hour and three hours.

2) Place the alarm clock in a bedroom that isn't your bedroom.

3) Whenever the alarm clock goes off, you must immediately go to it and hold it for a random interval between 5 minutes and 30 minutes before it will turn off (remember to set it to "ear-shatteringly loud")

Repeat steps one through three for two weeks straight, including weekends, 24/7.
Click to expand...

Close, but the alarm would also need to be able to randomly poop and/or vomit on you.
 
H

Hoo-doo

Banned
YuriLowell said:
I'm pretty sure ill have this mindset for the next 50 years.
Click to expand...

I was pretty sure I was going to be a metalhead for the rest of my life too. Things change.

But no, there are indeed people who choose to remain childless forever, with their own reasons. But the way you worded it made me think of a brash kid trying to be cool and "against the system".

My apologies.
 
Y

YuriLowell

Member
Hoo-doo said:
I was pretty sure I was going to be a metalhead for the rest of my life too. Things change.

But no, there are indeed people who choose to remain childless forever, with their own reasons. But the way you worded it made me think of a brash kid trying to be cool and "against the system".

My apologies.
Click to expand...

No worries. I just don't think children are for me.
 
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