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[Monocle]

Just wipe with the nearest dick. If it's yours, you can clean it at the end of the day. If not, it's not your problem!

 

[_Rob_]

Take Del's advice.

 

[danowat]

Sometimes. I'm pretty regular. Probably at least twice.

Twice maybe, but 3-4 times is a lot.

 

[cw_sasuke]

Thought this was about Tinder....welp.

 

[Sheriff_Battlesnake]

After a certain age, who do you ask? I figured semi-anonymously seems appropriate.

 

[rashbeep]

You're hopping in the shower every time you take a shit? You showering 3-4 times a day?

I go once right after I wake up.

Life is good

 

[vypek]

The correct way to wipe is whatever leaves the least amount of crap on or in you.

Whatever technique you happen to use is between you and God.

Yeah. Just wipe in anyway that gets the area clean. Whatever works for you, OP

 

[dl77]

I go once right after I wake up.

Life is good

Seems a waste. You should save it for work where you'll then get paid to do it!

 

[Monocle]

After a certain age, who do you ask? I figure semi-anonymously seems appropriate.

Seek answers from the only place you're sure to encounter no judgment: the Youtube comments section.

 

[danowat]

what about just using the 3 shells?

 

[Lothar]

I do it from side to side using two fingers with one going further in. Thanks for your time.

 

[PjotrStroganov]

Seems a waste. You should save it for work where you'll then get paid to do it!

Wisdom.

 

[HawksWinStanley]

I've always gone between the legs back to front (BLB2F), why wouldn't you? Your legs are spread so you're getting prime access without having to lift a leg or stand. I never understood the shitty balls argument because I, like most people, have a taint that acts as a generous buffer between the two. I don't start wiping and then keep the toilet paper pinned against my body til I reach my belly button. You can feel where you're supposed to end the wiping motion and it's long before you reach the back of your sack. And if you're that worried about it then boom, your other hand can easily move everything out of the way.

BLB2F lets you check out how much more work you have to do and then just drop it right into the water, keeping everything contained in the bowl. Do most people go from the side? So you're just pulling shitty tissue out from under yourself and flinging shit particles into the air before you look at the paper and then drop it into the bowl in front of you? And doesn't that just have risks of getting it on your thigh or the seat?

 

[Scotia]

nintendo avatar, needs help with wiping their ass. seems accurate

lmao

 

[killatopak]

You can fix all of your problems with a bidet.

the truest truth had never been truer.

 

[Forearms]

I go every other day. That's just how my system works. I align it with my daily showers. Who shits 3-4 times a day??

People that eat a lot of food? Sounds like you eat like a bird if your digestive tract is that slow.

OP - knock that off. Front to back is the safest way.

 

[Media]

Serious observation guys, this is why there are so many quests to do with poop in World of Warcraft. Gamers are obsessed as devs it seems

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Christ. Use a bidet people. It's 2017. Stop smearing shit on yourselves.

If you got shit on your arm would you just smear it off with tissue and keep on trucking? No. Should be the same all over your body.

 

[ghostjoke]

Ah, the bi-monthly bathroom habits thread.

 

[Sheriff_Battlesnake]

nintendo avatar, needs help with wiping their ass. seems accurate

Touché.

Mom doesn't answer when I yell anymore.

Christ. Use a bidet people. It's 2017. Stop smearing shit on yourselves.

I've never even seen a bidet, be it 2017 or not. The US is a wasteland.

 

[danowat]

Pro tip, just wipe it on the carpet.

 

[Steel]

Seems a waste. You should save it for work where you'll then get paid to do it!

This poster gets it.

 

[Mendrox]

I've always gone between the legs back to front (BLB2F), why wouldn't you? Your legs are spread so you're getting prime access without having to lift a leg or stand. I never understood the shitty balls argument because I, like most people, have a taint that acts as a generous buffer between the two. I don't start wiping and then keep the toilet paper pinned against my body til I reach my belly button. You can feel where you're supposed to end the wiping motion and it's long before you reach the back of your sack. And if you're that worried about it then boom, your other hand can easily move everything out of the way.

BLB2F lets you check out how much more work you have to do and then just drop it right into the water, keeping everything contained in the bowl. Do most people go from the side? So you're just pulling shitty tissue out from under yourself and flinging shit particles into the air before you look at the paper and then drop it into the bowl in front of you? And doesn't that just have risks of getting it on your thigh or the seat?

You are correct.

But also bidets are godsend and you don't even have that problem with them. I have to buy one for my apartment. Hmm.

 

[Breakage]

People that eat a lot of food? Sounds like you eat like a bird if your digestive tract is that slow.

OP - knock that off. Front to back is the safest way.

I eat normally. Shitting 3-4 a day sounds like hell.

 

[Zakalwe]

Wet wipes or wash.

Anything else and your butthole's going to stink of shit until you do one of the above.

 

[shnurgleton]

I don't poo if there isn't a bidet. Unless it's an emergency ofc.

It's really weird to find a bathroom without a bidet over here tho.

Good luck literally anywhere else

 

[Clefargle]

Just wipe with the nearest dick. If it's yours, you can clean it at the end of the day. If not, it's not your problem!

Sound advice

 

[Woetyler]

 

[Raptomex]

Being an infant is where it's at. People wipe your ass for you.

 

[Sheriff_Battlesnake]

I've always gone between the legs back to front (BLB2F), why wouldn't you? Your legs are spread so you're getting prime access without having to lift a leg or stand. I never understood the shitty balls argument because I, like most people, have a taint that acts as a generous buffer between the two. I don't start wiping and then keep the toilet paper pinned against my body til I reach my belly button. You can feel where you're supposed to end the wiping motion and it's long before you reach the back of your sack. And if you're that worried about it then boom, your other hand can easily move everything out of the way.

BLB2F lets you check out how much more work you have to do and then just drop it right into the water, keeping everything contained in the bowl. Do most people go from the side? So you're just pulling shitty tissue out from under yourself and flinging shit particles into the air before you look at the paper and then drop it into the bowl in front of you? And doesn't that just have risks of getting it on your thigh or the seat?

Whoa, if friendships could be built on something as flimsy as heiney hygiene you'd be my very best bud.

 

[Lamel]

I'm a ball wiper too OP.

 

[notaskwid]

Bathroom GAF at it again.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Wet wipes or wash.

Anything else and your butthole's going to stink of shit until you do one of the above.

Yup. I keep wet wipes at work. My coworkers made fun of me when I grab the wet wipes and can of lysol but whatever. They can think I'm an ass but I won't be a smelly one.

Being an infant is where it's at. People wipe your ass for you.

As a grown man having someone wipe your ass for you is the most depressing experience ever.

 

[thelooseteeth]

I wipe back to front, and have never gotten shit on my balls. It's not even possible, really, without intending to do it.

 

[Marvel]

OT is full of weirdo's.

 

[Sub_Level]

I've never even seen a bidet, be it 2017 or not. The US is a wasteland.

US culture sucks in that regard. You have to be proactive and order one. Amazon has some for under $50.

 

[dl77]

I don't start wiping and then keep the toilet paper pinned against my body til I reach my belly button.

"Hmm. Belly button's probably a better place to stop"

 

[Mendrox]

Yup. I keep wet wipes at work. My coworkers made fun of me when I grab the wet wipes and can of lysol but whatever. They can think I'm an ass but I won't be a smelly one.



As a grown man having someone wipe your ass for you is the most depressing experience ever.

Wet wipes are not good for most toilets. Are you allowed to flush them?

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Wet wipes are not good for most toilets. Are you allowed to flush them?

Trust me. This place can afford a plumber. My ass needs to be clean.

 

[Skyr]

For 30 years of my life I was wiping.
Since about a year I'm always showering my ass after every poop. OMG SO MUCH BETTER.

I don't have a bidet at home.
I'm utilizing a technique where I sit on my legs on the outer edge of my bathtub so my poopihole is hovering free. Then I turbo it with the showerhead. 10/10 can recommend.

 

[dl77]

Please tell me you rinse the shower out afterwards.

Would you not just end of with bits of poo on your showerhead though?!

 

[mackattk]

i wipe side to side

 

[Arcteryx]

Seems a waste. You should save it for work where you'll then get paid to do it!

Cuts down on toilet paper costs too!

I walk into work and take a shit like clockwork.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Cuts down on toilet paper costs too!

I walk into work and take a shit like clockwork.

I can't. I tried that and my stomach was killing me during my commute. Bubble guts on the train is terrible.

 

[Phobophile]

I don't poo if there isn't a bidet. Unless it's an emergency ofc.

It's really weird to find a bathroom without a bidet over here tho.

You'll be constipated if you ever come to the states lol

 

[whitemex88]

Do you crumple or fold?

 

[dl77]

Do you crumple or fold?

Toilet paper or the person?

 

[Sheriff_Battlesnake]

Do you crumple or fold?

The world of wiping is truly expansive.

I don't even know what that means! Tell me more.

 

[wbEMX]

Pro tip, just wipe it on the carpet.

I fucking hate it when my cat does that on our carpets. God damn.

 

[Wallach]

For 30 years of my life I was wiping.
Since about a year I'm always showering my ass after every poop. OMG SO MUCH BETTER.

I don't have a bidet at home.
I'm utilizing a technique where I sit on my legs on the outer edge of my bathtub so my poopihole is hovering free. Then I turbo it with the showerhead. 10/10 can recommend.

get a bidet you fucking savage