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[TheLetdown]

nintendo avatar, needs help with wiping their ass. seems accurate

Absolutely barbaric.

 

[Supervlieg]

I think we need an OT about this at this point.

 

[Timeaisis]

Sometimes I wonder how some of you have made it this far.

 

[Slayer-33]

Front to back crumpled until almost clear then back to front clearing out your scrotum lol.. Then front to back.

Should leave your ass without shit

Any other way and you are absolutely leaving shit behind under your scrotum lol. Eww just thinking about it.

 

[Raptomex]

As a grown man having someone wipe your ass for you is the most depressing experience ever.

So I've been told. But the way I see it, I'm going to get old no matter what and if I'm going to have a bowel problem, I might as well embrace it. Treat the issue, obviously, but have a little fun in the process. Why else do people have children? So we can hold the fact that we wiped their ass for the first few years of their life over their heads when we get old and now it's time for them to return the favor.

 

[Monocle]

For 30 years of my life I was wiping.
Since about a year I'm always showering my ass after every poop. OMG SO MUCH BETTER.

I don't have a bidet at home.
I'm utilizing a technique where I sit on my legs on the outer edge of my bathtub so my poopihole is hovering free. Then I turbo it with the showerhead. 10/10 can recommend.

Yes OK but if you're causing your poop to fountain onto the showerhead, then the next time you shower you will be showering in poop.

Bet you didn't think of that.

"Hmm. Belly button's probably a better place to stop"

10/10

 

[whitemex88]

Toilet paper or the person?

The world of wiping is truly expansive.

I don't even know what that means! Tell me more.

The toilet paper. Before you wipe, do you just crumple the paper or do you fold it?

I used to be a crumpler but I found that folding saves way more paper

 

[HawksWinStanley]

Whoa, if friendships could be built on something as flimsy as heiney hygiene you'd be my very best bud.

 

[Sheriff_Battlesnake]

Sometimes I wonder how some of you have made it this far.

By breathing air, eating food, and drinking water.

Also it isn't messy, but apparently it's wrong because it CAN be messy! Idk man. Societal standards are so oppressive.

 

[Arkanius]

Are you guys also shitting correctly?
You have to squat for the best shitting experience.

 

[GrizzleBoy]

How do men with hairy butts deal with wiping the chunks out of their butt pubes when there is no bidet around?

I'm asking for a friend.

 

[| Praxis |]

The reason women have to be careful when wiping is due to cross contamination, dont want poo in the V.

Men dont have a V, so you just need to be concerned with getting clean.

Wiping towards your balls doesnt sound the best way to get clean LOL.

It's like one of my Japanese hentais.

 

[Auctopus]

I did the whole "wiping between the legs" motion and they all shook their heads.

This sentence creased me up. Imagining you surrounded by your college friends and them shaking their heads at you.

 

[killatopak]

How do men with hairy butts deal with wiping the chunks out of their butt pubes when there is no bidet around?

I'm asking for a friend.

sand paper.

 

[Monocle]

The toilet paper. Before you wipe, do you just crumple the paper or do you fold it?

I used to be a crumpler but I found that folding saves way more paper

It also makes the barrier between your fingers and butt much thinner.

How do men with hairy butts deal with wiping the chunks out of their butt pubes when there is no bidet around?

I'm asking for a friend.

A gentleman always carries a mustache comb.

 

[splidzy]

The reason women have to be careful when wiping is due to cross contamination, dont want poo in the V.

Men dont have a V, so you just need to be concerned with getting clean.

Wiping towards your balls doesnt sound the best way to get clean LOL.

Try it, it doesn't spread, it hit a block (no balls) then go on the paper towel. It's the superior way.

 

[DemWalls]

what about just using the 3 shells?

 

[Mammoth Jones]

So I've been told. But the way I see it, I'm going to get old no matter what and if I'm going to have a bowel problem, I might as well embrace it. Treat the issue, obviously, but have a little fun in the process. Why else do people have children? So we can hold the fact that we wiped their ass for the first few years of their life over their heads when we get old and now it's time for them to return the favor.

Yea. No. I had a beautiful young woman wipe my ass for me and it was the most soul crushing experience of my life. I was so miserable. Could barely stand. And I mean I ate a BIG meal of grits and gravy and mutton before my operation. So right when I'm ready to get that all out of me she has to clean it up? I wanted to die.

She was nice and professional but I could tell she was judging me the entire time. I couldn't make eye contact afterwards.

I will never let someone wipe my ass again.

 

[Weebos]

I don't wipe, I just get in the shower quick and wash my ass.

Excuse me?

...why did I enter this thread?

Why do I do this to myself.

nintendo avatar, needs help with wiping their ass. seems accurate

Savage.

 

[Trojita]

What bidet do you guys recommend?

 

[daveo42]

I wipe forward and have never had an issue. I know people who wipe backwards and end up getting shit on the toilet seat. They probably also have shit up their back too.

You can fix all of your problems with a bidet.

I wish this was more of a thing in the United States.

 

[PandaShake]

Just do the mummy. Wrap one hand completely with toilet paper and go to town.

 

[Mdk7]

I wipe forward and have never had an issue. I know people who wipe backwards and end up getting shit on the toilet seat. They probably also have shit up their back too.



I wish this was more of a thing in the United States.

Seriously, it just blows my mind how it's not.
I live in Italy and everyone here has (at least) a bidet at home... it's really one of the few things I miss when I'm abroad, LOL.

 

[inner-G]

What bidet do you guys recommend?

Garden hose

 

[Shivershorts]

Both directions for best results. Also left, right, B, A, Start.

Agreed. Both directions for best cleanup.

 

[Sheriff_Battlesnake]

This sentence creased me up. Imagining you surrounded by your college friends and them shaking their heads at you.

stomach plummeted when I thought I was saying something normal and their united disapproval cleared that up.

 

[DongBeetle]

Everyone wipes differently

 

[louiedog]

I wish my rental unit's bathroom had a better layout for power near the toilet. I'd really like a nice heated/drying toto washlet or similar.

 

[itchy. tasty]

Thought this was about Tinder....welp.

Thought this was about drug use....welp.

 

[BinaryPork2737]

The lack of MS Paint diagrams in this thread is truly disappointing.

 

[void666]

Shit balls

 

[Zen_Arcade]

Wet wipes or wash.

Anything else and your butthole's going to stink of shit until you do one of the above.

Wetting folded toilet paper works well too if you're in one of those contained public restrooms.

 

[hoserx]

Wetting folded toilet paper works well too if you're in one of those contained public restrooms.

If you're in a multi-person bathroom, you can make a quick dart from stall to sink if you think you've got a clear window...... but that's an awfully perilous half-down-pants walk, and if someone sees you, you've got a lot of explaining to do.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

I've always gone between the legs back to front (BLB2F), why wouldn't you? Your legs are spread so you're getting prime access without having to lift a leg or stand. I never understood the shitty balls argument because I, like most people, have a taint that acts as a generous buffer between the two. I don't start wiping and then keep the toilet paper pinned against my body til I reach my belly button. You can feel where you're supposed to end the wiping motion and it's long before you reach the back of your sack. And if you're that worried about it then boom, your other hand can easily move everything out of the way.

BLB2F lets you check out how much more work you have to do and then just drop it right into the water, keeping everything contained in the bowl. Do most people go from the side? So you're just pulling shitty tissue out from under yourself and flinging shit particles into the air before you look at the paper and then drop it into the bowl in front of you? And doesn't that just have risks of getting it on your thigh or the seat?

This thread is a lot of fun and all, but this guy gets it. And your balls or taint aren't going to be dirty if you're wiping till the tissue is clean.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

The world of wiping is truly expansive.

I don't even know what that means! Tell me more.

Some people take a big chunk of toilet paper, then compress it into a pokeball and just stuff it right into their ass! We call these people "crumplers"

People who fold the toiletpaper, make it into napkins that they use on their asses ("wax on, wax off"). We call these people Folders. Or Foldies.

People who clog the toilet, I think are mostly crumblers. And I speak from experience-

I once clogged a toilet at a exgirlfriends house, and her mom was pissed as she had to take a shit. She was standing there with a long stick pressing it into the toilet as all my smelly doo doo clogged it the toilet because i had crumbled to much paper. The bad habit of crumbling is that the bigger shit you take, the more paper you tend to use. So I had used a lot of toilet paper that time. Too much for the toilets drainage.

It's embarrassing for your mother in law to see the meal she cooked for you yesterday, floating there in her toilet, along with sweet corn, and ripped toilet paper.



I broke up with my girlfriend not long after that.


Learn from my mistake: Don't crumble. fold.

 

[Pestilence11]

Wipe toward your balls then proceed to have oral sex.

If you've only scrapped paper across your ass since shitting you shouldn't be receiving oral sex in my opinion. Regardless of amount of wipes, technique.

 

[Murkas]

Fold paper, wipe back to front
Crumple paper, wipe front to back
Alternate until nothing appears on toilet paper
Wash that badboy with your bidet.
Dry up, wash hands and put clothes back on

 

[Yellowflashdude]

Invest in a bidet. I don't understand how people can feel clean with just wiping.

 

[d9b]

The right way

Holy shit lol!

 

[Sora the Cat]

Good luck literally anywhere else

You'll be constipated if you ever come to the states lol

This "no bidet" thing is just something from the USA? Or will I have to deal with no bidets in Europe too for example? Maybe it changes from country to country over there. (I'm from South America)

 

[dl77]

This "no bidet" thing is just something from the USA? Or will I have to deal with no bidets in Europe too for example? Maybe it changes from country to country over there. (I'm from South America)

They're certainly not commonplace here in the UK. We also often have separate hot and cold taps which sometimes shocks people from countries that only have mixers!

 

[Astral Dog]

Ewwww 😷

 

[PillarEN]

This "no bidet" thing is just something from the USA? Or will I have to deal with no bidets in Europe too for example? Maybe it changes from country to country over there. (I'm from South America)

Most homes that I've seen across NA and EU have no bidet.

They're certainly not commonplace here in the UK. We also often have separate hot and cold taps which sometimes shocks people from countries that only have mixers!

God the separate taps is honestly the worst thing ever.

 

[ChubbyHuggs]

I swear we've had this thread already...

 

[Astral Dog]

OMG i never heard about a bidet before or seen or know they existed were do you guys find this amazing invention? D:

 

[Chinner]

Didn't realise so many people could be elitist about how their wipe their ass hole.

 

[Golgo 13]

Reading this thread while having a shit at work.

Read this thread while shifting at home and before clicking on off-topic thought "I should post something about shitting on gaf".

True

 

[DemWalls]

This "no bidet" thing is just something from the USA? Or will I have to deal with no bidets in Europe too for example? Maybe it changes from country to country over there. (I'm from South America)

For sure you'll have no problem in Italy. They basically invented it.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

I don't wipe, I just get in the shower quick and wash my ass.

I just sit over the sink and splash my bum with water like a makeshift bidet.

 

[CocaMantis]

Hold on: how on Earth is wiping towards your balls easier than do it in the opposite direction? There isn't enough room to execute the movement properly not to mention the funny angle. But yeah, a bidet it's the easiest and cleanest option. Of course if you took a vicious shit you should wipe after the bidet.
Man...wiping towards your balls. That's cavemen stuff.