Yo let me get in on this. Me and the girl have been together for a little over 1 and a half year, where the majority of that has been long distance. We've always been countries apart (at first Sweden/Korea and now Sweden/Ireland, where she's studying English) and being poor students we've barely been able to see each other.
I see so much positivity in this thread and it makes me feel a bit better about it all, but damn this shit is rough. Though we did just get out of a huge argument last night, might still be on edge.
edit: you know what, i read the title as long distance. that's what mornings do to you. but eh, my post still stands, this is my first relationship that's gone on this "long."
Same advice for long distance as it is for long term except DOUBLE. A lot of people will tell you not to do long distance and yeah, that shit is hard. But when it's worth it, it's worth it.
Just got out of a long distance relationship recently. Part of the reason I left was realizing I did not want to live an ocean away from my family. Do I regret the relationship? Not for one second! Sure it didn't work out in the end. Some people might consider that a "waste" of time. But I had a lot of fun and enjoyed myself, why would I regret that?
It's not all hopeless like some would have you believe.
Definitely, especially with internet access so easily. You may not be able to touch them physically but there is a lot of fun to be had skyping, writing letters, having virtual dates, playing games etc. And its not forever
Getting close to the 3 year mark. My longest relationship by far.
A lot of people say you should be arguing or fighting semi-regularly, but I'm just going to call bunk on that one. It depends on the individuals. We're both pretty passive with similar tastes and interests, and barely ever fight. Feels good to me!
Depends. Straight out fighting with yelling and the works I can't see as too positive (I suppose it depends on the person though?) but amicable disagreements can be a really great thing for a relationship. I don't know if I'd want to agree with someone on absolutely everything, but as long as the disagreements aren't on anything major or life changing and you can have a friendly discussion about it rather thank fighting, it can help with bonding. Knowing what the other person thinks and learning more about them.
Make your damn wants and needs known. Don't expect shit you haven't asked for and don't expect something different if you've allowed something to go on for so long. It's not fair to your partner after so much time. Communicate, damnit.
Oh, I agree. But I think there's a difference between a disagreement, an argument, and a fight. Disagreements are fine, and the occasional heated debate is okay. As long as it's not about one person being "right" and the other being "wrong". But some people talk about needing to have big fights for heightened "passion"... which is a sentiment I will never share!
5 years now, just got married a month ago. last year 1/2 has been get house/car/married
I guess.... babies soon?
7 years next September. She's my best friend and the love of my life.
Sometimes it's scary having so much of your happiness invested in one person. You realize that if anything ever happened to them you'd absolutely never recover.
Playing non-competitive co-op games (or competitive if that's your fancy, though I know I'd lose regardless so I prefer non-competitive or support!) both in long distance and long term relationships can be great for bonding.
Portal 2 co-op was a great "date" game. Working together to find solutions to problems. Just like you should in any good relationship.
Sorry about your relationship coming to and end mate, but thanks for the pep talk.Same advice for long distance as it is for long term except DOUBLE. A lot of people will tell you not to do long distance and yeah, that shit is hard. But when it's worth it, it's worth it.
Just got out of a long distance relationship recently. Part of the reason I left was realizing I did not want to live an ocean away from my family. Do I regret the relationship? Not for one second! Sure it didn't work out in the end. Some people might consider that a "waste" of time. But I had a lot of fun and enjoyed myself, why would I regret that?
It's not all hopeless like some would have you believe.
Make your damn wants and needs known. Don't expect shit you haven't asked for and don't expect something different if you've allowed something to go on for so long. It's not fair to your partner after so much time. Communicate, damnit.
Make your damn wants and needs known. Don't expect shit you haven't asked for and don't expect something different if you've allowed something to go on for so long. It's not fair to your partner after so much time. Communicate, damnit.
Just over 3 years. Has been fantastic. I love her so.
Has now hit the rocks heavily.
She suddenly wanted space. We bungled that by not correctly doing space.
Sorry about your relationship coming to and end mate, but thanks for the pep talk.
I think many of me and my girlfriend's problems stem from both if us being pretty unstable people, both psychologically and emotionally. But she's a damn clever girl and I'm too lucky to have her, I just hope we can come to an end with this hell, seeing each other a week at a time every 3-4 months...
Great another thread like the SO Pics thread to taunt me every day
Maybe ill be here one day, I hope.
Will be 7 years in October for me and my guy. Still waiting for a ring...
5) Support Anything: Whatever your SO wants to do, support them. OK, well, maybe not if they want to become a serial killer or something like that, but anything within reason. In all of our lives, there are times when it seems the entire world is against our ambitions. Having someone next to you that you know you can rely on to always support and cheer you on is a gift beyond measure. You want to show someone you love them? You want to strengthen the bond? Be that for them. You don't have to be interested in the same venture, or even take part in it, but you can always provide positive reinforcement.
Maybe you should propose?
Liberals ruining traditions since 1895.
7) Have Fun: Play games, go biking, be each other's best friends. Take a deck of cards when you go out to eat (at casual restaurants). If you can't do your leisure activities with one another, then there is something seriously wrong. All the things you do with friends you should be able to do with your SO. Of course, you two might not WANT to do certain things (she might not be into video games or you might not be into gardening) but never for a moment close the door to it being a possibility.
Bitter old man.
i'm married to god
We're trying the best we can, thanks for your kind wordsJust make plans for the day you'll eventually be together and keep working towards that day. It will make the time go by faster!
This post is absolutely amazing and if you weren't married I'd propose to you right here right now.My wife and I started living together October of '95. We've been through every situation from renting a single room in a house with 6 other roommates, living off of the tips she made waitress at a diner to owning our home and being independently wealthy. We've gone through all the typical couple strife, from in-law stressors to financial issues to friend problems. Over the past seventeen years, there are certain things which have remained constant, certain things that I've come to believe are important in a relationship.
Bamelin's post above is very, very similar to this, so it only strengthens my belief that I at least go something right.
1) Communication is Vital: There is nothing more important. Without open, honest communication, I cannot see how any lasting relationship can be healthy. We've weathered situations and have done things that I know will commonly tear a couple apart, and I've got to attribute that to us being both forthcoming and receptive with each other. In another thread, someone scoffed and said "communication can't fix every problem" which is true. However, it can absolutely fix every fixable problem. All the things that people have the most trouble discussing openly (money, sex, family) are the things that have to be discussed between two people if they want to grow together.
2) Space is Vital: While each of you having your own physical space is a wonderful idea, it is also a luxury. Even when we were in a single room, sharing a bathroom with four others, we managed to have our own 'space'. For me, it was a lot of my online interactions. For her, it was diaries and the second drawer under the bed. Being able to explore who you are on your own and then taking that back to your SO is key to not letting the relationship become dominated by one side or the other. Likewise, respecting one another's space and not trying to intrude on it only builds trust and the wonderful feeling that anything is safe with the other person.
3) Vacations are Important: OK, stealing this from Bamelin, but I absolutely agree. Find any way you can to get away, to share experiences with each other. Heck, we subjected ourselves to a medical experiment just to have enough money to do a road trip to the SouthWest. Sure, a week of e.coli followed by a week of sleeping in the car doesn't sound like heaven, but 15 years later, we remember that trip so fondly. The same goes for every trip we've taken, the times that we've shared that stand out the most were when we separated ourselves from all outside stressors and just got to be together (I should note that, in our over 17 and a half years, we've spent maybe 30 days apart).
4) Money is Not That Important: But honesty about money and proper money management is. Don't live outside your means, no matter how much you might want it for the other. If there's trouble paying bills, work on it together. We had these problems early on, and we had friends who had the same problems. We watched as their relationships were torn apart because one was too scared to discuss it with the other, or 'didn't want to worry' the other, or some such reason. I can only believe that, by us talking openly about it, we avoided those pitfalls (which goes back to point 1).
5) Support Anything: Whatever your SO wants to do, support them. OK, well, maybe not if they want to become a serial killer or something like that, but anything within reason. In all of our lives, there are times when it seems the entire world is against our ambitions. Having someone next to you that you know you can rely on to always support and cheer you on is a gift beyond measure. You want to show someone you love them? You want to strengthen the bond? Be that for them. You don't have to be interested in the same venture, or even take part in it, but you can always provide positive reinforcement.
6) Sex is Vital: Good sex. Exciting sex. Different sex. It's all important. Explore each other's kinks. Be open about it. Find a place where the two of you can talk about the most fucked up thoughts you've had (for us, it was in the car...no matter how embarrassing the topic, if we were in the car, we could talk about it...discussion would end the moment we got out). Be painfully open about things, and daring. Push each other's limits and boundaries and never stop trying new things. I've seen one relationship after another where sex was on Fridays (maybe) and they ALL had some sort of longing. The vacations help this, the communication helps this, the personal space helps this. If you want to know what bad, infrequent, boring sex does to a couple, head over to ashleymadison.com.
7) Have Fun: Play games, go biking, be each other's best friends. Take a deck of cards when you go out to eat (at casual restaurants). If you can't do your leisure activities with one another, then there is something seriously wrong. All the things you do with friends you should be able to do with your SO. Of course, you two might not WANT to do certain things (she might not be into video games or you might not be into gardening) but never for a moment close the door to it being a possibility.
OK, so nothing surprising in this list, but, honestly, I think the biggest factor in a lasting, healthy relationship is the first one. Communication. Communication and Sex. Two of the biggest factors in a lasting, healthy relationship are Communication and Sex. And Having Fun. Amongst the factors in a lasting, healthy relationship and such diverse element as: Communication, Sex, Having Fun, and a fanatical devotion to the Pope.
Yeah.Space can be hard, and varies from person to person.
My first boyfriend was an extravert, while I'm pretty near the extreme end of the introvert scale. He became petulant if I did not spend every available minute with him, and I could not even sneak away to read a book in peace. That kind of disconnect can work if you're both willing to work on it and make compromises. Especially talk about why you need space and how often it is necessary.
Will be 7 years in October for me and my guy. Still waiting for a ring...
Amongst the factors in a lasting, healthy relationship and such diverse element as: Communication, Sex, Having Fun, and a fanatical devotion to the Pope.
i'm married to god
My first boyfriend was an extravert, while I'm pretty near the extreme end of the introvert scale. He became petulant if I did not spend every available minute with him, and I could not even sneak away to read a book in peace. That kind of disconnect can work if you're both willing to work on it and make compromises. Especially talk about why you need space and how often it is necessary.
There's something rather wry about a 'long term relationship' thread dying before two pages when threads on cheating and one-night stands run on and on.
My wife and I started living together October of '95. We've been through every situation from renting a single room in a house with 6 other roommates, living off of the tips she made waitress at a diner to owning our home and being independently wealthy. We've gone through all the typical couple strife, from in-law stressors to financial issues to friend problems. Over the past seventeen years, there are certain things which have remained constant, certain things that I've come to believe are important in a relationship.
Bamelin's post above is very, very similar to this, so it only strengthens my belief that I at least go something right.
1) Communication is Vital: There is nothing more important. Without open, honest communication, I cannot see how any lasting relationship can be healthy. We've weathered situations and have done things that I know will commonly tear a couple apart, and I've got to attribute that to us being both forthcoming and receptive with each other. In another thread, someone scoffed and said "communication can't fix every problem" which is true. However, it can absolutely fix every fixable problem. All the things that people have the most trouble discussing openly (money, sex, family) are the things that have to be discussed between two people if they want to grow together.
2) Space is Vital: While each of you having your own physical space is a wonderful idea, it is also a luxury. Even when we were in a single room, sharing a bathroom with four others, we managed to have our own 'space'. For me, it was a lot of my online interactions. For her, it was diaries and the second drawer under the bed. Being able to explore who you are on your own and then taking that back to your SO is key to not letting the relationship become dominated by one side or the other. Likewise, respecting one another's space and not trying to intrude on it only builds trust and the wonderful feeling that anything is safe with the other person.
3) Vacations are Important: OK, stealing this from Bamelin, but I absolutely agree. Find any way you can to get away, to share experiences with each other. Heck, we subjected ourselves to a medical experiment just to have enough money to do a road trip to the SouthWest. Sure, a week of e.coli followed by a week of sleeping in the car doesn't sound like heaven, but 15 years later, we remember that trip so fondly. The same goes for every trip we've taken, the times that we've shared that stand out the most were when we separated ourselves from all outside stressors and just got to be together (I should note that, in our over 17 and a half years, we've spent maybe 30 days apart).
4) Money is Not That Important: But honesty about money and proper money management is. Don't live outside your means, no matter how much you might want it for the other. If there's trouble paying bills, work on it together. We had these problems early on, and we had friends who had the same problems. We watched as their relationships were torn apart because one was too scared to discuss it with the other, or 'didn't want to worry' the other, or some such reason. I can only believe that, by us talking openly about it, we avoided those pitfalls (which goes back to point 1).
5) Support Anything: Whatever your SO wants to do, support them. OK, well, maybe not if they want to become a serial killer or something like that, but anything within reason. In all of our lives, there are times when it seems the entire world is against our ambitions. Having someone next to you that you know you can rely on to always support and cheer you on is a gift beyond measure. You want to show someone you love them? You want to strengthen the bond? Be that for them. You don't have to be interested in the same venture, or even take part in it, but you can always provide positive reinforcement.
6) Sex is Vital: Good sex. Exciting sex. Different sex. It's all important. Explore each other's kinks. Be open about it. Find a place where the two of you can talk about the most fucked up thoughts you've had (for us, it was in the car...no matter how embarrassing the topic, if we were in the car, we could talk about it...discussion would end the moment we got out). Be painfully open about things, and daring. Push each other's limits and boundaries and never stop trying new things. I've seen one relationship after another where sex was on Fridays (maybe) and they ALL had some sort of longing. The vacations help this, the communication helps this, the personal space helps this. If you want to know what bad, infrequent, boring sex does to a couple, head over to ashleymadison.com.
7) Have Fun: Play games, go biking, be each other's best friends. Take a deck of cards when you go out to eat (at casual restaurants). If you can't do your leisure activities with one another, then there is something seriously wrong. All the things you do with friends you should be able to do with your SO. Of course, you two might not WANT to do certain things (she might not be into video games or you might not be into gardening) but never for a moment close the door to it being a possibility.
OK, so nothing surprising in this list, but, honestly, I think the biggest factor in a lasting, healthy relationship is the first one. Communication. Communication and Sex. Two of the biggest factors in a lasting, healthy relationship are Communication and Sex. And Having Fun. Amongst the factors in a lasting, healthy relationship and such diverse element as: Communication, Sex, Having Fun, and a fanatical devotion to the Pope.
It's scary having it happen more than once. You think "how did I get so lucky."
My wife and I started living together October of '95. We've been through every situation from renting a single room in a house with 6 other roommates, living off of the tips she made waitress at a diner to owning our home and being independently wealthy. We've gone through all the typical couple strife, from in-law stressors to financial issues to friend problems. Over the past seventeen years, there are certain things which have remained constant, certain things that I've come to believe are important in a relationship.
Bamelin's post above is very, very similar to this, so it only strengthens my belief that I at least go something right.
1) Communication is Vital: There is nothing more important. Without open, honest communication, I cannot see how any lasting relationship can be healthy. We've weathered situations and have done things that I know will commonly tear a couple apart, and I've got to attribute that to us being both forthcoming and receptive with each other. In another thread, someone scoffed and said "communication can't fix every problem" which is true. However, it can absolutely fix every fixable problem. All the things that people have the most trouble discussing openly (money, sex, family) are the things that have to be discussed between two people if they want to grow together.
2) Space is Vital: While each of you having your own physical space is a wonderful idea, it is also a luxury. Even when we were in a single room, sharing a bathroom with four others, we managed to have our own 'space'. For me, it was a lot of my online interactions. For her, it was diaries and the second drawer under the bed. Being able to explore who you are on your own and then taking that back to your SO is key to not letting the relationship become dominated by one side or the other. Likewise, respecting one another's space and not trying to intrude on it only builds trust and the wonderful feeling that anything is safe with the other person.
3) Vacations are Important: OK, stealing this from Bamelin, but I absolutely agree. Find any way you can to get away, to share experiences with each other. Heck, we subjected ourselves to a medical experiment just to have enough money to do a road trip to the SouthWest. Sure, a week of e.coli followed by a week of sleeping in the car doesn't sound like heaven, but 15 years later, we remember that trip so fondly. The same goes for every trip we've taken, the times that we've shared that stand out the most were when we separated ourselves from all outside stressors and just got to be together (I should note that, in our over 17 and a half years, we've spent maybe 30 days apart).
4) Money is Not That Important: But honesty about money and proper money management is. Don't live outside your means, no matter how much you might want it for the other. If there's trouble paying bills, work on it together. We had these problems early on, and we had friends who had the same problems. We watched as their relationships were torn apart because one was too scared to discuss it with the other, or 'didn't want to worry' the other, or some such reason. I can only believe that, by us talking openly about it, we avoided those pitfalls (which goes back to point 1).
5) Support Anything: Whatever your SO wants to do, support them. OK, well, maybe not if they want to become a serial killer or something like that, but anything within reason. In all of our lives, there are times when it seems the entire world is against our ambitions. Having someone next to you that you know you can rely on to always support and cheer you on is a gift beyond measure. You want to show someone you love them? You want to strengthen the bond? Be that for them. You don't have to be interested in the same venture, or even take part in it, but you can always provide positive reinforcement.
6) Sex is Vital: Good sex. Exciting sex. Different sex. It's all important. Explore each other's kinks. Be open about it. Find a place where the two of you can talk about the most fucked up thoughts you've had (for us, it was in the car...no matter how embarrassing the topic, if we were in the car, we could talk about it...discussion would end the moment we got out). Be painfully open about things, and daring. Push each other's limits and boundaries and never stop trying new things. I've seen one relationship after another where sex was on Fridays (maybe) and they ALL had some sort of longing. The vacations help this, the communication helps this, the personal space helps this. If you want to know what bad, infrequent, boring sex does to a couple, head over to ashleymadison.com.
7) Have Fun: Play games, go biking, be each other's best friends. Take a deck of cards when you go out to eat (at casual restaurants). If you can't do your leisure activities with one another, then there is something seriously wrong. All the things you do with friends you should be able to do with your SO. Of course, you two might not WANT to do certain things (she might not be into video games or you might not be into gardening) but never for a moment close the door to it being a possibility.
OK, so nothing surprising in this list, but, honestly, I think the biggest factor in a lasting, healthy relationship is the first one. Communication. Communication and Sex. Two of the biggest factors in a lasting, healthy relationship are Communication and Sex. And Having Fun. Amongst the factors in a lasting, healthy relationship and such diverse element as: Communication, Sex, Having Fun, and a fanatical devotion to the Pope.