Says the person who thinks OP's girlfriend getting rid of an Asian feature will make her prettier and that OP must not want her to get the surgery since she will leave him after becoming so pretty....
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My girlfriend wants to get plastic surgery and I'm not sure I'm ok with it
- Thread starter AngryMoth
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So...he's her property?
He can't forbid it but he absolutey does not have to support it.
SomedayTheFire
Member
If she wants to get it done. Tough shit, mate.
Does anyone think he should physically stop her from getting surgery? I would bet the majority of "her choice" posts are battling a strawman instead of dealing with what surgery means, why people have it, its implications on society, etc. Please let me know if I am wrong, I didn't read the whole thread so maybe there are "restrain her" posts.
Septimus Prime
Member
If you look at the pic on the far left, this might actually be an example of someone with both single and double eyelids. See how her right eye looks a little bigger than her left?Show this tragedy to her
Vigilant Walrus
Member
I imagine that a lot of people are so uncomfortable with plastic surgery due to the slippery slope argument. The more normalized it gets, the more the pressure is on the rest of us to get plastic surgery. Imagine 50-100 years from now, if the tech becomes so good and affordable, that you'd be seen as a cave man monster if you didn't get it done.
There is something sad about that. Right now, the objection seems to be that plastic surgery can be hit or miss.
There is something sad about that. Right now, the objection seems to be that plastic surgery can be hit or miss.
Count Dookkake
Member
Her body, her choice.
It depends on the person. If it were me and you tried to tell me I looked like a supermodel I'd immediately chalk it up to you just being nice and over exageratting (and I'm pretty aware I got self esteem issues). Now, if some one gave me that statement I'd be more likely to believe them (ok, if when I wasn't so overweight. Now I just feel that it's odd if they think I look good and can't understand it).
In the end I agree with some one that I think it's fair OP be concerned cause it seems he's more concerned that she's using surgering to address a self esteem issue than because he thinks it will ruin her looks. I think that's a fair thing to be concerned about and a lot of people saying it's her choice aren't addressing that concern of his. I think if she has a distorted view of herself surgery possibly won't fix it (She'll just find something new to be dissatisfied with).
But then again my self esteem did get better when I lost weight and kept it off for a while. But part of that was knowing that I actually had the willpower to do so when before I felt that I was just weak. Being able to get myself to lose weight on my own power I think helped with self esteem. Surgery doesn't really do that for you (it is you just paying some one else to do it).
Anytime there is a thread about relationships I swear this is always someones answer lol.
The answer is always "talk to him or her" but someone always suggests "breakup with him or her."
Twilight Gap
Member
Given that this is a simple and common procedure, I think OP should support her decision while expressing his concerns, and encourage counseling for her to address the root of the issue. Do research, find a good place, etc. There's really no talking someone out of it if they've contemplated an idealized version of themselves for a long time.
You don't have to agree with the decision, but if you choose not to be there, you're creating a rift in the relationship that is going to resurface at another point and cause problems. If it comes to that, you may as well just walk out before you get dumped, because you most likely will. It wont be because she "feels more attractive" but because she'll lose that security in you, which is in danger due to her self esteem issues. Any one thing can make a girl click, and when it's something rooted so deeply such as this, you best not fuck it up.
You don't have to agree with the decision, but if you choose not to be there, you're creating a rift in the relationship that is going to resurface at another point and cause problems. If it comes to that, you may as well just walk out before you get dumped, because you most likely will. It wont be because she "feels more attractive" but because she'll lose that security in you, which is in danger due to her self esteem issues. Any one thing can make a girl click, and when it's something rooted so deeply such as this, you best not fuck it up.
SkeptiMism
Member
I have a feeling that some of you people saying things like this aren't really reading the OP fully or just don't care, and instead just see a faintest hint of oppression attempt and immediately concentrate on that.
I know that might come off as condescending but I'm honestly not sure why you'd post like that otherwise. If I'm wrong then please correct me and help me understand. And yes I know the society sucks for women in many ways and men are often way too controlling towards women. But you should still be able to separate genuine concern and basic relationship functions from patriarchy.
Talking about things is what you do in relationships. Like, if I suddenly decided to somehow want a lot of tattoos, I'd talk about it with my wife because I know she hates tattoos. She'd have to look at them for the rest of her life so of course I'd listen to her opinion. It'd be pretty weird too since I also hate tattoos, so she'd be rightfully concerned about the sudden change of mind. Anyway, she'd probably voice her displeasure but ultimately be understanding, and to make it easier for her I'd probably start out with only very few tattoos even if I wanted my whole body covered.
It's obvious that the choice is OP's girlfriend's to make (and in my hypothetical situation mine), but you're in a relationship together and you have a right to voice your displeasure about things even if your displeasure is seemingly irrational.
In OP's case there's also the question whether or not it'd really help the situation at all or would the girlfriend still remain insecure. It seems unlikely that it would undo years of brainwashing. That said, it is a very minor thing so it's not like it's that big a thing.
OP, I'd honestly recommend to find her some therapy. Such brainwashing is a nasty thing and it'll likely keep haunting her for a long long time otherwise.
edit: I mostly agree with the post above. If she really is set to do it, be supportive and be there for her. But still remember of course that it isn't some magical solution to her problems.
Twilight Gap
Member
There's no concensus. If your partner respects your opinion and factors it into major decisions, then you can probably open dialog to find alternatives. That's also being supportive.
But good luck changing an insecure girl's mind after she's already made it up. At that point, she wont see you as a good partner because you aren't enabling her. OP's girfriend may not be at that point - not yet anyway.
wumster3000
Member
That's what I'm reading as well. Support whatever the fuck they want to do. Don't try to give advise or share your opinion. Just support them regardless because "you don't own their body" - or some stupid shit like that.
This is sad and true. That's why I think no matter what she does, it won't fix her real problem.
Ken K in the Fresh!!!
Member
I've come around on double eyelid surgery. I used to think it's unnecessary but it's not about how I feel about it. If going under the knife will ultimately give the person a boost of confidence, then I'm all for it
Adam_Vania
Banned
i think the consensus is that it's her body she can do with it what she wants.
as for being supportive, yes, i think one thing most people look for in a relationship is someone who is supportive. you can have your precious opinion but realize it isn't law.
Twilight Gap
Member
I also think that's stupid, but it's an emergent attitude in secular relationships where people want to do whatever they want with no accountability or respect for the other person. "My boyfriend is amazing, he lets me do whatever i want but he knows i love him."
wumster3000
Member
My wife and I work off of each other's opinions. We have a fantastic relationship because we respect one another enough to listen and converse over our thoughts. It's not, "hey, I'll support whatever you want to do baby!". That's not love, that's being a pushover. If you can't share your opinion or accept your partners opinion, your relationship will not last or be absolute shit. That's fact.
Thing is that it's not about him. She doesn't like the way she is.
People tend to feel that way -- I think some people see themselves differently than how other people see them.
Everwood scene
The problem with a lot of those "before and after plastic surgery" pictures concerning celebrities is that they will often grab a picture of an actress at 19-24 years old, and then compare it to the "after plastic surgery" picture when she's in her mid 30s. Often paired with less flattering makeup and a different expression.
I mean, here's Munn a few months back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StnISccFFBw
She's nearly 37 years old. She's not going to look the same as she did on Attack of the Show.
I mean, here's Munn a few months back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StnISccFFBw
She's nearly 37 years old. She's not going to look the same as she did on Attack of the Show.
I never get why people like the rosy cheek makeup. Maybe I'm in the minority since so many people do it, but it always looks so weird to me.
Show this tragedy to her
How'd she whiten her skin like that? Or is it just different lighting?
Zoe
Member
Makeup + probably avoids tanning
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