I wish I could talk it through with you but I've not gone through that surgery myself. I do hope it all works out for you though and I'm dreadfully sorry you have to go through all of this. That's horrible. : ( Againb, understatement of the year. I hope if you do go tomorrow that you get the shrink you'd prefer and that your request on treatment in general goes well.
Still trying to make my mind about what to do. I-m going to let it sit until I get to talk with the local trans support association.
Apart from that, I have grinding my brain for the last days thinking about SRS. I guess I will go under the knife in the end. Its either going back and detransition or go to the very end, but I have no intention of being a granny with a dick or have SRS at 60. The problem with making this choice is the fact that I dont have a sex life and HRT has made me asexual. Combine that with the fact that my genital dysphoria only kicks in when I am particularly horny and I may have a date and... thats when I start crying and hyperventilating about having a penis. Since this is not the norm for me, I rarelly think SRS is going to improve my life save for the feeling of always being safe about being caught when I travel abroad.
So my plans go to the other issues to tackle with the SRS route> One thing that I learn from the BA is that being forced to sit & lay without giving my back a break gives me sharp back pain, concentrated in on specific point *a barely visible minor scoliosis nobody could tell about unless you are a doctor and examining my back* and that anaesthesia gives me the worst possible nausea. I hope the meds for managing the pain with SRS will take care of the pain, but a med to counter the nausea would be nice instead of puking and wanting to puke all the night after surgery.
The other big question: Bring a companion with me or go to Thailand alone? Having a companion for two weeks (from arriving and fasting to the moment I can walk a bit back in the hotel) would help a lot, specially with the small fact that the Bangkok-Rama's (Chett's preferred hotel for recovery) restaurant is closed for lunch on fall / winter. I could cook on my own straight from FFS, but I'm not confident about doing the same with SRS.
A companion would add 1500€ to the total cost of SRS (plane + hotel), but I'm not sure I want somebody to see me at my weakest and in pain. I can be extremely cruel and they would see the worst part in me.
PS: Somebody asked... I am in Spain. Inside Public healthcare / social security we have "gender identity units" that are supposed to give a complete coverage of all the transition, but in reality they work the old way, You start with a gatekeeper and therapist and you will have to do something of they liking if you want HRT, then over the time, keep acting nice if you want them to offer you BA, SRS... or vocal chord surgery (only offered in one unit, not mine). Problem is that there is little customization, they work by the book and their treatment is a "one size fits all" Outside of that, is rather hard finding a therapist specialised in trans issues that will write a form for HRT, then look for a private endo. Taking the private route while not having medical insurance means that the price of HRT will be pretty high. I pay 7€ for a box of 45 cypro pills. Without public healthcare is 35€, and the system is pretty serious with trying to buy off the counter: Not even my GP is allowed to prescribe E. Usually I get my stuff from an online pharmacy as I don't like taking pills all the time, but while E is cheap, cypro is too expensive, specially given that I take what the endo considers "the maximum safe dosage". I'm a testosterone producing factory. With surgery at least I could DIY again, pay for a private endo for the checkups every six months, but not require the most expensive dosage.
BTW, first time a man touches / massages my breasts (a doctor, to check if the implants were well and in place). Having really weird thoughts about my sexual orientation.
