We just had a poster say he does it to please himself but okay.
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What is up with strangers telling people to smile?
- Thread starter Skiesofwonder
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william_557
Member
damn was definately going to post this!!!
NEOPARADIGM
Banned
I never post in threads like this, but yeah, I hate this. It's rude as fuck, imo.
I mean it is a demand when presented in that fashion. No one is obligated to smile for you
way more
Member
This girl told me that in a 8 am, MTWThF class. I steamed about it all day and even told my friends who agreed, what a bitch! Anyway, cut to a semester later and I think, Maybe she was right, I should smile more. I literally had to practice it in the mirror but I learned to imitate Tom Cruise's grill right down to the laugh. I ran into that same girl on campus, smiled and that's all it took and soon we were dating.
She was it ROTC and her uniform was so sexy.
She was it ROTC and her uniform was so sexy.
It's selfish to tell others to be happy.
Devolution
Member
How in hells bells are they brightening my day?
I read those posts and his intentions don't seem all that clear to be honest. He starts of by saying it pleases him which is weird but ends with it pleases him to see people happy which is fine. But again, the post was kind of unclear. But I don't think he said "I make people smile only to please myself".
Street harassment is a very real thing and I witness it first hand pretty often in my neighborhood. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Whatever. But there has been some weird narrative applied to the whole "smile" thing that just seems a bit intense.
It's one of those situations where the offender may not know they're offending so perhaps the situation needs a lighter touch. "Demand", "selfish", and "creep" are thrown around a bit too much. This isn't something I'd personally do but I can see why someone would. I don't think they're being malicious about it is all I'm saying.
Well they aren't. But maybe they have in the past? Maybe they think they are? I don't know. I just feel like, again, there's a pretty intensely negative narrative being applied to something that's generally pretty lighthearted. If not rather corny.
Megalosaro
Banned
I was at work one day and we were getting slammed hard. Lots of logistical problems coupled with high traffic. Not to mention it was unbearably hot. My coworker asked if we were almost finished with the rush.
I gave an exasperated laugh and frowned. Some old lady saw that and got on my case about how I need to take pride in my work or some shit.
I gave an exasperated laugh and frowned. Some old lady saw that and got on my case about how I need to take pride in my work or some shit.
By not trying to have sex with you? I mean, that's the only other option.
Wait. Do we have sex with them if they smile, or if they don't smile?
Devolution
Member
Hey maybe you should actually I dunno maybe believe the women here that tell you the type of guy who say it to them and how they're coming off, instead of just assuming we're being hyperbolic and negative.
It would kill some of y'all to be empathetic to the fact that we are constantly infantilized or belittled by jerks and expected to conform to lame standards, like being fucking perky, lest we are some "uptight bitch."
Fair enough.
An uptight bitch? You? Nawww
I really feel for the ladies on GAF in some of these topics. I remember you and Fiction bringing the truth bombs in another thread. It's gotta feel like shooting spitwads at a tank sometimes.
He likes seeing girls smile so he asks them to smile. You really can't see how that's doing something to please yourself?
And sorry but pretty much every person that has done it to me, friends or people I know has been a man clearly trying to use it as a conversation starter to hit on us.
They don't care about how I feel. If they did, they would ask me how my day was or actually try cheering me up with positive comments like compliments or humour rather than demanding I do something to please them.
I didn't, because I don't.
It's not about me. It's not even about making you "happy". I'm not exactly sure why that term is being thrown around. I'm not looking to make the person happy. I just want them to have a brief moment of not being in a shitty mood or feeling like shit. It helps.
And to clarify, I can tell the difference between that and a stern face because the person is focused on/busy with something else. As a rule I generally leave someone like that alone as it's actually disruptive and can mess them up.
I said "mostly" women. It's not always women. I've never once tried it to hit on someone.
And I do care. If I didn't I wouldn't bother trying in the first place.
The key here is the "I" part. I can't speak for the people who have done it to you and failed miserably. I honestly sympathize with you because I know how angry it can make someone. I don't blame you for automatically dismissing my process as "just another guy trying to get into a girl's pants". I take no offense to your comments.
Devolution
Member
An uptight bitch? You? Nawww
I really feel for the ladies on GAF in some of these topics. I remember you and Fiction bringing the truth bombs in another thread. It's gotta feel like shooting spitwads at a tank sometimes.
All I know is I bus to work, I get dropped off 3 blocks away, and the street it's on is so notoriously awful for street harassment, I will get hollered at in those 3 blocks, or propositioned, or yelled at from moving vehicles. And it's just not a fucking exaggeration what women have to deal with. Yet it's pulling teeth on this site about this shit every fucking time.
EdibleKnife
Member
Actually, thinking about it more, it's kind of a lot rude rather than just a little. It's like you're making an emotional demand of this person you've never met. It seems like kind of a Disney mentality to tell them to smile and suddenly expect their gray skies to clear up as they look up with a, "Hey! Thanks mister! Smiling! You're right, this feels wonderful!" As they click their heels and continue on their day. And yes frowning creates wrinkles, endorphins are released, yadda, yadda. But in reality someone's problems won't suddenly go away with just a suggestion if they have problems at all and don't just have a grim countenance. And really why is it any of my business whether some stranger is frowning or neutral or whatever? It shouldn't even be something you say to a friend. I think if they came in with a frown you'd both get a lot more out of just asking how they're feeling today, if they're ok, etc. rather than just saying, "Hey! Smile!".
Unfortunately I'm one of those people who's default face kinda looks like a frown (it's a curse), so I get told this now and again. It's really infuriating and offensive since it's basically just how I look all the time.
Occasionally on the street I'll encounter panhandlers and they'll say things like "can I have a smile? smiles don't cost a thing."
Sorry but, they do. I'll smile for $5, until then stop asking.
Occasionally on the street I'll encounter panhandlers and they'll say things like "can I have a smile? smiles don't cost a thing."
Sorry but, they do. I'll smile for $5, until then stop asking.
Feel the Swift
Member
Telling someone to smile just makes them want to smile even less. It's so stupid and counterproductive.
He really didn't say that.
But I get it. As I said, street harassment is shitty. I just wanted to get some clarity on why the narrative got so negative about the "smile" thing. But it seems it's more about the presentation than anything else. "Consider the source" as they say.
Devolution
Member
It's the general idea we exist purely for someone else's entertainment or viewing pleasure. And the frowning isn't up to their "standards." That's why people are saying "fuck off." Because they don't exist to make someone else happy.
User 100115
Banned
It's okay, Devo, we're just negative people in general and are looking for reasons to be offended. We should instead just ignore all the things that bother, take the compliment, and smile!
Yes, it is often very frustrating here to talk about such issues, because a lot of people are totally blind to them. You might not see a problem with being told to smile by a stranger because you don't have that happen to you multiple times a day.
Women receive this the most from men trying to hit on them and you wonder why saying "mostly women" makes your post sound even more like it's to please yourself?
We're telling you right now that if you want to cheer someone up and see them smile, find actual productive ways to do it rather than telling them to.
Jokes or compliments are great. Asking someone how they're doing is great.
Telling them to do something isn't.
.
LQX
Member
Pure evil.
SpaceShark
Member
I can't stand it when people tell me to smile. Thankfully it doesn't happen often. I usually give them a quizzical "really?" look instead, which seems to get the point across.
You know, because it's her job to make him feel good for making such a pathetic attempt to "get to know her"
Yep, this sounds exactly like my wife's stories of her clubbing days. If she wasn't dancing and was standing by the bar on her own, some dickhead would inevitably come over to her, tell her to "cheer up" and lay a few hammy lines on her. After making clear her complete disinterest, the guy would get pissy and tell her to not be so cold, rude, bitchy, whatever.
You know, because it's her job to make him feel good for making such a pathetic attempt to "get to know her"
"get in her pants"
As a guy, and growing up in a house with a lot of women, I've always felt like I had a lot of appreciation and understanding for these sorts of things -- but in truth, there's plenty I just don't understand because I'm not in those shoes.
Good example... a female co-worker of mine is constantly mentioning how guys are coming into our job, by just randomly walking by and seeing her inside, then HITTING on her and trying to get her to hook up. Suffice to say, that never happens to me there, but for her, it's a constant ordeal that she is fending off and it must be really exhausting.
Guys, if you're doing this fucking stop!
sandalphon
Member
Yeah, it's almost ironic how I was actually just zoning out and feeling neutral when that guy told me to smile, and how later I got actually angry with myself because I did smile.
In a way, the "smile" command actually worsened my day. Heh.
He's spent the better part of the last page explaining himself and he seems confused and unclear on how his actions are affecting other people. But he may learn something here which is good. I doubt he'll stop since he sees so much success but you're likely making him more aware.
Yea I get it.
I do find actual productive ways to go about it. That's the only way it can work. I've said at least three times now that I don't just walk up, demand a smile, and walk away. At least three times. You're ignoring them for some reason and instead focusing on what was a light-hearted entry post of mine into this topic. This is what my 5th post here at this point? 6th? I've continually elaborated further with just about every post since.
What you have experienced is not what I'm actually doing. I can't really convince you of that since we will likely never meet so there's not really a point in arguing about it.
No, I am not confused or unclear on how my actions are affecting other people. This isn't a new thing for me. I'm very aware of just how wrong it can go because I've seen it happen and I've had to carry that responsibility.
umop_3pisdn
Member
It's also impolite or overstepping. You can get away with overstepping if you're charming, but no one saying "smile!" is charming.
You're not understanding my point.
Cut the smile part out. That's it. Doing those things will make someone smile. I'm not saying you don't do any of those. I'm saying just do those.
Kind of the same thing happened to me, it's probably why I'm so bitter about it. I was working really hard and getting slammed. I wasn't sad or mad, but smiling was the last thing on my mind at that moment, I just wanted to get food out to people asap. A customer approaches me and says "you really should smile more". I'm thinking, "whatever lady I'm a bit busy at the moment getting your order" but I brush it off, say I'm sorry and smile. Well my manager heard this customer and then later that day I'm getting a lecture about smiling at customers. I feel so bad for people that work in the fast-food industry as I once did. It's tough and you get no respect at all.
Mango The Magician
Banned
I get this a lot from people who assume I'm mad when I'm not because my default face looks somewhat angry.
It's obnoxious as fuck. I've only occasionally experienced it, but my wife, by virtue of being a woman, has to put up with it all the time.
The last time it happened to me, I was at one of the worst points in my life, drifting through a supermarket, a step from tears, just trying to keep a grip, and some jackass pops out and says, "Smile, buddy!"
I told him to get fucked. Hey, buddy, it's all I can do to keep this mood disorder from spiraling into chaos so I'm laughing, crying, and shouting at the same time. I don't need some outside force trying to stick a crank in my head and manipulate my mood so THEY can feel better. Because it's not about me, it's about some jackass who thinks he's spreading love and joy by vomiting up platitudes to people whose life story he is completely unaccquainted with. If you get off on attempting to manipulate other people's moods, go stand in front of a mirror and do it until your gums bleed, but leave me out of it. Have a kid, buy a fucking puppy, rent a stage and tell happy good time stories to the kiddies, but leave strangers alone, you dick. Life can be hard enough for some people, without random assholes demanding they alter their mood for a three second encounter.
The last time it happened to me, I was at one of the worst points in my life, drifting through a supermarket, a step from tears, just trying to keep a grip, and some jackass pops out and says, "Smile, buddy!"
I told him to get fucked. Hey, buddy, it's all I can do to keep this mood disorder from spiraling into chaos so I'm laughing, crying, and shouting at the same time. I don't need some outside force trying to stick a crank in my head and manipulate my mood so THEY can feel better. Because it's not about me, it's about some jackass who thinks he's spreading love and joy by vomiting up platitudes to people whose life story he is completely unaccquainted with. If you get off on attempting to manipulate other people's moods, go stand in front of a mirror and do it until your gums bleed, but leave me out of it. Have a kid, buy a fucking puppy, rent a stage and tell happy good time stories to the kiddies, but leave strangers alone, you dick. Life can be hard enough for some people, without random assholes demanding they alter their mood for a three second encounter.
Kitsunebaby
Member
This always annoyed me. I used to just give a half-hearted smile to guys who said this just to make them go away, but nowadays I just tell them that if my natural countenance is so unpleasant for them they should look away and leave me alone. Seems to work.
User 100115
Banned
/hug
Damn dude, I've been there. Usually I am just in 'intense zoning out/thinking' mode when I get told to smile, but I've been in the 'struggling not to cry' mode too and getting it then is so fucking awful. It immediately triggered the tears to flow and I have to leave. The guy even called out all baffled 'Hey, what'd I say?' I fucking hate it. Sorry it happened to you.
Sectorseven
Member
May I suggest new and improved Joker products.
Did you really tell him to get fucked?
I did.
He certainly picked the wrong day and wrong person. My wife gets it all the time. Her resting face isn't bitchy, but looks a little sad. She hates it, but she's afraid if she says anything there will be a problem. And no one ever does it to her when I'm there.
Yasssss. I wish I could do this but it mainly happens at work and I'll get fired if I do.
Well as long as you're trying.
Like I said earlier... time and a place. A lot of the people who try, even if they are genuine, are ignorant of what that person may actually be going through and he/she may actually make things worse. I'm sorry that happened to you. Truly.
I'm not always smiling so I hope I didn't come across as some arrogant prick who is just smiling 24/7. I'm married, got two kids, bills out the ass, nicotine addiction, migraines, aches from two Iraq tours no one gives a shit about and a general distaste for incompetence that seems to be plaguing my life the last few years in ways I can't control.
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