When a kid or two comes on the scene, here's how the average day plays out:
FOR HIM:
5.30am: Kid1 wakes up for the day. Brush its teeth. Give it a bottle, sit it down in front of TV with Dora.
5.45am: Shit, shave, shower.
6.15am: Make breakfast for her. Eggs on toast... something better than cereal.
6.30am: Wash up, clean out and load dishwasher, load the washing machine and dryer, water the garden, then spend a few minutes to play with the kids.
7.15am: Drive Kid1 to day care.
7.30am: Drop off kid at day care, then drive to work.
8.30am: Arrive at office after fighting through shit traffic.
~
6.30pm: Leave office
7.00pm: Arrive home. Finish feeding Kid1.
7.15: If Kid1 finishes dinner, reward with jello or chocolate.
7.30: Dinner. Kid1 runs freely through the house to scream over our conversations, throw paper airplanes, cause a riot.
8.30pm: Brush Kid1's teeth, change into pajamas, read 3 bedtime stories, then put to sleep. Kid1 will not fall asleep unless both parents are keeping it company by sitting at the foot of its bed.
9.30pm: Clean dishes and kitchen, reload the dishwasher while catching up on what happened during the day.
10.00pm: Collapse on couch. Catch the late news or whatever's on.
10.30pm: Check on Kid1 and Kid2.
10.35pm: Surf web, play games, all the great things in life until I pass out, usually 1.00am.
3.00am: Kid1 cries. Doesn't want me. Screams.
3.05am: Kid2 woken up by Kid1. Go settle.
3.20am: Kid2 won't settle for more than a few minutes at a time. Sleep on floor and settle every few minutes until good and done.
4.00am: No idea when Kid2 fell asleep. Drag myself back to bed.
FOR HER:
5.30am: Kid2 wakes up for the day. Breastfeed, then prepare breakfast for Kid1 and Kid2.
6.00am: Kid2 goes in playpen; get Kid1 to the toilet, then feed Kid1 breakfast
6.30am: Get Kid1 dressed and ready for day care
6.45am: Feed Kid2 breakfast
7.15am: Clean up Kid2, change nappy, wipe up spew and any random poo
7.30am: Kid2 in playpen, shit, shower and whatever it is that women do.
8.00am: Play with Kid2 while unloading dryer and washing machine and folding clothes
8.30am: Put Kid2 in bed for a nap.
8.35am: Start preparing dinner for everyone - washing, cutting, peeling a whole bunch of food. Food for Kid1 and Kid2 is all specially prepared meals - no processed shit for them.
9.30am: Free time.
10.00am: Kid2 wakes up. Play with kid, watch Alice In Wonderland for the 40th time
11.30am: Lunch while feeding Kid2 lunch
12.15pm: Clean up Kid2, change nappy, wipe up spew and any random poo
12.30pm: Nap time again for Kid2
12.35pm: Finish off laundry, iron the clothes, clean the house (toys on floor, under the couch, food stains on the walls and floorboards, random stains on the carpet)
2.30pm: Kid2 wakes up. Get it changed, load it into the pram, take it to playgroup.
3.30pm: Go out to supermarket for bread, milk, baby yoghurt, supplies, etc.
4.30pm: Pick up Kid2 from childcare.
5.30pm: Bath time for Kid1 and Kid2.
6.15pm: Kid1 goes in front of TV, Kid2 in highchair while dinner is prepared for both.
6.20pm: Kid2 fed.
6.50pm: Kid2 allowed to crawl around freely or put in pen, whichever works. Kid1 fed.
7.00pm: Kid1 goes to bed.
7.05pm: Cook dinner
7.30: Dinner. Kid1 runs freely through the house to scream over our conversations, throw paper airplanes, cause a riot.
8.30pm: Brush Kid1's teeth, change into pajamas, read 3 bedtime stories, then put to sleep. Kid1 will not fall asleep unless both parents are keeping it company by sitting at the foot of its bed.
9.30pm: Clean dishes and kitchen, reload the dishwasher while catching up on what happened during the day.
10.00pm: Collapse on couch. Catch the late news or whatever's on.
10.30pm: Exhausted. Face cleansing routine, brush teeth, bed.
3.00am: Kid1 cries. Wants me. Screams.
3.20am: Kid1 won't sleep unless I sleep with her.
3.45am: Sneak back to bed.
Of course, I've left out a lot of important details such as the tantrums, toilet training Kid1, the daily office dramas and whatnot, but that's pretty much EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK for us, with the exception of weekend, in which my schedule pretty much syncs with her's.
Trust me, sex would be nice, but it's the last thing on our minds right now.