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[ToxicAdam]

Obligatory

lol. Yes, it would. That still might be grounds for a split up. Why would the person you love so much who you chose to spend the rest of your life with refuse to do a normal routine sex act? There are other issues there and she's taking it out on your sexual needs. Should not be taken lightly and if you do you will end up miserable.

It's just a bj.

 

[alphaNoid]

married here, still getting laid. not as much due to schedules and the baby but more than enough.

 

[Vega]

A life without getting blow jobs is a life I don't wanna lead.

 

[GTP_Daverytimes]

have you guys seen that commercial for "Man Up" on ABC?

the guy's playing video games, right? and he's talking to his man friends, and his one man friend says, "how'd you convince your wife to let to let you play video games tonight?" and then there's a cut to the guy talking to his wife (she's folding clothes) and he's like "wanna have sex tonight?"

HAHA! Man Up on ABC catch it right after Last Man Standing with Tim Allen 8:30/7:30c on ABC!

Stealth Advert, lol.
Sexless marriage is very common, it's pretty hard to get it on once the children come along.

 

[ronito]

It's just a bj.

There's no such thing as "just a bj"

Frankly, I don't get this "it's silly to get divorced over sex."

There are needs. Physical and Mental needs. A woman can get a divorce and say "He was just always emotionally unavailable." and everyone nods and sympathizes. But the moment someone decides to leave because their physical needs aren't being met, what a perv!

 

[ToxicAdam]

There's no such thing as "just a bj"

Frankly, I don't get this "it's silly to get divorced over sex."

There are needs. Physical and Mental needs. A woman can get a divorce and say "He was just always emotionally unavailable." and everyone nods and sympathizes. But the moment someone decides to leave because their physical needs aren't being met, what a perv!

A mouth is just a wet hole. If she prefers you putting it in another wet hole, what's the difference?

You say there are needs, so if a woman provides (above and beyond) every other need you have, except for a blowjob, you are going to divorce the woman? That's not rational thinking.

 

[Cooter]

A life without getting blow jobs is a life I don't wanna lead.

That's my response to you Toxic.

 

[ToxicAdam]

That's my response to you Toxic.

I thought that way too when I was 20. At some point (hopefully) your life quits being about your little fleshy nub.

 

[ronito]

A mouth is just a wet hole. If she prefers you putting it in another wet hole, what's the difference?

You say there are needs, so if a woman provides (above and beyond) every other need you have for them except for a blowjob, you are going to divorce the woman? That's not rational thinking.

Nah, I was talking more along the lines of "no sex". If you really were in a relationship were someone refused to have any kinda sex with you that's pretty terrible. But even so, sex is a two way street. If someone doesn't' give a little and expects only to get, that's pretty damn selfish. Sorta like saying "Sure hon, you can talk about what bothers you. But you can only do it while I'm watching the game and I really wont be paying much attention."

Still the "No bj" thing is sorta just depressing.

 

[WickedAngel]

A mouth is just a wet hole. If she prefers you putting it in another wet hole, what's the difference?

You say there are needs, so if a woman provides (above and beyond) every other need you have, except for a blowjob, you are going to divorce the woman? That's not rational thinking.

That's a pretty ridiculous line of reasoning. By that logic, missionary position should be more than enough variety for long term needs. You're getting off, right?

 

[Cooter]

I thought that way too when I was 20. At some point (hopefully) your life quits being about your little fleshy nub.

I'm 32 with 3 kids. Sex is just more important to me and that's cool but the, 'it's just a bj" attitude is a simplification of the issue.

 

[ToxicAdam]

That's a pretty ridiculous line of reasoning. By that logic, missionary position should be more than enough variety for long term needs. You're getting off, right?

Why would someone only demand you do the missionary position? Is that a common occurrence in marriages? That's what we were discussing, things that have a basis in reality.

I'm 32 with 3 kids. Sex is just more important to me and that's cool but the, 'it's just a bj" attitude is a simplification of the issue.

Religious?

I've known a lot of couples that were very "missionary only" people. (grew up mormon). It very much is a reality for some.

People that uptight aren't going to divulge their real sexual lives. Come on, now. I know the types.

 

[ronito]

Why would someone only demand you do the missionary position? Is that a common occurrence in marriages? That's what we were discussing, things that have a basis in reality.

I've known a lot of couples that were very "missionary only" people. (grew up mormon). It very much is a reality for some.

 

[Cooter]

Why would someone only demand you do the missionary position? Is that a common occurrence in marriages? That's what we were discussing, things that have a basis in reality.



Religious?

As far away from religious as you can get.

 

[speculawyer]

They all end up that way. Just some faster than others.

 

[WickedAngel]

Why would someone only demand you do the missionary position? Is that a common occurrence in marriages? That's what we were discussing, things that have a basis in reality.

You're the one who simplified the argument into sex being a matter of one "wet hole" over another, completely tossing aside the very real fact that variety is also an important part of sex for many.

Some people like blowjobs. Some like anal. Some like risky sex. Some like bondage. Some like furries. Why should you be forced to suddenly give up those expectations if they were previously common before getting married?

I've known a lot of couples that were very "missionary only" people. (grew up mormon). It very much is a reality for some.

Likewise. They're usually religious types with no imagination.

 

[yukonrye]

Sexless marriage? Finally, a thread topic I'm an expert in!

 

[ToxicAdam]

You're the one who simplified the argument into sex being a matter of one "wet hole" over another, completely tossing aside the very real fact that variety is also an important part of sex for many.

Some people like blowjobs. Some like anal. Some like risky sex. Some like bondage. Some like furries. Why should you be forced to suddenly give up those expectations if they were previously common before getting married?

Well, the discussion veered into 'needs being met'. I just don't see how risky sex or anal (or oral) can be considered a 'need' for which a good marriage is built upon.

A woman isn't a sex toy and people can (and do) change over the course of their lifetime. Hormones rise and fall, children can cause women to become stressed or depressed effecting their libido, physical ailments can make certain things uncomfortable.

That being said, a woman still needs to make sure her husband is getting physical attention, but should not be required to comply to a certain act to achieve the end goal (climax).

 

[Count Dookkake]

If a partner wishes to change the details of a relationship, then the onus is on them to make up for what is removed.

 

[LegendofJoe]

They all end up that way. Just some faster than others.

Well, hopefully that point will come for me when I'm around 70. I plan on doing whatever it takes to keep my (and her) libido as strong as possible.

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

Well, the discussion veered into 'needs being met'. I just don't see how risky sex or anal (or oral) can be considered a 'need' for which a good marriage is built upon.

A woman isn't a sex toy and people can (and do) change over the course of their lifetime. Hormones rise and fall, children can cause women to become stressed or depressed effecting their libido, physical ailments can make certain things uncomfortable.

That being said, a woman still needs to make sure her husband is getting physical attention, but should not be required to comply to a certain act to achieve the end goal (climax).

I think your not being fair concerning changes to the sex life. Its not just some sort of requirement where each side needs to meet a bare minimum. Each party should really be putting in the effort to stay sexually attractive to the other partner. There are limits, but they should be understood. Some girls hate bjs. If you marry a girl who hates bjs don't expect to get bjs.

 

[neptunes]

Well, the discussion veered into 'needs being met'. I just don't see how risky sex or anal (or oral) can be considered a 'need' for which a good marriage is built upon.

A woman isn't a sex toy and people can (and do) change over the course of their lifetime. Hormones rise and fall, children can cause women to become stressed or depressed effecting their libido, physical ailments can make certain things uncomfortable.

That being said, a woman still needs to make sure her husband is getting physical attention, but should not be required to comply to a certain act to achieve the end goal (climax).

I don't know how one partner in a couple could enjoy having sex if the other shows no desire to have sex. If that partner feels "obligated" to engage in sex, how is that even a turn-on?

 

[travisbickle]

lol. Yes, it would. That still might be grounds for a split up. Why would the person you love so much who you chose to spend the rest of your life with refuse to do a normal routine sex act? There are other issues there and she's taking it out on your sexual needs. Should not be taken lightly and if you do you will end up miserable.

Maybe if you stopped saying stuff like this she might want to have sex with you.

 

[nib95]

I told my current GF if our marriage sex life ever dwindled to less than once or twice a week consistently or for a prolonged period of time I'd divorce her, or at least warn her that's what I would do if changes weren't made. She agreed it was perfectly fair and more than that is what she'd expect as standard, except during the more complicated periods of pregnancy or obviously if something comes up, illnesses etc.

I think a big issue with couples is they don't properly communicate their dissatisfaction of a lack of sex or boring love life, and instead build resentment and end up either further neglecting their partners or cheating. Communication is everything.

 

[WickedAngel]

Well, the discussion veered into 'needs being met'. I just don't see how risky sex or anal (or oral) can be considered a 'need' for which a good marriage is built upon.

A woman isn't a sex toy and people can (and do) change over the course of their lifetime. Hormones rise and fall, children can cause women to become stressed or depressed effecting their libido, physical ailments can make certain things uncomfortable.

That being said, a woman still needs to make sure her husband is getting physical attention, but should not be required to comply to a certain act to achieve the end goal (climax).

I never implied that they were. That said, they're the sole purveyor of certain exchanges should the vows of marriage be taken seriously and that is a pretty important responsibility.

The entire point of this discussion is that "need" is subjective and interchangeable with "want". A boring sex life can be just as damaging as no sex life at all depending on the minds of the parties involved.

 

[ToxicAdam]

I don't know how one partner in a couple could enjoy having sex if the other shows no desire to have sex. If that partner feels "obligated" to engage in sex, how is that even a turn-on?

Look, if simple physical attention is (often) an 'obligation' than you probably don't have much of a marriage at all.

But I agree with your last sentence and it can be applied to oral sex or any specific sex act.

The entire point of this discussion is that "need" is subjective and interchangeable with "want". A boring sex life can be just as damaging as no sex life at all depending on the minds of the parties involved.

Actually the discussion revolved around 'no bj's' being the grounds for a divorce (in and by itself). I don't think omitting one single act can be enough to call it a 'boring sex life'. Less varied? Sure.

 

[blame space]

toxicadam do you give head

 

[RedSwirl]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EfLbDFlrQg

 

[WickedAngel]

Actually the discussion revolved around 'no bj's' being the grounds for a divorce (in and by itself). I don't think omitting one single act can be enough to call it a 'boring sex life'. Less varied? Sure.

What part of subjectivity aren't you understanding? Your relative weight of importance pertaining to oral sex is irrelevant, as is mine.

 

[RustyNails]

I don't think not getting a BJ is a reasonable grounds for divorce. But not getting sex at all sure is. If the wife thinks giving a BJ is degrading or if she just doesn't like taking a cock up the throat, I think the husband should try to respect his wife's wishes. Again I'm not married, but I think any event in marriage will be ton better if agreed and enjoyed by both parties.

 

[blame space]

we're all going to die of throat cancer

 

[Count Dookkake]

I don't think not getting a BJ is a reasonable grounds for divorce. But not getting sex at all sure is. If the wife thinks giving a BJ is degrading or if she just doesn't like taking a cock up the throat, I think the husband should try to respect his wife's wishes. Again I'm not married, but I think any event in marriage will be ton better if agreed and enjoyed by both parties.

It is reasonable grounds for a divorce if such feelings about BJs were withheld during courtship phase.

Classic bait-and-switch.

I'd feel the same way about ceasing to have "meaningful" conversations after a day of work.

 

[ToxicAdam]

What part of subjectivity aren't you understanding? Your relative weight of importance pertaining to oral sex is irrelevant, as is mine.

It's not irrelevant when it was the beginning of the discussion.

It is reasonable grounds for a divorce if such feelings about BJs were withheld during courtship phase.

Classic bait-and-switch.

Pretty mild compared to the "I don't want kids" bait-and-switch that happens all the time.

 

[EleventhDoctor]

As soon as my wife had our kid-Boom. That well is dry and she is not in the slightest bit interested in opening up for business. She's retired in her mind. Yes-it was a total
Bait and switch in my case. I could leave, but I have a 3 year old daughter and I don't know if I can handle her dealing with a divorce. My own parents divorced when I was 3 and I remember how difficult it was for me. It would kill me not to be with my daughter every morning and night-so for now I've been forced into celibacy against my will.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Pretty mild compared to the "I don't want kids" bait-and-switch that happens all the time.

lol

This has no bearing on the conversation. Try again.

 

[ronito]

Have you talked to your wife about this?

 

[EleventhDoctor]

Have you talked to your wife about this?

Not only have I talked to my wife about it but we've been to three therapists in in the last year and a half. I'm going broke from the counselor bills. :/

 

[ronito]

Not only have I talked to my wife about it but we've been to three therapists in in the last year and a half. I'm going broke from the counselor bills. :/

Prostitutes: cheaper than therapists.

 

[EleventhDoctor]

Prostitutes: cheaper than therapists.

Again I understand, but at this point I'm trying not to wreck my kids opinion of me or affect her opinion of relationships for her future. Part of the reason for my wife's issues in my opinion is that her father had an affair and it nearly caused a divorce in that marriage.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Again I understand, but at this point I'm trying not to wreck my kids opinion of me or affect her opinion of relationships for her future. Part of the reason for my wife's issues in my opinion is that her father had an affair and it nearly caused a divorce in that marriage.

Hmm, I wonder what prompted her father's affair...

 

[RustyNails]

Not only have I talked to my wife about it but we've been to three therapists in in the last year and a half. I'm going broke from the counselor bills. :/

So not only are you getting zero sexy time in your marriage, but are also going broke in order to find a way to get some.

 

[EleventhDoctor]

So not only are you getting zero sexy time in your marriage, but are also going broke in order to find a way to get some.

Essentially.

 

[ronito]

Again I understand, but at this point I'm trying not to wreck my kids opinion of me or affect her opinion of relationships for her future. Part of the reason for my wife's issues in my opinion is that her father had an affair and it nearly caused a divorce in that marriage.

Let me give you a piece of advice that was given to me once.
Your kids will grow up and you'll be there and they'll move out and you'll be there. They'll make their own lives and you'll be there alone. Your kids are best served by having a happy well balanced diet...I mean parent.

 

[Dreams-Visions]

I told my current GF if our marriage sex life ever dwindled to less than once or twice a week consistently or for a prolonged period of time I'd divorce her, or at least warn her that's what I would do if changes weren't made. She agreed it was perfectly fair and more than that is what she'd expect as standard, except during the more complicated periods of pregnancy or obviously if something comes up, illnesses etc.

good man.

I think a big issue with couples is they don't properly communicate their dissatisfaction of a lack of sex or boring love life, and instead build resentment and end up either further neglecting their partners or cheating. Communication is everything.

agreed.

 

[yukonrye]

I think a big issue with couples is they don't properly communicate their dissatisfaction of a lack of sex or boring love life, and instead build resentment and end up either further neglecting their partners or cheating. Communication is everything.

Yeah but sometimes just the act of bringing up problems like this may have consequences.

 

[RustyNails]

Essentially.

I'm in no position to give advice. If you're keeping the needs of your child (so that he can grow up in a nice mommy daddy household) above your own desires, that's really noble. But only do this if you are not becoming miserable. Otherwise...what's the point? If you're miserable in your marriage, you really think the kid will get a nice mommy daddy household?

 

[hayguyz]

Married with children here. Still have sex. Still get oral.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Essentially.

Is your wife's sex drive just biologically dead or what?

Not meaning to be offensive, I'm just curious as to why she's doing that to you.

 

[Wazzim]

People will always want sex one way or another.

 

[Major Williams]

My wife and I go in waves. Lots of sex, then once a week. Then lots of sex. Been a year and a half. Oh the joy of marriage!

Sex isn't the best part of marriage though, it's a benefit. Call me a wimp, but the level of intimacy I have with my wife both in and out of the bedroom is simply amazing, and makes me a happy, confident man. A real man takes care of his wife above himself.