• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

Job just hired a fat ass security guard

Status
Not open for further replies.
N

NintendosBooger

Member
The guy is the probably the single most repulsive individual I’ve ever had the displeasure of calling a “co-worker.” In all honesty, I cannot fathom how or why the top brass of this company, in all their wisdom, felt the least bit inclined to hire someone as unqualified and as physically inadequate as this lard ass. From my understanding, you hire a security guard to protect the assets of the company and the employees within, but how does a fat ass accomplish all of that when he can barely climb halfway up a flight of steps without breathing hard? I mean, I can beat this guy’s ass easily, take the company’s shit, and walk out before he could muster up whatever strength he has hidden under that gelatinous physique of his and proceed to chase me.

Any particular reason why companies tend to hire fat/old people to do security work? Who exactly are they trying to fool?
 
S

sn00zer

Member
If something gets stolen they can collect insurance as they had all to correct precautions (hiring a security guard even if they are inadequate)
 
T

T'Zariah

Banned
paul_blart_mall_cop.jpg

First thing I thought of.
 
O

Operations

Member
When companies hire old people for meaningless security guarding, I like to think it's a charitable activity of sorts. But fat asses? I dunno.
 
L

levious

That throwing stick stunt of yours has boomeranged on us.
NintendosBooger said:
The guy is the probably the single most repulsive individual I’ve ever had the displeasure of calling a “co-worker.” In all honesty, I cannot fathom how or why the top brass of this company, in all their wisdom, felt the least bit inclined to hire someone as unqualified and as physically inadequate as this lard ass. From my understanding, you hire a security guard to protect the assets of the company and the employees within, but how does a fat ass accomplish all of that when he can barely climb halfway up a flight of steps without breathing hard? I mean, I can beat this guy’s ass easily, take the company’s shit, and walk out before he could muster up whatever strength he has hidden under that gelatinous physique of his and proceed to chase me.

Any particular reason why companies tend to hire fat/old people to do security work? Who exactly are they trying to fool?
Click to expand...


so you're a security guard? Or do you just work for the building maintenance company? Companies generally don't own the building space they occupy.


Security guards at offices are there for monitoring the comings and goings, they're not expected to directly engage... but at least he can shield you from bullets easier...
 
B

BattleMonkey

Member
Security guards have very little power or legal ability to do anything. Even if it was some crazy ex navy seal mofo, he would still be held back with little power other than being able to watch and go "halt".

Security is generally nothing more than a person who watches out for stuff and be present as a deterrent visually. Something happens, they have to call actual authorities.
 
L

Leunam

Member
Well, you did pay that bum to guard your clothes. Maybe you should hire him instead. Being a bum and all, I bet he isn't fat!
 
I

itxaka

Defeatist
The guy is the probably the single most repulsive individual I’ve ever had the displeasure of calling a “co-worker.”
Click to expand...

oh man....probably a 90% of your co-workers think the same about you :lol

How was that skiing trip with the boss? :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
 
F

fatigues_gasolini

Member
The security guards we have are mostly over 60, its their retirement job. Like stated above, guards are more for making sure procedures are followed, like making sure everyone here has their badges. If I walked out with a computer, they wouldnt bat an eye.
 
S

seat

Member
Given the OP's reputation for his dislike of all of humanity, I'll bet the guard just carries a few extra pounds.
 
H

ha1f

Member
NintendosBooger said:
I mean, I can beat this guy’s ass easily, take the company’s shit, and walk out before he could muster up whatever strength he has hidden under that gelatinous physique of his and proceed to chase me.
Click to expand...
Do it? Surely the company will award your initiative and desire to better the work environment.
 
A

Alucrid

Banned
tokkun said:
Maybe he is a trojan horse.
Click to expand...

As in a well built man will emerge from the inside of the fat lard in case of an emergency?

I believe I know what you were actually thinking...I think.
 
M

mcrae

Member
lol

also, theres a really old guy.. over 65 who works at my mom's work as front desk security. pretty sure hes just there to watch the cameras and ask the bums to leave the building. doesnt need to be ripped to do that.
 
S

SolsticeZero

Banned
mario ate my burger said:
I actually agree with the OP!

At least hire a security guard who is in shape. Not some guy that won't be able to chase someone down.
Click to expand...

I agree 100%. We had so many overweight security guards at my old job, it used to piss me off. Whenever there was a fire drill or something, my group had to help get the people out because those rotund bastards were the first to waddle out the door.
 
N

NintendosBooger

Member
Solstice said:
I agree 100%. We had so many overweight security guards at my old job, it used to piss me off. Whenever there was a fire drill or something, my group had to help get the people out because those rotund bastards were the first to waddle out the door.
Click to expand...

Thank you. People can refer to me as a joke character or whatever, but I'm allowed to post what goes on in my world.
 
Hari Seldon

Hari Seldon

Member
I got a job as an overnight security guard at office buildings one summer during college. I was on the other end of the spectrum - I was training for a marathon and was extremely skinny. However, I received zero training, no weapons, and was told if something happened to hide and call one of the other buildings.

An awesome job though, got lots of reading in and I would bring a TV and console in sometimes.
 
N

NintendosBooger

Member
Hari Seldon said:
I got a job as an overnight security guard at office buildings one summer during college. I was on the other end of the spectrum - I was training for a marathon and was extremely skinny. However, I received zero training, no weapons, and was told if something happened to hide and call one of the other buildings.

An awesome job though, got lots of reading in and I would bring a TV and console in sometimes.
Click to expand...

So, basically, you were useless and just taking the company's money?
 
B

bjork

Member
I dunno, some of the World's Strongest Man guys look like fat dudes at first. Then they go pull a diesel truck down the street or huck kegs filled with cement over a wall and I don't think they're so much fat as they are manly.
 
P

Pho Antagonist

Banned
NintendosBooger said:
I mean, I can beat this guy’s ass easily, take the company’s shit, and walk out before he could muster up whatever strength he has hidden under that gelatinous physique of his and proceed to chase me.
Click to expand...

Sounds like a good plan. Update us on what happens.
 
D

Dabookerman

Member
It's true, there do seem to be a lot of fat security guards around.

But then they are really bulky underneath. Probably because they are short. And thus appear to be humpty dumpties.

Maybe they are harder to pass, as opposed to skinny runts.
 
C

Ceres

Banned
bjork said:
I dunno, some of the World's Strongest Man guys look like fat dudes at first. Then they go pull a diesel truck down the street or huck kegs filled with cement over a wall and I don't think they're so much fat as they are manly.
Click to expand...

If a guy is named Magnús Ver Magnússon, you do not fuck with him.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

  • Locked
[MarketWatch] Microsoft faces battle for Activision deal, especially if ‘Call of Duty’ is destined for Xbox exclusivity
2 3 4 5
219
30K
Bo_Hazem replied
Kotaku bitching about CoD Vanguard - it's too woke, apparently, to the point it defies history ... *SPOILERS*
Opinion Spoilers Drama 2 3 4 5
204
28K
Spukc replied
  • Locked
Chinese-American grandpa fatally shot by security guard while playing Pokemon Go
4 5 6 7 8
394
50K
Dead Man replied
  • Locked
WWE announcer John Bradshaw Layfield met with bullying accusations
10 11 12 13 14
688
99K
BlazinSkatinAxel replied
  • Locked
I just watched Avatar, and I have some thoughts...
2 3
100
10K
black_13 replied
Top Bottom