Support NeoGAF

[CapNBritain]

Not, the Vietnamese population tend to live in other cities (Garden Grove, Westminster). We have a lot of Koreans, Chinese, and Taiwanese here (relatively speaking).

Orange County, the county, is pretty equally split, but as for specific ethnicity there's a pretty good "grouping" in each city.

& yeah, the whole Asian men are too controlling is always surprising for me to hear. I don't know any American-born Asian men that are like that at all, or even ones that were raised here in the US. I wonder if it's more of a new immigrant thing?

I had no idea that OC was like that. Pretty interesting and I bet studies done among its different Asian populations would yield amazing data.

I blame 90s TV for the feminization of Asian men. We were so used to being beaten with fly swatters that our hearts forever melted when we saw how a real (white) family interacted.

Fobs who have no clue what Full House is are simply the black-hearted monsters that Oriental culture has molded them into.

I have noticed this among some of my asian friends, quite the catch 22 huh?

Made for a confusing time in my 20s.

I don't really feel comfortable speaking about my experiences sometimes... �� cuz I tend to be guilty as charged on some things. Like preferring white men (during my rebellious years) and all that. Haha. iBad

��

I'm going to assume that you discovered your love of women and Asians at the same time.

Interracial couples I know:
Vietnamese male, Japanese female
Bengali male, Chinese female
Indian male, Chinese female
White male, Chinese female
Chinese male, white female

It's a mix of first- and second-generation Asians, so upbringing/culture doesn't seem to matter much.

I don't think I have any racial preferences but almost all the girls I've dated have been Chinese, which probably is a result of the type of people I hang out with and online dating algorithms.

As a second-generation Chinese male, I don't think I could date a first-generation Chinese female due to a language/culture barrier. My Chinese is so bad.

Twinkies and Fobs are so distinct that they probably need to be represented as separate data entries. Of course, Asians encompasses everything from Indian to Chinese to Filipino, so maybe such fine granularity is asking too much. I suspect the numbers would look much different upon closer inspection.

So did you marry her because she is white?

He did it to pave the way for all Asian men. God bless you, brave soldier.

Maybe it's just peculiar to my area/generation. When I was in high school 50% of my class was from HK. It might be different for kids who were a lot younger when they came. But the area I live in (Markham/Richmond Hill is ~50% Chinese) with Asian shopping areas everywhere. In university clubs were also segregated east asian / everyone else

Is the new wave of Asian immigrants (specifically Chinese) not assimilating like the wave from the 80s did?

 

[grandwizard]

The schism is exacerbated by the fact that Asian men aren't seen as attractive outside their race as Asian women are, which are sought after by all races. So when Asian men feel like they are getting turned down by Asian women, their possible dating pool doesn't just open up wider to other races like it does for the women. This is the same thing Black women are facing, but for different reasons.

The patriarchal/controlling fears are just more stereotypes that are muddying the water. Wouldn't an american born or raised Asian female also suffer from the same 'programming' into being submissive or whatever stereotype they have in their heads about the 'old country'? They aren't though, they are raised with modern values and so are the men generally, but the fear is still there that some old traditional values are going to seep in eventually.

I think people are far too forgiving of the hit job Hollywood and western media in general has done on Asian males the past 50 years. This was quite a controversial article when it first came out: I'm an Asian Woman and I Refuse to Ever Date an Asian Man.

These two comments always lined up with what I have always looked at a huge factor:

I'm an Asian woman and although I'm open-minded to all races, I feel most attracted to white males. Everything about them just feels... right. I think it's because I grew up watching cartoons when I was a kid, then teen shows, teen movies, reading magazines, and then watching adult movies and shows.
Guess what they all had in common? White men. Sure there were Asian men occasionally, but they were usually evil or they looked stupid. I mean, how can you ever be attracted to Jackie Chan?
It's like watching the same commercial all your life, featuring white men as the product - eventually you're going to give in and want the goods, right?

I don't really agree with this. She's certainly racist, in the same way that I am, or in the same way that a huge number of people of color are -- because we watched the same television shows and movies and read the same books and came away with the knowledge that the white people are the heroes and the ingenues and the Asian people are comic relief or straightforwardly evil. (Or they have mystic wisdom from the ancestors, but I definitely don't have that. And black people are the same. And there aren't any Hispanic people at all. And so forth.) Is it any surprise that we'd rather seek out heroes and ingenues than comic relief? This is internalized racism -- and yes, it's self-hatred, and it's destructive. But it's also not something you can magically walk away from after years of steeping in it. This is the afterbirth of colonialism. Somebody has to eat it, and it was us.

 

[CapNBritain]

So did you marry her because she is white?

The schism is exacerbated by the fact that Asian men aren't seen as attractive outside their race as Asian women are, which are sought after by all races. So when Asian men feel like they are getting turned down by Asian women, their possible dating pool doesn't just open up wider to other races like it does for the women. This is the same thing Black women are facing, but for different reasons.

The patriarchal/controlling fears are just more stereotypes that are muddying the water. Wouldn't an american born or raised Asian female also suffer from the same 'programming' into being submissive or whatever stereotype they have in their heads about the 'old country'? They aren't though, they are raised with modern values and so are the men generally, but the fear is still there that some old traditional values are going to seep in eventually.

I think people are far too forgiving of the hit job Hollywood and western media in general has done on Asian males the past 50 years. This was quite a controversial article when it first came out: I'm an Asian Woman and I Refuse to Ever Date an Asian Man.

These two comments always lined up with what I have always looked at a huge factor:

That article left me speechless. It's just...terrible, and she is a terrible person for thinking that way.

Although I'm not sure that the article you linked matches up with the Hollywood hit job you mention. The article showcases the controlling man stereotype that does not come from Western thought, except by comparison. This stereotype is what some people use to justify their stupid and offensive behavior. It's the reason some (many?) Asian women don't date Asian men.

The Hollywood hit job that feminizes Asian men is the reason why some (many?) non-Asian women don't date Asian men.

 

[Smushroomed]

I'm filipino and my girlfriend is white. I get along pretty well with her family.

It's funny going to an socal orange county club like Sutra (EDM), its all full of whites and asians but neither group co-mingles

 

[YesNOnoNOYes]

I'm going to assume that you discovered your love of women and Asians at the same time.

Well, the gf is an East-Asian woman so I guess that explains??? XD

But I'm bisexual and I totally still find boys attractive and I have to admit that though I don't find Asian men as unappealing as before I still have some residual fondness for the archetype of white men that is approximately Thor (tall, blond and well built - for lack of better definitions). However, in terms of personality, I actually find Asian men quite appealing now (in terms of cultural familiarity)... I just dont have to explain everything from scratch with Asians and that's quite a plus.

 

[voodoojohn]

People are superficial and Asians are superficially feminine.

 

[CapNBritain]

Well, the gf is an East-Asian woman so I guess that explains??? XD

But I'm bisexual and I totally still find boys attractive and I have to admit that though I don't find Asian men as unappealing as before I still have some residual fondness for the archetype of white men that is approximately Thor (tall, blond and well built - for lack of better definitions). However, in terms of personality, I actually find Asian men quite appealing now (in terms of cultural familiarity)... I just dont have to explain everything from scratch with Asians and that's quite a plus.

Well I'm pretty straight but I might go gay for Thor, so I see what you're saying.

Funnily enough I probably have more cultural familiarity with white people than fellow Asians, especially the new wave. But I believe that among Fobs this is important and may cause that subgroup to date more exclusively among themselves than other races.

People are superficial and Asians are superficially feminine.

Is this a joke?

I mean, on average (some types of) Asians might have less body hair and a smaller build, but I don't know that I would qualify that as feminine or use it to cast a sweeping generalization across all Asians. I guess the Hollywood machine done corrupted you.

 

[Zoe]

& yeah, the whole Asian men are too controlling is always surprising for me to hear. I don't know any American-born Asian men that are like that at all, or even ones that were raised here in the US. I wonder if it's more of a new immigrant thing?

It most likely comes from parents who immigrated.

 

[Africanus]

Time to scroll through my anecdotal experiences to see if this is true.

My Korean-Italian best friend (male) is currently dating an English girl.

My Han Chinese friend (female) is currently dating a German boy.

My other Han Chinese friend (male) is dating a fellow Han Chinese girl.

2/3 majority off the top of my head.

The others are single, but whether that is because of racism or that they are recent foreign exchange students, I do not know.

 

[Miletius]

Perhaps he means Asian women are more superficially feminine. I don't really see all Asians that way, for sure.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Holy shit, YES. Yes yes yes yes.

& I have a thing for Irish looking men. Long dark brown hair, pale skin, green eyes....hnggg. Had an ex like that and ahhhh Irish men <333.

But, so many factors to picking your family than just appearance~




Lol Sutra...I know what you mean. I only go during EDM nights though.

Lies, no one likes the Irish &#128549;

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Maybe it's because I live near Cambridge, but most Asian girls I know have mostly dated Asian guys. Especially the ones still in school.

 

[Jimrpg]

I don't understand OP. A rebellion against the patriarchy of Asian conservatism? That's ridiculous

Asian women, like all women simply prefer white men because of Hollywood and the music industry and the white beauty ideal.

White men like Asian women because ... I dunno, why do you like Asian women? They probably can't explain it either.

I don't think a majority of white men have some racist beliefs like 'oh she'll be submissive.'

Not unless you're forty and looking for a mail order bride. White guys dating Asian girls in the teens or 20s are just dudes who think they look hot.

That really all there is to it. There is no schism, I don't feel pain at all when I see a white guy with an Asian girl, as a matter of fact it makes my heart warm seeing more interracial couples and I'm an Asian dude.

In a western society (US, Australia), white people get represented the most in the media as the ideal. Both men and women. White men do want white women, but they want the type in the top 1% of attractiveness that's been accepted by media.

As far as asian women go, many who live in western society have also been 'westernised' and white men can get a far better asian woman in terms of attractiveness than a white woman. Basically he can probably get a '8' asian girl instead of a '6' white girl (because the '8' white girl is probably looking for a '9' white guy). For asian girls who've been westernised, a white guy is also an ideal type because of the society they live in. Asian guys are basically at the bottom of the social totem pole. If you're not cool with this, hang out in an all asian group where you have a better chance of being higher up in the social totem pole.

Maybe it's because I live near Cambridge, but most Asian girls I know have mostly dated Asian guys. Especially the ones still in school.

If they're international students from China, they probably will date their own race. It's easier to communicate. Westernised asian girls have the ability to do both.

 

[fluffydelusions]

Anecdotally, the most exclusive group in dating I've seen (NYC NJ) is Jewish Americans.

True. Also, I've seen on craiglist NY/NJ people looking for Jewish egg donors.

 

[Rentahamster]

I will do my best to date more white and black girls to restore balance to the force.

 

[Jimrpg]

Anyhow, as an Asian chick, I want to date Asian men that are culturally like me. I once went on a date with a nice Asian guy that didn't speak Chinese (despite being second gen only). It was an instant turn off. He was a good looking dude, but no dice.

Thanks, now you made me feel guilty about playing video games instead of studying chinese.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Wow, everything got worse for black men on OK cupid. Good thing I stick to tinder where everyone is open minded.

But their stats bare out what I've seen. White men are certainly the preferred partners for interracial dating, but most Asian women date Asian guys.

 

[SnowFlakeCake]

I don't know about asians, but as an Indian eventually getting married is going to be a tough pill to swallow. Going to enjoy dating life with girls of all races because when the times comes, it's gonna have to be a Sikh girl that is also a particular caste whom I marry. I'm amazed how much the caste system matters to Indians, even those in my age bracket that are born and raised in England. Everyone I've spoken to know what caste they belong to and what that means.

But here in London, I don't see many interracial relationships at all, be that black/white/asian/indian/simpson etc. In all honesty I've hardly come across people being married that aren't the same religion leave alone another race, I just don't see that. It's obviously happening though, hence every advert these days seems to always have a couple that are different races, like erry time.

 

[Paracelsus]

There was a chart somewhere showing a white man marrying a black woman means a much lower chance for divorce, while the opposite doubled the chances. I need to find it.

 

[Cuburt]

Thank you.

I talk about the fetishization of Asian women by white male mainstream culture in America to people and they look at me like I'm crazy. I'm disturbed when my white male friends go on and on about how perfect Asian women are not because they are attracted to them, but because there is this underlying idea that comes across in their thinking that screams out to me they are appealing because they are exotic, thought to be submissive/loyal/quiet, and the American media reinforcing the ideas that Asian men are a joke, and Asian women are the perfect ideal trophy for a man. Think of how often an Asian male gets cast in a lead role in a film compared to an Asian female. How often is the Asian male a nerd, socially awkward, mocked for having a small penis, or other Asian stereotypes? How often is the Asian female the love interest of the white male in a lead role, maybe not even being the submissive/demure Asian flower but the feisty rebellious girl outwardly that turns from an ice queen to a affectionate kitten for her love interest?

As someone of a mixed Asian background, anecdotally, I was never Asian enough for Asian girls, around the time I was in High School, that were less assimilated and were only 2nd generation or so in America but then I was too Asian when it came to my social status in datability to other circles, where being an Asian male isn't exactly a prize.

Now I realize that is less of an obstacle than I realized (with it playing in my favor more often than not), but superficially, I know girls who wouldn't date me because they didn't think our culture backgrounds couldn't mesh. At the same time, there is an appeal, maybe it's some sort of forbidden element, that makes being an Asian male appealing to women, but I almost never hear women of other races casually comment on how handsome an Asian guy is like they would about hunky celebrity males of other races, yet if it ever comes up, it's always in a different context.

If I didn't ever find my own self confidence, my self loathing over the assassination of my manhood by American media, society, and even my own ethnic groups which have treated me like an outsider, I might live my entire life feeling a loss of my own sense of worth and desirability. I used to think I was so ugly as a kid, come to find out lots of girls thought I was cute, but goddamn if I ever heard anything close to any of those girls telling me I was attractive or anything in the media telling me I could be attractive.

/rant

I accept that things are the way they are, I've learned to work with things and turn some stuff to my advantage, but nothing bothers me more about the whole situation than people pretending these attitudes don't exist.

 

[Tablo]

What I get from this thread is that I'm happy people like bunny are aware of self segregation. Not fun times whenever I think about that. Anecdotally I notice a lot of people dating their own ethnicity, but my campus is mostly Asian, so ymmv. I don't have a race preference, if you're attractive to me, you're attractive to me.

 

[Valhelm]

Thanks for posting. If anybody is not aware, the reasons for this are largely economic and very, very fucked-up. Consider that most divorces are failed by wives, and this graph becomes startlingly clear.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Wow, that's a really interesting graph.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Jesus. Is there a reason given for this?

 

[Cagey]

In a western society (US, Australia), white people get represented the most in the media as the ideal. Both men and women. White men do want white women, but they want the type in the top 1% of attractiveness that's been accepted by media.

As far as asian women go, many who live in western society have also been 'westernised' and white men can get a far better asian woman in terms of attractiveness than a white woman. Basically he can probably get a '8' asian girl instead of a '6' white girl (because the '8' white girl is probably looking for a '9' white guy). For asian girls who've been westernised, a white guy is also an ideal type because of the society they live in. Asian guys are basically at the bottom of the social totem pole. If you're not cool with this, hang out in an all asian group where you have a better chance of being higher up in the social totem

I don't know if I should be offended by this for myself as a white man married to an Asian because I supposedly can't pull attractive white women so I went to another race despite my wanting an attractive white woman, or for my wife as a Korean woman because she supposedly can't pull the caliber of white men that a white woman could.

But I do know that I think this post is trash.

 

[Syriel]

I talked to a cohort of Asian girls about their dating preferences:

British Vietnamese girl: Doesn't date Vietnamese dudes. Thought they reminded her of her brother.
British Chinese: Only dates black dudes. Can't recall her reasons. My vietnamese friend was not amused.
Canadian Filipino: Said Asian men were too controlling
Mainland Chinese Girl: See above
British Chinese girl: Asian dudes never talked to her
Two British Chinese girls: Not attracted to them, but Koreans are apparently sexy

That said there were a couple who didn't give two shits and others who only dated Asian dudes.

I'm dating an American Chinese girl. We were setup on a blind date by one of her co-workers. I didn't know/care her ethnicity when we started talking. First thing she told me when family game up "You're not Asian! <mutual friend> didn't mention that." Caught me by surprise as that wasn't something I had ever considered as a dating requirement.

She had only dated Chinese guys before me. Her two sisters are split though.

One of them only dates white guys. The other one only dates Chinese guys.

The schism is exacerbated by the fact that Asian men aren't seen as attractive outside their race as Asian women are, which are sought after by all races. So when Asian men feel like they are getting turned down by Asian women, their possible dating pool doesn't just open up wider to other races like it does for the women. This is the same thing Black women are facing, but for different reasons.

In my experience Black and Indian women are the most likely to refuse to date outside their own race. Only times me (or people I know) have been turned down with race as the given reason.

 

[Undead]

I have a Filipina fiancee so I suppose you could say I have a preference towards Asian women. I also know many other people in the same type of relationships. White skin is VERY desirable to them (why do you think all this whitening shit exists?)

I can ask any one of the Filipinas I know why they want a white guy and they will answer the same way.
Not in any order
1. height
2. skin
3. they actually WANT an interracial baby and NOT in their words an "ugly" filipino baby

Spoiler

4. dick size (considering Asian are amongst the smallest in the world, is this a surprise?)

you can agree or not, makes no difference to me, these are just what I personally have been told by MANY Filipinas BUT that's not to say every single one in existence will feel the same way

 

[Valhelm]

Jesus. Is there a reason given for this?

At first glance, one might think "cultural differences", but it's almost entirely economic. Women are more likely to file for divorce, and because white women often "marry down" financially when they marry black men, they feel less of a need to stay with their spouse.

On the flipside, black women are more likely to be economically dependent if they marry a white man. Even if their husband is a racist asshole, divorce could be financial suicide.

Asian men make a lot more money than white women on average, but there's an unfortunate social stigma against white women who marry Asians, which probably contributes to the higher divorce rate.

 

[Otheradam]

I'm a first generation Chinese guy living in NYC. Went to public school up til college, had friends of every race, majority black guys, white girls, asian guys, everyone else. At some point in high school, I realized I found white girls to be the most attractive.

Culturally I had more in common with white people. I'm a photographer and I go to hipstery bars in artsy areas of Brooklyn. I listen to indie rock. I drink small batch bourbon. I don't get an asian flush and can hold my liquor. I once had dinner with a vietnamese girl (friend from HS) that asked me how I had so many white friends. She couldn't find anything in common with most of them. My sister says the same. I guess at some point I culturally adopted to them.

I make friends easily, especially white girls- I meet a lot through work. Some of my closest friends are white girls, but I have no chance to ever date them. They usually friend-zone me real quick. That is something I always have trouble with. I am not the typical asian stereotype to them but they don't see me as anything other than a male friend who isn't gay. They also never set me up with a white girl. I don't think its on purpose but it is kind of racist on a deeper level. They never have anyone who they think is a "good fit"- they only know other white girls.

I've never dated a white girl. I've fooled around with a few but have never been past a first date, if I get that far. I know its not my personality. I was crushing hard on a white girl in college and she really liked me but was always hesitant. I visited her in school once (I graduated a year early) and she let me make out with her but nothing else. The next day she said she just wanted to be friends. A few years later I asked her why it didn't work out and she said "I love you as a person and your personality but I was never attracted to asian men". Hearing that confirmed my suspections so it didn't really hurt- just shaped my perspective to where I am now.

The only girl I've ever dated was a Malaysian model that is a good 4 to 5 inches taller than me. But I never let it go past casual because I couldn't connect with her on a deeper cultural level. Isn't that ironic!

 

[Polioliolio]

Has there ever in the history of time been an East Asian man + Black woman combo?
And not one of those tan athletic Asian men.. they have to have skin as white as snow.

 

[Jimrpg]

You know what's funny about this?

I always think that white guys tend to pick the ugliest Asian women sometimes. :x

Maybe it's different in Australia, but Hollywood rarely picks very attractive looking Asian women :/. Cho Chang? Zhang Ziyi? Not ugly, but nowhere near very attractive (imo).

Edit: Though, you're right in that I think a lot of people seem to see Asians as inferior to white people. It always blows my mind how little self-respect they have for themselves when they buy into this narrative. I mean, you can't so much about others being racist towards you, but you can always not hate yourself. It always makes me sad to see self-hating Asians

Yeah my white friend married a pretty average Asian girl. He could have done better in the looks department. Self esteem and self worth probably has a lot to do with it. And the handful of women in western countries is really small compared to being in an Asian country.

Zhang ziyi is still better than that chick from ER (or was it Chicago hope). Hollywood run it pretty safe and they have always tried to sell to the domestic audience first, I think it's slowly changing though we are still a fair way off from having a Hollywood movie with girls generation.

Your last comment, man I don't even know where to begin... Just people living in their own small world and not seeing the whole picture is probably the easiest way to summarise. We were all young once!

Btw, Australian TV is 80% U.S. Shows, 19% UK, 0.9% Australian, 0.1% other ethnicities.

 

[Syriel]

You know what's funny about this?

I always think that white guys tend to pick non attractive Asian women sometimes. :x

Just saw this in the last post's quote, but honestly, it doesn't make sense.

Guys are going to pick a woman that makes them happy.

No one (at least no one with brains) marries a woman for looks. Looks fade. Personality doesn't.

"Hot" girls (of any ethnicity) are very easy to pass on if they don't have a good personality. Or if they smoke. That's an instant turn off.

 

[Cow Mengde]

Has there ever in the history of time been an East Asian man + Black woman combo?
And not one of those tan athletic Asian men.. they have to have skin as white as snow.

Of course there are. That's just silly to think such a coupling doesn't exist. Wasn't Miss Japan half Japanese half Black?

 

[Zoe]

Of course there are. That's just silly to think such a coupling doesn't exist. Wasn't Miss Japan half Japanese half Black?

It's her father who's black.

The combination certainly exists to some degree, but I'm drawing a blank on whether it's appeared in the entertainment world. Closest we got was Jet Li and Aaliyah, and we all know what happened there.

 

[formasymphonic]

On the flipside, black women are more likely to be economically dependent if they marry a white man. Even if their husband is a racist asshole, divorce could be financial suicide.

After reading that link, I wanted to say something about "power balances" people look for and effect in relationships and how her allowing him to make her dependant on him should have been a warning sign — but fuck it, that guy is a straight up asshole. Sorry for the de-rail.

 

[guek]

So did you marry her because she is white?

What? Naw, man.

 

[Rooster12]

I make friends easily, especially white girls- I meet a lot through work. Some of my closest friends are white girls, but I have no chance to ever date them. They usually friend-zone me real quick. That is something I always have trouble with. I am not the typical asian stereotype to them but they don't see me as anything other than a male friend who isn't gay. They also never set me up with a white girl. I don't think its on purpose but it is kind of racist on a deeper level. They never have anyone who they think is a "good fit"- they only know other white girls.

They're not your friends.

 

[Jimrpg]

I don't know if I should be offended by this for myself as a white man married to an Asian because I supposedly can't pull attractive white women so I went to another race despite my wanting an attractive white woman, or for my wife as a Korean woman because she supposedly can't pull the caliber of white men that a white woman could.

But I do know that I think this post is trash.

It's about social status and the girl gets to have the final say the majority of the time.

Imo, on the 'social' totem pole, white people have lots of representation in western media which helps them with social status. In attraction, the majority of the time it's the guy that initiates and the girl that responds. That gives the girl a lot of power in terms of choosing the person she wants, especially if she is desired by many people. If attraction is in the most basic form an economic transaction between two parties, then both parties are probably wanting to get as much 'value' as they can possibly get. Why would a girl take less than she's worth? Similarly why would a guy?

I don't think my opinion is meant to cover everyone and everything. There are always lots of other scenarios. But look at the chart in the OP. A lot of white guys find Asian women desirable and vice versa. Perhaps they have been successful in getting what they perceive to be acceptable value from each other. Asian men and white women, the percentages are low. Why? The social status is far apart. Also if I offended you (or your wife), well like I said it's not meant to cover everyone, but based on the chart in the OP, that's my explanation for it.

 

[cdyhybrid]

I've heard the "I only date white guys" line from a few different Asian girls (which is a bit funny because I'm half white). Whatever, their loss.

Anyone who would cut their dating pool so drastically right off the bat is only making it harder on themselves.

 

[Unbounded]

Wow, everything got worse for black men on OK cupid. Good thing I stick to tinder where everyone is open minded.

I'm pretty sure when I was reading the book those graphs came from that they mentioned that the trend was reflected in both Tinder and Match.

(Edit: This was pretty much for all of them from what I remember.)

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

They're not your friends.

Yup. Friends who don't see you as dating material even for others obviously don't think very highly of you. I stopped hanging around people like this years ago, guys and girls. It's awful for your self esteem to be deliberately excluded from consideration.

Even if they thought you were hideous, a real friend would at least talk you up to their lady friends as "Nice."

I'm pretty sure when I was reading the book those graphs came from that they mentioned that the trend was reflected in both Tinder and Match.

I was being (mostly) sarcastic. I've been on tinder a little over a year, dated dozens of women, and have only had a handful of Asian matches with zero dates. Statistically improbable based on location, but reality based on those trends.

 

[Jimrpg]

I'm a first generation Chinese guy living in NYC. Went to public school up til college, had friends of every race, majority black guys, white girls, asian guys, everyone else. At some point in high school, I realized I found white girls to be the most attractive.

Culturally I had more in common with white people. I'm a photographer and I go to hipstery bars in artsy areas of Brooklyn. I listen to indie rock. I drink small batch bourbon. I don't get an asian flush and can hold my liquor. I once had dinner with a vietnamese girl (friend from HS) that asked me how I had so many white friends. She couldn't find anything in common with most of them. My sister says the same. I guess at some point I culturally adopted to them.

I make friends easily, especially white girls- I meet a lot through work. Some of my closest friends are white girls, but I have no chance to ever date them. They usually friend-zone me real quick. That is something I always have trouble with. I am not the typical asian stereotype to them but they don't see me as anything other than a male friend who isn't gay. They also never set me up with a white girl. I don't think its on purpose but it is kind of racist on a deeper level. They never have anyone who they think is a "good fit"- they only know other white girls.

I've never dated a white girl. I've fooled around with a few but have never been past a first date, if I get that far. I know its not my personality. I was crushing hard on a white girl in college and she really liked me but was always hesitant. I visited her in school once (I graduated a year early) and she let me make out with her but nothing else. The next day she said she just wanted to be friends. A few years later I asked her why it didn't work out and she said "I love you as a person and your personality but I was never attracted to asian men". Hearing that confirmed my suspections so it didn't really hurt- just shaped my perspective to where I am now.

The only girl I've ever dated was a Malaysian model that is a good 4 to 5 inches taller than me. But I never let it go past casual because I couldn't connect with her on a deeper cultural level. Isn't that ironic!

Those girls that you are meeting are also after the most desirable person they can get and yes they stereotyped you but it's social conditioning. We can all sit here and get mad at people stereotyping others, but in the end it's personal preference.

If you are attracted to white girls, you can either go work overseas with an expat community where they are a lot more open to Asian guys and immediately bump up your social status as there's a lot more Asian people around.

Or you can work on yourself being the most confident guy, most highly valued (in all areas of life) person you can be. For most, people aren't willing to work on themselves.

 

[PassiveObserver]

I think they are his friends but they see him as inferior. /shrug

What's friendly about that?

 

[voodoojohn]

Man... First devo, then fiction, and now backslashbunny. How many more derisively dismissive female authorities on life will GAF have to endure?

 

[Syriel]

I mean, you can still consider someone a friend without fully respecting them? Especially if you keep a "token <x> color."

No. If you don't respect someone, or worse, if you keep someone as an accessory (ie "token") you're not friends with that person.

At best you're using them.

 

[voodoojohn]

Not prefacing my first statement with an "I think" doesn't imply an air of authority. I'm willing to have a level-headed discussion with someone who has an opposing point of view. Maybe you'll eventually grow into that.

 

[cdyhybrid]

Not prefacing my first statement with an "I think" doesn't imply an air of authority. I'm willing to have a level-headed discussion with someone who has an opposing point of view. Maybe you'll eventually grow into that.

Damn, you are pressed as hell.

 

[HalfBakedProphet]

Man... First devo, then fiction, and now backslashbunny. How many more derisively dismissive female authorities on life will GAF have to endure?

I don't know Devo at all but as a long time lurker of OT, she was a generally good poster and rational person. Haven't seen her post in a long time, either..not surprised she'd dip out given all the random flak she took.

 

[voodoojohn]

Damn, you are pressed as hell.

That's just how I talk. I'll try to ease up on the meaning to word ratio the next thread we both post in.

 

[Satch]

fiction is so nice, like how do people even hate her tbh