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[trikster40]

That's what my ex did to me. It's primarily because they start feeling guilty and by projecting that guilt onto the partner, maybe they can feel better about themselves.

Too bad I knew it was BS and didn't buy it.

 

[Dusk Soldier]

Yup. There's a very real idea among people that if someone cheats on you, it's because you did something wrong in the relationship.

It's a crock of shit, of course, but that's how some people think.

The cheater is always 100% at fault for cheating. But that doesn't mean the victim bears no responsibility for the relationship falling apart.

 

[Admiral Woofington]

The cheater is always 100% at fault for cheating. But that doesn't mean the victim bears no responsibility for the relationship falling apart.

Unless there was physical or emotional abuse there's no argument though.

"You weren't looking at me like you did before so I fucked the neighbor" is silly

 

[richardhawk]

Dumb. Usually because "you weren't satisying their needs" bullshit. Sex is like #2046 on the list of important things in a relationship and it goes dowm the list as you get older.

Speak for yourself.

 

[AyaisMUsikWhore]

In another thread are harped on this topic but I wasn't victim blaming. My train of thought was sometimes people make excuses for cheating by trying to run around the topic with their spouse.

I did say something regarding finding out more about your partner and some people took it as I was saying you need a background check but it's not that.

When people hear certain things about a particular person they are interested and after everything that has been said, said person still decides to be, date or whatever with that person and the outcome is exactly what everyone has already warned that person about - it's their fault.

It does happen. Doesn't make it the situation any better but there is a onus sometimes on both parties for...Basically denial and lack of communication.

I know too many women who fall into this trap.
It shouldn't take your friends to pick up the weight of your relationship with the person you are suppose to know. Unless the situation falls into your lap, of course by all means let that person know.

 

[Skyzard]

You mean fans of Skyler?

 

[soleil]

You mean fans of Skyler?

Yeah I guess she could have just left instead of cheating to get him to leave her.

 

[IISANDERII]

People have been known to isolate partners so it's foolhardy to make broad judgements when you don't have all the facts.

 

[Hero_of_the_Day]

Speak for yourself.

No shit. Sex is extremely important part of a relationship to some people, myself included.

You mean fans of Skyler?

LOL.

 

[OnPoint]

Know a guy who was cheated on 3 times in his relationship. He ended it over the third one, didn't confirm the other two until he was out.

Was explaining the situation to someone the other day and their response was "Well he sounds like kind of a dick."

I was kind of taken aback by that response. I didn't know that being "kind of a dick" means you can cheat on someone 3 times.

To be clear, he wasn't abusive or anything like that. And he is kind of a dick, but even if that's the case, just break up and move on.

 

[Neverforget]

What? Does this happen often?

Yep! Cheaters are cowards who use their partners as a security blanket, when discovered they will just blame it on their partners and thus try to destroy their confidence and make them feel inadequate so they don't leave them.

 

[DoktorEvil]

Been cheated on when I was 16-17. Sucks then and it sucks now. Since then, I've held a zero tolerance policy on cheating. Dont care about the circumstances. No, I don't intend on burning the others things or something drastic, but I have zero respect for cheaters.

Speak for yourself.

If your relationship with someone is based on sex first, its not meant to last.

Relationships run deeper than sex. Eventually you'll grow tired of it and want something substantial.

 

[Bloodrage]

Depends. If you deserved to be cheated on, you did it to yourself, especially if you were confronted about your bullshit (reasons that led to cheating) before.

At the same time, I could also argue you should have just been dumped.

 

[soleil]

Depends. If you deserved to be cheated on, you did it to yourself, especially if you were confronted about your bullshit (reasons that led to cheating) before.

At the same time, I could also argue you should have just been dumped.

Doesn't your second paragraph negate the first paragraph? That's why people like me and others say that (extreme scenarios like being held in a cage exempted) cheating isn't justified. Leave the relationship if for some reason you can't just verbally communicate and work it out.

 

[Hero_of_the_Day]

If your relationship with someone is based on sex first, its not meant to last.

Relationships run deeper than sex. Eventually you'll grow tired of it and want something substantial.

You just jumped from one extreme to the other. He was disagreeing with someone who said sex was "#2046" on the list of important shit in a relationship. That's bullshit for a lot of people. Now, he wasn't saying sex is number one, either, like you just suggested. There's a lot of space in between there.

As you get older, your sex drive will probably drop, sure. But, there are a LOT of good years (decades) before that happens. I've been married 9 years, and together for 2 years before that, and we still have a very active sex life.

 

[NervousXtian]

Dumb. Usually because "you weren't satisying their needs" bullshit. Sex is like #2046 on the list of important things in a relationship and it goes dowm the list as you get older.

Maybe for you, but goddamn.. no way... it's still really important.

The only person who'd say that is some guy who's come to terms with his wife not fucking him anymore and trying to justify it as normal.

 

[Shuggananas]

What? Does this happen often?

yep
"should have cared about/kept close him/her more"

 

[Fracas]

Victim blaming is dumb 100% of the time

 

[davey_jones_1217]

Maybe for you, but goddamn.. no way... it's still really important.

The only person who'd say that is some guy who's come to terms with his wife not fucking him anymore and trying to justify it as normal.

Enter Paulo, stage right.

 

[Bloodrage]

Doesn't your second paragraph negate the first paragraph?

Yes. That's why I said I could argue for both sides.

 

[L.B. Jeffries]

I dunno about victim blaming, but if someone is cheating then the relationship was already dead. One or both people might be in denial about it, they might be refusing to admit it because kids/house/family ties. Or just guilt, social circles, or a genuine desire to not hurt the other person. Cheating is, among a long list of bad things, one person giving you the ultimate notice that they want to break up even if they don't admit it.

I don't think I'd ever blame someone for getting cheated on, but I do kinda scratch my head at people who act shocked or don't see it coming. How can you not be aware of a relationship dying while you're in it?

 

[ReAxion]

Ask Dan Savage.

 

[soleil]

Yes. That's why I said I could argue for both sides.

... if one side is completely negated by the other... how can you argue both?

 

[Anton Sugar]

Cheating is, among a long list of bad things, one person giving you the ultimate notice that they want to break up even if they don't admit it.

This is an unfair blanket characterization of cheaters. Getting so drunk you make a horrible decision one night is not the same as betraying someone for months on end because you're in love with someone else.

 

[Mesoian]

How do you feel about people who cheat and then say their significant other is at fault?

I mean, if that's the end of the story, then it doesn't matter, no one has enough info to make heads or tails or the story.

 

[Omegasquash]

You pushed me into their arms!

If you weren't such a horrible person then I wouldn't feel like I need to get with someone else!

Hm...nope. Can't say I'm a fan.

 

[riotous]

Some people make a mistake or have a real lapse in their typical morals when they cheat.

Most are displaying a large character flaw though, that often goes hand in hand with not being capable of taking responsibility for their actions.

While I've never been victim blamed per say both of the girls who have cheated on me would spin a tale any time someone asked them why we broke up.

One particularly clueless ex of mine invited me to see her therapist for a post breakup session to see if we could work things out. He started our one on one asking me why we broke up. He had no clue she had cheated on me lol.

 

[jorma]

"I'm bored with sex. I don't want to have sex any more. Sex is like so unimportant in a long term relationship. I'll also consider it cheating if you don't agree and have sex with someone else."

This purely fictional person i quoted has it coming.

 

[Kevtones]

It takes two to tango and one to cheat.

Cheating is disrespectful and normally cowardly.

 

[1044]

I think part of it comes from television shows and movies that have us sympathizing or even rooting for the cheater. It seems pretty often in sitcoms and often times the plot has a main character's cheating result in nothing but rewards for the cheating couple, like realizing they should be together.

So I think this kind of desensitizes viewers to cheating or even root for it.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

People that say that are usually too cowardly to just break it off themselves then cheat and let their partner find out so they will break up with them.

But like I said to my friends: Take care of your spouse because trust me...if you don't someone else sure as fuck will.

 

[soleil]

"I'm bored with sex. I don't want to have sex any more. Sex is like so unimportant in a long term relationship. I'll also consider it cheating if you don't agree and have sex with someone else."

This purely fictional person i quoted has it coming.

Why not just break up with said fictional person?

 

[Into]

When is the last time you met someone who actually admitted to making big mistakes in their past relationships, whether its cheating or whatever?

Every single person you have ever met was the "good" person in all of their past and current relationships. This is the biggest coincidence in the world, the chances of this happening to all of us is probably 0.0000000000001% yet happens all the time!

 

[Angry Grimace]

The annoying thing is that the term "victim-blaming" gets thrown around in any scenario like this to basically absolve a party from any kind of criticism, even though people should use their discretion when trying to determine what's going on. It has rapidly become a rule of law in the court of public opinion which is routinely forced on technical grounds.

If Partner A cheats on Partner B, and then Partner B cheats on Partner A in response when they find out, its victim blaming to say Partner A is even partially at fault, even though that's probably true. The actual answer is, "it really depends on the situation."

 

[Dr. Benton Quest]

Dumb. Usually because "you weren't satisying their needs" bullshit. Sex is like #2046 on the list of important things in a relationship and it goes dowm the list as you get older.

This is really true. There are a lot of young people on this forum who place sex above basically everything else in a relationship. Pay bills together, suffer together, love together. There is other shit that is way more important.

 

[Wiktor]

It's BS. The only exception is cheating on cheater. But otherwise....have a decency to dump the person before you go sleep with somebody else.

 

[jadedm17]

There's no reason to cheat. Ever.

That said, a lot of times it can be prevented; There's a lot of times people stop trying. Its a two way road but don't ever stop showing you care.

 

[Welfare]

I know a father who was fucking his sons wife, and he totally pulled that shit. Told his son it was because he wasn't enough of a man to satisfy his wife. That is just the surface of it too. Goes far darker and more fucked up than just the sex. Pieces of shit (the wife and father).

Sorta similar to what happened in my family. (Father's father with my uncle's wife). Don't know how deep it went besides sex. Produced 2 kids though.

 

[Wilsongt]

My exes always got defensive, then they got mad at me for not trusting them or finding out they cheated. Even flat out denied out and called me delusional when I had evidence.

Or they said I was only hurting myself by knowing.

 

[Angry Grimace]

I know a father who was fucking his sons wife, and he totally pulled that shit. Told his son it was because he wasn't enough of a man to satisfy his wife. That is just the surface of it too. Goes far darker and more fucked up than just the sex. Pieces of shit (the wife and father).

I'm like 99% sure I saw this plot in a porno.

Spoiler

(a good one)

 

[Snkfanatic]

I know a father who was fucking his sons wife, and he totally pulled that shit. Told his son it was because he wasn't enough of a man to satisfy his wife. That is just the surface of it too. Goes far darker and more fucked up than just the sex. Pieces of shit (the wife and father).

Wow....I would cut all ties with my Father if that happened to me....disgusting.

 

[Mr. Giggles]

Just awful.

I imagine some major mental gymnastics are involved to do that and try and blame the cheated person

 

[jorma]

Why not just break up with said fictional person?

That would obviously be one way to solve their conundrum. Or maybe say "i'm gonna have sex with other people if you don't want to, and if that's not working out for you, you can always break this relationship up".

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Yup, heard this before.

"You pushed me away!". Anything to make yourself feel better right?

 

[Dusk Soldier]

There's no reason to cheat. Ever.

That said, a lot of times it can be prevented; There's a lot of times people stop trying. Its a two way road but don't ever stop showing you care.

I don't know. Sometimes it's more exciting when there is a chance of getting caught.

 

[Cybrwzrd]

I'm gonna get dogpiled in here for saying this - but if your spouse withholds sex or stops being intimate then it is perfectly acceptable to cheat. And it is completely the fault of the spouse for not putting the work into the relationship that makes their partner happy.

 

[Team Alucard]

I'm gonna get dogpiled in here for saying this - but if your spouse withholds sex or stops being intimate then it is perfectly acceptable to cheat. And it is completely the fault of the spouse for not putting the work into the relationship that makes their partner happy.

Then end the relationship.

 

[soleil]

That would obviously be one way to solve their conundrum. Or maybe say "i'm gonna have sex with other people if you don't want to, and if that's not working out for you, you can always break this relationship up".

And the existence of this solution therefore negates the implied necessity of cheating.

 

[Wavebossa]

Dumb. Usually because "you weren't satisying their needs" bullshit. Sex is like #2046 on the list of important things in a relationship and it goes dowm the list as you get older.

Can't tell if serious....?

EDIT: Hey, if you are serious and your girl/guy is happy with that, more power to you.

 

[Kenai]

I'm gonna get dogpiled in here for saying this - but if your spouse withholds sex or stops being intimate then it is perfectly acceptable to cheat. And it is completely the fault of the spouse for not putting the work into the relationship that makes their partner happy.

You didn't think of talking about this to them first? "Hey this is a problem"? You know, how relationships should work? You could always end it too and move on.

No need to cheat, it really is just someone looking for a coward's way out instead of actually trying to work through relationship problems or ending it like adults.

Can't tell if serious....?

EDIT: Hey, if you are serious and your girl/guy is happy with that, more power to you.

Different people want different things out of relationships, but I can concur that even if sex is a priority for you now, it probably won't be later. Physical limitations of aging and/or kids or w/e. other stuff just takes over. It's perfectly understandable for younger folks to emphasize it though, why wouldn't they?