Fudgepuppy
Banned
I've always been a very social guy, always had a lot of people I call my friends. In hindsight though, the friendships have never been fully mutual. It's always been me calling them, I've always been the one left behind. Even those friendships I've had that I'd call great, have their stories of me being completely forgotten and neglected.
So last year I did something wrong to a friend of mine, I'm not going to go into detail about it for her sake, but things got weird. Her boyfriend used to be my go-to friend, but because of this, she started going to other friends, and because of that, I've become forgotten. This evening, I found out through the only good friend I have left, that they are all having a board-game night, and that I haven't been invited.
For a while, my attitude has been 'fuck those guys if they can't respect me'. I've instead focused on the people that do appreciate me, and focusing on the things that do make me happy.
I started a community for Smash-bros players which has been going decently, I've become active in a creative-workshop a new friend is hosting, I might even get a job there because of how I've handled local-gaming nights. Even today, I started a podcast project about movies.
And yet, after all of this, that knowledge of knowing that I've been pushed aside, just saddens me. I want to be able to host parties, but this fear of conflict, has led me to become reclusive in many aspects. I'm scared while I'm trying to push through this.
I recently also became unemployed after working for six months at a place where no one cared about me, despite me trying to reach out and make friendships.
I'm really trying to be strong, just looking at it from a practical standpoint, that I would rather be alone than have bad friends. But deep down, the sadness sticks with you.
Almost every day, I find myself, subconsciously mumbling, "I wonder who would come to my funeral". That is what scares me the most.
Sorry for blog-post, just wanted to get this off my chest.
So last year I did something wrong to a friend of mine, I'm not going to go into detail about it for her sake, but things got weird. Her boyfriend used to be my go-to friend, but because of this, she started going to other friends, and because of that, I've become forgotten. This evening, I found out through the only good friend I have left, that they are all having a board-game night, and that I haven't been invited.
For a while, my attitude has been 'fuck those guys if they can't respect me'. I've instead focused on the people that do appreciate me, and focusing on the things that do make me happy.
I started a community for Smash-bros players which has been going decently, I've become active in a creative-workshop a new friend is hosting, I might even get a job there because of how I've handled local-gaming nights. Even today, I started a podcast project about movies.
And yet, after all of this, that knowledge of knowing that I've been pushed aside, just saddens me. I want to be able to host parties, but this fear of conflict, has led me to become reclusive in many aspects. I'm scared while I'm trying to push through this.
I recently also became unemployed after working for six months at a place where no one cared about me, despite me trying to reach out and make friendships.
I'm really trying to be strong, just looking at it from a practical standpoint, that I would rather be alone than have bad friends. But deep down, the sadness sticks with you.
Almost every day, I find myself, subconsciously mumbling, "I wonder who would come to my funeral". That is what scares me the most.
Sorry for blog-post, just wanted to get this off my chest.