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[……forgetit]

You did a bad deed, your ex may or may not deserve better and you probably would have been happier with girl b rather than hanging on to something that was long over. It'll suck, but you did shitty things and got a shitty result.

 

[BronzeWolf]

I'm confused.

I felt real good when I was with girl B. The rest of my life, was down the shitter.

OP, just focus on yourself and think about why you cheated on her in the first place and try to stamp that part of yourself out before dating anyone else.
Have we come to the point that chastising someone for cheating is being on a high horse?
Man, morality is going down quick these past few months.

I accept the chastising. It's ok. I just hope people don't make the same mistake that I did

 

[Jencks]

Yeah, this is pretty much entirely your fault OP.

You've learned a lesson, move on.

 

[Stormhammer]

op you said at therapy you and your gf forgave each other.

i can see her forgiving you for cheating, but from your summary it seemed there wasn't anything really for your gf to need you to forgive

 

[BronzeWolf]

op you said at therapy you and your gf forgave each other.

i can see her forgiving you for cheating, but from your summary it seemed there wasn't anything really for your gf to need you to forgive

I forgave myself.

So what I don't get, why didn't you break up with her originally when you wanted to? Why waste months with both of you being miserable to just break up anyway?

I was afraid of confrontation

 

[super-heated plasma]

Why not try to reconcile with Girl B if she makes you so happy?

 

[Shadow Broker]

You should feel like shit because you likely devastated her. She will have trust issues for the rest of her life.
When she actually does find a man that truly cares for her and loves her the way she should have been she will always harbor an inkling of doubt. She will wonder if she is good enough, and will examine every text, every conversation, every glance, every argument with a freaking microscope until she is paranoid with fear that it's about to happen to her again.

Own this one OP. Pray real hard that she finds peace in this whole situation. Do some soul searching of your own. Honestly it sounds to me like you are more concerned about being bored and the awkwardness and loneliness of finding yourself without either woman than you are about THE woman who wanted to marry you.

Jesus fucking christ. What kind of white Knight you're pretending to be? Women aren't some fragile creature that needs you to champion for them.

He cheated and made a mistake and no its not ok. He did not beat her or stalk her or did some obscene inhumane bullshit to her.

All he could do is what he's done. He fucked up and chose to let her go because of where he's at in life. That's showing her more respect then babying her and her future like you described.

 

[Nohar]

BronzeWolf, I suggest you leave this thread. Considering your state of mind, your self-depreciation tendencies and some of the answers here, I'm not sure you will gain much from staying. It is better to move on as soon as possible. Not saying moving on is easy, you will feel terrible for a while, but time will heal your wounds, and you will learn from your mistakes and won't repeat the same behavior (I hope). Also, you really, really should leave you ex-GF's appartment (can't your family help you?). Staying there won't do you (or her, for that matter) any good.

You may also want to reconnect with Girl B, depending on the circumstances and how she feels. It is painfully obvious you want to. If that doesn't work out, move on to the next girl (take the time you need to heal beforehand).

Also, just in case: please avoid alcoohol and drugs. Surround yourself with loved ones. Don't stay alone at home if you can, try to go out wth friends to change your mind.

 

[Lulubop]

I forgave myself.

Well it's over, it was a toxic situation all around. Time to find your girl C and learn from the mistakes you made, right?

 

[tearsintherain]

One of the hardest things for a human being to overcome is that itch in your brain that something better is out there. Sometimes it can be totally justified and true - shitty job, bad relationships, etc but many times you are in a "comfortable" situation and it will drive you down terrible paths.

All you can really do is learn and move on, try not to wallow in the past and definitely don't drag your ex girlfriend through shit.

 

[Solo]

I don't get cheating. Why can't people be stand up individuals? If you don't love your partner and want to be with someone else, then break up with them and then pursue whoever it is you want. It's that simple.

Instead people choose to shatter their partner's trust, be shady and sleazy fucks, and hurt someone a lot more than you would have if you'd just been honest earlier and called it off. It also shows a complete lack of respect for your partner and yourself. Abhorrent behavior.

 

[Darklor01]

So, in summary, you were in an L.D. relationship with someone. That person couldn't commit. She expected you to stay devoted to her without her commitment. You needed something, took it, and now feel like you deserve to be punished for your actions. You post on here because you feel like you need to get this off of your chest and basically, you'll take whatever comes your way as a direct result.

Sounds reasonable.

 

[BronzeWolf]

BronzeWolf, I suggest you leave this thread. Considering your state of mind, your self-depreciation tendencies and some of the answers here, I'm not sure you will gain much from staying. It is better to move on as soon as possible. Not saying moving on is easy, you will feel terrible for a while, but time will heal your wounds, and you will learn from your mistakes and won't repeat the same behavior (I hope). Also, you really, really should leave you ex-GF's appartment (can't your family help you?). Staying there won't do you (or her, for that matter) any good.

I will leave tomorrow after mid-day.

I know GAF can be terrible sometimes, but I know there are people that listen and care. For the couple of those I am grateful

 

[Obliterator]

Why not try to reconcile with Girl B if she makes you so happy?

The question is if she knew he was in a relationship.

If Girl B knew you had a girlfriend and still hooked up with you do not go back to girl B unless it's a no commitment type thing. If she's willing to cheat with you, she will be willing to cheat on you more than likely.

As someone who has cheated on their significant other before I won't jump on you but know you fucked up and try to do better

 

[Moose Biscuits]

If I were you OP I'd just dip on the idea of relationships for a while. You've got your Phd now, you can concentrate on work (more importantly, finding a new place, that seems like a priority).

You don't need to be in a relationship, nobody really needs it.

 

[Frozenprince]

This shit feeling you have is called "guilt". It's because you did a horrible shitty awful thing to her.

 

[Kthulhu]

I felt guilty every fucking day I cheated. I hated that I was not paying attention to my GF and that I had to hide! It was awful. I couldn't sleep well.

I am tired. I am stressed out of this whole situation. One can only muster so much self-hating before you feel numb.



Because I wanted to know why I cheated. I felt guilt, shame and pain for that. I wanted to know why I did it so I could never do it again.

I was afraid of confrontation. COmmitment talks always brought up the worst of my GF and I.

I wish I could have just broken up the easy way. I was not brave enough

This is your problem IMO.

I've got a buddy who broke up with his ex because she was pushing him to get married when he wasn't interested.

Sometimes, you've just got to break it off when there's a commitment gap like that. Esspecially if it's a serious point of tension.

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

I will leave tomorrow after mid-day.

I know GAF can be terrible sometimes, but I know there are people that listen and care. For the couple of those I am grateful

How are we the terrible people in this scenario?

 

[One Eyed Willy]

She deserves better, move on for her sake.

 

[BronzeWolf]

This is your problem IMO.

I've got a buddy who broke up with his ex because she was pushing him to get married when he wasn't interested.

Sometimes, you've just got to break it off when there's a commitment gap like that. Esspecially if it's a serious point of tension.

This I understand now. This is why I didn't take my GF back. I know it would only bring pain for both of us, so it's better for her to be free.

The question is if she knew he was in a relationship.

If Girl B knew you had a girlfriend and still hooked up with you do not go back to girl B unless it's a no commitment type thing. If she's willing to cheat with you, she will be willing to cheat on you more than likely.

As someone who has cheated on their significant other before I won't jump on you but know you fucked up and try to do better

Thanks for the kind words. Girl B knew, and wanted out but I still pulled her in.

 

[Kthulhu]

The question is if she knew he was in a relationship.

If Girl B knew you had a girlfriend and still hooked up with you do not go back to girl B unless it's a no commitment type thing. If she's willing to cheat with you, she will be willing to cheat on you more than likely.

As someone who has cheated on their significant other before I won't jump on you but know you fucked up and try to do better

That's not necessarily true. Just cause OP isn't loyal doesn't mean Girl B isn't.

 

[5taquitos]

This I understand now. This is why I didn't take my GF back. I know it would only bring pain for both of us, so it's better for her to be free.

You didn't take her back?

How fucking noble of you.

 

[GulAtiCa]

You cheated on her, so yes. You should feel like shit.

Next time don't cheat. How the fuck do you think she thinks? She probably feels much worse. To be lied to.

 

[Hazmat]

You threw away something real for the allure of New Pussy. I'm sure everything will work out fine and you won't ever regret this.

 

[AllIsOneIsNone]

Once a cheater always kind of a douche. Meditate on the mess you caused, OP.

 

[darkinstinct]

- I feel like I still love my GF, and I desire to share my life with her. But at this moment I can't stop thinking about Girl B and it's not fair for my GF to have me like this

LOL, that ship has sailed. She will never trust you again, she will not be with you again in any sort of healthy relationship. And girl B will kick your ass too, if she knows what is good for her. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

[Transistor]

I have to know, because the evidence is gone:

What were the shitty christmas gifts?

 

[mjc]

Think on your deeds and be a better person next go around.

 

[Randam]

"still in love " but can only think about an other woman!?

You're an asshole op. Sorry

 

[Zeyphersan]

Jesus fucking christ. What kind of white Knight you're pretending to be? Women aren't some fragile creature that needs you to champion for them.

He cheated and made a mistake and no its not ok. He did not beat her or stalk her or did some obscene inhumane bullshit to her.

All he could do is what he's done. He fucked up and chose to let her go because of where he's at in life. That's showing her more respect then babying her and her future like you described.

Are we at the stage of the thread where we’re complaining about “white knights” now? If so may I direct your attention this way:

This I understand now. This is why I didn't take my GF back. I know it would only bring pain for both of us, so it's better for her to be free.

 

[Agent_ShortBus]

I still never understood how you can say you're in love with someone and then cheat on them that easily.

It sounds like you two are better off apart.

Sex feels good and doesn't have to have anything to do with loving some one enough to not do it especially if you're away from your SO for long periods of time. I'm not saying it's ok but I kinda understand why it would happen in a long distance relationship. This is your fault OP for cheating in the first place and then getting attached to the other girl instead of just having sex and leaving it at that and never bringing it up. I'd like to say I wouldn't do it but I've never been in that situation so I don't know what I'd do.

 

[Obliterator]

That's not necessarily true. Just cause OP isn't loyal doesn't mean Girl B isn't.

Being willing to help someone cheat is a major red flag that yes, she doesn't view loyalty very highly.

It is not universally true but odds are very high. What happened when she gets bored or tired of OP when they go through a rough patch? (They 100% will, every single relationship does)

If she saw no issue with OP cheating on his former girlfriend odds are she won't take issue when she herself is in a similar position

 

[MontyBrown]

OK realise you're a cunt and try not to be.

Or embrace it and thrive.

 

[5taquitos]

Sex feels good and doesn't have to have anything to do with loving some one enough to not do it especially if you're away from your SO for long periods of time. I'm not saying it's ok but I kinda understand why it would happen in a long distance relationship. This is your fault OP for cheating in the first place and then getting attached to the other girl instead of just having sex and leaving it at that and never bringing it up. I'd like to say I wouldn't do it but I've never been in that situation so I don't know what I'd do.

Stop thinking with your fucking dick.

 

[FZZ]

Your gf deserves better

and so does Girl B

OP you need to hold the biggest L of all time

grats on the PhD tho

 

[Peltz]

I still never understood how you can say you're in love with someone and then cheat on them that easily.

It sounds like you two are better off apart.

You can be.

It's due to insecurity in that context.

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

How long-distance was it? I assume pretty far if you have to take a plane.

 

[Vincent Grayson]

You fucked this one up OP.

Chalk it up to learning some life lessons about the decisions you make, and don't do that shit again.

 

[Solo]

Sex feels good and doesn't have to have anything to do with loving some one enough to not do it especially if you're away from your SO for long periods of time.

The entire basis for a monogamous relationship is the trust you have in your partner that they won't sleep around on you.

My GF of 3 years and I had to do long distance for 8 months last year due to work. Was it absolutely awful? Fuck yes. Was I unusually horny all the time due to my need not being met? Fuck yes. Did I ever consider fucking someone else to fill the time and meet my needs? Fuck no.

 

[Syder]

- Long distance relationship with my GF. Loving, caring, devoted, supportive. Perfect wife-material. I was in love for three years.

Sorry but you can't really call someone 'marriage material' until you've lived in close proximity with them for an extended period.

- I was about to finish PhD. Talks of the future appear. Pressure to commit. Hesitance on her part to move with me, but wanted to get married. Strains the relationship a lot!
- I graduated from PhD on June. I cheated on her that same month with girl B. It developed in a fledling relationship where I was REALLY happy..My first time cheating. Relationship with GF goes down the shitter. She knows something's up

You fucked it. You clearly didn't weren't 'in love' if you cheated.

Seems like you've built this 'wife-material' relationship up to be more than it really was/is.

 

[Matt]

It was not personal. I was in a strange set of mind. I take all the responsibility for it though.

Cheating is literally the most personal act you can perform. You betrayed the trust of a person that loves you in the most hurtful way possible.

It's personal.


Also, leave that apartment. You are being incredibly cruel to her staying there. I don't care if she says she's fine with it, get out now. You have no right to stay there.

 

[Trey]

You made a mistake dude. It happens. In the future, be more forthcoming with your significant other. Take the things you learned from this experience and from the therapy and build on it.

 

[BronzeWolf]

The entire basis for a monogamous relationship is the trust you have in your partner that they won't sleep around on you.

My GF of 3 years and I had to do long distance for 8 months last year due to work. Was it absolutely awful? Fuck yes. Was I unusually horny all the time due to my need not being met? Fuck yes. Did I ever consider fucking someone else to fill the time and meet my needs? Fuck no.

I was 8 months without seeing my GF some years ago. I didn't cheat. I had opportunity. I have had girls take off their clothes in front of me before. I didn't cheat.

It was not because I was bored, or because I was horny.

 

[EloquentM]

Dude you’re all over the place. Cut your losses and start over.

 

[Maximus.]

Stop dragging your gf along with you if you've already cheated and miss the other girl and hate the town you live in. Move on and let her and yourself be happy.

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

Yeah, this sounds like a 'grass is always greener' situation. Of course endorphins are going to make you crazy about lady B for awhile, but for all you know you'd be back in the same situation with lady B and lady C after awhile. You fucked up pretty bad, but it doesn't sound like you really feel a lot of remorse over it with the way you write about it so it's probably for the best.

Next time to try sort out your own feelings without emotionally devastating another person that you claim to care about in the process.

 

[Neverforget]

Why even post this thread? You cheated, you know it was wrong, you wanna be with the girl you had an affair with... So what do you want us to tell you? Make you feel bad for cheating? Tell you to go with girl b? Tell you it's OK you made a mistake?

You said you have a psychologist, they are more qualified to help you figure out what confuses you.

Now if you want my opinion, cheating makes you a shitty person.


If you want to have sex with various people while in relationship then you may want to be with a polygamous partner as well. However when you commit to someone monogamous and end up wanting another person, then have a clean break up and be honest.

 

[Shadow Broker]

Are we at the stage of the thread where we’re complaining about “white knights” now? If so may I direct your attention this way:

Do not misunderstand what I was trying to say. There's just somethings I feel that are unrealistic. He fucked up and I'm not defending him on that. What rubbed me wrong is what the user I quoted wrote. The girl he cheated on was hurt and he should feel guilty but for the user I quotes to predict how she react in her future relationships was kind of bullshit. I rather treated someone with respect as a equal and them tell me what they've been threw instead of assuming she's going to be some broken individual moving foward.

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

I have to know, because the evidence is gone:

What were the shitty christmas gifts?

I think he got little frog sculptures.

 

[aliengmr]

You cheated. I hate to say it, but you deserve to feel like shit.