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[Solo]

I was 8 months without seeing my GF some years ago. I didn't cheat. I had opportunity. I have had girls take off their clothes in front of me before. I didn't cheat.

It was not because I was bored, or because I was horny.

So why did you put yourself in a position to be spending time with another woman? Not only spending time, but enough of it that you developed feelings and a relationship?

I don't claim to be a master of relationships. I've made lots of mistakes. But cheating isn't one of them, nor will it ever be.

And being a Partner 101 means not secretly hanging out with someone else, even if its strictly platonic.

 

[Astral Dog]

I still never understood how you can say you're in love with someone and then cheat on them that easily.

It sounds like you two are better off apart.

This, really a cheat is a cheat try to move on because its alot of trouble and learn but don't cheat again!

 

[BronzeWolf]

I'm moving out today. Exis off working and I am going to therapy before she arrives. So I will tell a friend of her that I am moving out so hopefully she can be here for her through the night.

I have to know, because the evidence is gone:

What were the shitty christmas gifts?

It was a 1" violin playing frog sculpture.

I'm over that now hehehe I adore my dad and his quirks (aka shitty gifts)

 

[pablito]

You didn't take her back?

How fucking noble of you.

Isn't it, though? The GF wasn't following through with the breakup. He decided to keep it broken up because of the things he did and how he felt about the other girl.

I think that was the right decision.

 

[.....]

GG , you played yourself.

 

[Obliterator]

To be honest the biggest red flag of this entire thing is you still staying at her place.

She should frankly throw you the fuck out

 

[Matt]

Isn't it, though? The GF wasn't following through with the breakup. He decided to keep it broken up because of the things he did and how he felt about the other girl.

I think that was the right decision.

OP doesn't get to be "noble" in this situation, especially while he's still in that fucking apartment.

 

[Razmos]

Your tag is appropriate.

 

[DirgeExtinction]

Not what I expected when I opened the thread. She was right to break up with you after finding out you cheated on her. You don't deserve either your ex or girl B.

 

[Astral Dog]

There needs to be a Girl C and maybe a Boy A

 

[gdt]

Seems like it's better apart. No big deal

 

[Stoof]

Gonna continue the dogpile. It's your fault for cheating.

Don't be shitty next time.

 

[illusionspark]

I hope you learned something from this situation.

Do.Not.Cheat.

Just don't do it. If you want to be with someone else, that's when you break up with your current SO and go with the next person.

 

[pablito]

OP doesn't get to be "noble" in this situation, especially while he's still in that fucking apartment.

Right. I wouldn't call him noble. I still think it was good of him, still being at the girls apartment aside, to put a stop to the relationship.

 

[boiled goose]

If you wanted to be with girl B, why did you try to force fix it?

Was fucking doomed.

Come-on son

 

[Solo]

Not for the OP, but just a general question for anyone has done it.....how do you get back together with/stay with someone who has cheated on you? I was cheated on by a GF back in university and it killed me, but I was done with her forever in that moment. How do you come back from that? I'd never be able to trust that person again, and that seems like a hell of an awful way to go through life, being constantly suspicious of your partner. I know people will stay because of children or housing arrangements or because they're just too damn much in love, but.....damn.

I know a married couple where he cheated but they've stayed together for the kids and let me tell you.....kids aren't dumb. If I can see the hate and resentment in the eyes of the couple, their kids can too.

 

[New002]

Do your EX-GF a favor and just leave her be after you move out. Move on and let her move on. Damage is obviously done.

 

[Vincent Alexander]

I don't understand cheating. If you find someone else you like and want to be with, be it for good or bad reasons, break the fuck up with whomever you are with first, then go bang the shit out of whomever. Is it impatience? Like...I don't have time to break up first? Laziness? Or do people just want it all?

I hope you learned something from this situation.

Do.Not.Cheat.

Just don't do it. If you want to be with someone else, that's when you break up with your current SO and go with the next person.

Exactly.

 

[illusionspark]

Not for the OP, but just a general question for anyone has done it.....how do you get back together with/stay with someone who has cheated on you? I was cheated on by a GF back in university and it killed me, but I was done with her forever in that moment. How do you come back from that? I'd never be able to trust that person again, and that seems like a hell of an awful way to go through life, being constantly suspicious of your partner. I know people will stay because of children or housing arrangements or because they're just too damn much in love, but.....damn.

I haven't been in a situation like this yet, haven't cheated on anyone and haven't had anyone cheat on me (that I know of). My current partner and I have had this conversation multiple times, that if either of us cheated, that shit would hit the fan, and it would be over between us.

 

[Trey]

Not for the OP, but just a general question for anyone has done it.....how do you get back together with/stay with someone who has cheated on you? I was cheated on by a GF back in university and it killed me, but I was done with her forever in that moment. How do you come back from that? I'd never be able to trust that person again, and that seems like a hell of an awful way to go through life, being constantly suspicious of your partner. I know people will stay because of children or housing arrangements or because they're just too damn much in love, but.....damn.

Talk it out, take some space if need be, refocus on what makes you two work, and allow yourself to forgive. Counseling helps, but it's about communication.

Obviously it's easier said than done but shit happens sometimes.

 

[JB1981]

You cheated on her, fell in love with another woman and thought about this woman daily while trying to mend things with girl A. Do you want our sympathy or something? Girl A sounds like a saint (or a doormat) depending on your perspective. Let Girl A find someone that's going to treat her respectfully and you do your thing.

 

[Unbounded]

You cheated and you fucked up. Happens. You're a human.

You're already owning up to it, which is great. Next you should *completely* cut out both girl A and girl B. Start fresh. Learn from your mistakes.

 

[Solo]

I haven't been in a situation like this yet, haven't cheated on anyone and haven't had anyone cheat on me (that I know of). My current partner and I have had this conversation multiple times, that if either of us cheated, that shit would hit the fan, and it would be over between us.

Absolutely. I love my GF of 3 years more than anything, and plan to marry her and have a family with her. But if she ever cheated, I'd be gone immediately. She feels the same way.

 

[johancruijff]

obligatory

now

gtfo of that house

you've done the right thing not gettin back with her

it gets better

 

[TheSpoiler]

The title and the OP don't match.

 

[VindicatorZ]

Bunch of judgmental people up in here. I have been in your shoes OP, I know what's it like to love someone and cheat on them. Everything is not always black and white. Just stick through it, time always heals. I'm sure your main concern is her happiness and that she's ok, but it sounds like you two are better off apart for now. If she's ok with a clean break, keep it that way.

 

[ZOONAMI]

Not for the OP, but just a general question for anyone has done it.....how do you get back together with/stay with someone who has cheated on you? I was cheated on by a GF back in university and it killed me, but I was done with her forever in that moment. How do you come back from that? I'd never be able to trust that person again, and that seems like a hell of an awful way to go through life, being constantly suspicious of your partner. I know people will stay because of children or housing arrangements or because they're just too damn much in love, but.....damn.

Basically the situations you listed, but I also think a lot of people both sort of just keep cheating on each other and sort of do the long term on again off again thing, or if living together they will just be pissed at each other for a while and then shrug it off. Not speaking from personal experience, but I have some friends that are like this. Some people like drama.

 

[Therin]

Not sure how your ex can tolerate your presence .. if my BF cheated I'd kick him to the curb in an instant, whether or not he has a place to stay. I always make sure not to over-integrate my life into my partners just to avoid these situations where you're forced to stay with someone who did you wrong.

But obviously, everyone's personal life is complicated & it's not easy to explain why things go the way they go. As long as lessons were learned & no one gets hurt any further.

 

[CloudyTuba]

Those poor women. Cheating, email breakups, flipflopping. Stop inflicting yourself upon them, leave them both alone. You go sit in the corner with your dunce cap and keep your hands in your pockets.

 

[Obliterator]

Not for the OP, but just a general question for anyone has done it.....how do you get back together with/stay with someone who has cheated on you? I was cheated on by a GF back in university and it killed me, but I was done with her forever in that moment. How do you come back from that? I'd never be able to trust that person again, and that seems like a hell of an awful way to go through life, being constantly suspicious of your partner. I know people will stay because of children or housing arrangements or because they're just too damn much in love, but.....damn.

I know a married couple where he cheated but they've stayed together for the kids and let me tell you.....kids aren't dumb. If I can see the hate and resentment in the eyes of the couple, their kids can too.

I cheated on my then girlfriend (who is now my wife) and the only thing I can say is it only worked because she is a vastly better person than I am.

She loved me on a different level, one frankly through my actions I showed I didn't love her to the same capacity. I can't explain how or why it worked out in the end, other than to say its all on her for being a much better human being than I am.

 

[psynergylover]

Whelp, cheating has that effect op....

Title Change:

I cheated on my GF of 3 years and I feel like shit.

I 2nd this

 

[Mr. Giggles]

You loved her, she was perfect wife material but you cheated on her.

Smh

 

[Razmos]

I mean Yea, you fucked it up but you weren't really feeling it anyway so it's fine, it was the right thing for it to be over. I mean you still was crushin' on girl B for a bit afterward. It should have happened sooner, but everyone being removed from that situation was a good thing.

Get on Tinder you can be talking to all kinda girls rn.

I'm missing the /s in this post. You can't really be serious

And yeah get on Tinder and ruin some more girls lives!

 

[Gaz_RB]

How did she find about girl B?

I don't understand cheating. If you find someone else you like and want to be with, be it for good or bad reasons, break the fuck up with whomever you are with first, then go bang the shit out of whomever. Is it impatience? Like...I don't have time to break up first? Laziness? Or do people just want it all?
Exactly.

People want it all. The loyal girl and the new loves.

 

[yyr]

I'm not going to pile on the OP for cheating. But, OP, you need to think about *why* you cheated.

If, for some reason, you were not 100% happy and fulfilled in your relationship, then that may indicate you and your GF were not a great match. It has nothing to do with how good of a person she is, or how good of a person you are. Two good people don't necessarily make a great match. Both people need to feel completely happy and fulfilled for a perfect relationship--one in which nobody even considers cheating--to be possible.

Your (and her) goal is not to just find someone to be with, it's not to find an OK or good match, it's to find a great match or even the best possible match. You're looking for a person you want so much that you wouldn't even consider cheating on them, because what's the point?

Every failed relationship teaches you more about what (or who) your best match is. Take that information, learn from it, and move forward. (And if you think Girl B is potentially your best match, don't rule her out until/unless you figure out that she isn't.)

 

[CloudyTuba]

You loved her, she was perfect wife material but you cheated on her.

Smh

Forgot an important bit.

He loved her, she was perfect wife material, he cheated on her, then when he came crawling back he decided he liked the side girl better anyway.

Get out of that damn house, OP.

 

[davidwhangchoi]

LOL

 

[RC0101]

You screwed up, you're human...it happens. Move on from both and start fresh...learn from your mistakes. Oh and get out of the house asap.

 

[Hidden One]

OP sounds like this is all your fault. You're lucky she doesn't make you live in your car which you deserve.

 

[Matt]

I'm not going to pile on the OP for cheating. But, OP, you need to think about *why* you cheated.

If, for some reason, you were not 100% happy and fulfilled in your relationship, then that may indicate you and your GF were not a great match. It has nothing to do with how good of a person she is, or how good of a person you are. Two good people don't necessarily make a great match. Both people need to feel completely happy and fulfilled for a perfect relationship--one in which nobody even considers cheating--to be possible.

Your (and her) goal is not to just find someone to be with, it's not to find an OK or good match, it's to find a great match or even the best possible match. You're looking for a person you want so much that you wouldn't even consider cheating on them, because what's the point?

Every failed relationship teaches you more about what (or who) your best match is. Take that information, learn from it, and move forward. (And if you think Girl B is potentially your best match, don't rule her out until/unless you figure out that she isn't.)

I actually think there is a basic problem with this line of thinking. For some, or even most people, that sort of relationship isn't possible. That doesn't make cheating ok, it's not, it's a horrible and incredibly selfish thing to do to someone. But if you tell someone when you find the right person you will never have urges to go another way, well, you kinda are giving that person a free ticket to cheat, because if they ever might want to cheat, then they aren't with the right person anyway.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Long distance don't work cause people have physical needs.

If you're young (in your 20's) don't sweat it. Not a big deal. Especially if you have no assets to split or child support/kids to deal with. Consider it a part of growing and move on. You're not a bad person.

 

[Voidwolf]

I'm glad you didn't take her back. You say you won't cheat again but you will, not trying to hurt you OP, it just is what it is.

Did girl B know about your gf? Because if she did you two are gonna have problems, and chances are high that one of you will end up cheating on the other.

 

[GodofWine]

Wow. Just spend time alone and clear your head.

Had two girls you really liked, and probably should have kept B and dropped A, because its hard to fix what you did, and you tried, and couldn't...eh, 30 years from now you'll be giving your kids advice based on this story, things work out in life.

 

[B-Dubs]

Of course you feel like crap, you cheated and then she found out and dumped you. You did a bad thing and you're supposed to feel like crap, you did a bad thing!

 

[Fercho]

Not for the OP, but just a general question for anyone has done it.....how do you get back together with/stay with someone who has cheated on you? I was cheated on by a GF back in university and it killed me, but I was done with her forever in that moment. How do you come back from that? I'd never be able to trust that person again, and that seems like a hell of an awful way to go through life, being constantly suspicious of your partner. I know people will stay because of children or housing arrangements or because they're just too damn much in love, but.....damn.

I know a married couple where he cheated but they've stayed together for the kids and let me tell you.....kids aren't dumb. If I can see the hate and resentment in the eyes of the couple, their kids can too.

You can't, I've been on both sides of the coin and even if you (and her) are honestly trying to fix things , it's eventually impossible, once the trust is gone, is gone, and even if a lot of love it's involved, the relationship will end.

If you stay together for other factors (status, money, kids, society/peer pressure) you will end up utterly hating each other and miserable and that's worse.

To the OP. If you cheated on her, then own it, learn, apologize and move on with the lessons learned. Don't do it again a try to mature a little bit.

 

[WaterAstro]

You cheated on her... you should feel bad, but don't take it too far.

 

[Ullus]

Gotta learn to resist the temptations.

 

[SpecX]

obligatory

now

gtfo of that house

you've done the right thing not gettin back with her

it gets better

This is awesome!

 

[jasminlovesyoux]

If you cheat you deserve to be miserable, because that's how you made the other person feel. Worst thing you can do to someone and unfortunately its waves can last a life time.

 

[Nester99]

This is what happens when you make bad choices.

Try to learn from this situation.