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I broke up with my GF of 3 years and I feel like shit

H

Hoo-doo

Banned
Yeah, she's kinda right to kick you to the curb. Selfish ass.

Let's hope it teaches you something else instead of just following your dick around.
 
U

urge26

Member
Mistakes were made op, while I've never cheated on a partner I've certainly done enough damage to ruin a marriage and break off a relationship that almost broke me. Stay in IC, learn from your mistakes, break things off clean, and move on like an adult.
 
JaseMath

JaseMath

Member
You're clearly confused about what you want and don't deserve to further fuck up either your GF's life or Girl B's life. You brought this on yourself–for Christ's sake, stop being so selfish.
 
B

BocoDragon

or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
There's some law of the universe where if you waffle between two girls you are destined to lose both of them.
 
T

Tawpgun

Member
Cheating is an awful move but, in SOME relationships, you can both reconcile it and put it behind you. I've seen it happen.

Not gonna slight anyone for having a zero tolerance on cheating but sometimes its best for everyone to come together and figure out if the relationship is worth continuing.

If you still have feeling for B, that's bad news. Can't have feelings for both man. You will never feel at peace. It's on you to make things right with the GF. If she wants details you give them to her. She needs to know she can trust you again and if you don't spill the beans well... You're shit out of luck.

So next steps for you....

Take a break and figure out what YOU want. Can't have your cake and eat it too so...
-If you truly want to be back with GF, and she will have you, fully block out Girl B. Tell your GF you are ready to start over again. Prove she can trust you. Answer all her questions. Prepare for her to be a little over protective at first.
-If you want Girl B, well... the relationship was forged in bad circumstances but it can still work. No contact with GF though.
-If you can't be with one without thinking about the other. Abandon both. Find a Girl C.



That's the best advice I can get without resorting to: You fucked up. No sympathy, learn your lesson. But... you did fuck up. So learn your lesson.
 
L

Lo-Volt

Member
Though I agree with you that this is your responsibility, I still feel regret for the way you feel now. You did do something wrong, but you are still going through something difficult.

That said, if your significant other wants to ask you details about when you cheated on her? That’s actually fair play. I’m not sure it was fair to shut her down if she needed to know what was happening to her.

I was also struck by the fact that, at varying points in this situation, both of you seemed to want to leave. That doesn’t justify what you were doing, but it does make clear to the audience that something was amiss in this relationship. (She’s breaking up with you then trying to backtrack? Maybe that conversation needed to happen in therapy.)

It’s good for both of you that you’re leaving her place. It seems like it unhealthy idea for both of you especially since this break up is not amicable. You have a lot to learn, but so does everyone else; I hope you take the opportunity to focus more on yourself and your fledgling career right now. You both need space to be yourselves and work on whatever issues are present, and you can’t do that when you’re physically together. And, in the future, if your ex-girlfriend still wants to talk about what happened, I think you should probably give her that opportunity. I don’t know the “closure” is such a final and ironclad concept, but I still think that she has the right to ask you what that was all about. And if you think that’s a hard conversation for you to have, imagine her feeling compelled to ask.

All that said, this is as good a time as any for you to think about who you want and aspire to be and not just who you are right now (“cheater” “irredeemable” “worthless piece of shit” or other dark thoughts you might be thinking). There’s never a bad time to rise above and examine why (with a therapist, NOT GAF). Seriously, don’t tell us. We’re not relativists on these subjects. Good luck.
 
B

brawly

Member
BronzeWolf said:
- After graduation I flew to see GF. I wanted to break up with her to be with girl B.
- She discovers girl B. Two days of hell ensue. We go to couple therapy same day of realization.
- I break up with girl B via email. Block her out.
Click to expand...

You sound like a guy who knows what he wants.

Also, couples therapy after three years?

giphy.gif


You got more money than sense, no offense. You're not the royal couple of Sweden, bro. It's okay to break up and move on when you can't work things out.
 
BeforeU

BeforeU

Oft hope is born when all is forlorn.
Girl A sounds like a great person. You sound like asshole. Cheated on her, refuse to take her back, staying at her place? Dude you reading what you typing? Looks like you give no fuck and have no shame.
 
Corpsepyre

Corpsepyre

Banned
You're definitely not bored enough to be a shithead though, OP. Reading through that made my blood boil. Anyway, do what you can and atleast start talking to that other girl again if you miss her so much.
 
///PATRIOT

///PATRIOT

Banned
Stop flagellate yourself and man-up, part of being an adult is ACCEPTING the consequences of your decisions so cut your losses and do the right thing for you and for her.
 
W

Waldini

Member
OP...


HAHAHAHA.
WTF is this? Want us to feel sorry for you for being an asshole? You brought this upon yourself. Deal with it.
 
Raven117

Raven117

Member
HAHAHAHAHA, oh man.

3 years you leaned on her for support while you got your PhD. You started to see that your real life was going to start, and you thought about other people..because your a doctor now looking at a brave new world. You cheated on her because you wanted to know what the world had in store for you but you were too cowardly to break up with her.

All find out. Hell breaks loose. And you are alone.

She is right not to give you the time of day. But...come on. You knew this was coming. Thats why you did it.

Say you are sorry for what its worth, and get out of her apartment.
 
S

SilentRob

Member
BronzeWolf said:
Story, It's messy:

- Therapy works on an individual level. We mostly forget and forgive each other. (What the fuck does she have to ask for forgiveness for?) I renew my job-searching efforts. I lose fear of commitment, I strengthen my sense of desire and self-worth. I have never been to therapy before, and it really works for me.
- GF can't get past girl B. (Jeez, I wonder why...) Asks questions, drags me down a terrible path of anguish. (Oh, you poor soul...)
- Finished up all my projects. I am bored out of my mind in this city, nothing to do, nothing to see but wait for GF and see if she is cool or angry.
- Two days ago she breaks up with me via messenger, because I refuse to tell her details about girl B. We see each other over lunch, she wants to do a clean breakup. She backtracks, but I don't take her back. I am too tired, too stressed out, too dragged on to continue. (Again...you poor, poor soul)
- We stay broken up.I am staying at her place because it's hot as balls outside and I don't have many things to do here. (After she broke up with you, after you cheated on her and made her feel like shit because you still rather would've wanted to be with the girl you cheated on her with? Get the fuck out of there)
Click to expand...

Not feeling sorry for you. You treated her like a piece of shit and deserve to feel double the anguish you have caused her.
 
M

MegaManTrigger

Banned
BronzeWolf said:
Peeps will pile on my for my cheating. I understand why they do it. I have owned to it though. I will face the consequences.

I still have a right to feel like crap
Click to expand...

Feeling like crap doing what you did is like this happening:

giphy.gif


Basically, it was all a result of your actions, aka something you could have controlled but didn't. So is it really worth feeling like crap knowing that you could've done something about it? It just doesn't make sense, so the least you can do is come to terms with what you did and move on like your ex is.
 
N

_Nemo

Member
I love how people think they can come crying to GAF for sympathy for their fuck ups only to get a good, hard wake up call.
 
Megatron

Megatron

Member
You shoukd have posted before you blocked out girl b. We woukd have told you to stay with her. Try rekindling with her anyway
 
Z

ZangBa

Member
3 years in love and wife material apparently, yet you cheated anyway. I don't understand people. I guess I was just born without such an overwhelming amount of lust for more.
 
M

MegaManTrigger

Banned
ZangBa said:
3 years in love and wife material apparently, yet you cheated anyway. I don't understand people. I guess I was just born without such an overwhelming amount of lust for more.
Click to expand...

It's not really about understanding people. It has to do with people not recognizing that maybe they're not as compatible as they think (which is obviously a big problem considering divorce rates and the general sense that one has to rush into marriage before getting their fundamentals set-up).
 
G

Gunblade47

Neo Member
OP I suggest you get out of her face as soon as possible. You messed up and the longer you stay the more you're actually hurting her.

Go crash with a friend for a few days and then go crash at your parents. From there I suggest you look at your professional future and where you want to be in life moving forward. Once your all set and have a basic foundation in that then you can go back to the dating scene.

I feel sorry for her for trying to make it work tho. You should've known you'll never get that level of trust back from her.
 
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