If someone makes you her second choice, I'd hardly say she's the right woman.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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If someone makes you her second choice, I'd hardly say she's the right woman.
Same. Usually when bored or nervous though.
So...super helpful for guys! Lol. If you're talking to me and I'm playing with my hair, I'm either really into you and nervous about it...or super bored with you. Hahah.
youngwerther
Banned
I guess the difference being that the latter sounds like a Loony Toons characterization.
Only thing missing is the big, mile-long eyelashes battering down on me like a hail of arrows.
RazorbackDB
Member
I know it's for my own good, but I just felt like an asshole ignoring this girl while she was alone, and I was with some friends. damm feelings, I'm not the bad one.
Women. So easy to read. Any action can mean 3 things at minimum.
I agree, though at the same time it's the perfect opportunity to practice being carefree. Talk about applying a societal label on a feeling. It's not the feeling itself or the situation that makes you feel bad about being number 2. It's just you and societal pressure. When you think about it at leastStill feelsbadman.jpg but you know.
If you're #2, pressure is on the other guy and her.
Not like you can fuck up or anything.
Men, one day they like you, the next they ignore you. So easy to read.
did you have sex with them the day before? if so yes, that is an easy read lol
That would be, yes, but no not the case here.
Actually, I recant. Men are generally easy to read.
They're just usually assholes.
That scenario is the biggest asshole move, man.
NeOak
Member
Care to elaborate?
Yeah you're right in a way. I'm kinda in that #2 spot right now with my ex. We talk almost every day either on facebook or over texts. I want to meet up and talk irl and maybe watch a movie to see how it actually feels, just to see if our chemistry is still there. But she thinks it's too soon and she doesn't want to risk losing the other guy which she has some magical secret relationship with, I honestly have no idea what's going on there, by meeting me, someone who has hurt her twice before by leaving her. Understandable feelings on her part (though I fail to see how talking to me online is any different from seeing each other in person or bumping into each other at clubs) and I have to accept them. But while it hurts, it's also incredibly freeing since I have so many other potential girls going on. I can say whatever the fuck I want and not worry about any consequences xD There's no reason to tip toe around a subject with the risk of losing her anymore. It's great xD It stings that she is most likely fucking some other guy (and doesn't want to tell me about their status for some reason, talk about making me paranoid), but there's nothing I can do about it except be happy go lucky and live an extraordinary life on my own. And I think I am, so it doesn't really matter much
That would be, yes, but no not the case here.
Actually, I recant. Men are generally easy to read.
They're just usually assholes.
I said that jokingly but yes, thats often the move I see a lot of my friends make.
As a dude, I think guys are really easy to read. We really aren't all that complex.
Fucking women though. I got a girls number recently, were texting back and forth, making plans for going out. The next day I'm forced to restore my phone from a backup, but that backup doesn't have her contact in it. I tell her over facebook to text me her number, then never hear from her again. Not a huge deal lol but yeah, women are much harder to read than men if you ask me.
Yeah you're right in a way. I'm kinda in that #2 spot right now with my ex. We talk almost every day either on facebook or over texts. I want to meet up and talk irl and maybe watch a movie to see how it actually feels, just to see if our chemistry is still there. But she thinks it's too soon and she doesn't want to risk losing the other guy which she has some magical secret relationship with, I honestly have no idea what's going on there, by meeting me, someone who has hurt her twice before by leaving her. Understandable feelings on her part (though I fail to see how talking to me online is any different from seeing each other in person or bumping into each other at clubs) and I have to accept them. But while it hurts, it's also incredibly freeing since I have so many other potential girls going on. I can say whatever the fuck I want and not worry about any consequences xD There's no reason to tip toe around a subject with the risk of losing her anymore. It's great xD It stings that she is most likely fucking some other guy (and doesn't want to tell me about their status for some reason, talk about making me paranoid), but there's nothing I can do about it except be happy go lucky and live an extraordinary life on my own. And I think I am, so it doesn't really matter much
If I could offer some advice, I think if you walked away from the table you wouldn't be losing anything from it. She's not treating you like you deserve, and she'll gain a new respect and appreciation for you if you decide to deny the terms of the relationship that she's set on you. I dunno, just something to think about, but it's harder to move on if you're still connecting with a person. Plus, saying "no" to being platonic is sure to make her re-think things if she's even half-way interested in you romantically. There's a lot to be said for "you don't know what you've got til it's gone." You don't apply any pressure on her to leave the other guy, you just say "this no longer works for me, but if you're ever available give me a call because I'd totally love to see you, just...not as buddies." If you stay centered, and charming, and understanding, but assertive, it goes a long way.
If you also show her there are other people, you're fine on your own, and still holding things down. That is pressure and probably the best you can apply. You are being confident and assertive. Forcing a decision on her not by saying it, but actions. Actions are always better than words.
I'll also agree its harder to move on if your connected to her. The truth is if you are pinning more hopes on her than others for that reversal. I would cut ties for a bit. I made the mistake of not and it ended up fucking with me for two months, where I didn't realize how I was feeling the entire time.
RazorbackDB
Member
Things got weird between us and she had some kind of relationship with a friend, basically I just said "it was nice to meet you" and got away. We had not seen each other for about a month, and I just felt bad because she is really nice, I mean, i could just say hi and talk to her, but I still have feelings for her so no.
Yeah I've already said most of that. We both believe we aren't done with each other, she's just not sure what that means exactly. So I think we're testing the waters and treading lightly. She knows I live my own life and that I won't stand for being platonic. We do have some kind of feeling going on between us and the romance isn't entirely dead. I've told her several times that it's not okay or cool to try to eat the cake and still have it, which is what she's doing by having two potential lovers at the same time. I was ready to walk away but she's the kind of girl who's like "let's just let fate decide for us, why do we have to make the harsh decisions here and now? Let's see what happens down the road". And fine, I'm not interested in pushing her into anything anyway and as long as she doesn't whine about me being with others, I'm okay with having an ongoing getting to know each other again conversation phase. That said, I will not sit idly by and be her simp friend while she is in a relationship with someone else. I can't be friends with her and still have feelings for her. I see your point with the last part of your post, I perhaps ought to say that. But it goes against all I've told her and we recently became facebook friends again. If the fighting continues or anything, I'll definitely say something along those lines though, but on the other hand it's probably good that she sees on facebook that I'm happy.
I ran into a nice girl at Jamba Juice she asked me out funny enough. After the first date i wasn't sure if i had any reason to pursue it, yet reluctantly i saw her a second time and turns out she is a stripper and wanted to borrow $100. Huge turn off and red flag but through all of that I broke down and had sex with her. Not good sex either, so that's a third red flag and i have to get out. I feel pretty bad but i know she would to be bad for me, I'm just venting. I always get torn up about stuff like this cause i do care about her. Sounds stupid i know, i learned my lesson in this case. Just wanted to share, thanks for listing.
bobs...onGaf
Member
I really upset someone but before I upset her she told me she expects an xmas card. Since upsetting her she has cut all contact.
Would posting the card (filled with a sincere apology) and a small present be a good idea? At this point I only want to redeem frienship but dont know how it will be taken. Does it seem like a weird gesture?
Would posting the card (filled with a sincere apology) and a small present be a good idea? At this point I only want to redeem frienship but dont know how it will be taken. Does it seem like a weird gesture?
Did you give her the $100?
The Artful Dodger
Member
Edit: too late the question was already answered. Lol.
Kano on the Phone
Member
There really isn't anything to guess at here, she's interested enough to talk to you but not to date you.
youngwerther
Banned
The Artful Dodger
Member
Move on.
Your friends are all assholes
Fucking men, though. Saying they want to hang out again (after three successful hang outs) and are "so freaking happy we met!" and texting back and forth making plans and then I just never hear from him again.
See I can do it too. Really, human beings in general are all jerks.
Which is why not wanting to date ever again is fucking awesome! So much better haha.
youngwerther
Banned
People just got their own things, their own minds, their own centers of reality. Doesn't make them jerks if you don't happen to be a part of it suddenly, for whatever reason. Bulls got shit to do.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Yes. Dating-GAF is Pod Six.
Internet people are different than IRL people
Haha, I do well being friends with men online! That's about it.
ShadowgeistX
Member
Fucking men, though. Saying they want to hang out again (after three successful hang outs) and are "so freaking happy we met!" and texting back and forth making plans and then I just never hear from him again.
See I can do it too. Really, human beings in general are all jerks.
That's funny, I get that a lot from women too. They'll just drop off the face of the earth, or at least attempt to. Communicating with people sucks sometimes, I guess.
Your friends are all assholes
human beings in general are all jerks.
That's a bold statement, Its hard to say when you may have only met a small amount of people in the world. Life is a two way street, i recognize that i need to take responsibility for my actions in life even when i make bad ones, I'm not perfect but i do my best to not hurt anyone. I have made so many mistakes and so many times I've been let down by girls yet i never give up because i know someone is around the corner and they could be perfect for me, all my past relationships good or bad make me who i am today, and i love who i am.
Out of Working Order
Member
Just browsing dating websites, it seems most women seem to have these really awesome jobs in accounting/management/marketing, etc., and it makes me feel so inadequate in comparison. Am I looking at this wrong? I feel like they will look down on me because of my job - as if it isn't already bad enough that I have no experience with a love or sex life.
Why the fuck did I have to turn out so useless with women?
Why the fuck did I have to turn out so useless with women?
So not all people are jerks after all! Same with women. You've just given up girl. You need some verbal slaps of truth in the face, that's what I thinkInternet people are different than IRL people
Haha, I do well being friends with men online! That's about it.
Maybe you were just unlucky with those dudes, there's so many of them so it's possible. But what you made it mean about them and you and love in general, that's on you. Nobody who is truly happy is so adamant as you to point it out to everyone. And nobody who knows your story and care believe you! That's saying something.It's THIS terrible mindset that sets you back and invalidates you as a strong male specimen, not your damn career path! Since when did attractive psychologically stable adult women want to be with insecure men? That's the only truly repulsive behavior in a person.
ShadowgeistX
Member
Yep. In general, people are jerks.
People, am I right? Lol.
I guess so. But if I were to be like "Nope! Not interested anymore, gonna bail!", would that make me a jerk for saying so?
Or would I be a jerk for just ignoring them? I don't think there's any good way to approach it, but I'd rather be an honest jerk. =(
I'm definitely guilty of dropping communication in order to get away from people. It's usually in cases of when it's clear that they're hanging out with me to try to get into my pants, and they make me incredibly uncomfortable. It's a hard thing to confront people about when you've already made it clear that you're not interested in that.
youngwerther
Banned
Empowe said:
Stop.
Out of Working Order
Member
And women would know this about me? How? Are they psychic?
People are hooking up around me left, right and centre. A lot of people have insecurities on some level, yet they manage to end up in relationships. I have insecurities, but I don't actively put them on display for all the world to see. So as far as I see, there is nothing to be 'repulsed' by.
youngwerther
Banned
Sure; I think there's a right and a wrong way to do it through.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Lol, that happens. Personally, I think It's funny when chicks drop communication when I was tryin' to get into their pants. Like if they're not about that (or not feeling it with me), I'm enough of an adult to move on and still talk, and be friends. It's cool. It's weird when chicks do the passive aggressive thing and just drop communication. I don't really lose sleep over it, shit happens and I just move on.
But looking at this thread, I think the opposite seems to be the norm, and I'm just a whole 'nother level of Awesome.
youngwerther
Banned
Are you asking how women would know that you are insecure and histrionic?
Answer: It's obvious.
Your internal world comes out through your words and actions, regardless of how well you believe that you can hide it.
Others don't need to be psychic, they can see it.
If you want to have a relationship, then the best thing you can do is forget about a relationship and go to work on yourself. Become someone who other people want to be around.
ShadowgeistX
Member
Does your job define you? It probably shouldn't, and so if anybody has a problem with it, who cares? What would you tell other guys who might judge you based on your job?
If you've made things clear beforehand then it's not like you're dropping for no reason. Your boundaries are established, so if they're trying to repeatedly push it then there's nothing you could probably say to stop that.
Sadly in any other case, I just feel like I shouldn't have wasted my time lol.
They kinda are
It'll show in body language, tone of voice, word choices, behavior, you name it. It's easy to pick up subconsciously and can be just as off putting as an ugly face. And women are much better at this than most men. There's a difference between insecurities and insecurities though. Being aware of them and accepting them and possibly working on them, that's one thing. Becoming whiny, desperate, angry and losing all hope and personal sense of self and letting them define oneself, that's something else entirely. Sure, those people can find love too, but they usually attract other broken people as well or someone who has a psychotic need to fix other people's problem (which is a disease of sorts as well). So yeah, you can't hide severe insecurities, not when your subconscious is screaming for help and is projecting it against your conscious will.Well, like I said, in these situations I've already made it clear that I'm not interested in sex or a relationship but I am interested in being friends, but they keep pushing it or just refusing to acknowledge boundaries. Maybe another conversation about it would get them to realize that, but at a certain point, it's just not a conversation that's even worth having. Still a shitty thing to do, but it's hard to gauge who's going to take it well or who's going to start harassing you if they already showed that they don't know what the word "no" means. The thought process might be the same for a lot of men and women who might rather not start that kind of drama in the first place.
This is why I always advocate both parties being clear about what they want in any type of relationship, platonic or romantic or sexual. Leading guys on is something I worry about though, because some guys will think any sort of attention means there's another level of interest even despite how many times I mention wanting to be friends or how many times I drop the "MY BOYFRIEND" card.
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