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129 ways to get a husband

Azelover

Titanic was called the Ship of Dreams, and it was. It really was.
Dec 3, 2004
3,824
1,378
1,755
It's not that complex for women, all that matters is how picky you are. If you're slim and even slightly attractive, you're gonna land sooner or later.
 

nush

Member
Oct 16, 2017
9,833
25,341
835
A long haul flight from wherever you are.
What has happened to men to cause so many to become beta these days?

How long have you got?

You've got a generation of men who didn't become "Men" becuse they were told that's not what women want. So these men decided to be what women wanted not "Toxic masculine", safe, caring, attentive, nonthreatening. Turns out Women don't want that either.

You've got a generation of men who have not endured any real hardships in their life, the participation award gen. They stayed eternal children, risk averse, everything done for them. You'll see these as balding, bearded, glasses wearing, mouth open to revive loads posing with action figures, Nintendo and capeshit.

You've got a generation of men, who never talk to women except through the safety of a screen. Who've never made a cold approach in public, never run the risk of rejection to their face, who never learned the way dating and seduction really work. Because screen safety just gives them Tinder. These men think that all women only go for the hottest guys, because that's how men think, so women must think the same.

You've got a generation of men who don't respect themselves and go all in at the slightest hint of pussy rather than walking away if the games start or recognising she's not that hot anyway to be worth that much effort.
 

Fushitsusha

Member
May 25, 2019
1,534
2,848
565
29
Sweden
where the fuck is my apple pie :messenger_face_steam:
 

nush

Member
Oct 16, 2017
9,833
25,341
835
A long haul flight from wherever you are.
Probably riding the airport shuttle, in 1958, only business or rich people would fly. So it is actually a pretty good strategy.

Until he asks her about "where your going/been" and she has to keep up the lie for the rest of the relationship with hilarious results. "I'm just riding the shuttle looking for rich dick" would not have been a winner in 1958.
 
  • LOL
Reactions: FreedomOfSpeech
Mar 26, 2010
4,020
2,026
925
Absolutely fascinating to read. So much of old timey husband hunting seems to be strategically appearing where men just happen to be looking, or setting up a fake "damsel" situation.

I would love to find the 2020 equivalent and see how deranged it is in comparison.

Something about this is so sweet, good-natured, and nostalgic.

Agreed, I felt the same way. Although I would bounce back and forth from "aww isn't that sweet" to "damn, that's so cunning and deceptive!" as the suggestions vary quite a bit.

Next time I see a girl carrying a hat box, I'll be like "I know what you're after missy."

Yeah, but we know bachelors all only want one thing: someone to sew their buttons back on.

It's not that complex for women, all that matters is how picky you are. If you're slim and even slightly attractive, you're gonna land sooner or later.

Presumably this was aimed at 5 out of 10 average girls, since attractive ones would be chasing men away. I was impressed not all of the advice was constantly validating whatever high opinion the reader might hold of herself, unlike today, but it would also mix in practical ideas and moderating expectations.
 
Last edited:

Virex

Abrasive, but well-meaning
Jan 26, 2018
4,284
10,362
875
South Africa
From 1958 :messenger_smiling_with_eyes:



Where to find him
1. Get a dog and walk it.

2. Have your car breakdown at strategic places.

3. Attend night school - take course men like.

4. Look in the census reports for places with the most single men.

5. Read the obituaries to find eligible widowers.

6. Join a hiking club.

7. Take up golf and go to different golf courses.

8. Take several short vacations at different places rather than one long one at one place.

9. Sit on a park bench and feed the pigeons.

10. Take a bicycle trip through Europe.

11. Get a job in a medical, dental or law school.

12. Become a nurse or an airline stewardess.

13. Ask your friends' husbands who the eligible men are in their offices.

14. Be nice to everybody - they may have an eligible son or brother.

15. Get a government job overseas.

16. Volunteer for jury duty.


17. Be friendly to ugly men - handsome is as handsome does.

18. Tell your friends you're interested in getting married.

19. Get lost at football games.

20. Don't take a job in a company largely run by women.

21. Get a job demonstrating fishing tackle in a sports store.

22. On a plane, train or bus don't sit next to a woman - sit next to a man.

23. Go to all school reunions, there may be widowers there.

24. Don't be afraid to associate with more attractive girls, they may have some leftovers.

25. Go back to your home town - the wild kid next door may now be an eligible bachelor.

26. Don't room with a girl who is a sad sack and let her pull you down to her level.

27. Get a part-time job in a convention bureau.

28. Change apartments from time to time.

29. When travelling stay at small hotels where it's easier to meet strangers.

30. Learn to paint. Set up easel outside engineering school.


How to let him know you're there
31. Stumble when you walk into a room he's in

32. Forget discretion every once in a while and call him up.

33. Carry a hat box.

34. Wear a band-aid - people always ask what happened.

35. Make a lot of money.

36. Learn several funny stories and learn to tell them well - but make sure you don't tell him more than once.

37. Walk up to him and tell him you need some advice.

38. Dropping the handkerchief still works.

39. Have your father buy some theatre tickets that need to be got rid of.

40. Stand in a corner and cry softly - chances are he'll come over to ask what's wrong.


41. If you are at a resort, have a bell boy page you.

42. Buy a convertible - men like to ride in them.

43. Don't let him fish for your name next time you meet.

44. Learn how to bake tasty apple pies - bring one into the office and let the eligible bachelors taste it.

45. Laugh at his jokes.

46. If there's a wallflower among the men you know, why not cultivate them?

47. 'Accidentally' have your purse fly open, scattering its contents across the street.


How to look good to him
48. Men like to think they're authorities on perfume, ask his advice on what kind you should wear.

49. Get better looking glasses - men still make passes at girls who wear glasses - or try contact lenses.

50. Practice your drinking with your women friends first.

51. If you dye your hair, pick a shade and stick to it.

52. Wear high heels most of the time - they're sexier.

53. Unless he happens to be shorter than you are.

54. Tell him he's handsome.

55. Take good care of your health - men don't like girls who are ill.

56. If you look good in sweaters, wear one on every third date.


57. Dress differently from the other girls in the office.

58. Get a sunburn.

59. Watch your vocabulary.

60. Go on a diet if you need to.

61. When you are with him, order your steak rare.

62. Don't tell him about your allergies.

63. European women use their eyes to good advantage - practise in front of a mirror.


64. Buy a full-length mirror and take a good, long look before you go and meet him.

65. Change the shade of your stockings and be sure to keep the seams straight.

66. Get that fresh scrubbed look by scrubbing.

67. If he has bought you any accessory or trinket, wear it.

68. Use the ashtray, don't crush our cigarettes in a coffee cup.

69. Polish up on making intriductions, learn to do them gracefully.

70. Don't be too fussy.

71. Stick to your moral standards.

72. Don't whine - girls who whine, stay on the vine.


How to land him
73. Show him you can have fun on a cheap date - but don't overdo it.

74. Don't let your parents treat him like a potential husband.

75. Ask your parents to disappear when you're entertaining.

76. Double date with a happily married couple, let him see what it's like.

77. Tell his friends nice things about him.

78. Send his mother a birthday card.

79. Ask his mother for recipes.


80. Talk to his father about business and agree taxes are too high.

81. Buuy his sister's children an occassional present.

82. On the first date tell him you aren't thinking about getting married.

83. Don't talk about how many children you want.

84. If he's a fisherman, learn to scale and clean fish.

85. Don't tell him everything about yourself at the start. Hold some in reserve.

86. When you're out strolling with him, don't insist on stopping at every shop window.

87. Don't tell him how much your clothes cost.

88. Learn to sew and wear something you have made yourself.

89. Don't gossip about him.


90. Never let him know he's the only one, even if you have to stay home one or two nights a week.

91. Don't be a pushover when he's trying to make a date.

92. Very early on in your dating, why not get a favourite song that you both regard as your own?

93. Find out about the girls he hasn't married. Don't repeat their mistakes.

94. Don't discuss your former boyfriends.

95. If you are widowed or divorced, don't discuss your former husband.

96. Be flexible - if he decides to skip the dance and go rowing on the lake, go - even if you're wearing your best evening gown.

97. Hide your Phi Beta Kappa key if you own one - later on junior can play with it.

98. Turn wolves into husbands by assuming they have honour.


99. Resist the urge to make him over - before marriage that is.

100. Remain innocent but not ignorant.

101. Learn to draw the line but do it gracefully.

102. Make your home comfortable when he calls - large ashtrays, comfortable chairs.

103. Learn to play poker.

104. If he's rich, tell him you like his money - the honesty will intrigue him.

105. Never let him believe your career is more important than your marriage.

106. Buy him an amusing or particularly appropriate present every once in a while - but don't make it too expensive.

107. Clip and mail him a funny cartoon that means something to both of you.

108. Don't tell dirty stories.


109. Stop being a mama's girl - don't let him think he'll have in-law trouble, even if he will.

110. Point out that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men.

Wild ideas - anything goes
111. Go to Yale.

112. Get a hunting licence.

113. If your mother is fat, tell him you take after your father. If he's fat too, tell him you're adopted!

114. Stow away on a battleship.

115. Rent a billboard and post your photo and phone number on it.

116. Paint your name and number on a roof and write 'give me a buzz pilots'.

117. Start a whispering campaign about how sought-after you are.

118. Sink at a fashionable beach of high noon.

119. Ride the airport back and forth from the airport.

120. Bribe Ferris-wheel operator to get you stuck at the top of the Ferris-wheel.

121. Stand on a busy street corner with a lassoo.


122. Carry a camera and ask strange, handsome men if they can would mind snapping your picture.

123. Ask your mother to take in male boarders.

124. Make and sell toupees - bald men make easy catches.

125. Advertise for a male co-owner of a boat.

126. If you see a man with a flat, offer to catch it.

127. Carry a tow chain in the trunk of your automobile.
128. Let it be known in your office that you have a button box and will sew on bachelor's loose button.

129. Don't marry him if he has too many loose buttons.

 
Oct 8, 2019
63
77
190
“110. Point out that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men.” It’s certainly a tactic!
 

ExpandKong

Banned
Jan 9, 2018
5,249
14,676
825
Until he asks her about "where your going/been" and she has to keep up the lie for the rest of the relationship with hilarious results. "I'm just riding the shuttle looking for rich dick" would not have been a winner in 1958.

Unless she had an apple pie and a rare steak with her. 🧐

Presumably this was aimed at 5 out of 10 average girls, since attractive ones would be chasing men away. I was impressed not all of the advice was constantly validating whatever high opinion the reader might hold of herself, unlike today, but it would also mix in practical ideas and moderating expectations.

Yeah I like that, some of it's actually kinda clever and some of it is "If you're still reading through this list and haven't been able to get a man yet you might need to be told this: Bathe."
 

Rentahamster

Rodent Whores
Jun 26, 2007
44,797
17,126
1,770
Best Coast
I'd give anything to go back to these days, but take all the recent iterations of technology back with me, without the problems of the world today.
Those problems still existed. You just didn't hear about them as much due to the limits of recording and telecommunications technology. Ironically, it is all those recent iterations of technology you want to keep that curse you with this knowledge.
 

DonJuanSchlong

Spice Spice Baby
Jul 15, 2020
2,259
5,305
675
The end of today, is tomorrow dust
Those problems still existed. You just didn't hear about them as much due to the limits of recording and telecommunications technology. Ironically, it is all those recent iterations of technology you want to keep that curse you with this knowledge.
Sorry I meant to say without the issues of today and back then.

Just a world when we appreciated good music, before social media (an exception to GAF ofc), extreme feminist movement, etc. But let me not go off topic.
 

ExpandKong

Banned
Jan 9, 2018
5,249
14,676
825
31. Stumble when you walk into a room he's in

33. Carry a hat box.

34. Wear a band-aid - people always ask what happened.

35. Make a lot of money.

36. Learn several funny stories and learn to tell them well - but make sure you don't tell him more than once.

37. Walk up to him and tell him you need some advice.

38. Dropping the handkerchief still works.

40. Stand in a corner and cry softly - chances are he'll come over to ask what's wrong.

Imagine a woman doing all of this at once.

Imagine you're sitting, I dunno, in the break room at work eating a sensible turkey sandwich with ya boy. The receptionist comes barging in saying "Excuse me, I need some advice on--" and then just fucking eats it, faceplanting and dropping a hatbox absolutely stuffed with cash.

You and ya boy go to help her up and she's got band-aids all over her arms and legs. You ask her what the fuck happened and she runs over to the corner of the room and bursts into tears. She takes out a hanky to wipe her face, but drops it and turns around to look at you while slooooowly bending over to pick it up.

You walk over to ask her if she's okay. She sniffles and says "This is just like that time I played Gex 3 at Jackie Chan's house."

So do you stop to slash ya boy's tires on the way out to buy her an engagement ring or no?
 

Martinski43

Member
Apr 26, 2016
2,519
521
495
Imagine a place and time where women had to put any effort in. These days its enough for most to just have a pic on tinder, Badoo etc with no other information and you’ll have 100+ matches, dm’s etc in a day. That is it your like a 4 or 5. If you’re a 8 or higher hoo boy then you have people wanting to pay you a trip to fucking Barbados and I’m not even joking.
 

nush

Member
Oct 16, 2017
9,833
25,341
835
A long haul flight from wherever you are.
Imagine a woman doing all of this at once.

Imagine you're sitting, I dunno, in the break room at work eating a sensible turkey sandwich with ya boy. The receptionist comes barging in saying "Excuse me, I need some advice on--" and then just fucking eats it, faceplanting and dropping a hatbox absolutely stuffed with cash.

You and ya boy go to help her up and she's got band-aids all over her arms and legs. You ask her what the fuck happened and she runs over to the corner of the room and bursts into tears. She takes out a hanky to wipe her face, but drops it and turns around to look at you while slooooowly bending over to pick it up.

You walk over to ask her if she's okay. She sniffles and says "This is just like that time I played Gex 3 at Jackie Chan's house."

So do you stop to slash ya boy's tires on the way out to buy her an engagement ring or no?

A Sandra Bullock comedy coming to a streaming service in 2020.
 
  • Love
Reactions: ExpandKong

GeorgPrime

Bonus Member
Jan 9, 2020
2,436
2,838
530
From 1958 :messenger_smiling_with_eyes:



Where to find him
1. Get a dog and walk it.

2. Have your car breakdown at strategic places.

3. Attend night school - take course men like.

4. Look in the census reports for places with the most single men.

5. Read the obituaries to find eligible widowers.

6. Join a hiking club.

7. Take up golf and go to different golf courses.

8. Take several short vacations at different places rather than one long one at one place.

9. Sit on a park bench and feed the pigeons.

10. Take a bicycle trip through Europe.

11. Get a job in a medical, dental or law school.

12. Become a nurse or an airline stewardess.

13. Ask your friends' husbands who the eligible men are in their offices.

14. Be nice to everybody - they may have an eligible son or brother.

15. Get a government job overseas.

16. Volunteer for jury duty.


17. Be friendly to ugly men - handsome is as handsome does.

18. Tell your friends you're interested in getting married.

19. Get lost at football games.

20. Don't take a job in a company largely run by women.

21. Get a job demonstrating fishing tackle in a sports store.

22. On a plane, train or bus don't sit next to a woman - sit next to a man.

23. Go to all school reunions, there may be widowers there.

24. Don't be afraid to associate with more attractive girls, they may have some leftovers.

25. Go back to your home town - the wild kid next door may now be an eligible bachelor.

26. Don't room with a girl who is a sad sack and let her pull you down to her level.

27. Get a part-time job in a convention bureau.

28. Change apartments from time to time.

29. When travelling stay at small hotels where it's easier to meet strangers.

30. Learn to paint. Set up easel outside engineering school.


How to let him know you're there
31. Stumble when you walk into a room he's in

32. Forget discretion every once in a while and call him up.

33. Carry a hat box.

34. Wear a band-aid - people always ask what happened.

35. Make a lot of money.

36. Learn several funny stories and learn to tell them well - but make sure you don't tell him more than once.

37. Walk up to him and tell him you need some advice.

38. Dropping the handkerchief still works.

39. Have your father buy some theatre tickets that need to be got rid of.

40. Stand in a corner and cry softly - chances are he'll come over to ask what's wrong.


41. If you are at a resort, have a bell boy page you.

42. Buy a convertible - men like to ride in them.

43. Don't let him fish for your name next time you meet.

44. Learn how to bake tasty apple pies - bring one into the office and let the eligible bachelors taste it.

45. Laugh at his jokes.

46. If there's a wallflower among the men you know, why not cultivate them?

47. 'Accidentally' have your purse fly open, scattering its contents across the street.


How to look good to him
48. Men like to think they're authorities on perfume, ask his advice on what kind you should wear.

49. Get better looking glasses - men still make passes at girls who wear glasses - or try contact lenses.

50. Practice your drinking with your women friends first.

51. If you dye your hair, pick a shade and stick to it.

52. Wear high heels most of the time - they're sexier.

53. Unless he happens to be shorter than you are.

54. Tell him he's handsome.

55. Take good care of your health - men don't like girls who are ill.

56. If you look good in sweaters, wear one on every third date.


57. Dress differently from the other girls in the office.

58. Get a sunburn.

59. Watch your vocabulary.

60. Go on a diet if you need to.

61. When you are with him, order your steak rare.

62. Don't tell him about your allergies.

63. European women use their eyes to good advantage - practise in front of a mirror.


64. Buy a full-length mirror and take a good, long look before you go and meet him.

65. Change the shade of your stockings and be sure to keep the seams straight.

66. Get that fresh scrubbed look by scrubbing.

67. If he has bought you any accessory or trinket, wear it.

68. Use the ashtray, don't crush our cigarettes in a coffee cup.

69. Polish up on making intriductions, learn to do them gracefully.

70. Don't be too fussy.

71. Stick to your moral standards.

72. Don't whine - girls who whine, stay on the vine.


How to land him
73. Show him you can have fun on a cheap date - but don't overdo it.

74. Don't let your parents treat him like a potential husband.

75. Ask your parents to disappear when you're entertaining.

76. Double date with a happily married couple, let him see what it's like.

77. Tell his friends nice things about him.

78. Send his mother a birthday card.

79. Ask his mother for recipes.


80. Talk to his father about business and agree taxes are too high.

81. Buuy his sister's children an occassional present.

82. On the first date tell him you aren't thinking about getting married.

83. Don't talk about how many children you want.

84. If he's a fisherman, learn to scale and clean fish.

85. Don't tell him everything about yourself at the start. Hold some in reserve.

86. When you're out strolling with him, don't insist on stopping at every shop window.

87. Don't tell him how much your clothes cost.

88. Learn to sew and wear something you have made yourself.

89. Don't gossip about him.


90. Never let him know he's the only one, even if you have to stay home one or two nights a week.

91. Don't be a pushover when he's trying to make a date.

92. Very early on in your dating, why not get a favourite song that you both regard as your own?

93. Find out about the girls he hasn't married. Don't repeat their mistakes.

94. Don't discuss your former boyfriends.

95. If you are widowed or divorced, don't discuss your former husband.

96. Be flexible - if he decides to skip the dance and go rowing on the lake, go - even if you're wearing your best evening gown.

97. Hide your Phi Beta Kappa key if you own one - later on junior can play with it.

98. Turn wolves into husbands by assuming they have honour.


99. Resist the urge to make him over - before marriage that is.

100. Remain innocent but not ignorant.

101. Learn to draw the line but do it gracefully.

102. Make your home comfortable when he calls - large ashtrays, comfortable chairs.

103. Learn to play poker.

104. If he's rich, tell him you like his money - the honesty will intrigue him.

105. Never let him believe your career is more important than your marriage.

106. Buy him an amusing or particularly appropriate present every once in a while - but don't make it too expensive.

107. Clip and mail him a funny cartoon that means something to both of you.

108. Don't tell dirty stories.


109. Stop being a mama's girl - don't let him think he'll have in-law trouble, even if he will.

110. Point out that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men.

Wild ideas - anything goes
111. Go to Yale.

112. Get a hunting licence.

113. If your mother is fat, tell him you take after your father. If he's fat too, tell him you're adopted!

114. Stow away on a battleship.

115. Rent a billboard and post your photo and phone number on it.

116. Paint your name and number on a roof and write 'give me a buzz pilots'.

117. Start a whispering campaign about how sought-after you are.

118. Sink at a fashionable beach of high noon.

119. Ride the airport back and forth from the airport.

120. Bribe Ferris-wheel operator to get you stuck at the top of the Ferris-wheel.

121. Stand on a busy street corner with a lassoo.


122. Carry a camera and ask strange, handsome men if they can would mind snapping your picture.

123. Ask your mother to take in male boarders.

124. Make and sell toupees - bald men make easy catches.

125. Advertise for a male co-owner of a boat.

126. If you see a man with a flat, offer to catch it.

127. Carry a tow chain in the trunk of your automobile.
128. Let it be known in your office that you have a button box and will sew on bachelor's loose button.

129. Don't marry him if he has too many loose buttons.

Scrap 1-129 and just be yourself