Solid post but I think it rises from a couple things
1. Men are much more visual when it comes to sex. It really is true, and certainly it's not the ONLY factor and not all men are that way. But your average man is very visual when it comes to sexual arousal. Women of course can be as well however.
2. I have no issues at all with someone saying they don't like "fan service" type stuff in games. My problem comes up when people try to force that opinion on other. If you like sexy stuff in games that is not wrong. At all.
3. The problem is with the industry. How many great representation is there of women? Not much. Ellie in The Last of Us is an excellent example but these are far fewer than they should be. This exasperate the problem as those who are not fans of fan service type stuff have a much smaller pool to pull from than they should. Thus pushing away those looking for a lower sexed up experience
4. You are 100% correct the LGBT community is not catered to enough. There's some great ones though like Gone Home. I'm a straight guy and I even found it incredibly moving.
Honestly what we need far and away more than anything is stronger story tellers.
This is kind of going off topic, so I'll try to be brief, but I do think there is overall overlap to the general topic at hand.
1. I'm a little uncomfortable with how absolute this feels. I actually think women can be very visual, just with a focus on different parts of anatomy than men. The male gaze is centered on already sexualized or erogenous zones. Obviously women can be just as interested in these, but in my experience female sexuality includes eroticizing the seemingly "mundane" aspects of anatomy. Shoulders. Lower back. Arms. (These are often true of queer women as well.) Women are, as a general rule, at least somewhat cerebral in expressions of sexuality. It's why foreplay is important.
I also feel like there is a difference in how men and women often feel comfortable experiencing their sexuality in more "mainstream" or public settings because of expectation and experience. Women are very visual when they choose to sit down and watch porn or even go to see a film where the express intent is that kind of fan service. But casually inserting objectification of men into an otherwise standard film doesn't happen as often in mainstream media the way that it does with women. Female bodies on display is so standardized at this point, it's not seen as anything exceptional for a man to watch and engage with it. Women, on the other hand, are taught to repress these more overt sexual responses in a public space.
When we say that (presumably cis) men respond more to visual stimulation, I do wonder how much is culture and how much is pure biology. (Or, again: how much of that is from our own understanding of what qualifies as an expression of sexuality.)
2. I think fan service is really only a problem in that we currently live in a world where female bodies are quite literally objectified or treated as commodities by some people. Reinforcing this through repetition throughout media is worrying. It's why it's good to discuss when things are problematic. Obviously we can all enjoy things we realize are "wrong." That's a common aspect of fantasy. The importance is in understanding that it is only intended as fantasy. A person should be able to acknowledge where the things they like are kind of sketchy, were they real, and still feel free to enjoy them.
And basically just agreed on 3 and 4.
To be clear, I am largely concerned with the repeated idea that the "problem" might easily be solved by objectifying men in the same way that women are objectified. This assumes that sexuality exists in a binary and that all people experience sexuality the same way. For example, in the
Women Characters Redesigned by Women SFF Artists there was a brief tangent on how disappointing it is that there was nothing sexually appealing about the women in Dragon Age: Inquisition. While I obviously can't speak for an entire group of people, every queer woman I know who played the game would
strongly disagree.
