Pretty much this. Sex is great and can be a very fulfilling part of a relationship. I'm not sure you have much of a relationship if it would be over because you couldn't have sex for a medical reason.
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Ashley Madison infidelity site's customer data stolen
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Pretty much this. Sex is great and can be a very fulfilling part of a relationship. I'm not sure you have much of a relationship if it would be over because you couldn't have sex for a medical reason.
Sex is more important to some people than it is others. It's not a black and white issue; just need to communicate how important it is to your partner.
How important it is to you can and likely will change over time as well; the important thing is to communicate all of this with your partner. It's important to be honest with yourself about these issues as well. If you are not happy with just one sex partner either don't enter relationships or make it clear you are the type of person who likes a variety of sex.
I think society is getting more capable of having these discussions; new generations don't think of relationships as unrealistically as past ones. There's less teaching/brainwashing of "fake perfect monogamy."
How important it is to you can and likely will change over time as well; the important thing is to communicate all of this with your partner. It's important to be honest with yourself about these issues as well. If you are not happy with just one sex partner either don't enter relationships or make it clear you are the type of person who likes a variety of sex.
I think society is getting more capable of having these discussions; new generations don't think of relationships as unrealistically as past ones. There's less teaching/brainwashing of "fake perfect monogamy."
Cybrwzrd
Banned
Since you are accusing me of this - Took me 9 or so years of being basically celibate before I did too. And, it was glorious.
Have fun MoralGAF. Since you are all on your high horses you are so far above making personal attacks. Oh wait, you aren't and can't approach the subject without doing so.
There it is. Took long enough to get to the root of it.
Just looking for an excuse to make himself feel better for his massive life fuck-ups.
Gross.
LucidMomentum
Member
So I must ask, was it worth a decade of resentment and feeling unsatisfied before cheating, than to just have a divorce say two years in after giving it the old college try?
I know people say you can be emotionally attached yet still crave sex, but there's a point where I feel it would just be easier to divorce and find your emotional attachment somewhere else as well as sexual attachment.
I feel with the way you feel so strongly about this as well as the tone of your responses hints that the lack of sex was really more than enough to drive you away from the relationship. Were there any real positives of staying married, apart from the givens like alimony payments?
Cybrwzrd
Banned
I would be careful there junior. You are getting pretty borderline there.
The only thing keeping me in it was not wanting to lose my son.
Realistically speaking, none of those things will happen. Certainly not 2 and 4.
ahh the epitome of shitty responses on here. calling someone a junior...
Cybrwzrd
Banned
soundahfekz
Member
dreamcastmaster
Banned
Pretty tame response to be fair. Your probably a junior in real life too.
Cybrwzrd
Banned
It was the second or third time he overstepped the boundaries and got personal. So have a few others in this thread.
It's all he's got. Cuz he sure hasn't made a cohesive or well thought out response at any other time in this thread.
LucidMomentum
Member
Are you still together? If not, do you still get to see your son?
I don't know, it may be me but I've found it much more difficult to find someone to cheat with than to work out my issues with my SO or call it quits and move on. I have no children and have not been married so it may be different for me.
I just know that if I'm willing to cheat, the relationship is over in my eyes. If I am cheated on, it's the same thing. I'm not willing to betray or have my trust betrayed in such a way, regardless of emotional attachment. The way I see it, if it's such a big issue for me or them that cheating is a "release" from the situation, then why put myself or them in the situation
Trust and respect are the two biggest relationship foundations for me. If my SO or myself feels like they have to lie or cheat in order to feel completely satisfied, then it's not going to work out for me.
Actually he has. Sure he's made some heated responses but this is a hot button topic for everyone, it seems. No need to get closer and closer to backseat modding.
My guess is it takes awhile to get to that mindset and too often people stay stunted in their emotional growth and instead of maturing they explain away their own fallible behavior by assigning blame somewhere else. I'm sure divorce is a tough option but better to end a broken relationship than act like scum on the side.
I respectfully disagree on that assertion. It's just heated bullshit that's been refuted. Not sure where you see any backseat modding from me. I'm not the one quoting bullshit and adding veiled threats of banning...
Cybrwzrd
Banned
We are in the middle of a divorce now. The affair helped me to see that I needed out for my mental sake, but my son will also be ~6000 miles away from me with an 11 hour time differential once they move back to Japan. So its a rock and a hard place. Let me add that she knows about the affair, and doesn't care, and just wants to keep the status quo of being "married".
But then there's the not insignificant number of couples who report their marriage becoming stronger after one or the other has had an affair.
As Dan Savage put it yesterday, if you would take a bullet for your loved one, when it happens, infidelity is that bullet.
dark_chris
Member
Cheating is never morally right. Period. It's always wrong and seeing how people were affected by it can devastate a person. When my current gf found out she was being cheated on, she almost committed suicide because of it. It's emotionally devastating on the person who tries and loves you so much. My mother found out she was being cheated on and miscarried, and a second time, almost lost me too.
Relationships is about love. Krauser Cat needs help for sure because the amount of crap that is spilling out shows he doesn't see the point and that there is more to a relationship than just sex. That's sociopathic thinking man.
Point is - you cheat, you're a scumbag.
Relationships is about love. Krauser Cat needs help for sure because the amount of crap that is spilling out shows he doesn't see the point and that there is more to a relationship than just sex. That's sociopathic thinking man.
Point is - you cheat, you're a scumbag.
I like Dan Savage but that's a crock. Infidelity is a bullet that your loved one fires at YOU! I turn that around- if you love someone, you don't shoot them in the back. And that's what cheating is. It's shooting someone in the back.
LegendofJoe
Member
I empathize with this a lot. If my marriage goes to hell down the road I could easily see myself staying with her until our children are out of the house. I don't want to be an every other weekend Dad, ever.
edit: And you're faced with the prospect of her moving 6,000 miles away? Yeah, that is being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm not sure if you're past the point of no return when it comes to repairing the relationship, but if you aren't I would try really hard to make it work if I were you. It seems like your best option.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Accusing of you something that was so obvious that you were literally confirming it in every single post is just stating a fact.
And personal attacks? You're going on a pro cheating crusade and trying to justify it as something that's enlightened when it's really your own damn fault you were stuck in a sexless marriage.
Was it too hard to wrap that shit up before you had sex? You expect sympathy or for anyone to take your arguments seriously when you're arguing from a position where you don't take any personal responsibility and shift all the blame for your situation and then try to suggest others are wrong when they don't agree with your view on how relationships work.
Pfft.
You know, this sucks, but you have options, too. Laws are changing that allow dads to have more time with their kids, up to and including primary custody. I won primary custody of my children from my first marriage just last week, actually. There was infidelity on her part, I found out two years later, divorced her, and eventually got my kids.
It's better to be honest with your partner and either ask for an open marriage or a divorce.
True Savior
Member
Who the hell signs up at a site like this with his own personal mail ?
Ashley Madison assures their users that they are discreet and secure so why wouldn't you?
Cybrwzrd
Banned
A position where I don't take any personal responsibility? Are you freaking kidding me? Someone who doesn't take personal responsibility wouldn't have done a tenth of what I have done.
LegendofJoe
Member
My wife is a good Mother, our kid(s) would probably be better off with her than they would with me. Don't get me wrong I think I'm a good father (several people have told me so) but I think the courts would agree with me in the end that they'd be better off living with her. We'd likely end up with joint custody and I'd do everything in my power to create a nurturing home as close as possible for them.
I think we're both reasonable enough to try an open marriage if it ever gets to that point because we're first and foremost good friends with similar interests, but you never know what life will bring your way in the end.
And you still engage in cherry picking and never addressing any of the callouts on your bloviating bullshit.
And yes, you mewl about a woman forcing you to marry her and then blame her for a sexless marriage when you made the decision originally to engage in a sham marriage. Good on you for trying to be a dad but blaming her for your affair is absurd. You'll see that someday but my guess is not for a long while.
True Savior
Member
Because if the internet says so...its trustworthy ?
Dating sites tend to sent a lot of notifications to the email addresses. Seems a little ridiculous that a person who wants to cheat another , and hide his actions to do it will sign up with his own personal email.
Miles Quaritch
Member
You're mistaking obligation of looking after your kid with personal responsibility of accepting that you're to blame for being in that situation in the first place.
You don't say someone took (read: stole) your youth, dreams and goals from you when you accept responsibility for your own actions and the situation those actions led you to be in.
not_so_special
Banned
if life as show me something its this kind on people operates in that way,the more they talk about morals and how he(or she) do the right thing yadadada the worst they are
world is not black and white
LucidMomentum
Member
Yeah that's understandable. If she doesn't care, then would an open marriage discussion have been successful? Or was the affair the point at which you realized it wasn't going to work even if that was an option?
Eh, I'll take a bullet for the one I love, but not if they're firing it. That's kind of making it into an analogy that if you love someone you'll take abuse from them. Some people see cheating as an abuse of trust.
People use Ashley Madison for a variety of things. It is a popular site for older consenting (read: not cheating) couples/people to meet and explore sexually. That's why this leak isn't OK.
Kudos to you, then. An open marriage is preferable to cheating, to me.
And yeah, the part I didn't mention about my situation is that the "eventually" was a five year period of every other weekend/half of some summers/extra time as I could get it. Which sucked. We did joint for a year of that, which is better. If your wife is as good of a parent or better compared to you, but you're still a good dad, it should be 50/50.
Cybrwzrd
Banned
Thank you for your oh so kind words. I will take them to heart and try to live a better life of reflection for my actions. Its so touching to know that you care so much about my life.
The sad thing is, you won't. Good luck though. It's tough to go through life like that.
This assumes the infidelity is the first shot fired, when it's most likely not. Neglect is also an abuse, and probably the shot fired first in most cases, it's definitely the easiest to imagine.
I just read this. 20GB more to go with the 10GB originally released, and even hints that there might be more. Regardless of what you think about infidelity, Ashley Madison or any of those things, this is shaping up to easily be one of the worst corporate breaches ever.
The long term effects of this will be interesting to observe. My guess is there will be a class action lawsuit but who will want to sign up to verify that they are shitbag cheaters? Hopefully the members of the site who are just looking to expand their dating website possibilities and have nothing to hide take them on.
Cybrwzrd
Banned
A good takeaway from that article is from the TED talk referenced at the end:
Ester Perel said:
Also
Basically yes. Were there already not so many scars from prior battles, it may have worked. But when you live with someone who basically tries to control every aspect of your life - and thinks of you as a "little brother" - and this was a justification in her mind for us to stay together yet not be intimate- its over. No recovering from that.
Yeh, I'd prefer a bullet not made out of STDs thank you very much.
I really don't understand why you'd use your own name and personal details on a site like that. Create an alias ffs !
There's no such thing as 100% privacy security, anything can get hacked and fall into the wrong hands.
I'm already paranoid to put anything on my Facebook except the absolute minimum.
Oh well, I guess cheaters had it coming..
There's no such thing as 100% privacy security, anything can get hacked and fall into the wrong hands.
I'm already paranoid to put anything on my Facebook except the absolute minimum.
Oh well, I guess cheaters had it coming..
Me. I used the site for four months. Never followed through with anything, because none of the women were interesting enough.
*edit*
Also, from what I gather, there's a lot of people on the website in open relationships. I mean, half the real (read: not scammers, people looking for daddy relationships, and not bots) were actual couples looking for a third to spice things up. At least here in Washington.
Yeah but you didn't engage in cheating. It would be interesting to see if actual cheaters sign on to a class action suit.
How would you be able to tell a difference? Maybe I'm lying to you and I fucked tons of people on AM.
Cybrwzrd
Banned
Well at least I know Dan Savage completely agrees with my stance on this issue.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=9747384
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=9747384
Dan Savage said:
Ya, p'much. That's the only reasonable approach to the situation. You're living in a fantasy world or are under 30 if you believe otherwise.
D'ultimate
Member
What is with people and their moral high horses? Most of you have never been in a situation that you are judging others harshly on. Get off it.
Unless you've been married for a hell of a long time, in a loveless/sexless marriage, with kids and financial obligations, relatives and other things involved that makes separating a very, very painful thing I don't see how you can make the blanket statement it's always the absolute wrong thing to cheat.
There's a reason why AM had so many members and it's not because we are predisposed to being faithful nor "it's always better to be faithful or just split". There's a market for it and AM capitalized on it.
Unless you've been married for a hell of a long time, in a loveless/sexless marriage, with kids and financial obligations, relatives and other things involved that makes separating a very, very painful thing I don't see how you can make the blanket statement it's always the absolute wrong thing to cheat.
There's a reason why AM had so many members and it's not because we are predisposed to being faithful nor "it's always better to be faithful or just split". There's a market for it and AM capitalized on it.
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