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[xenist]

How did Bruce make his way from a deep well in the middle of what, Turkey? To Gotham, without any money or a passport?

Prep time. He had contingencies planned for being stranded everywhere in the world. Boom!

 

[Devolution]

why did Bale get killed so anti-climactically? Why by Catwoman? Why was Catwoman in the movie?

Catwoman didn't kill him bro. Talia's plan did.

 

[Blader]

Why did the whole Gotham police force go down the sewers to get trapped again? It's like a bad comedy moment and kinda ruined the movie.

It wasn't, unless you want to argue all the cops operating during the siege were brand new recruits.

 

[TacticalFox88]

How and why did Bruce take the time to light up a batsymbol on a bridge that could only be accessed on ice cold surface that clearly couldn't hold his weight when he could've spent that time doing better things?

 

[G-Fex]

Why does Christian Bale make such stupid faces?

 

[tokkun]

Gordon wanted them to find and capture/kill Bane.....oops


The bigger wtf moment is when Batman returns to Gotham and Talia is all what the fuck, and then gets "captured" by Bane, and then is back with the hero group, and then later Bane still doesn't know Batman is back

The biggest WTF moment is that Bruce Wayne exits the prison to be basically naked in the middle of the desert in the Middle East with no money, no ID, and no means of communication yet less than 24 hours later he is back in Gotham in the Batman suit arriving exactly where he needs to be to save the cop, stopping off in the meantime to set up a flaming bat symbol on top the bridge, despite the fact that no one being able to get into or out of the city was a major plot point.

 

[grimshawish]

why did Bale get killed so anti-climactically? Why by Catwoman? Why was Catwoman in the movie?

WHY THE FUCK IS THE ENTIRE FILM BASED AROUND A TWIST NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT
Have Michael Caine turn up at the end and declare he wanted to save Bruce from Gotham and what an evil city it was.

How Bruce's father was always a crook; using his charity as a cover for child abuse and Alfred needed to save Bruce! Alfred killed Bruce's father all along, to save him.

Now he needed to destroy everything!


It'd have been just as shit but at least theres some fucking interest to it.
When the baddie has to explain the plot for like 10 fucking minutes theres a problem.

I'm away to create a fan edit of the above. Alfred is The Dark Knight btw, all the films are about him. This was him Rising.

The bomb is a dud and hes trying to teach Bruce that the world will always destroy itself and he can't stop it.
Its very very emotional. Caine would have gotten the oscar.

 

[Banjotanooki]

I had no idea people hated TLW so much....best of the trilogy IMO.

 

[grimshawish]

How did Bruce make his way from a deep well in the middle of what, Turkey? To Gotham, without any money or a passport?

How did Nolan fail so incredibly to show the passage of time effectively.
I didn't even realise 3 months had passed, when cops turn up looking clean shaven it doesn't fucking help either.

The occupation plot was a disaster in this film.

 

[Rogultgot]

Why didn't Superman or The Flash show up to help out?

 

[Hero_of_the_Day]

Why did the whole Gotham police force go down the sewers to get trapped again? It's like a bad comedy moment and kinda ruined the movie.

They go down into the sewers because of Bane taking Fox, Miranda, and "far from the tree" dude down there. They are going after them. Up until that moment Foley didn't believe the masked man in the sewers really existed, thought Gordon was just in shock/crazy. I guess he didn't have access to the camera footage from the stock market heist Bruce did. And, it's not literally all of them, but it is most. And it is stupid.

Also, hotheads.

 

[BadAss2961]

The biggest WTF moment is that Bruce Wayne exits the prison to be basically naked in the middle of the desert in the Middle East with no money, no ID, and no means of communication yet less than 24 hours later he is back in Gotham in the Batman suit arriving exactly where he needs to be to save the cop, stopping off in the meantime to set up a flaming bat symbol on top the bridge, despite the fact that no one being able to get into or out of the city was a major plot point.

Bruce is one of the craftiest and most resourceful people in the world. You're also forgetting that he's Batman.

 

[Satchel]

If JGL always knew Bruce was the Batman, "thanks to a look" he had, then why did we only see him in this movie?

 

[FallingEdge]

Did Vince Russo write her scheme?

Batman's dead parent's ashes on a pole match

 

[GG-Duo]

Why was Catwoman in the movie?

I agree with this one. Catwoman was somewhat useless except for being eye-candy and balancing the cast's gender. Her role could've been merged with John Blake.

Catwoman's presence was one of the reasons why the first half was so bloody slow. It would have been much more exciting if the Occupation started way earlier - basically like a state of emergency situation for the whole movie - we didn't really need all that setup. Minimize the dent stuff, don't put Gordon in the hospital, just speed things along...

 

[Fezzan]

Whatever, I thought it was a great movie.

 

[SJRB]

It doesn't get nearly enough hate, and here are 91 reasons why. Truly awful movie, and #3 on my list of Godawful Sequels To Great Movies behind Ghostbusters 2 and The Matrix Reloaded/Revolutions.

Malcolm's daughter barely even enters into it, really. There's not a single sequence in the film that makes sense or was fully thought through. Most glaring, how/why did the T-Rex escape on the ship, kill everyone including people in areas too small for her to actually reach without tearing apart, and then politely lock herself back in the cargo hold?

I'm only 13 points into that list but it takes nitpicking to a whole new dimension.

 

[injurai]

Not only this, but the entire last 40 minutes of the move was just awful.

 

[Windam]

Wait, the cops were down there for months? I thought it was a few days. I actually can't remember half the crap that went down in this movie.

 

[jaxword]

why did Bale get killed so anti-climactically? Why by Catwoman? Why was Catwoman in the movie?

Up until that point, Bane had been a symbol, built completely on rhetoric and speechmaking. A false symbol, at that, since all his talk about revolution and liberation was a complete lie and he was always on a suicide mission on Talia's orders.

After he was beaten by Batman, he was no longer the untouchable symbol--he was just a man, a broken man, at that, and thus he died thematically appropriately: as just a man.

Also note that this was the first time he deviated from his plan to symbolically "beat" Batman, disobeying Talia's orders and saying "Yeah I'm just going to unceremoniously shoot you instead of leaving you to watch the city burn like she wanted."

As soon as he breaks character, he dies like a regular badguy henchman.

 

[Spring-Loaded]

I had no idea people hated TLW so much....best of the trilogy IMO.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=2h8rH8zxA64#t=147s

 

[grimshawish]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=2h8rH8zxA64#t=147s

Oh so baby dinosaurs can be dangerous in that universe but humans can't use their gymnastic skills?

smh

 

[Spring-Loaded]

Oh so baby dinosaurs can be dangerous in that universe but humans can't use their gymnastic skills?

smh

I just posted the video. Take it as you will

 

[Jarmel]

The biggest WTF moment is that Bruce Wayne exits the prison to be basically naked in the middle of the desert in the Middle East with no money, no ID, and no means of communication yet less than 24 hours later he is back in Gotham in the Batman suit arriving exactly where he needs to be to save the cop, stopping off in the meantime to set up a flaming bat symbol on top the bridge, despite the fact that no one being able to get into or out of the city was a major plot point.

There was a time skip of at least a couple of weeks, possibly three.

 

[jaxword]

The biggest WTF moment is that Bruce Wayne exits the prison to be basically naked in the middle of the desert in the Middle East with no money, no ID, and no means of communication yet less than 24 hours later he is back in Gotham in the Batman suit arriving exactly where he needs to be to save the cop, stopping off in the meantime to set up a flaming bat symbol on top the bridge, despite the fact that no one being able to get into or out of the city was a major plot point.

Bruce is one of the most resourceful people on the planet. Also, his name is Bruce Wayne. Even a bankrupt famous person can find SOMEone willing to invest in them. 3-4 thousand bucks and he can get the Fake IDs and tickets back to the US.

Donald Trump is bankrupt most of the time yet still convinces people to give him money.


The Batsymbol is just stupid hollywood imagery, though.

 

[Unspeakable Evil]

Taila should have done something about that pimple on her forehead.

 

[itwasTuesday]

Did Alfred Pennyworth go to butler school?

 

[Ridley327]

Actions truly do speak louder than words.

 

[GraveHorizon]

Why did that one police officer (who got killed later) have such a wide stance while holding his gun in the street? His feet were way too far apart.

 

[Tenks]

Bruce is one of the most resourceful people on the planet. Also, his name is Bruce Wayne. Even a bankrupt famous person can find SOMEone willing to invest in them. Donald Trump is bankrupt most of the time yet still convinces people to give him money.


The Batsymbol is just stupid hollywood imagery, though.

So famous he can sit down at a crowded cafe with no one realizing it

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

The majority of GCPD went into the sewer in a massive raid attempt to find and take down a supposed criminal organization. It's likely that there were plenty of cops still above ground, but it can be assumed that Bane's crew quickly dealt with most of them, and any that they didn't kill had no way of organizing to fight back. The fact that Blake and Foley were still above ground support this.

Bruce returned to Gotham by employing criminal networks he had made connections with during his time as a thief in Batman Begins. They were able to take him to an undisclosed cache outside of Gotham where he had stored emergency equipment to sneak back into Gotham.

Nobody in the city threw the rope into the pit because they feared retribution from Bane.

Before his meeting with Selina, Batman used a nozzle on the front of The Bat to quickly spray jet fuel into a giant bat symbol on the bridge, and then trail a line to the ground.

Having planned to fake his death, Bruce snuck into the records office and altered his will, not changing it to reflect his poverty in order to avoid suspicion.

Faking his death worked because Bruce Wayne is not as public of a figure in the Nolan-verse as he is in the comics. He's recognized more by name than his face. Known more by his charitable contributions, and mostly just recognized by the similar Gotham elite that would have direct interaction with him. Thus, giving no reason for the people of Italy to recognize him.

Talia's plan was not a direct one, because she wanted it to be an emotional torture on Bruce Wayne, as well as a dramatic showing to the rest of the world what decadence and moral decay would bring to the rest of them.

Selina was able to expertly drive the Batpod because during the 90s she became obsessed with the Star Wars: Podracer arcade game, and the controls are surprisingly similar.

It doesn't get mentioned, but Gordon has two false eyes, and is completely blind. He's just very good at hiding it. It's a vanity thing. The mustache isn't real either, but that's another matter.

The capital of Bolivia is Sucre.

 

[Tom Penny]

Like an 85% rating is what is baffling.

 

[Hero_of_the_Day]

Wait, the cops were down there for months? I thought it was a few days. I actually can't remember half the crap that went down in this movie.

Yes. Five or six months, I can't remember what Bane says. He says how long it will take the bomb to become unstable. Just enough time for Bruce to fix his broken back and get his ass back in shape.

 

[nomis]

Dirt bikes inside the stock exchange man.

Dirt bikes.

IT'S NOT THE ONLY THING DIRTY IN THE STOCK EXCHANGE.

Social commentary, man. Nolan is god.

 

[jett]

I had no idea people hated TLW so much....best of the trilogy IMO.

I haven't seen 1941 but TLW is easily the worst piece of shit that I've seen of Espielbergo.

 

[GraveHorizon]

Wait, the cops were down there for months? I thought it was a few days. I actually can't remember half the crap that went down in this movie.

Yes. Five or six months, I can't remember what Bane says. He says how long it will take the bomb to become unstable. Just enough time for Bruce to fix his broken back and get his ass back in shape.

The biggest WTF moment is that Bruce Wayne exits the prison to be basically naked in the middle of the desert in the Middle East with no money, no ID, and no means of communication yet less than 24 hours later he is back in Gotham in the Batman suit arriving exactly where he needs to be to save the cop, stopping off in the meantime to set up a flaming bat symbol on top the bridge, despite the fact that no one being able to get into or out of the city was a major plot point.

There was a time skip of at least a couple of weeks, possibly three.

They didn't handle the depiction of passing time very well.

Also, good job to the people above ground getting those poor officers some shaving kits and dry cleaning machines. Would have been a disgrace to the police force if they looked as if they had spent a few months underground when they finally got out of there.

 

[Hachimaki]

One scene that particularly bothered me was Blake attempting to bring the bus across the bridge and the military personnel just end up blowing it up.

 

[Spider from Mars]

Everything after the Joker breaks out of Jail that happens in that franchise is terrible.

 

[Acquiescence]

Nolan's worst movie. Batman Begins and The Dark Knight are celluloid classics, but he really dropped the ball with TDKR.

 

[jaxword]

So famous he can sit down at a crowded cafe with no one realizing it

If Trump sat down at a random cafe in Italy, think everyone would recognize him?

Versus, say, if he went to the local Rich Person's Club and said "Look at my face, you know who I am."

 

[Hero_of_the_Day]

They didn't handle the depiction of passing time very well.

Nolan's worst movie.

Agreed.

 

[Jarmel]

They didn't handle the depiction of passing time very well.

Oh I agree, the editing in the movie is absolutely atrocious.

 

[Messypandas]

I enjoy, but its not without its faults and easily the weakest in the series

 

[JB1981]

BB:JP :: TDK:TLW :: TDKR:JPIII

Poetry.

Wow. Not even a good troll

 

[Tenks]

If Trump sat down at a random cafe in Italy, think everyone would recognize him?

Versus, say, if he went to the local Rich Person's Club and said "Look at my face, you know who I am."

I would think so, yes. Also the way Wayne is depicted I'd say he's a tabloid star. He'd be quite famous globally.

 

[Phoenician_Viking]

The movie had plenty of crap that makes one lol. The choreography in the first fight scene between Bane and Batman was so damn stupid.

 

[Cipherr]

Man that is Soooooo bad.

 

[jett]

Nolan's worst movie. Batman Begins and The Dark Knight are celluloid classics, but he really dropped the ball for TDKR.

I don't think there is any doubt of this.

 

[Messypandas]

Except the world had forgotten Bruce Wayne the young pimp, they were accumstomed to bearded, frail drug addict looking Bruce for 8 years. He can hide in plain sight the same way he hid as a tramp in the first film. Mother fuckin full circle

 

[TimeEffect]

It's a hollywood movie logic. Deal with it.

No. Not for a film that is always overpraised when all that it has going for it is being a sequel to a movie starring Heath Ledger, and is a Nolan film.

here is my favourite "review":

Have you seen TDKR yet? Jesus, it *beep* sucked. It sucked so bad, that I need to talk about this movie because I think this was perhaps one of the stupidest films I have ever seen. I see people confused about the plot and some details so I'm going to take you through it bit by bit, logic holes and all. It's not all bad. There's some good stuff in here but it's basically a sh** sandwich. So here we go...

First, we open up the movie with the plane hijacking which is our introduction to Bane. They pull off a Bond-centric stunt and kidnap nuclear bomb guy and it was pretty cool even if Bane sounded like my grandfather on a respirator. So far so good.

Then we're at the Wayne residence. And it's time for what Nolan does best. Exposition baby!! That train is never late. Let's get started. It's Harvey Dent Day!! Celebration of the Dent Act which is keeping Gotham's worst criminals behind bars with no parole. Gordon is bumbling and stumbling trying to come up with some kind words for Gotham's deceased psycho DA. We learn through convenient conversation from unnecessary new character #1 (Foley) that Gordon's wife took the kids and left him and he won't be commissioner too much longer because they're planning to dump him. Foley is obviously an ambitious little weasel and he's like Gordon is about to get canned? Ch-ching!! Why the audience needs to know this I have no idea because nothing ever comes of this info. Miranda Tate (unnecessary new character #2) is still trying to see Bruce Wayne for some big project. Alfred tells her to step off.

We also find out Bruce Wayne is a Uncle Fester crippled recluse who never comes out of Wayne Manor. Why? He's been retired as Batman for 8 years still brooding over the loss of Rachel even though they had the chemistry of Tom & Jerry in the previous two films.

Selina Kyle is busy masquerading as a maid and stealing pearls belonging to Bruce's mom which also contains his fingerprints (for a later thread in this convoluted story). Bruce goes Hawkeye on Selina with a bow and arrow and they have a nice chat before she takes John Kreese's advice and sweeps the leg on that cripple Wayne and hops out the window.

Bruce is intrigued by this chick so he goes to the batcave which looks like it's been rebuilt even though Batman has been "retired" for 8 years. This scene is basically there to give Bruce his one minute of doing detective work. Alfred finds Bruce in the bat cave and gives the same old tired monologue about how he wishes Bruce would end up as just a regular Joe with a nice family blah blah blah. And to top it off Nolan shows Alfred's little dream sequence where he sees Bruce in a cafe with his family. Nolan has the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the face so as soon as I saw this scene I knew it was going to come into play later in the film.

Selina delivers Bruce's fingerprints to Dagget (unnecessary character #3 AKA plot device) who's working with Bane. He's planning to set up Bruce to lose his wealth later on in the movie in an attempt to take over Wayne Enterprises. However, Catwoman gets double-crossed and doesn't get what she wants in return which is the macguffin device known as "StartYourLifeOver". No, that's not it. I think it was called "LifeEraser". No...it'll come to me later. Anyway this ridiculous little device is supposed to wipe out your entire criminal history from the computers. However, if authorities have a paper file on you that's two inches thick with your history and photos that little device isn't going to help much. Anyhow, Catwoman tricks Dagget's thugs into calling the cops who show up right away. She plays victim and screams her head off as they tear up the place. She escapes.

During the melee the action somehow goes into the sewer with Gordon being caught and taken to Bane and his little army. I can't remember how because I was a bit bored by then and ruffling my popcorn trying to find the ones with butter. Bane isn't happy that his goons brought Gordon to his pad so he starts breaking the necks of his troops like Darth Vader...except without the Force. Gordon is like *beep* this and rolls into the sewer where the clairvoyant John Blake (unnecessary character #4 who steals Batman's movie) arrives just in time to find him coming out.

Speaking of the clairvoyant John Blake he stops by Bruce's place to clue him in that he knows he's Batman. How? Because they're both orphans and Blake could read his face. No, I'm not kidding. That's the reason lol. I *beep* chortled in the theater when he said it. Blake tells Bruce that Batman is needed once again.

To speed this story along. Bruce tracks down Selina at Miranda Tate's party. They dance and chat it up and Bruce takes his mom's pearls back. To return the favor she steals his car and goes on a joyride. Bruce also visits Fox at Wayne enterprises to talk about the new macguffin device that can be turned into a nuclear weapon which plays a role later in the film. While Bruce is there he gets a look at some new toys that have been in development. Most notably "The Bat" which as we find out later in the film any person can apparently drive and operate with no training whatsoever. Even Lucius has taken it for a spin on occasion when traffic is just too heavy.

Bruce goes back to the bat cave and tries to figure things out. Luckily ex-CIA operative Alfred conveniently knows the scoop on Bane's history and of course spoonfeeds the audience of his origin. What, you really thought Alfred was just a butler? Cmon lol. This guy can get the info and motivations about anyone just by snapping his fingers. I wouldn't be surprised at this point if Alfred knew who killed Kennedy.

Back to Bane. He and his goons attack the stock exchange in an attempt to bankrupt Bruce Wayne (using his fingerprints) and they succeed. During their escape they use hostages strapped to their motorbikes to get away. The cops are chasing them and one of the cops actually says shoot the tires LOL. I'm laughing about that because if they shoot the tires and the bike falls I'm pretty sure the hostages strapped to the front and back of those bikes are going to incur some major head damage when they wipe out since their arms are tied and they can't protect themselves lol. The chase leads to a tunnel which suddenly starts going dark and you guessed it!! Batman is back and comes out of the darkness on his cool Batpod. The senior cop tells his little young, flunky partner "BOY, you're in for a show tonight!!". Actually, no. Not much of a show at all. Batman rides his batpod and really does nothing. Ambitious weasel Foley who was chasing Bane at first suddenly turns his attention to the bigger fish Batman and wants to take him down even more than Bane to make Gordon look bad. So the whole police force chases Batman. Batman drives down a dark alley and the cops conveniently stop their pursuit (why? I don't know) and think they have Bats surrounded. Suddenly we see "The Bat" rise from the alley where it was conveniently placed (and not a single person in the city saw it fly there and noticed it was parked). That thing must have stealth. Batman escapes of course and the "show" is over.

Back to the Wayne residence where Bruce is getting cocky and underestimating Bane. Alfred in one last ditch effort to stop Bruce admits he destroyed Rachel’s letter and that she chose Dent over him. Bruce says low blow man and Alfred once again pours on the monologue and waterworks like we haven't heard this sh** enough times already. By now I'm getting annoyed with the crying and just want Bruce to kindly tell Alfred to STFU. Bruce says nothing damaging but Alfred leaves for good voluntarily and Bruce is on his own. Good riddance I say.

To make matters worse Fox informs Bruce that he's broke now and they make plans for unknown Miranda Tate to take over Wayne Enterprises just to stick it to Dagget. However, they must inform Tate about the macguffin nuclear device sitting in the basement and that it's not a toy to be played with. If it was that dangerous they could have just saved time and dismantled the thing but that would have been too logical. A little while later Tate goes to visit Bruce at his home for some reason. The lights go out since Bruce has no money to pay his electricity bill. She starts the fireplace up and yeah Stevie Wonder could see where this is headed. Bruce and Ms. Tate get it on and that's that.

Bruce is feeling spry after gettin' some and sets out to meet Catwoman to track down Bane. However, before he does that Nolan tells him to dress up as Batman and climb onto to something really high so the Batman fanboys can get their obligatory shot of him looking over the city with his cape flapping in the wind. Batman stares out for awhile and then says "Good enough?". Nolan nods approvingly. The very next scene has Batman in the sewer meeting with Catwoman asking her to take him to Bane. A short stroll 20 seconds later and they're in Bane's lair. Catwoman locks Batman in the UFC cage with Bane (one of the few cool parts of the movie) and he proceeds to thrash Batman while talking trash in his old man, high brow, raspy Darth Vader voice the whole time. Batman uses all the tricks at his disposal but Bane has seen all of this crap before since he was also trained by Ra's. He beats Batman like he stole something and breaks his back over his knee. Catwoman looks on with the guilty conscience.

Meanwhile the entire police force goes underground to search for Bane and his men. Yeah, seriously. They send the ENTIRE force down in the sewer. Sounds stupid? Because it is lol. Bane clairvoyantly planned for this kind of convenient stupidity and had bombs planted to trap the cops underground and to also blow the bridges. And while he was at it decided to blow up the whole Pittsburgh, errrr, Gotham Steelers team as well. If that doesn't get the citizens of Gotham on your side nothing will lol. It gets better. He says there's an atomic bomb in the city and it will be detonated if anyone tries to leave Gotham or anyone sneaks in. You'd think there would be mass panic in the streets right? People saying *beep* it and fleeing for their lives? Maybe try to hop on a boat? Nope. All goes according to plan and millions of Gotham's citizens hole up in their homes. It's a ghost town. How does Bane's little army keep tabs on the whole city? How do the citizens of Gotham get food and everything for months on end? How does the city continue to operate? Who the *beep* knows? No one lays out any rules. The underlying message of this far-fetched plan is loud and clear...this movie is starting to suck.

Bane also finds time to drop Bruce off at the Lazarus Pit in some other country and tells him that he intends to give Gotham hope before killing them all. Yeah, everything he's doing to that city really inspires the people with hope, right? lol. Anyhow Bruce's punishment has to be more severe so Bane leaves him there with built-in cable TV and snacks so Bruce can watch the destruction of Gotham helplessly.

Back to Gotham where Bane is now on a loudspeaker telling the city of Gotham that they've been lied to. He pulls out a letter written by Gordon and gives the details in fire and brimstone about DA Harvey Dent. Why the city of Gotham would believe a madman who blew up their bridges, trapped their cops underground, blew up their football team and threatened them with an atomic bomb is beyond me. Bane tries to give them even more hope by releasing their criminals into the street. Who in the hell writes this stuff? lol. I guess Mr. Logic took a break from this movie for awhile. I hope he makes it back because this movie is getting a little ridiculous.

Blake is disappointed in Gordon for not telling the truth about Dent. Gordon snaps back defensively and that's that. Blake starts doing a lot of detective stuff because he seems to be the only cop left in Gotham. He takes over the movie for awhile while Batman is out of commission. It's basically "John Blake Begins".

Back in the pit Bruce is getting his back rehabilitated by the resident witch doctor who knocks Bruce's back into place Looney Tunes style and strings him up to heal. The movie speeds ahead (in a Nolan movie 3 minutes equals 3 months) and Bruce is back doing pushups and situps in no time trying to get out of the pit with the locals chanting gibberish cheering him on. The third or fourth try is a charm (I lost count by then) and Bruce finally he gets out. He looks around and is in the middle of nowhere except a village in the far distance. Then Bruce is back in Gotham asking Selina Kyle for help and...wait a minute, what the *beep* ?!? How did Bruce get back into Gotham with no money and no resources and with Gotham supposedly locked down? Secondly, how did Bruce find Selina in that HUGE city in the first place? And why is Bruce asking for the help of a woman who assisted in bankrupting him and set him up to get beaten within an inch of his life? Mr. Logic? Are you there? Oh that's right he left a long *beep* time ago and apparently isn't coming back. Selina tells Bruce there's nothing else he can do for the people of Gotham. She's getting the hell outta dodge and he should come with her.

Meanwhile the locals have been restless and kicking the sh** out of the rich. They hold mock trials and sentence the Mitt Romney types to walk over the frozen ice where it eventually collapses and they comically fall in. Gordon and his crew of Merrymen are caught and sentenced to death by Jonathan Crane (aka Scarecrow) who has nothing better to do these days. As Gordon and crew are walking to their eventual death you'll never guess who appears? Batman, who despite his heavy armor can walk across the ice just fine with no problem whatsoever. He also conveniently knew where to find Gordon JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME. That's not all. Batman is also a budding artist. He gives Gordon a flare and tells him to go ahead and light it. Gordon need not worry about melting the ice...it's Bat-tested. So Gordon throws the flare on the ice and it starts a line of fire (I'm laughing as I'm typing this because it's so dumb) and it reveals a HUGE fire logo of Batman's symbol. Not only did that probably take hours to do but it also ruins the element of surprise. Hans Zimmer's score blares the Batman music for this monumental feat and I keep telling myself it's going to get better...it's going to get better. Sad to say, it doesn't.

So by now this movie is so far gone it just doesn't matter anymore and I think Nolan knows it. I honestly believe he's trolling the audience and the critics just to see how much crap he can get away with. So back to the movie. Bruce conveniently found Selina Kyle, conveniently found Gordon just in time to save him. What's one more time going to hurt? John Blake, you're up!! Batman saves Blake just in time from Bane's crew and for some reason tells Blake to wear a *beep* mask. Jesus H. Christ Nolan can you telegraph the ending of this movie any more?!?

The cops get free and they all exit their sewer-dwelling existence as if they've been doing Bic shaving commercials. Ambitious weasel Foley has turned to last minute good guy after Gordon convinces him to lead the police charge against Bane's men. The unarmed cops run straight into Bane's mercenaries who are armed with tanks and automatic rifles. Batman once again comes out of nowhere in "The Bat" at the last second to aid in the charge. I guess Bane's guys run out of ammmo after a few seconds (they can't shoot worth a piss anyhow) because it just becomes a battle royale of fists flying everywhere. Batman makes his way through the crowd practically untouched and comes face to face with Bane for the rematch while the chaos ensues all around them. The final fight scene of Enter the Dragon instantly comes to mind with Bruce Lee about to battle Han lol. Batman and Bane go at it and Batman targets Bane's mask. It seems he can't breathe when that mask is continually getting hit and Batman gets the upper hand. Batman starts screaming in his gruff comical Bat-voice asking Bane the whereabouts of the trigger to detonate the bomb. He's about to do Bane dirty when Miranda Tate (aka Talia Al Ghul) shanks Batman in the back and reveals her true identity. It's supposed to be a big plot twist but by this time I'm like who gives a rat's ass?!? Talia (like father, like daughter) talks about her and Bane's history and monologues her whole plan to a stunned Batman. While she's flapping her gums Gordon is playing action hero and manages to plant a convenient device to block the neutron bomb from being detonated. Talia finishes her life story and hits the button waiting for the explosion. Nothing happens. Her plan has been foiled...curses!!

Talia leaves Bane to finish the job on Batman but Catwoman sneaks up on everyone with a suddenly silent Batpod and just in the nick of time (yeah, it's a running theme) saves Batman and blows Bane back to the stone ages. Batman gets his 2nd wind despite having a serious knife wound and chases Talia down in "The Bat" with Catwoman assisting on the Batpod. Talia crashes the truck and starts the typical villain death monologue. Rather than get the bomb out of Gotham ASAP Batman, Gordon, and Catwoman stand there comically listening before she dies one of the most horribly acted deaths I've ever seen. Batman looks at his watch and figures he has a bit more time to waste with Gordon and Catwoman before he finally starts towing the bomb out to sea away from Gotham. We see a closeup of Batman's face as he's flying out to sea and the bomb finally explodes. Gotham is saved and it's the end of Batman....or is it?

Well, everything is wrapped up nice and neat. We see Bruce Wayne's funeral with Alfred crying once again that he failed the family. I know it's supposed to be sad and all but I'm sick of Alfred's sh**...sorry. Wayne Manor basically becomes an orphanage. Batman gets a really cool statue in his honor. We find out John Blake's name is actually "Robin" in the most cringe-worthy, eye-roll inducing way possible. Gordon is seen checking out what looks like the new Bat, errr Blake-signal. Fox learns the autopilot was fixed by Bruce Wayne and he gets a knowing expression. Then we see Alfred in a scene that looks just like his cafe dream that he had earlier in the movie. He looks over and sees Bruce with Selina Kyle. Bruce smiles and Alfred smiles back....Batman is ALIVE!! I sure as hell didn't see that coming. The final shot of the movie is Blake finding the Batcave signaling he's the new Batman even though he's had no training and no wealth whatsoever. I can't wait to see him get his ass kicked. Cue the credits.