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Cosmo: Guys Get Turned on When Women Orgasm...It's a Bad Thing (It'sTimetoStop.gif)

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C

Count Dookkake

Member
jph139 said:
I find it weird how many people are posting dumb reactions in here. I assume they're not reading anything other than the title?

Like, making your partner feel good is important, but if that's not coming from a genuine place than you're not really accomplishing much. If you used to brag about how "I have sex with so many women all the time," and now you're bragging about "I give so many women orgasms all the time," that's not much of an improvement. Female pleasure exists as more than just an ego boost for the male psyche (and, it should go without saying, the reverse is also true, though as a man I can't really speak much for the female psyche).

When you make someone come, your immediate thought shouldn't be "I am great, I did good." That's a poor way to orient yourself.
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Bone policing.
 
M

Mineshaft_Gap

4077th
Fulminator said:
I guess it's more about being respectful of this, not letting it affect the pleasure you get when they do cum, and not lettijg it reflect in your ego when they dont.

Or something like that?
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Yes. Pretty much this.

Say, just as an example, you're going down on your lady friend and she isn't having an orgasm. There can come a point, a very obvious crossroad where it ceases to be about your partner having a good time--if it ever was to begin with. And instead it's a frenzy of "I have to do this." If you're partner is saying naaaaaah just come here and snug me/fuck me/kiss me/whatever and you just keep at it this is a shitty situation to put your partner in. She's communicating in a gentle way that she would rather do something else and you aren't letting her take ownership of her own pleasure and you aren't giving her control over the situation. It's absolutely a shitty thing to do to your partner if you love and care about their feelings and enjoyment. It's not a foregone conclusion that a woman is going to have an orgasm 100% of the time and holding a woman to that standard when it's so woefully unrealistic is some shit.
 
F

Ferrio

Banned
g0aqBPN3.png
 
S

Servbot24

Banned
Mineshaft_Gap said:
The pill I'd give you wouldn't make you feel good.
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Violent threats don't seem like the answer to me.

I'm genuinely asking the question. Ive just been told that who I am is a mistake. Okay fine, that could be the case, nature is fucked up. However I think it's fair for me to ask whether there's a solution or if I'm just being told I'm garbage and there's nothing I can do so I have to wallow in it. Like I said if it's the latter that's fine.
 
M

Mineshaft_Gap

4077th
It's not a violent threat. If I could invent a pill that would snap you back to reality I'm sure that the whiplash would cause you a certain degree of discomfort. That's what I was talking about. You're reading too much into my statement just like you're reading too much into the article.

Listen to and accept your partner. There's nothing wrong with deriving pleasure from making your partner feel good. There's absolutely something wrong with creating a situation where the woman feels like she has to perform in order to satisfy some empty part of you. If you are unable to tell when you've crossed this line that's a you problem--not a her problem. Chances are your partner is letting you know one way or the other, work on yourself and your ability to tune into people other than yourself. If you can't tune into the person you're inside of then... well... maybe you should just jack off.
 
Monocle

Monocle

Member
Hold the damn phone—men derive satisfaction and pleasure from making their partners climax? Absolutely disgusting.

Somebody has to stop these sick pigs, even if it means storming their bedrooms and manually removing their jackhammering members from their orgasmic victims.
 
Arkage

Arkage

Banned
To be clear, this study does not show that associating masculinity with female orgasms will or can lead to dysfunctional sex where men persist in her having an orgasm to stroke their ego. You can say that happens, but that's not what this study showed.

As a counter-study, one could probably show that couples in which the woman orgasms more have higher levels of bonding. But since the study only asks men about "masculinity" levels I guess nobody should give a shit about that.
 
M

marrec

Banned
darksol devil said:
To be clear, this study does not show that associating masculinity with female orgasms will or can lead to dysfunctional sex where men persist in her having an orgasm to stroke their ego.

As a counter-study, one could probably show that couples in which the woman orgasms more have higher levels of bonding. But since the study only asks men about "masculinity" levels I guess nobody should give a shit about that.
Click to expand...

The researchers had a clear goal in mind, and good sound science that expands our knowledge base was not that goal.

Monocle said:
The Puritans were right.
Click to expand...

I feel like anyone who grew up religious already feels enough guilt about sex, no need to pile on Cosmo.
 
C

Count Dookkake

Member
Mineshaft_Gap said:
It's not a violent threat. If I could invent a pill that would snap you back to reality I'm sure that the whiplash would cause you a certain degree of discomfort. That's what I was talking about. You're reading too much into my statement just like you're reading too much into the article.

Listen to and accept your partner. There's nothing wrong with deriving pleasure from making your partner feel good. There's absolutely something wrong with creating a situation where the woman feels like she has to perform in order to satisfy some empty part of you.
Click to expand...

To be fair, usually it's dudes who have to perform in order to satisfy some empty part.
 
H

Hopeford

Member
From what I'm seeing, the conflict in the thread comes from the fact that the article is basically arguing "Being proud of making your partner feel great is fine. That said, don't be a forceful jerk and if your partner isn't really feeling like an orgasm is happening today, don't push it because what the hell man. If you aren't proud of your partner enjoying themselves as opposed to just having a physical reaction for your pleasure, perhaps you are pushing them around too much and should listen a bit more during sex." which is a perfectly fine and logical position to hold.

Meanwhile, because of the title/OP people are reading it as "being at all happy that your partner feels good is bad" which seems insane, and thus the reactions.

Like I don't think many people in the thread would disagree that argument #1 is fair and that argument #2 is crazy, the only disagreement seems to be that some people are reading the article as #1 and some as #2. Admittedly, upon first glance I thought that it was a crazy claim...then I actually read the article and, yeah, it's a fair argument with perhaps not the greatest headline. Or a good headline, since it got people talking about it, who knows.
 
M

Mineshaft_Gap

4077th
Count Dookkake said:
To be fair, usually it's dudes who have to perform in order to satisfy some empty part.
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har har

I get it.

But still, if you're in a good relationship (even a relationship where sex is a big part of said relationship) a lot of those times those feelings can exist inside your head and aren't or shouldn't be a super big deal. Plus, isn't it kind of shitty for you to take your insecurity and then project it onto your partner? Just because you feel like you have to put on a performance shouldn't mean you force your partner into the same situation. Maybe a huge part of the issue is that guys need to be more accepting of themselves. Bad/disappointing sex happens. I can see the performance anxiety if you're only just starting to have a sexual relationship with someone or the relationship is purely sexual--but a good, strong, and loving relationship has to be able to handle the fact that fireworks aren't going to go off 100% of the time.

Shit isn't always about you. Girls can not have orgasms for a fucking million reasons. Heck, I've initiated knowing full well it wouldn't happen but I still want the closeness/fun/pleasure of doing it. An orgasm is just one possible destination on a journey that's often worth taking regardless of where you end up.
 
M

marrec

Banned
Hopeford said:
From what I'm seeing, the conflict in the thread comes from the fact that the article is basically arguing "Being proud of making your partner feel great is fine. That said, don't be a forceful jerk and if your partner isn't really feeling like an orgasm is happening today, don't push it because what the hell man. If you aren't proud of your partner enjoying themselves as opposed to just having a physical reaction for your pleasure, perhaps you are pushing them around too much and should listen a bit more during sex." which is a perfectly fine and logical position to hold.

Meanwhile, because of the title/OP people are reading it as "being at all happy that your partner feels good is bad" which seems insane, and thus the reactions.

Like I don't think many people in the thread would disagree that argument #1 is fair and that argument #2 is crazy, the only disagreement seems to be that some people are reading the article as #1 and some as #2. Admittedly, upon first glance I thought that it was a crazy claim...then I actually read the article and, yeah, it's a fair argument with perhaps not the greatest headline. Or a good headline, since it got people talking about it, who knows.
Click to expand...

That's not what the article is saying AT ALL. The title of the damn article implies that it's a bad thing that guys get turned on by women orgasming, regardless of context, and just gets worse from there.

You're trying to extrapolate something reasonable out of it, which is fine, but the article is horseshit and the study is also horseshit.

EDIT:

Not only does it assign a morality to men being turned on, it fucking deigns to EXPLAIN our arousal.

Fuck you cosmo.
 
P

Plum

Member
Hopeford said:
From what I'm seeing, the conflict in the thread comes from the fact that the article is basically arguing "Being proud of making your partner feel great is fine. That said, don't be a forceful jerk and if your partner isn't really feeling like an orgasm is happening today, don't push it because what the hell man. If you aren't proud of your partner enjoying themselves as opposed to just having a physical reaction for your pleasure, perhaps you are pushing them around too much and should listen a bit more during sex." which is a perfectly fine and logical position to hold.

Meanwhile, because of the title/OP people are reading it as "being at all happy that your partner feels good is bad" which seems insane, and thus the reactions.

Like I don't think many people in the thread would disagree that argument #1 is fair and that argument #2 is crazy, the only disagreement seems to be that some people are reading the article as #1 and some as #2. Admittedly, upon first glance I thought that it was a crazy claim...then I actually read the article and, yeah, it's a fair argument with perhaps not the greatest headline. Or a good headline, since it got people talking about it, who knows.
Click to expand...

The article isn't about that kind of behaviour though, it's about how anyone who feels a boost in self-esteem or manliness is somehow in the wrong even if they've done nothing. I'm fully agreed that the behaviour is bad, and men who partake in it should cut it out, but the article is about a thought-process, not a behaviour.
 
F

Flo_Evans

Member
Shit my wife wanted oral but now I'll have to tell her I enjoy it too much.

What if she yells "you're so bad at this!" While I do it to keep my ego in check?
 
H

How About No

Member
DirgeExtinction said:
I feel like women have the same reaction as well. They feel like more of a woman for being able to make their man orgasm.
Click to expand...

tbf as a guy I don't think it's a huge accomplishment to get most of us to cum, hell a slight breeze can probably set us off

I'd much rather enjoy the ride than the destination
 
Gun Animal

Gun Animal

Member
really gratifying reading the defense-force comments in this thread, then looking at the avatar and being like "oh yeah, of course"
 
Dsyndrome

Dsyndrome

Member
My wife hates sex and won't do it unless I have her orgasm first. Under this article, even if I just get her off without seeking sex, I must be the worst kind of person. Fuck me.
 
Gun Animal

Gun Animal

Member
Dsyndrome said:
My wife hates sex and won't do it unless I have her orgasm first. Under this article, even if I just get her off without seeking sex, I must be the worst kind of person. Fuck me.
Click to expand...

i would think liking sex is prerequisite to the whole marriage dealio, how did you get yourself in that situation
 
X

Xe4

Banned
I derive little pleasure out of sex. I'm not asexual, but I like sex a lot more than most. So I tend to make sex about what a girl wants, over what I want, and am happy when she orgasms. I can see that trying to make it into a competiton or whatever is a bad thing, but that's true for everything.
 
H

Hopeford

Member
marrec said:
That's not what the article is saying AT ALL. The title of the damn article implies that it's a bad thing that guys get turned on by women orgasming, regardless of context, and just gets worse from there.

You're trying to extrapolate something reasonable out of it, which is fine, but the article is horseshit and the study is also horseshit.
Click to expand...

It's late and I might be misreading it, so I'll be the first to admit I could be wrong. Since I'm likely gonna be asleep before I'm more functional, I'm just gonna explain why I'm reading the argument the way I do, which should make things easier in case I'm extrapolating too much.

Let's be clear — there's nothing wrong with feeling good about making your partner feel good (in this case, orgasming). It's nice to bring pleasure to your partner! But the researchers point out a sexist flaw in the masculinity boost thing.

"Despite increasing focus on women's orgasms, research indicated that the increased attention to women's orgasms may also serve men's sexuality, complicating conceptualizations of women's orgasms as women-centric," researchers wrote.

In a separate statement from Chadwick and van Anders, they explained why it's a bad thing for men to gain masculinity points for bringing female partners to orgasm. "One reason is that it might pressure some heterosexual men to feel like they have to 'give' women orgasms, as if orgasm is something men pulled out of a hat and presented to women," they wrote. "This ties into cultural ideas of women as passive recipients of whatever men give them."
Click to expand...

I mean, they mention that they see nothing wrong with feeling good about making your partner feel good. They then go on to elaborate about how it might make guys insistent about giving their partners orgasms and it's like, I've heard enough stories from girls I know that to me at this point in the article I went "Oh, yeah, that's fair."

Maybe you're right and I'm extrapolating too much from it and combining anecdotes with vague writing to give it a different meaning -- legitimately can't tell at this point, but you might be right. Either way, yeah that's why I read the article the way I did.
 
S

Servbot24

Banned
Mineshaft_Gap said:
It's not a violent threat. If I could invent a pill that would snap you back to reality I'm sure that the whiplash would cause you a certain degree of discomfort. That's what I was talking about. You're reading too much into my statement just like you're reading too much into the article.

Listen to and accept your partner. There's nothing wrong with deriving pleasure from making your partner feel good. There's absolutely something wrong with creating a situation where the woman feels like she has to perform in order to satisfy some empty part of you. If you are unable to tell when you've crossed this line that's a you problem--not a her problem. Chances are your partner is letting you know one way or the other, work on yourself and your ability to tune into people other than yourself. If you can't tune into the person you're inside of then... well... maybe you should just jack off.
Click to expand...
I have no disagreement with this. If my partner does not want me to take part in her orgasm that's fine. The very thought of creating pressure for someone during sex makes me literally sick to my stomach.

What I'm asking is to be told that by my partner. I have had this experience before with a gf, where things seemed great and a week later I was told she wasn't feeling it. I had sex multiple times with someone who wasn't that into it, and when I say that thought makes me sick I mean it. I couldn't eat for days because I felt like human scum. To be very clear she initiated the contact, but that didn't change how I felt.

So what I as a male am looking for is proactive communication. I don't want to be told I'm loved if I'm not. I don't want to be told I'm garbage and that's all there is to it (i.e. the headline of it's wrong for men to feel like men) if what you're really trying to tell me is something more nuanced. (Or if you really do think I'm garbage that's fine too :p)
 
F

fabricated backlash

Member
Poor GRIMES said:
I've heard a lot of straight men say they can "turn" a lesbian straight because of their "skills at making women orgasm." This is a thing. It exists. Maybe not in the liberal spaces that you or many others partake in, but it's there.
Click to expand...
This same line of thinking exists with women as well. Don't see how this is an exclusive male phenomenon.
 
S

Servbot24

Banned
Friggz said:
im on cloud 9 when i make my wife orgasm. id trade me getting off for her getting off everyday of the week.
Click to expand...

Same here. Honestly it's kind of a bother when someone tries to pleasure me. I mean it feels good physically, but making the other person feel good is so much better.
 
S

shawnbuddy

Member
I'm not doing it because it impresses the bros at the gym, I just figured it was the nice thing to do.

Seriously, though, nothing wrong with a little pride in a job well done.
 
S

Shadybiz

Member
pelicansurf said:
This is one of the dumbest thing I've ever read. I like making girls orgasm and I feel proud of it sometimes, but it's all for her sake. Hmmmmm.
Click to expand...

Basically. When my wife makes with the shivers and the quakes, it makes me feel good that I made her feel good.

At the same time, it's a given that sometimes, it's just not going to happen, for whatever reason. She'll say "give me what you got"...which is another way of saying "wrap it UP." ...And then about 10 seconds later, we're cuddling. No big deal.
 
D

Delusibeta

Banned
This study is a textbook example of writing the conclusion first, then scrabbling for any scrap of evidence to back said conclusion. It doesn't help that they do a crap job of finding evidence that lines up with their conclusion.
 
M

Mineshaft_Gap

4077th
Delusibeta said:
This study is a textbook example of writing the conclusion first, then scrabbling for any scrap of evidence to back said conclusion. It doesn't help that they do a crap job of finding evidence that lines up with their conclusion.
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excuse me while I bash my head into a wall repeatedly

Shadybiz said:
Basically. When my wife makes with the shivers and the quakes, it makes me feel good that I made her feel good.

At the same time, it's a given that sometimes, it's just not going to happen, for whatever reason. She'll say "give me what you got"...which is another way of saying "wrap it UP." ...And then about 10 seconds later, we're cuddling. No big deal.
Click to expand...

this is the way to be folks

congrats on the sex and good relationship
 
Rentahamster

Rentahamster

Rodent Whores
Is it just selective memory on my part, or wasn't the big topic in magazines back in the 90s about how men suck at giving women orgasms, they don't care enough about her pleasure, and here are the top 10 tips for making your woman scream your name?
 
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