BronzeWolf
Banned
It's time to move out man. Make that your one primary goal
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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BronzeWolf
Banned
Things get better even before that. When I lived at my parents, the mere fact that I was so focused on moving out helped me better deal with things...
Atramental
Banned
I'll be graduating sometime in 2013. Probably in the Fall. I'll be able to move out by then.
Ha... I thought getting out of BJU would eliminate a ton of my problems but all it did was create new ones...
But yeah. I'll focus on moving out and getting away from this southern hell hole. It's my only hope.
The Broken Ska Record
Member
So I'm doing my best talking to people this year, breaking my social "anxiety" and it's been semi fruitful. The major issue I have is that on some dating sites, girls never message me back. I try not to respond with just "Hey" or "Sup" and try to make it as precise as I can, but no one's written back. Any tips?
BronzeWolf
Banned
Girl I sidelined the whole week (the one I talked about in my post) now whatsapped me:
her "R U OK?"
me "?"
her "well... it's just that you left twitter...and your facebook post that you hated summer from 500 days of summer"
me "...I never liked summer and I needed some time out from twitter"
her "OK."
then radio silence. Is she getting the message that I won't stand flakes? I think she was not brave enough to ask why I haven't talked to her for more than a week
her "R U OK?"
me "?"
her "well... it's just that you left twitter...and your facebook post that you hated summer from 500 days of summer"
me "...I never liked summer and I needed some time out from twitter"
her "OK."
then radio silence. Is she getting the message that I won't stand flakes? I think she was not brave enough to ask why I haven't talked to her for more than a week
BronzeWolf
Banned
She is smart and has good grammar/spelling. It was just a personal message. I won't hold that one line against her
Oh I hear ya, that's cool.
Your post just reminded me of some things I found annoying with other people. I wasn't specifically referring to your conversation.
I don't expect people to be perfect, but when sending those first few emails I would think some good grammar would be nice.
If you want anything out of this girl, don't be passive aggressive. Just mention it - "I was pretty disappointed that you kept cancelling on us" - more nuanced for the person and how you talk to her etc, but just firmly say that her flaking sucks, that you'd be interested in seeing her again, but you don't want to deal with flaking anymore - if she doesn't think she can make the effort, that she should just let you know.
BronzeWolf
Banned
Oh This is step 2 on my plan. Problem is she not only flaked, I stand flakes but she also ignored me quite a fucking lot last 2 weeks. Like, blatantly. I won't accept that shit. This is me making her know that I won't stand for that.
Now that she knows that, I plan to come on strong. Like "I really like you as more than friends. Would you go have ice cream with me?"
Yes, Ice Cream. The big finisher. Works all the time
Khalifa Jayy
Banned
"Would you go have ice cream with me?" is such a weak question though...
Instead use: Let's go have ice cream (this date/time). Do you prefer (place a) or (place b)?
Instead use: Let's go have ice cream (this date/time). Do you prefer (place a) or (place b)?
That seems very awkward to say. I can't really put my finger on it, but part of what bugs me, personally, about saying something like that is it's a straight-up confession of your feelings.
There's no excitement. It's more of an ultimatum.
luckyboyceo
Member
Am I the only one that doesn't see this as anything more than a gesture?
Sometimes if I'm passing by someone, I'll raise my eyes/eyebrows as a way of saying hello, usually to people I don't know very well, which sounds like the category you'd fit into with this girl. Don't let that steer you away though, just saying.
This, so much. Though sometimes I think I'm just spoiled by GAF and people who talk via the internet frequently.
Then again, it's 2012, people should understand these things by now.
Ew, no no no. Don't say that.
You're making it sound like her going to ice cream with you would be her doing you a favor. AKA you're making yourself sound weak. Change it to what RJNavarrete said, "Let's go have ice cream (insert date & time)." WAY better.
Also, don't confess you're feelings, it never works. Make her understand them through your actions.
BronzeWolf
Banned
Most of the time it's because dudes say it without establishing attraction first. This is not the case this time. We have already made out and cuddled. We never talked about it though and she started acting weird at the last steps of courtship.
hawkshockey11
Banned
I mostly am like this because I think there is hope still. Her breaking up with me was a hard decision that she thought over a lot. I now feel like if I could travel back to friday and tell her what I understand now things would be ok.
I know we have to give each other space for a little to let the feelings dissipate. I don't want them to and im not sure if she even wants them to. I really loved her and now i am missing all my motivation and drive that I had built up.
BronzeWolf
Banned
No they wouldn't. When girls break up, they are pretty confident about their decision. Being a single girl sucks donkey ass and a relationship really has to be on the crapper before they decide to act on it.
Just let her go man
I don't think you need to "have a talk," really.
I think asking her out again on another date is better. If she says yes, you know she's (still) into you. Then you go, have fun with eachother, and continue to escalate things if you like her.
If she says no, well then you saved yourself a lot of time, energy and awkwardness. You know that she's no longer interested and you don't have to "have a talk."
I still stand by my opinion that confessions of feelings are awkward ultimatums if you think things aren't going smoothly. It's kind of a last ditch effort that makes you look desperate.
I don't know your entire situation, so take what I've written with a grain of salt.
BronzeWolf
Banned
My situation is here, bottom paged http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=34673743&postcount=849
A yes for date won't cut it since we are good friends, it could get muddled with "just a going out with friends". I need to let my intentions be perfectly clear and understood before asking her out. I could do that with body language though. I know there was attraction at some point, it's just she has not let herself be available for any escalation whatsoever. That's why I sidelined her.
I could grab her hand and ask her out while holding her hand. Come to think about it, that's what I'm going to do. Explicit enough
TheSchwab_7
Member
Haven't posted here in awhile, but I finally made some progress today. There is this really hot chick in my class, but I haven't got the balls to ask her out. Basically blew my opportunity in class so I was pissed off at myself.
For dinner, I went with one of my buddies to the dining hall. I noticed this cute girl who was sitting by herself and I was like fuck it. So I go up to her and ask her if she wants to go out this weekend, she says she has a boyfriend, I tell her my name and she tells me hers and she gives me a handshake. I tell her to have a nice night. So fucking easy. About goddamn time too. I really don't care that I was denied. Just feels good going for it.
For dinner, I went with one of my buddies to the dining hall. I noticed this cute girl who was sitting by herself and I was like fuck it. So I go up to her and ask her if she wants to go out this weekend, she says she has a boyfriend, I tell her my name and she tells me hers and she gives me a handshake. I tell her to have a nice night. So fucking easy. About goddamn time too. I really don't care that I was denied. Just feels good going for it.
ConradCervantes
Banned
Cute Geek Girl wants to meet me. We've pushed our flirting to the brink, next step is outright saying how badly we want to fuck each other. ARRRGGGHHHH.
Reading your post, she's not interested. Sorry, broski. The signs are there -- you even bolded them yourself.
Even if she was, would you really want someone who's putting you through such mindfuckery?
Move on and spare yourself the games. Seriously.
BronzeWolf
Banned
And that's exactly where I am at. I don't care if she says yes or not, I am not holding my breath. I won't go to her office and ask her out. I will only ask her out in case she decides to stop playing games. That means coming over my office, talking to me and asking me the right questions.
Otherwise, I am not phased.
EDIT: She started "liking" my old comments on old pictures of her on facebook...
BronzeWolf
Banned
Is this flirting happening over email/facebook/sms?
ConradCervantes
Banned
OkCupid messaging. It's more than just a physical attraction, though. I think things could lead somewhere if everything pans out like it should.
BronzeWolf
Banned
Sorry to break your bubble but private messaging flirting =/= real life flirting
What this means is that even if you had cyber sex with a girl, once it's real life, you have to start all over again. It's excellent rapport though, just be aware that you have to start the physical attraction.
SMS flirts will go home cowering if you try to outright kiss them if you think that just because you flirted over the internet, it transfers to IRL
ConradCervantes
Banned
Eh, guess we'll see then. She's not the only one I'm talking to, so I'm hedging my bets for now. I only joined the site a week ago. And we haven't had cyber sex, nor do I intend to do so. I'll leave that to the teenagers and those who are afraid to leave their house.
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
You are right.
But SMS relationship-building counts for a lot more than I once would have thought.
If you think you're "all the way" in SMS, you might not be "all the way" in real life... but you can certainly skip a few steps. It gives you the ammo, and the courage, to make very bold moves on her, that wouldn't have been possible without that text work.
BronzeWolf
Banned
I'm not saying sexting does not help. I am saying that it won't do all the work for you
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
HappyBivouac
Member
This is definitely not entirely true. Even online/text interaction will of that nature will still build you up in her mind. There's always that awkward transition from "non-real" interactions to "real" ones, but you'll still be closer than you would have otherwise been without the text flirting or whatever.
It actually works in a guy's favor in my experience, because she's somewhat attached before even seeing the real you, meaning you get an automatic good first impression, even if you're not exactly like her cobbled-together-from-photos-and-imagination-and-stuff idea of you.
ConradCervantes
Banned
It's never had to, I can assure you. I'm doing this online thing for now because all the girls I met since breaking up with my last girlfriend have been liars, flakes, and cheaters. They didn't cheat on me, though, they were cheating on their boyfriends. I figured a place like OKC would cut the bullshit out and help me to get to know the girl before taking a chance with her. We'll have our flirty fun and continue to get to know one another online, then we'll see what happens once we meet.
Since I got no replys on my last post ill ask again short and sweet.
This girl I know told me she has no interest in being with me. I say ok. We remain friends. Fast foward about 2 weeks. We chill together. She acts completely different. Texts all day. When I don't answer she says my friend wants to know something but I was with him. Why lie? She asks me if she can spend the night next weekend. She's moving in a month.
I just do not understand her motives. My other post was Much more detailed. Sorry if this one is not enough.
This girl I know told me she has no interest in being with me. I say ok. We remain friends. Fast foward about 2 weeks. We chill together. She acts completely different. Texts all day. When I don't answer she says my friend wants to know something but I was with him. Why lie? She asks me if she can spend the night next weekend. She's moving in a month.
I just do not understand her motives. My other post was Much more detailed. Sorry if this one is not enough.
Valentine's Day 2 weeks away?
What prompted her to tell you she has no intrest?
luckyboyceo
Member
See? It really is that easy. Sometimes it's just a numbers game, keep going till you get the answer you're looking for.
For instance, that girl in your class sounds like a nice start. Try and work your way into a conversation with her and pull the trigger.
#firstworldproblems brother.
Happy to hear it man, I knew she'd come around.
One night we were just sitting in my car talking and I ended up asking her to be my gf. She started saying how for some reason she never looked at me as a bf but just someone she's real comfortable with. So I'm in my head saying friend zoned. Then that's when she changed.
Sounds like she got uncomfortable with the be my girlfriend ultimatum (seriously guys stop doing this). However it looks like you have a chance to hook up with her before she moves, go for it. But don't ask her first ffs.
HappyBivouac
Member
Last paragraph is self-defeating. Be more positive. It's in the thread title!
Analytical
Banned
As long as she doesn't attempt to lecture or guilt you, or make you eat her crappy grass food, it should be fine.
However, vegetarians are pretty preachy so that won't happen.
I assume I know what BJU is, and that's only an hour and a half from me. If you ever want to grab a beer (are you old enough to drink?) and relax, let me know. Send me a PM.
As for your other stuff, we all make excuses for why we don't do things. It's in our nature. You certainly have a ton of them on your plate, most of them legitimate. Just remember there are dudes that don't shower, grow terrible beards, live with their parents, and have dead end jobs that get women and get laid. If there are things you can't change, try to work on those you can.
Good luck man.
Khalifa Jayy
Banned
Btw whats POF?
It depends. My GF is a vegetarian and she's not preachy or militant about it. I'm not a picky eater either, so I'll take her to a vegetarian/vegan restaurant here and there or even cook for her. We also go to regular restaurants and she'll just order stuff without or with as little meat in it as possible.
She's a great cook so it has definite benefits.
Again, it totally depends on the person.
Go for it until she gives you a reason not to, Detox.
Dahellisdat
Member
plentyoffish.com
Its another dating website. I actually met my fiance on there about 3 and a half years ago. We're getting married this coming June.
Houston3000
Member
I dated a vegetarian for 3 months early last year. She wasn't picky about it all, she actually encouraged me to get meat at restaurants because she thought it was more "manly". That being said she was a vegetarian because she felt it was a healthier diet for her body, not for any moral reasons.
BronzeWolf
Banned
Girl is twitting (twittering? Who chares) all kind of soppy shit lol
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