Lionel Hutz: Now, Mrs. Simpson, tell the court in your own words what happened after you and your husband were ejected out of the restaurant.
Marge: Well, we pretty much went straight home.
Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, remember that you are under oath.
Marge: We drove around until three in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
Lionel Hutz: And when you couldn't find one?
Marge: [crying] We... went... fishing.
Lionel Hutz: Do these sound like the actions of a man who had all he could eat?
Lisa: My conscience is bothering me.
Homer: Your conscience? Lisa, don't let that pushy little weenie tell you what to do.
Homer's Conscience: Homer, that's a terrible thing to say.
Homer: Shut up.
Homer's Conscience: Yes sir...
The Canine Mutiny Episode
Homer: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back ... unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back, or you can go out there and find your dog.
Bart: You're right, dad! [leaves]
Homer: Rats! Almost had him eating dog food!
Homer The Vigilante Episode
Kent Brockman: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
Homer: Aw, you can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forfty percent of all people know that.
Kent Brockman: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing?
Homer: Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes.
Kent Brockman: [pause] Well, touché.