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[excelforward]

Nah, it's not horrible of you at all. Sex fucking matters.

But definitely talk to him about it and work on it if everything else is solid, instead of manufacturing another excuse or looking for something else that's wrong in order to justify breaking it off. Not saying you're doing that at all, just that you might.

It really does. I have no shame admitting I've stayed with people because the sex was good, even if the chemistry wasn't. With ChicagoBoy in the lab so much, it's been myself and my hand much more than I'd like lately, but what can ya do?

 

[okno]

I am now getting sexts for the first time ever. It was really weird at first and I didn't like it, but it's a lot of fun to get a really kinky message at work. People keep asking me what I'm smiling about, and I just tell them it's nothing, hah.

Thanks for the tips, guys. I'm going to talk to him, I wasn't just going to end it right off, especially since I've only known him for about a month. I'm hoping we can get it to work out. He was raised rather conservatively, a very affluent family (think yacht club), so I think he has a hard time getting "too crazy."

 

[Magnus]

Stupidly hot married dude is officially emotionally cheating with me. I need to nip this in the bud now :lol

 

[Alcoori]

What did he do?
You know we (I) want more details

 

[Magnus]

Everything short of physical affection/relations. It's not subtext or anything though; we talk openly about how this is not allowed, and joke about how peeved his hubby would be, even though they've had their swingin and 3ways. Man's made it clear that if there were no rules, he'd come over any night and wreck me. Le sigh :lol My brain says no! I must listen.

You should only see this monster.

 

[ilikeme]

You should only see this monster.

Did you edit out a picture of his cock?

or what

 

[Magnus]

Haha, no, I edited that line in actually. Was referring to his physique. He's such a beast. A&F model meets gym-body powerhouse, killer smile, such a geek, argh. :lol

What is in the air this motherfucking week?! I'm so horny all the time.

Also, I thought gaygaf might enjoy my encounter with the delicious whipped cream on my gingerbread latté.

 

[Alcoori]

Magnus, you're my favorite little slut.

At the same time, I feel really bad for the husband :/

(and I like your T-shirt)

 

[titiklabingapat]

When the sexual chemistry is right, it's normal to feel horny all the time. I've been feeling the same the past two weeks!

I already told him I still masturbate after we have sex just because I am so turned on by him. Grrrr!

 

[Magnus]

Magnus, you're my favorite little slut.

At the same time, I feel really bad for the husband :/

(and I like your T-shirt)

Thanks lol
And I do too!
And yeah, had to buy it the moment I saw it. I'm a sucker for the Dew, and love NYC

 

[Jaxter09]

ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?

 

[TheKingsCrown]

OK I have a really great friend who I used to go to school with. We had a pretty standard friendship until one day when suddenly I started to have feelings towards him. This came out of nowhere and kind of freaked me out to be honest. At first I kind of just played it off but I eventually became overwhelmed and slightly obsessed with him, talking for ages, buying food for him etc. anyway I never dared to say anything about my feelings, and continued on for a couple of years. Last year it got too much for me to handle when he went away for a week and I started to have what I think was mild depression. At this point, I said fuck this and completely ignored him. This lasted for about half a year until I started talking to him again, but completely limited myself to small talk. I had given up on my false relationship and reduced it to a friendship

I was relatively comfortable with this circumstance, and a lot happier too. This was until a party a couple of weekends ago that he also attended. We talked for ages, and I remembered what I loved about him, his views, his music taste, his attitude, his friendliness, his outlook on life. Long story short, it ended up being just me and him, drinking outside under the stars, pondering life. We promised each other to sit out until the sun came up. Just this moment made me so happy. The next day, we ended up having to wait for a long while to get a lift home. During this time, him, another friend and me went and slept underneath a big tree right near the beach. He looked so amazing in a tank top and tight jeans, it was fantastic. Just then, all the old feelings came rushing back, and now the whole thing is fucked up.

Another thing is that I have never been comfortable with my sexuality. I think that I find personality plays a major role on whether I find a person attractive. I like both male and females physically, but looks alone do not do a whole lot for me. I have never had a girlfriend, as everytime I talk to women, I just don't think about anything sexual, so the conversation never moves on, although I have had a few random hookups which I did like.

So anyway back to this friend of mine, I am too scared to say anything in fear of jeopardizing our great friendship, but at the same time it tears me apart not knowing how he feels, so I have been stuck in limbo for the past 2 years. Sorry about the livejournal nature of this post, I just thought it would feel better to get my predicament out in the open and GAF is my only outlet.

tl;dr- ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?

Yes, I have been here and done this.

If you like his views on life legitimately you will already know how he would react in the case that he is interested and in the case that he is not. Both are likely legitimate responses to the same stimuli, if he is as worldly as you make him out to be. You have to decide if its going to change anything. In my case, it didn't, but admitting the interest to the person is def the first step to figuring out this situation, and not admitting anything is the first step towards driving yourself insane.

 

[badcrumble]

Everything short of physical affection/relations. It's not subtext or anything though; we talk openly about how this is not allowed, and joke about how peeved his hubby would be, even though they've had their swingin and 3ways. Man's made it clear that if there were no rules, he'd come over any night and wreck me. Le sigh :lol My brain says no! I must listen.

You should only see this monster.

He needs to go to couples therapy or split up with his husband. The answer to these things is not just a pat 'simply be faithful and everything will be okay.' That said, as for what YOU should do - stay out of it and basically tell him that if he's got a need for you then he's got some major issues he needs to work out in his current relationship. I don't buy the "once a cheater, always a cheater" thing - he may genuinely be unhappy in his relationship and that's totally possible. But he needs to man up and deal with those problems or leave his husband - having you around probably makes him very happy but it's doing a massive disservice both to you and to his husband, neither of whom are getting to have a real healthy relationship with him. He's getting the best of the bargain, and if you make that situation rewarding for him, he'll very happily keep things in this sort of stasis where he stays married but keeps a relationship with you on the side, and that's a disservice to everyone but him.

 

[Replicant]

tl;dr- ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?

This is GAF. This board is full of story like this on both straight and gay sides.

As for me, yes, many times and it hurts every.single.time.

 

[badcrumble]

the worst is thinking that someone really great for you has explicitly expressed interest in you, allowing yourself to fall basically head over heels as a result, and then later figuring out that they meant something entirely different

 

[Alcoori]

He needs to go to couples therapy or split up with his husband. The answer to these things is not just a pat 'simply be faithful and everything will be okay.' That said, as for what YOU should do - stay out of it and basically tell him that if he's got a need for you then he's got some major issues he needs to work out in his current relationship. I don't buy the "once a cheater, always a cheater" thing - he may genuinely be unhappy in his relationship and that's totally possible. But he needs to man up and deal with those problems or leave his husband - having you around probably makes him very happy but it's doing a massive disservice both to you and to his husband, neither of whom are getting to have a real healthy relationship with him. He's getting the best of the bargain, and if you make that situation rewarding for him, he'll very happily keep things in this sort of stasis where he stays married but keeps a relationship with you on the side, and that's a disservice to everyone but him.

Word.

Also Jaxter09, I have been in that situation except that I knew I was gay without a doubt.
It ended up by me doing what you did (not talking for quite a bit) preceded by a huge fight. I never told him I had feelings but I think some of my friends did.
I moved on since then but it took a couple of years.

 

[Deleted member 30609]

tl;dr- ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?

I don't mean to frighten you, but if you're developing a romantic relationship with him and he only sees it as a fraternal relationship, then springing this on him could irreparably ruin what you do have.

If he has had girlfriends and talks about women like you think about men -- and I know this sounds obvious -- chances are he sees you as a brother, despite the vibes you're getting.

It's a bitch, but you need to let him make a move. Enjoy what you have.

 

[ZephyrFate]

Hmm... hope I meet someone interesting Friday night at the local gay bar. We shall see.

 

[Prez]

Need some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 weeks now. We have seen each other only twice in the past two weeks, both of us being pretty busy (I had teacher's practice which took up all of my time). I've seen him yesterday and after saying goodbye he said "see you Monday". It seems like he prefers spending his weekends with other people. He goes home on Saturday, but comes back the same day and then goes out with a (female) friend.

Also, in the past week he only texted me once. I texted him a dozen times but he never bothered to answer until hours later on chat.

In general we don't do a lot of things together. I've gone out with him and his friends two or three times, but other than that the only place we see each other is his dorm room where we watch movies and TV shows (which I'm getting pretty sick of now). Other than that, not a whole lot.

What am I supposed to think of all this? He tells me he loves me and I feel he does. But now he's making me feel like I'm a boring boyfriend or something.

Truth to be tolled I didn't think much of it, but my mother keeps asking me questions, why he doesn't spend his weekend with me, why he doesn't come over, etc. She's making me a bit paranoid about all this.

 

[ZephyrFate]

If a guy is saying he loves you 5 weeks in, the relationship is going way too fast. Wow. If I had a guy drop the ILY card that fast, I'd be scared.

 

[Prez]

If a guy is saying he loves you 5 weeks in, the relationship is going way too fast. Wow. If I had a guy drop the ILY card that fast, I'd be scared.

That's something that seems to be a big deal in American culture, but not here really.

 

[ZephyrFate]

it's not even because it's an American thing, just an emotional development thing. Saying I love you carries a lot of weight no matter where you are.

 

[okno]

I don't know. Sometimes there just is that strong of a connection. I know a verrrry happy couple that told each other they loved each other two weeks after meeting each other and have been together for 10 years. They didn't have sex until nearly two months of dating, though!

Also, sexts are officially weird and not a turn on at all unless I'm on drugs or really drunk. Even then, I generally only get into them if I'm drunk.

 

[Tntnnbltn]

Well that's done and dusted. I am no longer a virgin in any sense of the word.

 

[i_am_ben]

Well that's done and dusted. I am no longer a virgin in any sense of the word.

details.

 

[Tntnnbltn]

details.

Geez, your making me blush.

Met him on webcam, we caught up today. He topped, I came. We napped, which was actually really awesome. Then my penis decided it still had some life in it, so he talked me into trying topping. I topped and we both came.

I don't know why there's this big thing about waiting for the right person and the right moment. It's nice to try something new and feel good about yourself rather than wall yourself up in your room with streaming porn.

 

[ZephyrFate]

it's nice to save yourself, but i think getting it out of the way is just fine, hell, I did at a young age

but now that i'm older I realize all I want is a good old-fashioned relationship

 

[btkadams]

Geez, your making me blush.

Met him on webcam, we caught up today. He topped, I came. We napped, which was actually really awesome. Then my penis decided it still had some life in it, so he talked me into trying topping. I topped and we both came.

I don't know why there's this big thing about waiting for the right person and the right moment. It's nice to try something new and feel good about yourself rather than wall yourself up in your room with streaming porn.

this is exactly what i thought after i lost my virginity. hope you had fun

 

[Tntnnbltn]

Turns out topping uses a certain subset of muscles which are very underused in my daily life, as I discovered when I got up to walk today. Ow.

 

[btkadams]

Turns out topping uses a certain subset of muscles which are very underused in my daily life, as I discovered when I got up to walk today. Ow.

:lol i know your pain. i really need to hit up the gym. but what can we do to work out our sex muscles? is it just by having more sex?

 

[Tntnnbltn]

:lol i know your pain. i really need to hit up the gym. but what can we do to work out our sex muscles? is it just by having more sex?

Wouldn't that be absolutely tragic......

 

[btkadams]

Wouldn't that be absolutely tragic......

truly.

it seems like school for both my boyfriend and i has slowed down our sex lives as assignments and tests get in the way of sexytime. yesterday we had really good sex though and it really made me wonder how we can fit it more into our schedules.

do any other gaygaffers have this issue with school or work? how often and how much of an importance do you place on it?

 

[Alcoori]

Having sex is good yes, and "getting it out of the way" is definitely not a bad thing. IMO some people put too much importance on sex (or not enough in some cases ).

However I'm with Zephyr on that one, I've had my fun and in the end I realize that what I want is a nice relationship with a cool guy.

And sex and general busyness, yes obviously that plays a role. After a while, having sex 3 times a week seems like a good average. What I really don't like is the "routine" aspect of it it can have sometimes. Like you know you'll have sex right before bed at night. I'd rather be surprised and change it up even if that means less sex overall than doing it every night out of "necessity".

 

[ZephyrFate]

I know this news is 3 weeks old, but I love it, and it should happen EVERYWHERE:

http://revelandriot.com/news/spanish-gays-protest-pope-with-queer-kiss-flash-mob

 

[HylianTom]

Today is our 14th year anniversary. Holy crap.. time flies! I still remember what he was wearing, how he and his truck smelled, how his hair was, etc.


We were looking at old photos from 1996/97.. we looked so damn young back then! The aging process has been subtle, but in my mind's eye he's timeless. *flutters*

He has finals today, so our plans for today are borked. Dinner later this week.

 

[btkadams]

Today is our 14th year anniversary. Holy crap.. time flies! I still remember what he was wearing, how he and his truck smelled, how his hair was, etc.


We were looking at old photos from 1996/97.. we looked so damn young back then! The aging process has been subtle, but in my mind's eye he's timeless. *flutters*

He has finals today, so our plans for today are borked. Dinner later this week.

congratulations!

 

[excelforward]

Today is our 14th year anniversary. Holy crap.. time flies! I still remember what he was wearing, how he and his truck smelled, how his hair was, etc.


We were looking at old photos from 1996/97.. we looked so damn young back then! The aging process has been subtle, but in my mind's eye he's timeless. *flutters*

He has finals today, so our plans for today are borked. Dinner later this week.

Holy crap! Congrats!

Chicagoboy and I just hit the one year mark over Thanksgiving weekend. I'm still really happy about it.

Plus I got him to grow a beard. Not a long one, but he looks damn good with a short beard.

 

[Magnus]

I feel like the time I'm spending having fun with this couple should be more appropriately spent looking for my own guy...but they're so much fun right now. What to do. :lol

Congrats HylianTom!

 

[titiklabingapat]

Talking about I Love You's, the guy I mentioned a couple weeks back already said I "heart" you thru text. I dont really know how to react...

Everything is going well, and I feel like falling for him, and it's pretty clear he's falling for me too. We already had the "don't hurt me, im scared" talk, etc and I cannot stand, absolutely cannot stand being away from him and he is the same way. It's almost a month now...

I really don;t know what to say, should i say with I heart you too back, or should i just say the l word? I know that i should know when I know, and I'm ready to say it, but I'm just a little scared I might scare him off by saying the l word way too quickly...

 

[Cosmic Bus]

the guy I mentioned a couple weeks back already said I "heart" you thru text. I dont really know how to react ... should i say with I heart you too back, or should i just say the l word?

Given the context of today's means of communication, I don't think "I <3 u" carries anything even remotely close to the weight that an actual face-to-face (and sincere) "I love you" does -- that's akin to sexual harassment charges for repeatedly being poked on Facebook. Fairly confident that a text heart and some emoticons aren't locking you into anything too dire. But then again, maybe I'm hopelessly out of touch.

 

[titiklabingapat]

Just to be clear, he didn't use the <3 symbol. He specificially used 'heart'. He also did it twice already. Another thing everyone should know is that we have professed almost everything to each other, both thru texts and in person(cant stand not being without you, making each other feeling real good, 'i love the way you make me feel', i really care about you, etc). Basically everything else aside from the actual 'I Love You'.

Btw, I also said "I heart you too" just now when he messaged me with 'I love the way you make me feel'.

I really shouldn't obsess or overthink this. I've done the complete opposite(told my actual feelings and no beating around the bush) and It's been great. I haven't felt this way before

 

[Tntnnbltn]

I thought hickies were just visual. I didn't realise they're actually bruises and hurt afterwards.

My poor, poor neck and chest.

 

[Prez]

A question for those of you who have or have had a relationship: would you like it if you got a cassette with a compilation of music and a walkman from your bf?

 

[Prez]

A question for those of you who have or have had a relationship: would you like it if you got a cassette with a compilation of music and a walkman from your bf?

No one's in a relationship now? I'm wondering if a cassette + walkman would be nicer than a CD. It shows quite a bit more effort than just burning a disc.

 

[mantidor]

I'm afraid people here are too young to know what a cassette is.

 

[Magnus]

People still...burn mix CDs for each other?

:lol

Sorry for sounding like an asshole...I just don't even know anyone who carries around a discman anymore.

There'd be something nostalgically charming about getting both the walkman and a cassette together as a gift though, especially if you both grew up with cassettes.

 

[Prez]

I'm afraid people here are too young to know what a cassette is.

I'm 21 and I remember. I don't think most people here are 12.

 

[xelios]

Congrats HylianTom, 14 years is amazing. Today my boyfriend and I have been together 8 years. Met him while playing PSO of all places.

Still playing games together regularly, just in the same room these days.

 

[Magnus]

Man, I'm officially tired of being the third or fifth wheel, as of tonight. I mean, last night, I think I was the ninth wheel. Turned out to be such a couples' night out at the bars with all the people and friends that showed up. Still had a lot of fun, but god it was depressing to know I was the only one in the lot going home alone.

Le sigh. Another set of holidays coming up to be alone. Hopefully it'll be the last.

 

[btkadams]

A question for those of you who have or have had a relationship: would you like it if you got a cassette with a compilation of music and a walkman from your bf?

i'd definitely think it was more unique than making a mix cd but i'm an audiophile so the reduction in quality and the fact i wouldn't have an easy way of listening to it in my car or computer would deter me from wanting it as much as a mix cd.

I'm afraid people here are too young to know what a cassette is.

seriously? this statement is bs lol.

People still...burn mix CDs for each other?

yup! my boyfriends made me one and i've made him one. he gets them as gifts from friends throughout the year actually. mix cds are cool gifts!