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[pablito]

My gf's aunt is married to a guy and they both live in separate houses. I'm not sure exactly what their issues are as far as living with another person goes, but they've been together for a long time.

 

[ApharmdX]

I left a big note today explaining how I felt and inviting her to come talk with me about it when I get home from work today since I only have a half day. Wish me luck or don't. I don't deserve luck, I know.

I gotta say, this is some disgraceful shit. You left a note. A note to the mother of your child that you want to separate. Who the fuck leaves a note like that?

A note is for saying "can you pick up some apples at the store" or "hey can you sign this paper from our kid's teacher".

You gotta man up. This is the kind of conversation you initiate face-to-face.

 

[Kevtones]

Sorry man but it sounds over.

 

[Chococat]

No no no. I just want to have a girlfriend, but live on my own. Watch the kid 3 or 4 days out of the week.

Stop being so selfish. Why would anyone want to stay on as your part time girlfriend? The fact you are even thinking like this show you don't give a damn about her feeling or life. She'd be better of if you maned up and left now.


Either break it off or go to counseling to make the relationship work. You can separate and still have child visitation.

 

[TheLetdown]

I gotta say, this is some disgraceful shit. You left a note. A note to the mother of your child that you want to separate. Who the fuck leaves a note like that?

A note is for saying "can you pick up some apples at the store" or "hey can you sign this paper from our kid's teacher".

You gotta man up. This is the kind of conversation you initiate face-to-face.

I usually dislike advice that boils down to "man up."

But, in this case, this quote is dead fucking on.

 

[Jezbollah]

I gotta say, this is some disgraceful shit. You left a note. A note to the mother of your child that you want to separate. Who the fuck leaves a note like that?

A note is for saying "can you pick up some apples at the store" or "hey can you sign this paper from our kid's teacher".

You gotta man up. This is the kind of conversation you initiate face-to-face.

Yep.

A note.. really OP. Damn.

 

[HiResDes]

Whatever I'm having the discussion that's all that matters thought y'all would like an update but at this point fuck off

 

[The Lamonster]

Whatever I'm having the discussion that's all that matters thought y'all would like an update but at this point fuck off

You posted some personal shit on NeoGAF where there are going to be a significant number of kneejerk reactions based mostly on assumptions. Should be expected. Dudes calling you "disgraceful" is silly. We don't know all the details. Gotta initiate a talk somehow, and if writing it out is the way you feel most comfortable doing so, why would I knock it. One of the benefits of leaving a note is being able to get all your thoughts out versus having a two-way conversation where you could forget shit, or it could get sidetracked etc.

Anyway good luck with your talk. Hopefully she won't flip out after reading the note and will be receptive to your feelings after having that bomb dropped on her.

 

[triplestation]

 

[opoth]

I've spent the last 30 years of my life as a child of divorce, always feeling like extra baggage at every family function. I married a child of divorce, now we spend our holidays and birthdays running from one place to another, trying to make everyone happy and nobody happy all at once. I made my overall peace with it, but there isn't a day that goes by that hasn't been impacted by it.

I know we live in the age of instant gratification, but it isn't all about you. Please think of your kid.

 

[Jezbollah]

I would actually consider lawyering up, OP.

 

[Hoo-doo]

Good thing that you're going to talk about it OP.

I mean, GAF can be harsh as fuck but this is a shit situation for all involved. Good luck.

 

[MrBigBoy]

I would either break up with her, or take responsibility for the disabled kid and stay with your gf and give the kid a life he/she deserves.

 

[FLAguy954]

I'm going to to talk to her Saturday when we're both off, just lay out all of my concerns first, you guys have basically just confirmed what I thought was a stupid and unrealistic idea.



You're making a lot of bold assumptions about things which are completely off base. Financially I'm supporting the kid quite a bit more, probably around 70/30 in terms of how it's split.

The only thing that was 'stupid and unrealistic' was your expectation of 'dialing back' the relationship.

It is okay to want to live separately, but you will be essentially breaking up with her since most people don't take relationship 'downgrades' too well.

Also, what the fuck at some of the responses in this thread? How the fuck does living in a different home than your child's mother make you a shitty dad? Hint: it doesn't.

 

[Griss]

As to the note thing: When two people struggle to communicate laying things down on paper can often be the only way to truly get through.

Otherwise, one person can either become mad and stop you from making the points you want to make, or you can lose your nerve, or the other person can deflect with kindness and procrastination, knowing they don't want to hear what you have to say...

If Des had said 'I left a letter' I think people would have been cooler with it but laying the issues out on paper is a good step.

I wish you luck; look after your kid.