Support NeoGAF

[bengraven]

...or has it just given the whole world access to our family's dirty laundry? I swear I've never had so much family drama in my life, in ALL of my families (dad's side, mom's side, stepfather's side, mother-in-law's side, father-in-law's side, sister's ex-boyfriend's side...) and social media seems to be either the case or the fuel for the fire.

I don't think it's just my family, but I'm curious if anyone else is having this issue.

I'm going to list some personal examples, please don't think I'm doing this for LiveJournal-age because everything I mention that personally happened are resolved and I don't need advice:

- The Jealous Not-Mentions: My grandmother is very sick and in the hospital. My sister took her kids and went up to see her. During this visit, she took a picture of her son with my grandfather, the kid's great-grandfather. She posts it on facebook: "loves his grandpa!". Now her ex-boyfriend/baby daddy's father is causing drama, calling people names, etc, due to her not acknowledging the letter "S" that should have come after "grandpa". Because she should pay tribute to them all, even though this is a harmless, casual picture of just one. CHILDISH.

On that same story, 8 years ago my son was born. My father surprised me by flying down 2000 miles to see us while we were still in the hospital. It was the best day of my life and I was so grateful to have members of my own family there for the moment. I posted on my Myspace how happy I was that dad could come down. I mean, dude spent 2300 on a last minute plane ticket to florida over spring fucking break just to see his first grandson. So my mother-in-law's best friend from childhood saw my gratitutude and informed my MIL who suddenly decided she wanted to cut off all ties to me. "You are an ungrateful piece of shit," she said, her voice breaking and warbling, "I fucking hate you you fucking user". She said "what about all the things WE'VE done for you over the last few months?" I...I appreciate that and I tell you all the time. "But when you want the world to know who's the best, you bring up your fucking father who lives 2000 miles away and barely gives a shit to come see you except if you're having a kid". That's a true fucking story. She later told me she was jealous because she felt that I loved him more than her (um, he's my dad) and that THE LITERAL WHOLE WORLD COULD READ MY MYSPACE. She didn't understand the internet and thought that the second I posted something, it was like I was appearing as a guest on her favorite show, Regis and Kelly. She thought there were instantly millions of people around the world who had their cell phones pinged with what I posted and that I was going to be famous and she wasn't going to get anything out of it.

- The Political Disappointments - "All these years, I didn't realize you were Democrat. I've loved and cared about you and didn't realize you were going behind my back and supporting terrorists and my guns being taken away." This happened to a friend of mine. Family, friends, who lose contact or break apart because social media reveals their political beliefs. This friend was literally blacklisted from his uncle, aunt, and little cousins. I had a bit of that - my uncle no longer associates with me because of the Sandy Hook shootings as well as his thought that all Muslims are terrorists - he constantly posts "proof" that they are. I still talk to him all the time, though he gives me very short responses, because I'm a fucking adult and I don't care what he believes in, I love the stupid son of a bitch. I also personally am TO FAULT for this, because I sometimes have met people, really liked them, then found out they were against my beliefs and kind of lost some of that interest in them I used to have.

- The Dead Beefs Rise From R'lyeh - remember that time you did something, but the person you did it to forgave you and everyone moved on? Thanks social media, for reminding them of that thing at 1am in the morning because of something you posted, so they'll reference it again, even after promising to never talk about it again. I've seen quite a few of these on r/cringepics which should be renamed r/cringyfacebookposts since that's what the thing has become.

- Why Didn't You Add Me - made famous by the Facebook episode of South Park. By now most people understand you don't want to send them a wrench in Carville or whatever shit is new. No one is heartbroken, at least in my groups. I have had people upset because I haven't added them to Twitter. Twitter was my last social group that was free of family and friends. I could post there anything I wanted without worrying I was going to upset someone's religion, sex, political group, race - well at least those someone's I cared about. So the most uber-conservative person literally cornered me at Thanksgiving one year, acting very passive-aggressive about how upset she was I wouldn't add her to Twitter. The Twitter where I talk back to Richard Dawkins and give virtual high fives to atheist tweets by Ricky Gervais. I tried to explain that I wanted ONE place to have some personal private space (LOL - that's ironic). Didn't fly. I added her anyway. She has never brought up my posts, but for some reason we don't talk as much...

I would love to cut out social media, but like I said, I live 2000 miles away and my only blood family is my kid, so I keep it around. I also use it to keep up on movie news, talk with people on specific groups like writing organizations, and other things. But I swear, if I lived back home, I'd get rid of it.

Connecting our worlds has been more trouble than it's worth and I think it's only going to get worse.

(again, not looking for advice, everything I posted was just for examples to see if you guys could post your own examples. I'm trying to create discussion, not venting any issues)

 

[Acorn]

Just made drama more accessible.

 

[Stereogatari]

Just made drama more accessible.

I think a better way to explain it is that it's made the avenues for potential drama more ubiquitous.

 

[Ekdrm2d1]

Yes.

 

[John Kowalski]

Created? I don't know. It's not like people were too busy to gossip and complain about who was getting dick and who wasn't. I think it's more about people thinking that having a platform to express themselves means that their opinion is worth expressing, which it often isn't.

You know who you are. Quiet you.

 

[PorygonVandal]

Yes it does

We can connect with people that sometimes we couldn't have under other circumstances or whatever, express opinions for everybody to see, opinions that maybe would have never been revealed during normal chats, bla, bla, bla.

I found out via Facebook that my ex-wife was cheating and believe me, I would have never found that out if it wasn't for social networks.....

Yey for Social Network drama

 

[CrimzonSamurai]

I honestly wish "social media" had never been invented. The world was a better place when people weren't constantly letting you know how stupid and despicable they are.

Also, infographics. Fuck infographics.

 

[Zen_Arcade]

Probably. It's a new avenue in which people can be shitty to each other. 15 years ago that picture wouldn't be up there to see in the first place, so the only reason that drama exists is because of social media.

 

[omlet]

Not my life. I don't use social media. ( ´Д`)y━･~~

Spoiler

Unless GAF and IRC count.

 

[Swamped]

You know, you can just hide updates or even unfollow people who annoy you without having to unfriend them (on Facebook anyway). That way you don't have to stress out our get jealous every time someone posts something you can't deal with. This is how i avoid drama on social networks.

 

[Acorn]

I think a better way to explain it is that it's made the avenues for potential drama more ubiquitous.

I agree that is a better way to explain it.

I jumped off the social media train after MySpace pretty much. Was just causing problems for me plus I couldn't resist getting involved in dumb shit.

I have a twitter that zero people irl know I have that's about it.

 

[Cosmo Clock 21]

Not my life. I don't use social media. ( ´Д`)y━･~~

Spoiler

Unless GAF and IRC count.

those definitely count

 

[Salsa]

abso fucking lutely

 

[deejay8595]

I honestly wish "social media" had never been invented. The world was a better place when people weren't constantly letting you know how stupid and despicable they are.

Also, infographics. Fuck infographics.

I think it's more of the fact that it's mainstream now. Think about it, 10-15 years ago one would be considered weird or crazy if they were to have a social media account such as Myspace,Hi-5, blackplanet, etc... Now it's the norm and those same people who deemed it "Weird" 10-15 years ago are the ones that now use it everyday.

I've been into social media when it wasn't "Cool", and I find it funny how friends now tell me " Hey, why aren't you more active on social media??". I'm just not one who posts my life story and day to day tasks for the world to see.

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

Yes it has. For example, my uncle once said that me posting song lyrics and quotes that I like was the type of thing people who shoot up movie theaters do.

My reaction:

 

[Go_Ly_Dow]

Yes.

Really dislike the cryptic posts that lead you guessing how someone is doing. Causes me unncesseary worry with my family.

Trying to gradually phase it out but its difficult until University is completely finished. Everything here goes through Facebook in terms of social interaction.

Tend to go through my news feed less to avoid coming across anything which may change my mood and usually use just the messenger features and groups.

 

[Valhelm]

Thankfully, I've never been tangled up in social media drama.

It's interesting how middle aged people seem to be the least responsible and most provocative posters on those sites.

 

[Acorn]

those definitely count

I personally don't "count" anything that has zero impact on real life. Even if by definition this is social media.

 

[Disgraced]

Of course it has. Way I see it, more socializing can cumulatively only eventually lead to more drama. It's the nature of interaction. Conflict always arises. Personally, it's why I don't really partake in it, aside from GAF if it counts.

 

[terrisus]

Not in mine.

Standard message boards like this - which I've been using since 1996 - and emails are the only sorts of "social media" that I use.

 

[joedan]

Yes. That's why I deactivated my accounts.

 

[Air]

Not for me, though I don't post very many personal things. Even if I did, I would probably cut the crap out as quickly as possible or let others know what I find appropriate on my space (Facebook walls for ex.). For me, it's about handling any potential issues before they appear.

I wouldn't say it's more overall, but people are given more chances to set up and become victim to dramatic situations now that the Internet is ever present.

 

[JMDSO]

I think it has, yes.

My wife got rather upset with a friend because the friend cancelled on plans and then was posting on Facebook while doing something with someone else.

 

[Robdraggoo]

I understand its not an option for you to get off of it. This was one of the reasons I got rid of a cell phone for 5 years and only got one back in the last 2 years becuase my job demanded it.
But I tend to stay away from social media spaces. went on to facebook once, and only once in an attempt to locate an old freind from High school. luck would have it he did the same thing. once we got in touch with each other and traded numbers I got off of facebook never to return. My family, mother, sisters, grandperents ect or all on social media and are still constantly asking me if I saw some peciture they posted. no i didnt, if you want me to see it send i to my email. I dont undertstand the addiction to it, but then again, im not on it so I havnt experiences it yet. Id rather spend my leiserly time on gaf then look at my moms corgi photos or here my grandfathers ultra-conservative rants.

 

[esms]

The opposite, actually. It's provided me with an infinite source of entertainment via other people's drama.

 

[Mr.Swag]

Damn I thought my family was special for caring so much about facebook

Sucks doesn't it


Idk why people have to publicize everything, my profile has like bare minimums, yet if you go on my moms she has at least 100 photo albums.

 

[Fury451]

More often, yes. The banal issues of everyday life have become major crises, and people seem to lack basic problem solving skills as a result.

And there's a misplaced sense of grandiosity and self-importance. Plus over sharing is really not healthy, and there seems to be a rise in insecurities because of jealousy fostered by comparing oneself to the "best image" of another, nevermind that often that best image is very carefully selected and portrayed to begin with.

There's many other reasons why yes, it does, but frankly they will be covered by other posters I'm sure.

As a result, I don't really use it myself.

 

[DoktorEvil]

I honestly wish "social media" had never been invented. The world was a better place when people weren't constantly letting you know how stupid and despicable they are.

Also, infographics. Fuck infographics.

I really wish that Facebook stayed Facebook.

You know, the social network that was exclusively for college aged young people?

 

[Cybrwzrd]

Yes. It creates butthurt and drama over petty bs because by being hutthurt and dramtic over petty bs you get attention. The whole point of social media is Darwinian attention whoring - survival of the whoriest. The louder you bitch and moan, humble brag, or otherwise sell your soul for likes, the more popular and important you feel in an age where celebrity is more important than wisdom and ability.

/old man shaking fist at cloud

 

[entremet]

Man, OP, sorry about your experiences, but I really enjoyed social media when I was on it regularly.

I just do Twitter and Instagram these days. It's hard to keep up with so many channels.

Instagram is probably my favorite since it's just pics and videos, without none of the other stuff unnecessary stuff.

 

[Crud]

Not for me. I'm virtually off Facebook and my Twitter feed is just music and musicians so no. I have avoided social media drama.

 

[joelseph]

It may vary person to person, family to family. No drama here.

 

[Symphonia]

Stopped using Facebook over a year ago, and I haven't looked back since. There was always drama going on on my feed, whether it be between friends or complete randoms from groups I was in. I never had family on there, bar my daughter's mother, as it just caused too much hassle when they saw something on my Timeline they didn't like. Photos of me on a night out? Controversial posts? Photos of me on a coke binge? It all caused unwanted and unnecessary drama.

Glad it's all gone.

 

[TheSaddestSort]

It's made it easier for people to spout off whatever it is they want to say and leave their comments in place the family and friends can see them in perpetuity.

 

[Stereogatari]

I agree that is a better way to explain it.

I jumped off the social media train after MySpace pretty much. Was just causing problems for me plus I couldn't resist getting involved in dumb shit.

I have a twitter that zero people irl know I have that's about it.

Indeed. I also use Twitter in the same way.

Haven't had a Facebook account for 3 years now.

I went through 2 breakups that included being blocked from Facebook. The first girl broke up with me over IM and I was fine with it, then a day or two later I find out on FB she's talking with her old BF again. So I got angry to her and she blocked me. Ended up deleting my account but then got the urge to create a new one.

Then the next girl I went out with also broke up via Facebook blocking. She was worse since she didn't actually break up with me, but claimed her family was controlling her FB account and all this bullshit about how they didn't want us to be together, she even went as far as to create a fake new FB account and getting into contact with me through that, talk about a sociopath, yet a few weeks later I see on Facebook she's with some other guy haha.

So yes, due to these frustrating incidents I cut that toxic service out of my life, but also all the privacy controversy around FB and advertising etc. helped the decision. I now only talk to people through phone, text or WhatsApp (which is hypocritical considering FB own it now).

 

[PeskyToaster]

I have this policy: Don't Friend Family.

 

[CitizenCope]

Yes it has. Had to drop Facebook to keep sane. Wife is still on there 3 hours a day though so Yippie!!

 

[bengraven]

Yes.

Really dislike the cryptic posts that lead you guessing how someone is doing. Causes me unncesseary worry with my family.

I have a best friend from childhood who fucking knows fucking better, but STILL does this. He was one of the smartest people I ever met and together we influenced each other in every day life. I sometimes say that since we grew up together since age 4/5 that we basically grew into the same person who just look differently.

But via Myspace and Facebook I've learned that's not the truth. He is the literal epitome of all those bad Facebook stereotypes and THIS that you mentioned is the #1 thing.

"Done with this". 15 likes. 2 comment: "with what?" him: "nothing, personal".

I think it has, yes.

My wife got rather upset with a friend because the friend cancelled on plans and then was posting on Facebook while doing something with someone else.

I'm kind of guilty of that. I can barely get my mother on the phone, sometimes talk to her every two months, but she reposts and updates her pages all day long, throughout the day. Kind of pisses me off.

It's interesting how middle aged people seem to be the least responsible and most provocative posters on those sites.

At lot of older family members or friends of the family would wait until the kids go to bed or you'd hear them ranting at a place typically "male-centric" like a car garage about the shitty government or stealing their jobs. (not so much my stepfather, he shared that with me since I was a child because he was terrified that I wasn't going to be brainwashed into believeing Mexicans don't pay taxes and steal jobs and that black men are in jail and black women are on welfare...sorry to disappoint him).

When I was a kid, back in the fax days, people in my hometown used to share those mass printed dirty jokes with each other. The classic pic of the old woman at the beach with her long, floppy breasts over her shoulders or the "You Don't Know Schitt" Schitt family tree (Bull Schitt, Giva Schitt, etc).

I think social media basically made those things global and in JPG form. Suddenly you didn't care who was watching because you felt less responsible for your words.

 

[ClosingADoor]

(Almost) no family on Facebook. Problem solved.

Or just hide their updates if you don't want to read their drama.

 

[Ekdrm2d1]

Not in mine.

Standard message boards like this - which I've been using since 1996 - and emails are the only sorts of "social media" that I use.

Forums have drama silly.

 

[bengraven]

It's kind of sad that I only see my cousin's and friends' children grow up via Facebook since I haven't lived back home since 2007 (whenever I get home I always miss most of my family). Or worse my niece or nephews. Then someone posts an old school pic of the family or our hometown. Or snow. I think about how sad it is that my kid can't be up there mingling with them. He has seen my mom 4 times in his life, but still barely recognizes her except as a picture on social media.

I think Facebook has actually made me more homesick than I was before it.

I really wish that Facebook stayed Facebook.

You know, the social network that was exclusively for college aged young people?

I started when it was extended to professionals and it was kind of bland for a while but I found it fun - playing very simplistic games (Vampire/Mafia Wars, "Racing") with coworkers and our company's vendors. Then my bosses joined. Was glad my friends could join. Then my sisters appeared. Around that time suddenly Farmville showed up. And then after a while I got friend requested by my mom. Then grandma and aunt. And that was when I realized this was going to be a blessing and curse all in one.

(Almost) no family on Facebook. Problem solved.

Or just hide their updates if you don't want to read their drama.

Mixed blessing in my case. Like I've said, far away and use Facebook, Instagram, G+, etc to keep up with family and friends from back home. Sometimes I fucking hate their views, but I still love them. So it's like "do I put my racist uncle on ignore with his pictures of the Middle East as a crater and by doing so I can't see pics of my youngest cousins or my grandparents?". My family does a lot together, so if I block one person that person may be the one who posts the pictures of Christmas or Thanksgiving or a birthday party or trip with the others. The uncle I mentioned in my OP who basically doesn't even care I exist anymore was the only one to take pictures of a recent Texas trip my other uncles and grandfather took for example. Since my family are hunters and I'm a liberal, I wonder how many times they posted pics that they blocked me from because it's assumed I want to ban hunting due to my views on gun control, when nothing could be further from the truth.

 

[andymcc]

i've blocked almost every member of my family on facebook because of dumbass political drama bullshit.

racist, sexist, poor-blaming (while most of them being poor themselves), homophobes. in a way, i'm glad facebook has made it easy for me to sort out the toxic people in my life!

 

[DoktorEvil]

My family also manages not to air our dirty laundry out on social networks.

Any beefs, we squash that shit in house. It's all on a need to know basis and it never bleeds into online spaces.

I learned to appreciate a family that doesn't air grievances out in public.

 

[cutmeamango]

I'd say it went like this in less than a decade, influencing a generation:

First phase: Rush to socialization

Socializing/circle of friends has always been not only a natural organization for means but a (self) measure of general success.
Means to communicate and exhibit your friendliness developed fast and became accepted as a replacement for the analog counterpart, to the point if you weren't a virtual friend you most likely were not an analog one either.

Second phase: The inflation

It was not about who, but how many. Everyone was a potential friend.

Third phase: The ills of too much

Having loads of "friends" means loads of information consumed and broadcasted codified with the rules of a social group. Your business became the business of people you would likely wish it wasn't their business.

Fourth phase: A new platform

For those who did not drop their numbers, circled their pages and defined restrictions, a new, better platform appeared.
Twitter/Instagram offers all the possibilities of direct broadcasting without the "social" ties, you 'follow' who you want you, and people will follow you if they want. Information is not shared, but directed. And you still can measure success.

---

So yes, all that served to generate more drama.
It personalized wide communication means, with little control to who should be the receivers. And allied with that, it fostered a staging effect, where if you talk enough, some will listen, and that's very powerful psychologically.
Add instantaneous and remote support, and you have the best place to start any conflict without having to confront with others physically.
I notice that there's a slow downwards trend in how people are either adapting to not care about facebook and similars and moving back to instant messaging, while others are content at being broadcasters.

 

[JDSN]

No, through centuries a cunt has always found the means to make its cuntness known to the world, the delivery changes but the message remains the same.

 

[andymcc]

My family also manages not to air our dirty laundry out on social networks.

Any beefs, we squash that shit in house. It's all on a need to know basis and it never bleeds into online spaces.

I learned to appreciate a family that doesn't air grievances out in public.

wish this was the same for mine.

my dad is super progressive and his brother isn't. my dad posted some political stuff on facebook the other day and my uncle decided to bring to light the fact that i received EBT while in college (several years ago and i'm not sure how he knew) on a public facebook wall.

i hate my family lol

 

[bengraven]

The irony of my family bitching about welfare families is that my mother and one of my uncles was on welfare for many years to try and support their families. My mother was also going to college and working a full time job, so maybe that counts. The irony about bitching about medicare is that if it wasn't for medicare I wouldn't have been able to get my son proper medical treatment and his heart condition could have been fatal. The irony about bitching about government subsidies is that my favorite uncle and aunt had to use them to keep their farms going for over 20 years. The government helped them a LOT - don't get me wrong they both worked full times jobs in addition to full time farming to keep that going and it was backbreaking 100+ hour weeks so I'm not discounting them out of hand, but even then they needed help at times, especially during bad harvests or bad weather.

I don't think some people think about their own families or their own uses of the government when they rant. I've called my own mom out on those things and she just embarrassedly whispered, "I was just reposting what your aunt posted".

My family also manages not to air our dirty laundry out on social networks.

Any beefs, we squash that shit in house. It's all on a need to know basis and it never bleeds into online spaces.

I learned to appreciate a family that doesn't air grievances out in public.

All families are different. I think it's simpler for some people to just post something that is upsetting them and they don't think about what they did. Most people are pretty simple. I know quite a few like that and in fact I myself can be pretty simple for the most part.

Your family sounds like some that actually think before they post or just don't have time for drama and I truly wish more people were like that.

 

[DoktorEvil]

The irony of my family bitching about welfare families is that my mother and one of my uncles was on welfare for many years to try and support their families. My mother was also going to college and working a full time job, so maybe that counts. The irony about bitching about medicare is that if it wasn't for medicare I wouldn't have been able to get my son proper medical treatment and his heart condition could have been fatal. The irony about bitching about government subsidies is that my favorite uncle and aunt had to use them to keep their farms going for over 20 years. The government helped them a LOT.

I don't think some people think about their own families or their own uses of the government when they rant. I've called my own mom out on those things and she just embarrassedly whispered, "I was just reposting what your aunt posted".

All families are different. I think it's simpler for some people to just post something that is upsetting them and they don't think about what they did. Most people are pretty simple. I know quite a few like that and in fact I myself can be pretty simple for the most part.

Your family sounds like some that actually think before they post or just don't have time for drama and I truly wish more people were like that.

I guess.

We're just all fairly boring, straightforward people who like a semblance of privacy.

Drama is for those who have the time and money for it.

 

[terrisus]

Forums have drama silly.

I definitely have much less drama here/on other forums than I do in my outside/non-forum life, and these forums don't add to the drama of my outside/non-forum life.

 

[cajunator]

I use twitter a whoooooooole lot but I barely use facebook. Facebook is where everyone I know on a personal or familial basis is and I am very careful to make my presence there as light as possible for exactly this reason. Twitter is different because I can tweet random stuff and it can get lost in the fray. Facebook basically takes what you post and puts up a neon sign drawing attention to it. I deal with enough bullshit family drama irl so when they try to bring up facebook drama I am completely disinterested.