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How many sexual partners for girls is too many?
- Thread starter TheContact
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Jesus Christ, if he breaks up with her cause of how much she's had sex that would be so ridiculous. If anything that will mean she's really good at sex.
It doesn't matter either way, girls and boys like sex. Some have more sex than others, it happens. And I'm a jealous guy, but you have to accept it.
It doesn't matter either way, girls and boys like sex. Some have more sex than others, it happens. And I'm a jealous guy, but you have to accept it.
CornBurrito
Member
Oh why didn't you say so sooner! It is cool guys, he judges everyone negatively for having sex which makes it ok somehow.
All of this is getting in to a very vague, nebulous zone where we define what "a lot" is. It isn't very easily defined even by the number of partners, because some people may spend years pursuing sex with 50 partners while another person might have 50 partners in a single night.
It isn't easily quantified, but it sounds like we generally agree on the concept -- we just might differ on the degree, rather than the kind.
Well that's the typical adult, but I'll take your point. I'm not sure someone in college will have more partners or less than someone not in college. I suppose my experience is from my friends who talk about sex all the time, most people who don't have sex really don't talk about the lack of sex they're having.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
They do, but if you're considering a relationship or in a relationship with them, you would have already established if this is true. So then why does the number matter?
This is me as well. (Granted I'm married now and it's all irrelevant to me)
I prefer relationships that take a bit of time to get going, I doubt they had that many relationships over the course of those encounters, more like random guys.
The number doesn't really worry me, it's more the circumstances.
Which how much easier it is to use dating services these days and meet people outside of your immediate area, I'm not sure why people who have a vagina should be scared to use it to get themselves off. Not every woman needs or wants an emotional attachment to get their rocks off.
Date dinner and fuck isn't morally wrong. Shit there's sites out there solely for the purpose of one-off hookups.
terribletwo
Member
the only point I was making is that I thought it was hilarious that the OP considered 30 average :V
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I'll totally wife his girl if he won't. She seems capable of actually having relationships despite the judgments that she can't based on dumb numbers, and having that many partners means she must be reasonably attractive and personable. Let's do this.
(Why don't you guys judge women for their numbers like this instead? Why does it go to the negatives? Nevermind, I know why.)
(Why don't you guys judge women for their numbers like this instead? Why does it go to the negatives? Nevermind, I know why.)
You can decide if a date is the right person for you based on their hair color or taste in music. Sex life shouldn't be off limits.
we should do a survey on GAF, "How many sexual partners have you had?" and "How many sexual partners is too much for you to consider them dateable?"
it'd be a great time
Kano on the Phone
Member
I think we're just talking about two very different things. How many is too many vs. how much of a focus on something is healthy. I absolutely agree that you can focus on anything to an extent that's detrimental, but men saying "women shouldn't sleep with this many people" and the people saying "no one should sleep with this number of people" aren't arguing from a position of "I feel like this is an unhealthy level of focus," it's sex negativity and slut shaming, and I think that's the problem.
The disease argument just doesn't hold because if someone has already slept with X, they either do or don't have an STD already and X isn't relevant.
Nemesis121
Member
30+ No thanks, for me it's not about the amount, it's how faithful is this woman?
TacticalFox88
Banned
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
How is that a barometer for that at all?
Of course. But it isn't like I think less of people who have a different hair color or a "bad" taste in music.
You need to add whether or not the guy was circumcised, and whether or not tipping was involved on the first date.
Count Dookkake
Member
Whoa. It seems I struck a nerve, I apologize.
Something like this is going to vary from person to person so expecting a definitive number as the answer is silly.
Some people prefer their partner to have never slept with anyone before. They may prefer to have them have 5, 10, 15, or 100+ partners for whatever reason. Some may prefer for their partner to be more or less experienced. Others may feel that there is a pressure to perform or compete with the sex their partner may have had before, others may be worried about how much experience their partner may have had in a relationship, some may prefer that their partner has a similar amount of experience that they have had, and others may just be uncomfortable with the amount of partners someone has had.
The thing here is that whatever the reason for their preference, that's their individual preference as a human being and that's okay. All that matters is how many OP's friend is comfortable with his partner having, and how many OP's friend's partner is okay with OP's friend having.
With that said, if he's so terribly uncomfortable about it that it's putting a strain on the relationship, that should be dealt with somehow.
Some people prefer their partner to have never slept with anyone before. They may prefer to have them have 5, 10, 15, or 100+ partners for whatever reason. Some may prefer for their partner to be more or less experienced. Others may feel that there is a pressure to perform or compete with the sex their partner may have had before, others may be worried about how much experience their partner may have had in a relationship, some may prefer that their partner has a similar amount of experience that they have had, and others may just be uncomfortable with the amount of partners someone has had.
The thing here is that whatever the reason for their preference, that's their individual preference as a human being and that's okay. All that matters is how many OP's friend is comfortable with his partner having, and how many OP's friend's partner is okay with OP's friend having.
With that said, if he's so terribly uncomfortable about it that it's putting a strain on the relationship, that should be dealt with somehow.
readLeader
Banned
Do you consider that a valid standard to judge morality from?
Could you rephrase that? I don't really understand what you meant to say.
No one in here said sex is negative, the only things called negative were lack of commitment, responsibility, worries about fidelity and healthiness.
Gintoki313
Banned
This thread reminds me of a scene from American Dad where Francine had a garden for how many partners she had. Each bush was for each partner she had before she met Stan, that was a great episode btw.
I know it's a little off topic but it was just dejavu because I just saw this episode and this thread showed up.
I know it's a little off topic but it was just dejavu because I just saw this episode and this thread showed up.
Kano on the Phone
Member
People that have slept with as many people as that guy thinks is acceptable never cheat on their significant others, it's statistical fact.
Devolution
Member
Because a woman with a lot of sex partners will know how much of a shit lay they are and probably chuckle at them.
I don't think that's how it will truly go but it seems to be the running theme here without it ever being expressly said.
Just curious, in what way does have a lot of partners mean 'I can't maintain a relationship'. Are you assuming that everyone they slept with was a failed attempt at a relationship? I know I sure didn't sleep with some of the people I've slept with in the hopes of dating them. They're just good in bed.
The Librarian
Banned
What are you talking about? Do you have any sources to back up what you're saying? Because I've linked one twice now. You can refuse to believe that it's unusual for women to not have had sex with thirty different people by time they get out of college, but the truth is the opposite – at least from what I've read. Yes, a woman who has had sex with thirty different people by age 24 is an extreme outlier.
I think shitting on guys for seeing this as an issue doesn't really help anything. Sure they're probably insecure and that's why they get all judgey and weird about it, but I think the better question is where do those insecurities come from and how to help that part of it. Don't understand saying things like "haha guy's probably just worried that he won't impress 'cause he's bad in bed". I feel like that is the opposite of helping.
Devolution
Member
What don't you understand about a judgmental parent being sex negative and passing that guilt onto their children?
So what?
1. It means they could have a swarm of STD's.
- Of course any woman with that many partners never checks herself, and her partner doesn't discuss such things with her in their 2month relationship. The conversation about being clean never happens.
2. It means shes going to cheat on him.
- Again, with that many partners, how could she not? Its clearly an instinct at this point. Like number 1, the relationship never gets to the point of discussing exclusive genital rights.
3. It means men have the weight of that many partners on their mind. There is no way to satisfy someone who has had 30 partners.
- Shes been sexed by so many people, there is no possible way men can compete with that, as it is a competition.
4. It means that you value having sex with small numbers of people. Above are the tangible problems. Its your prefrence.
- You believe that someone who doesn't share your numerical values will be a bad partner based on that, and that alone.
Something like that.... is what I'm gathering from the reactions here.
Having over thirty done seems like the kind of thing that would be taxing on both your time and your wallet.
You could interpret it as 's/he prefers casual sex over relationships'.
I completely agree with that. I am explicitly saying that I don't object for those traditional moral/slut shaming reasons and definitely agree that the traditional moral arguments are irrational and invalid.
Only if you can take the time to establish with each and every potential partner whether they have an STD or not. Given that we don't have long lives and must be time efficient, it's often not worth the time to discover whether any particular man or woman has STDs or unwanted children or anything of that nature. Those things can take time (and in the case of STD checks, money) to discover, and there are plenty of other people out there to meet. It can frequently be more efficient to simply move on and meet other people.
And the morality issue is....?
If two people want to fuck with no strings attached, how does that affect you?
If you want boring sex, more power to you.
And that could absolutely be true, and be fine, but "I prefer casual sex to relationships" is pretty damn different from "I cannot maintain a relationship". Either could be true with the other being false.
readLeader
Banned
I just realized I misread that post, I understand it now. I don't see how ethical objections to noncommittal casual sex are per se repressive. No one suggested sex per se should be considered a matter of ethical objection.
I've had few and I would want a girl with few. I have few friends and the more gregarious a person is the less attracted to them I am. Everyone has different opinions of what they find personally acceptable.
Kano on the Phone
Member
I think most responsible people assume that everyone has an STD until they've been with them long enough to build trust and for their partner to have had an STD test. Again, we aren't at a point where amount matters.
ThroneZwei
Banned
The only problem I have with this thread, is how the title calls out ONLY women. It's not 'How many sexual partners for a person is too many?'. If I didn't know better, I'd say the title was just bait for an eventual argument.
Devolution
Member
Uh in judging the amount a bunch of people pretty much are.
Depending on their conditions, sex is actually "a bad thing."
This expresses my above point more succinctly. I meet lots of women and disqualify them quickly because I can't spare the time to deeply get to know all of them before moving on. It does not mean that those women cannot be good people (I definitely agree they can be), or that men can't be, either. However, I cannot reasonably be expected to take the time to explore the full character of every single person I meet. It would be nice, but I am unfortunately going to die in just a few decades and there are literally billions of people out there.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
The number even transcends sex. My best relationships have been with the most promiscuous partners. They generally had better communication and personal skills. They were more loving and more willing to be closer to me than the less promiscuous ones. You guys are really missing out by these awful judgments.
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