MisterR
Member
Yep, shocking but brothers fight from time to time. The calling the cops stuff is just typical Neogaf stuff from people who have no social skills and don't understand real world interactions.
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Physically assaulted and wondering about what to do next
- Thread starter TheVampire
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Yep, shocking but brothers fight from time to time. The calling the cops stuff is just typical Neogaf stuff from people who have no social skills and don't understand real world interactions.
Romars202129
Member
Dude, I'm with you. Don't know if theres a lot of only childs in here or what, but Police seems like a ridiculous over reaction.
Over bruises? Less some bones broken or teeth, I'd never consider it.
Azzurri
Member
My brother and I ALWAYS got into physical fights, like throwing punches and kicking the shit out of each other, and it never once crossed out minds to call the police on each other.
I mean if he was coming at me with a knife or had a gun then that's a bit different, but this seems just like brothers being brothers.
I mean if he was coming at me with a knife or had a gun then that's a bit different, but this seems just like brothers being brothers.
ZackieChan
Member
Lots of misinformation in here, too. You, as the victim, don't "press charges," "file charges," or have any control whatsoever what the prosecutor does with your complaint after you make it. You can't just drop the charges after teaching your brother a lesson. Jesus Christ, GAF.
Here's a link: https://atkinsonlawoffices.com/blog/the-victim-is-not-pressing-charges-why-am-i-still-being-charged/
While no one should hit anyone else, you gotta think real long and hard about what you want the very real potential consequences for your brother to be. I didn't read the whole thread, but it seems like a rational talk is in order.
Edit: also, it's battery when they hit you, not assault. Assault is the reasonable apprehension of the battery (you saw a punch coming, even if it doesn't make contact).
Here's a link: https://atkinsonlawoffices.com/blog/the-victim-is-not-pressing-charges-why-am-i-still-being-charged/
While no one should hit anyone else, you gotta think real long and hard about what you want the very real potential consequences for your brother to be. I didn't read the whole thread, but it seems like a rational talk is in order.
Edit: also, it's battery when they hit you, not assault. Assault is the reasonable apprehension of the battery (you saw a punch coming, even if it doesn't make contact).
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
Why are you posting legal stuff from the US when OP is from Australia?
Edit: I wonder if that explains a lot of the responses about "his life will be ruined" etc. in this thread, since the US is so eager to lock up people. Americanocentrism in effect?
MisterR
Member
Mostly just common sense in use. Most people have enough common sense to know to not call the police on their brother after one dust up.
Audioboxer
Member
One can only assume it's because some people see 31 and 29 and think this has to be super serious at those ages (life threatening violence or serious injuries or long-term abuse cases). Then if you re-read the OP a good few times and notice the line at the end it becomes apparent the behaviour is more like two 16-year-olds raging at the world during puberty having a brawl over who gets to play the Nintendo. Parents will know it's a phase or an escalation, discipline both, and life will go on without anyone being jailed. Unless you call a corner of the room 15-minute timeout "jail".
Plentiful jokes aside, including some funny posts about Step Brothers (sorry OP it's hard not to chuckle), I on the last page and many others have either given the OP some decent advice/food for thought, or some hard love (some of the stinging posts are warranted).
I don't think the OP has returned yet anyway.
In my experience, most people do not go to jail for this, especially between family members even when police do get involved.
People in this thread that don't understand why one would press charges are acting like it is always a life-ruining situation. It simply isn't, though it could be if it was serious enough to go into a felony charge, which this isn't likely to go there.
I do not believe this warranted pressing charges. I personally I would of fought back and I am very intrigued why OP would intentionally not fight back so he can claim it was assault over defending himself. If he chose not to fight back to deescalate, then I would give him some props, though I still don't agree with it. This stuff can indeed be talked about later with the brother assuming said brother is willing to.
I do not believe in that a family member should get some privilege pass on their actions unless and only unless it was a one time thing in their history. Too many crimes get swept under the rug and covered up for simply because "family". It is illogical to me lol.
If any injuries, fractures and broken/shifted teeth are the most common and you wouldn't always notice fractures. Do fractures count?
It is because they are that old that people believe it is serious and I agree with them. At that age you should fully understand the consequences of your actions, whether it was planned or in the heat of passion. Also it doesn't take much for one to get serious injuries, unless you think he was holding his punches, he could of easily fractured OP's face or broken his nose.
I am not seeing good arguments from those saying "its just brothers being brothers" though I do agree that pressing charges is not necessary.
Triggerhappytel
Member
What I want to know is why was there a pillow in the living room? Is OP some kind of deviant who has pillows on the sofa instead of cushions? NONE OF THIS STORY MAKES SENSE!
I'm just going to assume most of the "Call The Police" post are in jest....but this being GAF & all, I don't know...
Anyway OP, I suggest you and your bro to grow the fuck up. In your 30s and fighting over a TV? Nah. Threw some hands with your bro and now considering calling the cops? Nah
I grew up with an older bro, and had family & friends around. Throwing hands was just something that happened from time to time. You get worked up for a bit, take a bit to cool off, and life goes on.
Anyway OP, I suggest you and your bro to grow the fuck up. In your 30s and fighting over a TV? Nah. Threw some hands with your bro and now considering calling the cops? Nah
I grew up with an older bro, and had family & friends around. Throwing hands was just something that happened from time to time. You get worked up for a bit, take a bit to cool off, and life goes on.
Seductivpancakes
Member
OP isnt coming back but, sounds like this is the first time he got violent with you and over a very silly situation. Since you guys get along most of the time, maybe he's dealing with something you don't know about. Maybe the stress was just at the boiling point and he exploded on you.
Talk to him about this.
Talk to him about this.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
GAF is predominantly US, whether we like it or not. I mean, in what civilized country would the topic of health care even be relevant? I mean, unless you eat idiot pills and go full UK on everyone.
Gravy Boat
Member
How are you protecting yourself anymore than if you just moved or kicked him out? OP himself said he's not the type of guy to fly off the handle like this, this is the first time it's happened.
What net gain is there from calling the police other than an arbitrary sense of justice?
Audioboxer
Member
In my experience, most people do not go to jail for this, especially between family members even when police do get involved.
People in this thread that don't understand why one would press charges are acting like it is always a life-ruining situation. It simply isn't, though it could be if it was serious enough to go into a felony charge, which this isn't likely to go there.
I do not believe this warranted pressing charges. I personally I would of fought back and I am very intrigued why OP would intentionally not fight back so he can claim it was assault over defending himself. If he chose not to fight back to deescalate, then I would give him some props, though I still don't agree with it. This stuff can indeed be talked about later with the brother assuming said brother is willing to.
I do not believe in that a family member should get some privilege pass on their actions unless and only unless it was a one time thing in their history. Too many crimes get swept under the rug and covered up for simply because "family". It is illogical to me lol.
If any injuries, fractures and broken/shifted teeth are the most common and you wouldn't always notice fractures. Do fractures count?
It is because they are that old that people believe it is serious and I agree with them. At that age you should fully understand the consequences of your actions, whether it was planned or in the heat of passion. Also it doesn't take much for one to get serious injuries, unless you think he was holding his punches, he could of easily fractured OP's face or broken his nose.
I am not seeing good arguments from those saying "its just brothers being brothers" though I do agree that pressing charges is not necessary.
Not every 29 and 31 years old is like every other 29 and 31 years old though. Sure, most of us by those ages don't get involved in brawls like teenagers do, especially over a TV, but this topic is living proof some do. That's my point. Not to patronise the OP, but a situation like this is best approached in the same ways you would younger siblings. Which means it might not be the best case to treat it like an episode of Law and Order.
I'm pretty certain the hits and/or bruises will be similar to those thrown/achieved by teenage brothers. I mean, if the OP posts pics and it's like his face looks rearranged, okay, a bit more serious. I never said it's okay, it's not, but given the info we have to go on, where the OP made it clear it's the first time it's happened in a year of living together, it's more like children brawling. You do not send children or teens to jail for fighting over a TV or games console.
Guessing a bit because of detail-lite, but I still think what I said on the previous page about tensions/incompatibilities and unresolved frustrations building up over a year resulted in this. At the best of times, brothers and sisters as well do not want to be living together into the 30s, even if it's often a necessity in modern era life.
Damn
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
One of the rare reasonable posts in this thread. Kudos!In my experience, most people do not go to jail for this, especially between family members even when police do get involved.
People in this thread that don't understand why one would press charges are acting like it is always a life-ruining situation. It simply isn't, though it could be if it was serious enough to go into a felony charge, which this isn't likely to go there.
I do not believe this warranted pressing charges. I personally I would of fought back and I am very intrigued why OP would intentionally not fight back so he can claim it was assault over defending himself. If he chose not to fight back to deescalate, then I would give him some props, though I still don't agree with it. This stuff can indeed be talked about later with the brother assuming said brother is willing to.
I do not believe in that a family member should get some privilege pass on their actions unless and only unless it was a one time thing in their history. Too many crimes get swept under the rug and covered up for simply because "family". It is illogical to me lol.
If any injuries, fractures and broken/shifted teeth are the most common and you wouldn't always notice fractures. Do fractures count?
It is because they are that old that people believe it is serious and I agree with them. At that age you should fully understand the consequences of your actions, whether it was planned or in the heat of passion. Also it doesn't take much for one to get serious injuries, unless you think he was holding his punches, he could of easily fractured OP's face or broken his nose.
I am not seeing good arguments from those saying "its just brothers being brothers" though I do agree that pressing charges is not necessary.
But if he threw him out, he'd still throw his brother under the bus and "ruining the family" and yadda yadda (I dare say being suddenly homeless is worse consequences than being embarrassed at explaining your behaviour to the cops, but YMMV -- guess macho pride is more important to some) which I thought was the issue?
Zen_Arcade
Banned
At least by throwing him out you could do things like give him time to find a place.
Do you honestly think that being temporarily homeless, which lets be honest, wouldn't really happen unless you're a real piece of shit and have burned every bridge in your life, is worse than being arrested and charged with assault? Which one of those has longer standing reprecussions?
And what parent prefers their son getting their other son arrested over getting thrown out of a house for being a dick? Do you honestly not see why one would be more damaging to a family than the other? One of those things is far easier to patch up than the other.
The irony here is that the person you quoted as reasonable straight up says that he wouldn't press charges, especially if it was a one time thing.
ZackieChan
Member
That info isn't in the OP. Sorry I don't know where every poster is located?
Here's one for Australia: http://www.victimsofcrime.vic.gov.au/home/charges+laid/laying+charges/#breadcrumbs
The point is that it isn't in the hands of the victim, but rather the cops and prosecutor. So taking that chance over this particular incident seems a little much.
What country are you in where you're assured that this wouldn't result in criminal charges against the brother? Enlighten me.
SolidusDave
Member
As mentioned, I doubt OP's details simply based on the weird shit he wrote about the defense part etc.
but if assuming actual assault...
- I totally understand that it would be fucking weird to press charges against a close family member. Potentially changing family dynamics forever.
(on the other hand, I would find it even worse if people were not weirded out MORE by having family gatherings with someone who assaulted one of their own)
- However, I don't give second chances or talk shit out with a stranger who assaults me either. What's there even to talk about "please don't violently assault me again" "ok", that seems more about how much you are willing to forgive.
To be fair, I already think that family>everything is bullshit. I realized early on that I'm not forced to spend time with family members I don't like so I keep it at a minimum to limit drama and cherry pick my friends (who I also would drop like hot potatoes if they were to pull that shit).
- Assault is just crossing a line for me that I'm not tolerating no matter the circumstances. If you don't have yourself under control because of alcohol/stress/mental issues etc. , tough luck, I don't need to keep that in my life. Even if my gf would suddenly smash some bowl over my head, it's done. There are literally billions of other people.
It's a bit different depending on your physique as well. I might feel better by just getting back at them eye-for-eye (or beating their ass right then and there to avoid legal charges against myself).
But maybe I also feel like it should be something on their record (not in the life/career-ruining sense like in the US but if someone else in the future presses charges, they will come down hard on them to due repeat offense).
Most first offenders would also not get jail time, especially if it's a minor situation like the OP, so I wouldn't have to worry giving my brother prison time (mostly though because it would fuck up my parents, not because I feel sorry for the attacker).
edit: and yes, it would be worse for me if OP was female but either way the level of violence/force used (and secondarily the actual damage done) would be the most important factor to decide for me. Someone can snap and still have enough self-control to just slap you in the face instead of punching your teeth out.
but if assuming actual assault...
- I totally understand that it would be fucking weird to press charges against a close family member. Potentially changing family dynamics forever.
(on the other hand, I would find it even worse if people were not weirded out MORE by having family gatherings with someone who assaulted one of their own)
- However, I don't give second chances or talk shit out with a stranger who assaults me either. What's there even to talk about "please don't violently assault me again" "ok", that seems more about how much you are willing to forgive.
To be fair, I already think that family>everything is bullshit. I realized early on that I'm not forced to spend time with family members I don't like so I keep it at a minimum to limit drama and cherry pick my friends (who I also would drop like hot potatoes if they were to pull that shit).
- Assault is just crossing a line for me that I'm not tolerating no matter the circumstances. If you don't have yourself under control because of alcohol/stress/mental issues etc. , tough luck, I don't need to keep that in my life. Even if my gf would suddenly smash some bowl over my head, it's done. There are literally billions of other people.
It's a bit different depending on your physique as well. I might feel better by just getting back at them eye-for-eye (or beating their ass right then and there to avoid legal charges against myself).
But maybe I also feel like it should be something on their record (not in the life/career-ruining sense like in the US but if someone else in the future presses charges, they will come down hard on them to due repeat offense).
Most first offenders would also not get jail time, especially if it's a minor situation like the OP, so I wouldn't have to worry giving my brother prison time (mostly though because it would fuck up my parents, not because I feel sorry for the attacker).
edit: and yes, it would be worse for me if OP was female but either way the level of violence/force used (and secondarily the actual damage done) would be the most important factor to decide for me. Someone can snap and still have enough self-control to just slap you in the face instead of punching your teeth out.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
If you throw punches so easily, that's not that unlikely
Huh? How is this ironic? I defended the idea of pressing charges, I didn't say it was the only solution.
Clicking profiles is hard work I know, especially when you are in such a hurry to lord up your awesome lawyer knowledge.
I already talked about that earlier, when talking about jail sentences. Read TarNaru's post about why it's unlikely to result in prison time (at least outside of prison-happy countries like the US).
sooperkool
Member
If one of my brothers put a charge on me they know it wouldn't be the last ass whipping that they caught.
Apocryphon
Member
Yeah, that these guys are 30 and one of them is asking for advice on GAF is pathetic.
Zen_Arcade
Banned
You'd have a point if the OP didn't straight up say that this was an odd uncharacteristic thing for the brother to do. You've been painting the brother as some crazy dude who constantly snaps at the most benign shit because it fits your narrative easier.
Nevermind the idea that even good people can and do lose their temper and go off the deep end once and a while. Nah, anyone who has ever thrown a punch is a raving lunatic who needs to be locked up to protect society or given therapy. Because everyone knows that even a smidgen of violence is the sign of a deranged man with mental issues.
It's also telling that your best counter argument to my criticism of your point was to frame the brother in a way that OP straight up says isn't the case. Probably because the gap between kicking someone out of a house and charging them with assault is so wide that it's a silly comparison to make in the first place. Especially when it comes to how it could effect a family.
SwipeLeftHoney
Banned
technically you throwing the pillow at your bro is also considered assault and that makes you the instigator. You charge your brother and you'll most likely lose in court OP. It's also not worth charging your brother over this as it will most likely tear your family apart and make things super awkward at family get togethers..... Either make him move or pack up your shit and move. This is the safest easiest way to resolve this
If you do decide to report this then make sure you think about the consequences carefully. While this has most certainly changed the dynamic of the relationship between the two of you, you're now in a position where it's on you to dictate where this goes.
Asking the forum for advice isn't going to be particularly helpful because nobody here knows you and nobody here knows the family dynamic. Nobody knows your brother and nobody knows what your relationship is like with him. You're the only one in that position. If your mother knows about it then perhaps the best thing to do would be to discuss the incident with her and collectively with your brother.
I will say that seeing some of the responses in this thread is very disappointing. So what if you grew up having fights with your brothers? That was normal for you, so what? It's an abnormal situation for the OP and really for grown men to be in. It's not normal behavior and shouldn't be treated with dismissal. I understand the family aspect of it, but this isn't acceptable behaviour by any means. You need to discuss and talk with your brother. That's the next step. Don't act out of your emotion, think about it and the consequences of getting the authorities involved.
Asking the forum for advice isn't going to be particularly helpful because nobody here knows you and nobody here knows the family dynamic. Nobody knows your brother and nobody knows what your relationship is like with him. You're the only one in that position. If your mother knows about it then perhaps the best thing to do would be to discuss the incident with her and collectively with your brother.
I will say that seeing some of the responses in this thread is very disappointing. So what if you grew up having fights with your brothers? That was normal for you, so what? It's an abnormal situation for the OP and really for grown men to be in. It's not normal behavior and shouldn't be treated with dismissal. I understand the family aspect of it, but this isn't acceptable behaviour by any means. You need to discuss and talk with your brother. That's the next step. Don't act out of your emotion, think about it and the consequences of getting the authorities involved.
I'm pretty glad you and I aren't in the same families. Geeeez. And I'm the younger brother who got beat up all the time.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
OP said they lived together for a year and this is their first fight. That's not really such a long time. He said they get along "90% of the time" which sounds high until you realize that leaves 10% of the time where they don't, which seems quite high for adult siblings (kids are obviously different). He also said "he can be a real dick sometime" so things weren't that peachy all the time.
Mayyyyybe if things were always going so smoothly, and this was a completely out-of-the-blue isolated incident, I'd agree pressing charges would be going way too far. But based on the limited information, it sounds like his brother is a jackass with anger issues that were bubbling up, though he managed to more or less get along with him so far no doubt because he's stuck living with him, and he finally exploded (after just 1 year of living together, not 5 or 10 or anything) over... nothing. Considering this, I wouldn't blame the OP for considering pressing charges, but the entire thread says "lol u pussy man up" and I found that disturbing.
Dusk Golem
A 21st Century Rockefeller
Just going to chime in with this because it's still my thoughts on the topic:
I also will add I think the mother being here may be more important than not, I can say from experience some certain things can kind of... revert between sibblings when parents come back into the picture after so long. I didn't think about this when I wrote this, but I think mentioning she's visiting them currently and the timing of this fight isn't coincidental. While I've certainly never had physical fights with my sibblings during such periods (again, we haven't had a physical fight since our teens, and I'l mention my sibblings are a younger brother and a younger sister), suddenly having parents around can bring out some of the childish bickering and remembering things from years ago, in my personal experience.
I also will add I think the mother being here may be more important than not, I can say from experience some certain things can kind of... revert between sibblings when parents come back into the picture after so long. I didn't think about this when I wrote this, but I think mentioning she's visiting them currently and the timing of this fight isn't coincidental. While I've certainly never had physical fights with my sibblings during such periods (again, we haven't had a physical fight since our teens, and I'l mention my sibblings are a younger brother and a younger sister), suddenly having parents around can bring out some of the childish bickering and remembering things from years ago, in my personal experience.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I dunno about a lot of you but personally for me, getting punched in the face once is one time too many. I would not press charges but I am not gonna wait for number 2 before I decide to do something. I would peace the fuck outta there.
What if the brother broke OP's nose, or fucked up his vision? Would it just be shits and giggles cause it happened only once? They aren't 12. They are 29 and 31.
What if the brother broke OP's nose, or fucked up his vision? Would it just be shits and giggles cause it happened only once? They aren't 12. They are 29 and 31.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
Agreed with this.
"Not getting along" is different than "flipping out and attacking you". Look at any relationship, and I'm sure 10% of it could be defined as "not getting along".
It's not a binary choice between "Everything is Peachy" and "Inexplicable Sudden Violence". I strongly doubt he spends 10% of the time flipping out and attacking OP, especially because OP said it's the first time.
Air Zombie Meat
Member
OP and his bro have probably forgotten about this already while posters in this thread argue about it.
Apocryphon
Member
No need for hypotheticals. He didn't, so let's just stick to the facts.
OP needs to grow up.
Gravy Boat
Member
What if OP threw a brick instead of a pillow?
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
Of course it's not binary. The 10% not-getting-along part is unknown in the details. Do they verbally abuse each others in those times (or is it one-sided)? Or do they just glare sullenly and ignore each others? Something in-between? We don't know that part and it really depends. If it's the former, it's an indication that there's a deeper problem, but not necessarily if it's the latter.
As for "any relationship" though, I disagree. I can't say that about my family or my SO or friends at all.
Tell that to people making shit up about a zipper hitting the brother's eye and all that stuff...
Gotdatmoney
Member
Who cares it didn't happen. The point is people saying "oh if its just a one time thing" are implying it needs to be 2 or 3 or 5 before it's a problem. Getting punched in the face by your 29 year old brother is not something where the expectation is "oh well it only happened once".
What the fuck is that? You gotta be seriously harmed for it to count?
What if you actually got the point?
The point is that he was punched multiple times. "Growing up" is a pathetic argument to be making. The reality is that if this was a roommate and not family you wouldn't have anyone giving such shoddy advice.
Audioboxer
Member
Apocryphon
Member
To take legal action against your brother, over a childish bitchy dispute about who gets to use the TV? Yeah, it would have to be a more common occurrence or a much more serious attack for me to consider potentially fucking up my brother's future and putting unnecessary strain and stress on my immediate family. Are you kidding? There are some whiny fucks in here. That his immediate reaction is to consider going to the police and posting a thread on NeoGAF rather than talk to his brother like an adult and figure out the real cause is beyond pathetic. Dude is 31 not 12.
I bet he cried too.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Gravy Boat
Member
I'm not entirely sure what is the point in discussing a situation you just fabricated.
The Jazz Cabbage Master
Member
😂
Gotdatmoney
Member
The point was directly above what you selectively quoted. Read it again maybe.
Zen_Arcade
Banned
I know of absolutely zero family relationships where the people are cool with each other 100% of the time. And literally everyone is a dick sometimes. 90% is about the best you're going to get. And a year isn't the only amount of time these two have spent together. He said that it was the first fight they've had in his thirty years with him. A lot of which I assume he had to spend with him when they were young, which means in thirty years, this dudes anger boiled over once. There's no way you can frame that to make him look like some person who is unhinged.
I don't know how you could claim that his brother seems like an asshole with anger issues when they've had one violent spat in thirty years and get along the vast majority of the time. This whole thing seems very much like an isolated incident.
Apocryphon
Member
Not a direct response to you. You're response to remove yourself from the situation is the correct initial response. Other people are agreeing that he should go to the cops.
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