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[Poppy]

Op feels bad she is accusing him based on nothing while at the same time op is accusing the other guy actually going through stuff without him knowing based on nothing.

life is a vicious cycle, non?

 

[Chezzymann]

Then don't. This is so dumb and you know it.

Im just wondering if people on average are just generally more messy there or something

 

[LiK]

It was me.

 

[Symphonia]

How do you know it's her money?

 

[TyrantII]

It was me.

LOL

 

[SocksAndShoes]

Obviously, and I've addressed that already. Doesn't counter my point.

It's kind of hard to sit back and tell OP "handle this like an adult" when he/she is clearly not capable of doing that.

And again, this is not OP's problem in the first place.

"I didn't take your money, I suggest you get the authorities involved if you can't find it."

Literally all he/she needed to say. The roommate can decide what to do after that.

 

[greepoman]

I agree it's a bad idea to admit you went through your roommates wallet...but you could ask her what denominations the bills were in (i.e. 20s or 100s)? That would give you some info to clear or further incriminate the "boy".

 

[ZOONAMI]

Fucking sucks when people accuse you of stealing.

I had a roommate who apparently put his rent money in cash in an envelope on our tackboard. We had a lot of people people over at the house in general, and this dbags first thought is that I took it.

I'm like dude, we both have people over here a lot, I didn't take it. Most likely someone over at the house snatched it, but impossible to know who.

Don't fucking pay your rent in cash, much less just leave it out in the open dude. Was lame because we got along pretty good before that and really didn't the rest of our lease.

OP, did you ask your roommate if she had any one over while you weren't around?

It's basically either your other roommate or someone who was over at your place. Or maybe she just got drunk or something and lost it.

 

[Username1198]

I wouldn't get involved. I mean, after being accused I woulda told her to fuck off.

And he has 300$ in his wallet? Isn't 400$ missing? And you shouldn't accuse him anyways, you have no real proof.

Doors on locks is a must I think.

Definetly don't go through people shit. I'd be fucking livid.

 

[Daemul]

The only person who seems like a thief in this story is the OP. Going through peoples wallet and shit looking for money, what the fuck?

 

[Jack The Nipper]

I don't want to be racist but I've had two Chinese roommates that were very messy as well, is that like a thing in China?

While in China it is common for boys from what I have seen, students told me most the boys only shower once a week or less. It has nothing to do with being racist, it's just a common trait of people in an area imo

Saying boy for me here had no meaning, he seems like a young boy to me and that's it.... I wouldn't call him boy in the way people are assuming apparently. I am not using it to put weight on man vs boy in any shape or form in my mind. It's people not understanding this and using their own thoughts to judge that though.

 

[Poppy]

I agree it's a bad idea to admit you went through your roommates wallet...but you could ask her what denominations the bills were in (i.e. 20s or 100s)? That would give you some info to clear or further incriminate the "boy".

what if OP stole the money and planted it in the roommate's wallet?

 

[mre]

Sure, and the same for my things too. If you value material things so much in my mind that is the issue.

I don't feel that bad that she blamed me, that is expected in my mind. I have known her for many years and I don't feel bad about seeing his things, if the building burnt down tomorrow and all my things were lost including my work I can move on from it actually.

You're talking like the child you're calling your roommate. You seem self-centered and you have no respect for neither personal boundaries nor for others who may have opinions different from yours. The fact that you can't recognize that you crossed a line by creeping in his room and rifling through his wallet is troubling.

 

[Username1198]

Im just wondering if people on average are just generally more messy there or something

Then do some research and enlighten yourself. Starting off with "hey I'm not racist BUT" doesn't sound good.

 

[Jack The Nipper]

The only person who seems like a theif in this story is the OP. Going through peoples wallet and shit looking for money, what the fuck?

in America people have a lot of ideas they believe in strongly such as this, doors being locked, knocking before you enter and a lot of things. While some I agree with, their are a lot I don't. If you think I am a thief for that then that's your idea and that's fine.

 

[Hero]

Dude if you got caught sneaking in his room all it does is incriminate you even further.

 

[ZOONAMI]

in America people have a lot of ideas they believe in strongly such as this, doors being locked, knocking before you enter and a lot of things. While some I agree with, their are a lot I don't. If you think I am a thief for that then that's your idea and that's fine.

Nah rifling through people's shit while they aren't around is pretty much a universal thing that people would be upset about if they found out, so yeah not really that cool op.

 

[Llyranor]

I don't want to be racist but I've had two Chinese roommates that were very messy as well, is that like a thing in China?

This is a 100% racist post.

 

[Zakalwe]

It's kind of hard to sit back and tell OP "handle this like an adult" when he/she is clearly not capable of doing that.

And again, this is not OP's problem in the first place.

"I didn't take your money, I suggest you get the authorities involved if you can't find it."

Literally all he/she needed to say. The roommate can decide what to do after that.

The adulating is hard was aimed at you as well as OP based on your advice to escalate this before having an adult conversation with all parties.

House meeting first, authorities next.

 

[Davide]

Stealing is worse than looking into someone's stuff, I'd be direct to both OP.

 

[Jack The Nipper]

You're talking like the child you're calling your roommate. You seem self-centered and you have no respect for neither personal boundaries nor for others who may have opinions different from yours. The fact that you can't recognize that you crossed a line by creeping in his room and rifling through his wallet is troubling.

Ok, if you think so. I'd do it again and I'd do it to anyone as I believe it isn't that important. Treat people nice, respect a person but things are things in my book. If you come break my ps4 right now, I wouldn't hate you nor would I shun you forever. I may ask you to leave, I may say that wasn't nice but I am not going to feel it's the worse thing ever. is it so bad that people see your things, I think the real problem are people like you that value their things too much.

 

[Poppy]

in America people have a lot of ideas they believe in strongly such as this, doors being locked, knocking before you enter and a lot of things. While some I agree with, their are a lot I don't. If you think I am a thief for that then that's your idea and that's fine.

ignorant american here, but are there a lot of cultures where it's a normal part of life to sneak around looking in other peoples' wallets?

 

[vikki]

Sucks that you were accused, but that's not your problem. You don't have to prove your innocence by snooping around the other likely thief's room. What do you think they're going to say when you're caught in his room?

 

[oxrock]

To make this as short as possible my roomate put her money inside a laptop bag in our room. Her money went missing and she completely blamed me as soon as she couldn't find it.

We live with a boy that stays in his room all day, has his door shut all day and almost never comes out and we hardly ever talk to him. He is very soft spoke, chinese if that makes any difference to anyone and only plays games all day. I assume his parents send him money as he orders out and all sorts of things all the time (as well as affording 1000 a month rent) so there's that as for the back story on him.

She had 400 go missing and I only have two very obvious ideas in my head as to where it went. She either lost it or he got it, there simply isn't any other options unless someone ran in here while we were sleeping and got it or something.

I mostly work at home and I am home a lot but I do go out to walk and do things here and there and that was very near a time I had went out for 30 minutes that it ended up being gone.

Because of her blame of me and believing he couldn't have done it, made me feel a little bad cause I never care to steal and that's just now who I am.

I went in his room yesterday to look for it but with all his things locked and his room being a stinky huge mess with large brown cover stains and such I didn't try too hard.

About 30 minutes ago he went to shower so I figuered that was the perfect time to check his wallet as I heard him drop his keys on his table. I saw he had 300 plus a bit of change. Anyways, seems like it's a lost cause cause if I confront him he will obviously deny it and she obviously doesn't want to say or do anything about it with him.

I would like to confront him but there is that chance she misplaced it and lost it honestly.... she has lost two iphones before (stolen on the street) so I'm not sure if he really did it or not.

Anyone have any tips or other ideas as to how I can confront him or ask him about it? We actually didn't even do that, mostly cause of her not me.

It seems to be he did steal it after seeing his wallet, but I'm not doing this to be revengeful to try to make a point or anything other than just getting someone back their money that they worked hard for.

Sucks you got blamed if you didn't do it. Your willingness to riffle through other people's shit suggests otherwise. First off, it's not your money, so just leave it on her and the thief to resolve this issue. Secondly, don't go through other people's belongings. It's insane that such a simple concept isn't blatantly obvious to you.

 

[Permanently A]

Op feels bad she is accusing him based on nothing while at the same time op is accusing the other guy actually going through stuff without him knowing based on nothing.

Not entirely true, OP used simple process of elimination while the girl accused him with no basis.

OP has logic to work with - there are three suspects assuming no outside interference.

OP, girl, Chinese guy.

Girl didn't steal her own money.

OP didn't steal the money according to his own knowledge.

Therefore Chinese guy stole the money.

However this assumes the money was indeed stolen, not just misplaced. But the misplaced possibility exists in both the OP's perspective and the girl's perspective, making OP's more logically sound in comparison, given the additional knowledge he has of his own non involvement.

 

[GeordieMark]

Your defence against the accusation could take a major hit if you get caught snooping in that dudes room. Just let it go. It's not your problem.

 

[DizzyCaffeine]

Stop going through other people's belongings OP.

 

[ZOONAMI]

The adulating is hard was aimed at you more than OP based on your advice to escalate this before having an adult conversation with all parties.

House meeting first, authorities next.

Cops aren't going to do shit other than ask if any evidence of break in. If not, they'll be pissed you even involved them. Likely they won't even come to your place unless you say there was a break in.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Fucking sucks when people accuse you of stealing.

I had a roommate who apparently put his rent money in cash in an envelope on our tackboard. We had a lot of people people over at the house in general, and this dbags first thought is that I took it.

I'm like dude, we both have people over here a lot, I didn't take it. Most likely someone over at the house snatched it, but impossible to know who.

Don't fucking pay your rent in cash, much less just leave it out in the open dude. Was lame because we got along pretty good before that and really didn't the rest of our lease.

OP, did you ask your roommate if she had any one over while you weren't around?

It's basically either your other roommate or someone who was over at your place. Or maybe she just got drunk or something and lost it.

If I had a roommate who was leaving money in the open like that I'm gonna tell them straight up not to leave money out like that cause it's a liability for all of us. How fucking stupid can you be to leave money out like that?

 

[Omegasquash]

She actually kept it a secret that she found it for a while but then she told one of her friends and it got out. Tried to play it off as if I had still stolen the money for a while after she found it lol. They apologized and I dort of became friends with a few of them again but the one who accused me in the first place never apologized to this day.

Top shelf friend material right there.

what if OP stole the money and planted it in the roommate's wallet?

The plot thickens.

 

[SocksAndShoes]

The adulating is hard was aimed at you as well as OP based on your advice to escalate this before having an adult conversation with all parties.

House meeting first, authorities next.

Why exactly does OP need to organize this house meeting? Again, why is this his problem?

I've been accused of taking my roommates possessions before and told them that I didn't do it and that they need to contact the authorities if they think it's been stolen. They didn't choose to, the situation resolved itself and I didn't have to call a house meeting or snoops through my roommates belongings.

Sometimes "adulting" involves knowing when you need to involve other adults.

 

[Chezzymann]

This is a 100% racist post.

OK, sorry. Just seemed like an odd coincidence the OP had the same problem I did with my roommate. I was thinking maybe it was a cultural thing.

 

[Username1198]

Ok, if you think so. I'd do it again and I'd do it to anyone as I believe it isn't that important. Treat people nice, respect a person but things are things in my book. If you come break my ps4 right now, I wouldn't hate you nor would I shun you forever. I may ask you to leave, I may say that wasn't nice but I am not going to feel it's the worse thing ever. is it so bad that people see your things, I think the real problem are people like you that value their things too much.

Are you serious? Going through people's things without their permission is highly disrespectful. If don't agree with that, theirs a whole bunch of other problems we should discuss. It's not cool to invade people's privacy. Unless your a cop or FBI or whatever.

 

[Zakalwe]

Your defence against the accusation could take a major hit if you get caught snooping in that dudes room. Just let it go. It's not your problem.

It is his problem.

He's being accused and he lives with a potential thief.

Getting ahead of this by attempting to resolve it in-house without escalation is absolutely the best move for OP.

Keeping his trap shut about snooping is probably for the best, too.

Why exactly does OP need to organize this house meeting? Again, why is this his problem?

OP is being accused.

OP is living with a potential thief.

OP /wants/ to be proactive (which is the smart thing to do).

 

[Mammoth Jones]

The moment a roommate accused me of stealing I'd gather everyone in the home and call the police. Fuck. That. Shit.

If only to demonstrate I ain't got shit to hide and I don't mind taking it to the next level. Nothing worse than violated trust in a home. This is where people eat, sleep, shit, nut, relax, laugh. Whole thing gets ruined with someone stealing.

Im just wondering if people on average are just generally more messy there or something

What the fuck is this dumb shit. Come the fuck on, not cool.

 

[Spacejaws]

Well, at least you can look in the mirror and say 'I haven't handled this as bad as Shia LeBeouf' and quit while you're ahead.

 

[mre]

Ok, if you think so. I'd do it again and I'd do it to anyone as I believe it isn't that important. Treat people nice, respect a person but things are things in my book. If you come break my ps4 right now, I wouldn't hate you nor would I shun you forever. I may ask you to leave, I may say that wasn't nice but I am not going to feel it's the worse thing ever. is it so bad that people see your things, I think the real problem are people like you that value their things too much.

You're not treating your roommate nicely nor are you respecting him by invading his privacy.

If you feel like you did nothing wrong, then you should have no qualms mentioning to him what you did. But you've already indicated you won't do that. I wonder why?

 

[O Canada Our Home and Native Land]

No, he is more like a child that has a strange smile when he walks back in quickly from the door to his room.

It is common for people to blame those they know and be nice to strangers or think good of others though

No, it's the stranger that is usually scapegoated. Typically using the rationalizations you are using. You rattled off a bunch of unrelated characteristics about a person to make him seem untrustworthy. Stays in his room all day, messy, locks everything up in his room, Chinese. Not of that makes a person a thief. I'm not saying he is innocent, but I don't think you're being fair.

 

[Jack The Nipper]

The adulating is hard was aimed at you as well as OP based on your advice to escalate this before having an adult conversation with all parties.

House meeting first, authorities next.

I wouldn't call the police on someone over some money honestly, just wouldn't feel right and I'd feel bad about what they were going through, if they were sent back to china.

He isn't a bad guy in my eyes, he isn't someone that will hurt you and I wouldn't hurt him.

He could be someone that got use to stealing from his roommates as it's a very very common thing for chinese people to have roommates all their life in middle school and high school. I figure he likely has been doing it for a while and no one ever actually blamed or caught him.

The only thing I feel bad about is that people care to steal, care about their things too much where I usually don't. I use to, but over the years I just don't see things as the thing I should care most about.

 

[Chris1]

Just ask him casually, don't try to blame it on him just casually ask him if he's seen it or something.

Then watch his reaction. Should be telling enough if he's to blame or not.

He's obviously going to say no, but the way he says it should say a lot. And if you still have suspicion just say something casually like "I'm considering phoning police to investigate because it was a lot of money", obviously I don't think you should do this but depending on what he says it could give him away and make him shit it a bit.

 

[GeordieMark]

It is his problem.

He's being accused and he lives with a potential thief.

Getting ahead of this by attempting to resolve it in-house without escalation is absolutely the best move for OP.

Keeping his trap shut about snooping is probably for the best, too.

He denied it already, and that's all he has to do. Now that is done, I think he's done his bit. I can't imagine the housemate admitting anything, and proving theft of cash is really hard, so there isn't much he could do anyway.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Ok, if you think so. I'd do it again and I'd do it to anyone as I believe it isn't that important. Treat people nice, respect a person but things are things in my book. If you come break my ps4 right now, I wouldn't hate you nor would I shun you forever. I may ask you to leave, I may say that wasn't nice but I am not going to feel it's the worse thing ever. is it so bad that people see your things, I think the real problem are people like you that value their things too much.

You're so naive it's insane.

Im just wondering if people on average are just generally more messy there or something

Stop this shit.

 

[meow]

Ok, if you think so. I'd do it again and I'd do it to anyone as I believe it isn't that important. Treat people nice, respect a person but things are things in my book. If you come break my ps4 right now, I wouldn't hate you nor would I shun you forever. I may ask you to leave, I may say that wasn't nice but I am not going to feel it's the worse thing ever. is it so bad that people see your things, I think the real problem are people like you that value their things too much.

Do you really not see the difference between
1) you being okay with other people doing something to you/your stuff and
2) you just assuming they are similarly okay with you doing that to them/their stuff?

like really

what if OP stole the money and planted it in the roommate's wallet?

I'm going to pretend this is what happened.

 

[Zakalwe]

Ok, if you think so. I'd do it again and I'd do it to anyone as I believe it isn't that important. Treat people nice, respect a person but things are things in my book. If you come break my ps4 right now, I wouldn't hate you nor would I shun you forever. I may ask you to leave, I may say that wasn't nice but I am not going to feel it's the worse thing ever. is it so bad that people see your things, I think the real problem are people like you that value their things too much.

Wait, no. Respect other peoples privacy.

You really do need to understand this now, it's pretty worrying you seem to be having such difficulty here.

As much as you've been wronged by the accusation, you're the only one who's actually 100% committed a shitty act by invading another person's privacy. you don't really have much moral high-ground at this point.

He denied it already and that's all he has to do. Now that is done, I think he's done his bit. I can't imagine the housemate admitting anything, and proving theft of cash is really hard so there isn't much he could do anyway.

Always, /always/ bet to confront all parties before taking other action. If possible, of course, they may refuse.

You never know, the pressure of being confronted by both people at once might convince him to admit it, if not no harm done just pass it along to authorities.

 

[Jack The Nipper]

No, it's the stranger that is usually scapegoated. Typically using the rationalizations you are using. You rattled off a bunch of unrelated characteristics about a person to make him seem untrustworthy. Stays in his room all day, messy, locks everything up in his room, Chinese. Not of that makes a person a thief. I'm not saying he is innocent, but I don't think you're being fair.

This is only about setting up a picture for what exists, isn't about making it the way you are

 

[Astral Dog]

Why are you checking his wallet? Let her deal with it.

 

[Daemul]

in America people have a lot of ideas they believe in strongly such as this, doors being locked, knocking before you enter and a lot of things. While some I agree with, their are a lot I don't. If you think I am a thief for that then that's your idea and that's fine.

I'm not from fucking America, I'm from South Africa. Rifling through the wallet of someone, even of a close family member, without their permisson is NOT acceptable in the slightest.

 

[Jack The Nipper]

Wait, no. Respect other peoples privacy.

You really do need to understand this now, it's pretty worrying you seem to be having such difficulty here.

As much as you've been wronged by the accusation, you're the only one who's actually 100% committed a shitty act by invading another person's privacy. you don't really have much moral high-ground at this point.

I knew a lot of you wouldn't like that here and I expected it but I don't agree so I stuck by it. You can worry about it all you want and see what it changes in life.

 

[cartographer]

OP makes post about situation asking for advice.

OP receives valid criticism of his behavior.

OP refuses to admit wrongdoing and doubles down.

A tale as old as time.

edit: We've now reached the lashing out phase.

 

[Shredderi]

Not entirely true, OP used simple process of elimination while the girl accused him with no basis.

OP has logic to work with - there are three suspects assuming no outside interference.

OP, girl, Chinese guy.

Girl didn't steal her own money.

OP didn't steal the money according to his own knowledge.

Therefore Chinese guy stole the money.

However this assumes the money was indeed stolen, not just misplaced. But the misplaced possibility exists in both the OP's perspective and the girl's perspective, making OP's more logically sound in comparison, given the additional knowledge he has of his own non involvement.

This. I thought this train of thought would have been obvious. A lot of you guys suck at this