Subject: Xbots ASSEMBLE!
My Dearest XBots,
It has come to my attention that yet another resolution disparity thread has been created on GAF. This time it is concerning Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare running at 900p whilst running at 1080p on PS4. We have gone to great lengths this year to diminish the dialogue of "the power gap" and once again I request your help in both further diminishing that dialogue and ensuring confusion and obfuscation so that CoD will remain strongly associated with our Xbox brand. This can be accomplished by posting in the thread with the following:
- The ecosystem of friends: You are all familiar with this one. Simply make the completely unrelated and tangential observation that all your friends are on Xbox so resolution doesn't matter anyways. It has been met with quite a bit of success lately when used in other multiplatform disparity threads despite being entirely unrelated to the topic at hand.
- Graphics vs Gameplay: Emphasize the importance of gameplay over graphical presentation. We all secretly know that this is a pointless observation since gameplay will be equal on both platforms and the only differences will boil down to overall performance and presentation but some minds may be won by this basic downplaying the importance of graphical polish. This is of course is at odds with our frequent objections to "pixellated indie garbage" but few will actually bother to look at your post history to argue that. Feel free to use the age old "A turd is a turd no matter how polished" with whatever embellishment you see fit.
- Better online infrastructure: When facts are not in your favor one of the best ways to win an argument is to rely on ethereal statements that cannot, in good conscience, be proven true or false. "Xbox live runs better" is such a statement and many may even give it credence thanks to recent DDoS attacks on PSN (Thank you lizard squad!) and the developer debacle that is Driveclub. We know that these have little to actually do with the quality of the service as a whole and that both services use the same server setup for this particular game but its hard to argue with a completely subjective statement so let fly the dogs of supposed server inequality.
- IGN blindman bluff: The old faithful. The tried and true. "Who can really tell the difference between ____p and 1080p anyway? I certainly don't notice it." More pixels is always better by why would it matter if you couldn't notice the difference. The success of this bluff owes itself to its subjectivity. Who can say for sure how you perceive things? Only yourself for certain. So, there's no real way to defeat this argument except the use of common sense or unless your post history shows you saying otherwise.
- The foregone conclusion: This is a new one we've been trying out recently. The basic idea is that you can argue that resolution threads are pointless because the performance gap between the consoles are a foregone conclusion at this point. Hopefully this will lead to fewer resolution disparity threads as a whole and allow for more obfuscation int he absence of facts in the future. In short, thread shit now to prevent future informed consumers. This one might be a bit risky though. Mods don't take kindly to pointless complaints and thread whining so tread carefully and be sure to sprinkle in reasonable observatory comments cementing yourself as a genuine contributor in some form.
Remember we are counting on you to obfuscate and defend at all costs. As always thanks for all your hard work and effort this past year. We wouldn't be where we are today without it. Keep up the good work!
Your friend and fellow Xbox faithful,
Mellow X-Fellow Penello