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[SummitAve]

I often have to correct people when they say it. Also when they say "That's so gay". I am gay and I find it offensive if you are meaning stupid or different.

People just need to think before they speak.

I believe it can be used correctly, by definition, as an insult. Which is a bit different than using gay for stupid.

 

[Gravy Boat]

Some people won't accept that something can be fundamentally harmful. Even if someone uses a slur to make a good point, it doesn't change the word itself and how its use will affect people. And the people who reject that tend to have no intention of using it "properly," and only hate being "told what to do."

It's like saying intent matters when shooting someone dead — even though the intent of the shooter can have some overarching consequence down the line, the victim is still dead and intent doesn't change the observable and quantifiable effects of the action.

Intent absolutely matters. That's why we have manslaughter and different degree of murder charges. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what point you're making?

 

[Not Spaceghost]

I know it is hurtful but that's knda the point of an insult no?

 

[Makonero]

I know it is hurtful but that's knda the point of an insult no?

When it's hurtful to anyone but the intended target, that makes it unacceptable.

 

[SaganIsGOAT]

I know it is hurtful but that's knda the point of an insult no?

You're using someone's disability and using a word that someone has to live by as a medical title and twisting it into something hurtful. How is that okay?

 

[dity]

How is it anything but a power struggle though? It comes down to groups of people essentially fighting over control of a Word (which is pretty silly in itself), which sounds pretty distinctly like a power struggle to me. Control Groups always refer to the need to "Win" the word back from the people who are using it as a pejorative or in a negative context.

It's people who want to be free to express themselves however they choose, vs the people who think that nobody should have the rights to express themselves however they choose because it could be considered "offensive" to other groups of people.
Not only that, but it's also people who feel "oppressed" because they are caught in a vicious cycle where they're constantly being told to watch what they say because anyone can take offense to anything, and some word you use today could be considered harmful tomorrow. Which in that case, where does it all end? The answer is, it doesn't. It's impossible to draw the line due to the fact that language is constantly evolving. Tomorrow the word Potato could be considered an offensive, unspeakable word because some people use it in a pejorative manner that makes light of people with IDD or other disabilities.

So logically don't you think instead of worrying about what combination of letters we should soft-ban next to try and remove the power from those individuals, we should just ignore what they say instead? Wouldn't that have the same effect? How can words be offensive if you decide you're not going to let them offend you?
It's because people care more about the potential power they can have over someone else by controlling what they're allowed to say instead of just ignoring it.

No you see, this will go nowhere because you think this is all about people trying to get you down when it isn't.

Here's the lowdown: We, as humans, use language to communicate. Do you know how when you hear certain worda they make your mind race to good thoughts? Your favourite food? A favourite person? Someone you love? Well now imagine the opposite. Words can make you feel bad and it's not always a conscious decision beforehand that did that. It might be how you were treated when it was said to you. Maybe it was how someone else close or similar to you felt afterwards and it effected you personally. The association now makes you feel bad and it's not really your choice. Burying the emotions doesn't stop it from changing how it really makes you feel.

Besides, if you've ever EVER felt bad because of something someone said to you you're a hypocrite and should be ashamed. And given how cruel humans can be, I'd like to see you say you haven't felt bad because of a few letter puahed together.

 

[SaganIsGOAT]

I love people saying it's just a word as if that somehow clears their conscience.

 

[CornBurrito]

Not super relevant, but in college my roommate got super pissed if anyone said the R word, or the F*g word, but then went on spiels about how it wasn't fair that as a white man he couldn't use the n-word.

 

[Zekes!]

Context and meaning is everything.

Words mean shit by themselves.

The context is that words have very real meanings with very real effects on people around us regardless of your intention or ignorance

 

[CornBurrito]

You're using someone's disability and using a word that someone has to live by as a medical title and twisting it into something hurtful. How is that okay?

Medical terms/titles get incorporated into common words fairly often.

I don't think it is quite there yet, but "retard" might end up the same as "dumb" and "lame". Both of those were medical terms at a point, and now are fairly innocuous words.

 

[PHOENIXZERO]

I've never really used it as an insult so... Eh. I would never use it against someone with an IDD because of the history the word took on even though it was a legitimate term at one point though frequently used with disdain and I don't use it against others because there are plenty of other words that are just as effective than using one that's so closely tied to a group of people and it's more an insult to that group than it is the target of the insult. That said, instead of fighting with others and trying to "bury" the word or policing the speech of others who likely when using it as an insult aren't even thinking about people with down syndrome it'd probably be more effective to work towards just disowning it.


I probably could've just deferred to the already posted Titus bit.



EDIT: Then there's spaz/spastic which in the U.S. Is largely seen in a different way from how it's viewed in the U.K. I don't remember if I even realized it until Weird Al caught for using it "Word Crimes".

 

[Coffee Dog]

You're using someone's disability and using a word that someone has to live by as a medical title and twisting it into something hurtful. How is that okay?

Twisted into being something hurtful?

Where's the twist?

The intent of the word in an insulting context is to compare the target of the insult to someone who is mentally disabled.

 

[Currygan]

it reeks a bit of ignorance, agreed

 

[NoblesseOblige]

I love people saying it's just a word as if that somehow clears their conscience.

People like to replace responsibility with rationalizing.

 

[dity]

Not super relevant, but in college my roommate got super pissed if anyone said the R word, or the F*g word, but then went on spiels about how it wasn't fair that as a white man he couldn't use the n-word.

That person just sounds like an asshole who is salty he can't use a word, so he's latched onto a word because he thinks being unable to say the N word is a power thing and he wants that power too to probably try and make a point that he should be able to use the N word. It's probably circlular logic or something.

 

[Not Spaceghost]

When it's hurtful to anyone but the intended target, that makes it unacceptable.

You're using someone's disability and using a word that someone has to live by as a medical title and twisting it into something hurtful. How is that okay?

Yeah that is true it is rather cruel when you put it that way. I guess the same principal applies to the word that would apply to racial slurs.

 

[CornBurrito]

That person just sounds like an asshole who is salty he can't use a word, so he's latched onto a word because he thinks being unable to say the N word is a power thing and he wants that power too to probably try and make a point that he should be able to use the N word. It's probably circlular logic or something.

I think it was because he had some mental issues (and thus hated the R word), and was made fun of in high school for being perceived of as being homosexual.

 

[linkandzelda]

I'd add the word 'Autistic' to that as well. People constantly misuse words like these. It is quite annoying really.

 

[depths20XX]

Stop saying,"that's gay". It's retarded.

Kappa

 

[dity]

I think it was because he had some mental issues (and thus hated the R word), and was made fun of in high school for being perceived of as being homosexual.

Eh, maybe he then gets words that hurt but isn't on top of race issues?

 

[Vincent Grayson]

I'd add the word 'Autistic' to that as well. People constantly misuse words like these. It is quite annoying really.

The popular one on the internet now seems to be "spergs" or "sperging out".

 

[SaganIsGOAT]

Here is the simplest test of whether or not you should use the word.

You are at a family friends house who has a child who is clinically diagnosed as retarded. Someone says or does something that you normally would call retarded or say that person is retarded for doing (I don't know what this is but some of you who use the word like this can probably imagine a scenario). Would you say it with that person there who has that as a medical label?

I don't think you would.

 

[RustyNails]

Something a thug would say.

 

[Commanche Raisin Toast]

I'm not a liberal or a democrat and I have no need to say the word other than when using it like in a case like: "The plant's growth is being retarded by xxxx".

I usually see some of the foulest things come from those who think they are above it all though.

yeah that would be the only way i would use it, and it would be rare.

it actually reminds me that "pervert" as a word has been completely perverted from its core meaning. people use it to describe someone that is gross/creepy in a sexual manner, when the real meaning of the word is to deviate from the norm of something.

a perversion of something is to change or alter its intended use/course/direction. it's easy to see why it was overused in the sexual manner and then that secondary definition latched on, but i consider it a derogatory term and i don't like when people use it. it's too reductive and almost always used slanderously.

 

[Aurora Sparkle]

Besides, if you've ever EVER felt bad because of something someone said to you you're a hypocrite and should be ashamed. And given how cruel humans can be, I'd like to see you say you haven't felt bad because of a few letter puahed together.

First off, how would being upset by some word said to me at some point in my life make me a Hypocrite? The only way that would be the case is if I was sitting here telling people they need to just ignore mean words and grow thicker skins, but then I myself was still being offended by the same words and trying to get people to stop using them.

Yeah I've been hurt by words said to me in the past. who hasn't? The difference here is that at some point along the way, I decided words are just that. Words. -and I thus decided to stop letting them have power over me or affect me negatively, because at the end of the day, I don't really care what word some Rando passing by says or some troll on the internet types to try and get under my skin.

Unfortunately there are going to be people who no matter what get hurt by words, for various reasons, sometimes uncontrollable by them.
However, forming interest groups with the specific purpose of trying to control and maintain the negative connotation with certain words is actually more harmful on society if anything. In most cases it's seemingly done with the intention of these groups having something to call their own, some ammunition that they can use against people who they deem privileged to in fact, get them down.
How about instead, marginalized individuals- or at least the people who represent them- form interest groups who's goal is either disassociation with the negative connotation of a word, or maybe trying to turn that word into something with more of a funny, neutral or even positive connotation? It's because the answer is simple. It's about control. It's about wanting something that gives you power over someone else.
Even if that power is just the ability to tell someone they're not allowed to use a word because it's "offensive", and then in turn be praised by your peers for verbally abusing someone with every slanderous word under the sun just because they used the word "Retarded" and you were "checking their privilege".

 

[Ronin Ray]

Retarded is nasty ugly word and I hate to say it along with the word cunt. They both don't feel good rolling off the tongue.

When I hear people say Retarded I look at them the same way I look at people that call things gay in a negative way. They just come of dumb like people stuck in the 90s are something. I think maybe they just don't know how to express themselves a little better.

 

[Arkeband]

I don't use the word "retarded" anymore because it really has fallen out of public acceptability, which made the one line from Spy, "What a stupid fucking retarded toast", that much more unexpected and hilarious.

If you're going to use the word inappropriately at least have impeccably absurd comedic timing, otherwise leave it.

 

[Calabi]

Here is the simplest test of whether or not you should use the word.

You are at a family friends house who has a child who is clinically diagnosed as retarded. Someone says or does something that you normally would call retarded or say that person is retarded for doing (I don't know what this is but some of you who use the word like this can probably imagine a scenario). Would you say it with that person there who has that as a medical label?

I don't think you would.

But I thought we dont clinically diagnose people as retarded anymore?

 

[Harmen]

Yeah that is true it is rather cruel when you put it that way. I guess the same principal applies to the word that would apply to racial slurs.

I think the reason the word 'retard' is offensive is in some cases different than, for example, the n word. In the latter it is directly used as an offensive term against a specific group of people. At least, as far as I am aware, we all agree it is a blatantly racist term aimed directly at black people. In case of the word retard, people often use the meaning of the word, thus the mentally disabled, as the offense. The use of both words is, for me, unacceptable. But words can be offensive in different ways, which is what I am trying to say here. In case it comes off wrong, I am not trying to downplay anything here (only explain why I deem the r word offensive).

To me it is similar to calling stupid things gay, which implies being gay is wrong, as you use it to refer to "wrong" things. Imagine you would belong to a group of people, and others casually and continuesly offend people or refer to negative things by using you as an example.

 

[radios shipping overview]

I try not to use it in my day-to-day life, but it's hard for me to think of a phrase that has a more satisfying mouthfeel and rhythm than "fucking retarded," given the intended usage. I'd appreciate any alternatives, if folks have suggestions.

I still find it interesting how quickly public opinion turned on the word after this (very successful) 2009 campaign: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spread_the_Word_to_End_the_Word

 

[dity]

First off, how would being upset by some word said to me at some point in my life make me a Hypocrite? The only way that would be the case is if I was sitting here telling people they need to just ignore mean words and grow thicker skins, but then I myself was still being offended by the same words and trying to get people to stop using them.

Yeah I've been hurt by words said to me in the past. who hasn't? The difference here is that at some point along the way, I decided words are just that. Words. -and I thus decided to stop letting them have power over me or affect me negatively, because at the end of the day, I don't really care what word some Rando passing by says or some troll on the internet types to try and get under my skin.

Unfortunately there are going to be people who no matter what get hurt by words, for various reasons, sometimes uncontrollable by them.
However, forming interest groups with the specific purpose of trying to control and maintain the negative connotation with certain words is actually more harmful on society if anything. In most cases it's seemingly done with the intention of these groups having something to call their own, some ammunition that they can use against people who they deem privileged to in fact, get them down.
How about instead, marginalized individuals- or at least the people who represent them- form interest groups who's goal is either disassociation with the negative connotation of a word, or maybe trying to turn that word into something with more of a funny, neutral or even positive connotation? It's because the answer is simple. It's about control. It's about wanting something that gives you power over someone else.
Even if that power is just the ability to tell someone they're not allowed to use a word because it's "offensive", and then in turn be praised by your peers for verbally abusing someone with every slanderous word under the sun just because they used the word "Retarded" and you were "checking their privilege".

Holy shit you've got a whole conspiracy thing thought up.

Look here, marginalised people DO try to reclaim words. But they're THEIR words. You are not invited.

Lastly, you say they're just words to you now but here you are legit concerned that you as a presumably privileged person (it is who the "groups" are taking down right?) can't use a word. Use a different word. Make up a word. Why are you so offended if they're indeed "just words"? Surely the loss of a use of a word is no consequence to you. They are just letters mashed together after all.

 

[Vitten]

Use it sometimes but then again I don't really give a fuck about political correctness.

If this 'You can't say anything that might sound offensive to certain people' trend continues then in a few decades we're all going to sound like Ned Flanders.

 

[NoblesseOblige]

Use it sometimes but then again I don't really give a fuck about political correctness.

If this 'You can't say anything that might sound offensive to certain people' trend continues then in a few decades we're all going to sound like Ned Flanders.

No we aren't. And if you're making the decision to continue using it then I at least hope someday you stop making excuses for yourself and drop the ignorance.

 

[SaganIsGOAT]

But I thought we dont clinically diagnose people as retarded anymore?

From what I can gather from my partner who works in the field, "mental retardation" will show in the case files pertaining to the individual, but they do not use the word retarded in their day to day work language.

 

[Count Dookkake]

No we aren't. And if you're making the decision to continue using it then I at least hope someday you stop making excuses for yourself and drop the ignorance.

Using "ignorance" as a pejorative is insensitive to people who don't have access to education.

 

[Viewt]

I used to be very guilty of using it in high school. "This is retarded," or "stop acting retarded." I later became good friends with someone who has a brother with Down's Syndrome. One day, she very politely said, "Hey, would you mind not using 'retarded' around me? I just cringe when I hear it, and it's kind of hurtful." I immediately felt like shit, and I haven't said it in that context since (I'm sure I've used it in its actual, literal context a handful of times in the intervening years).

Whenever I hear it, all I can think of is her brother, who was the sweetest kid. That thought burned that behavior out of me instantly.

 

[also]

You're using someone's disability and using a word that someone has to live by as a medical title and twisting it into something hurtful. How is that okay?

How do you feel about the phrases:
Are you blind?
Are you deaf?

 

[NoblesseOblige]

Using "ignorance" as a pejorative is insensitive to people who can't afford access to learning.

I know you're trying to be cute, but you really aren't succeeding.

 

[Count Dookkake]

I know you're trying to be cute, but you really aren't succeeding.

1/10

 

[SaganIsGOAT]

Using "ignorance" as a pejorative is insensitive to people who don't have access to education.

If someone doesn't know any better and uses the word, okay, we can deal with it by INFORMING them on why they shouldn't. Once you have that knowledge and knowing of why the word shouldn't be used, you can decide if it's a word you want to keep using. I guess I just don't understand why people would continue saying something after they've been told it can be hurtful to others :/

 

[NoblesseOblige]

1/10

Agreed. That's about the grade you get.

 

[Harmen]

I know you're trying to be cute, but you really aren't succeeding.

10/10

 

[Count Dookkake]

Agreed. That's about the grade you get.

2 for 2 with the non-rebuttals.

At least SaganisGOAT, despite that I disagree with his premise, knows better than to avoid ad hominem.

 

[digdug2k]

I'm actually surprised the medical community tries to hold on to the word retarded at all anymore. Do they? Its nothing but an insult at this point.

 

[jorma]

I know you're trying to be cute, but you really aren't succeeding.

Isn't the correct response "My apologies Count Dookkake, i'm going to stop making excuses for myself and drop the i-word"?

 

[braves01]

Sure thing, op, but I'm not going to call it the r word and I still want to be able to listen to lets get retarded by the black eyed peas.

 

[SaganIsGOAT]

How do you feel about the phrases:
Are you blind?
Are you deaf?

Same premise as the use of retarded. If I wouldn't say it in the same room as someone who actually has to deal with those things, I won't say it all. Language is a beautiful thing that we can adapt and use in a more friendly way. There are countless better ways to say the things that offend people simply by using smarter language. My teammates and I used to call eachother "faggots", "gay", "retarded" etc when I was younger. I'll admit, although I dropped faggot and gay when I was much younger, retarded still lingered about UNTIL I started dating my current girlfriend who really put in into perspective for me. We all can learn and grow, or we can fall back on our old ways even when we know better. I'll still catch myself saying things I shouldn't but that's part of the journey of growing up; to learn and incorporate what you've learned into your day to day life.

 

[Aurora Sparkle]

Holy shit you've got a whole conspiracy thing thought up.

It's hardly a conspiracy, but okay. All you have to do is look to tumblr or any place where discussions actually take place about being able to own these words so that "privileged" people can't use them, and so that it can be an acceptable thing to shit on said people if they DO use those words. Funny enough, these same people are usually completely okay with inventing their own terms to try and marginalize the people who they call privileged "cissys, fedoras, etc."

Look here, marginalised people DO try to reclaim words. But they're THEIR words. You are not invited.

Does the concept of a word being owned by a group of people not seem ridiculous to you?

Lastly, you say they're just words to you now but here you are legit concerned that you as a presumably privileged person (it is who the "groups" are taking down right?) can't use a word. Use a different word. Make up a word. Why are you so offended if they're indeed "just words"? Surely the loss of a use of a word is no consequence to you. They are just letters mashed together after all.

Maybe its because I grew up in the generation where a word was perfectly acceptable to use, and nobody gave a crap who said it, and thus it has become sort of embedded in my vocabulary- and so I don't appreciate being chewed out or verbally insulted by others (who seem to make such a big deal about words being used to insult other people BTW) if said offensive word happens to slip out. Even if it was said in a manner that wasn't even intentionally directed at said marginalized group. Or to me has a different meaning completely because that's how it was when I learned it.

I don't see how telling people to just "use a different word" is a solution, because it's already been discussed to death how the meanings and definitions of words, and the context behind them keeps changing- how are we supposed to keep up with what's acceptable to say and what's not?
If we never draw the line, anyone can make any word into an offensive one and demand that nobody say it, and then someone gets punished because it's become perfectly acceptable to police anyone over anything they say that someone else finds offensive.

It's a ridiculous cycle that IMO needs to end, but I already know I'm in the minority with my opinion here, so I'll just leave it at that because I have better things to do right now than argue over whether or not I deserve to be roasted or have my intelligence insulted over saying something like "Man, my Computer is being retarded right now."

 

[pablito]

I used to use that word and the couple others. But some years ago whenever it would slip I would immediately feel immature, so I started to let the words go and find alternatives. There are plenty of words to describe things, we don't need to use groups of people as an insult.

 

[Harmen]

2 for 2 with the non-rebuttals.

At least SaganisGOAT, despite that I disagree with his premise, knows better than to avoid ad hominem.

Well, I have said here before, the word retarded has been used as an offense since the early 60's. Right about after it was considered a formal scientific classification for mentally disabled people. This is no sudden change of meaning, this was using a specific group of people as an offense right from the go. I am interested in how the use of the word ignorant compares to that, or potentially could.