PigSpeakers
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Sometimes life is hard.
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'Ugly girl': The negative messages we send to our daughters
- Thread starter Messofanego
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Arsenic Yellow
Member
Exactly, it's very disheartening. I've always had issues with my body and face. Of course I've always tried to be successful in life, with my degree and career, but in the back of my mind I've always been focused on my appearance. I hate to blame society or the media, it sounds like an excuse to me and I realize a lot of it has to do with my own self esteem. My mom was bulimic for 15 years, always hassled me about my weight (I'm not overweight by any means). Every time I look in the mirror, I'm genuinely disgusted with my face and body, I get frustrated going to the mall because certain clothes won't fit my body type. I focus on every little part of my body. People make comments all the time without realizing their ramifications. I'm actively trying to not make comments anymore about a woman's appearance in a negative way.
It's very tiring to see so many hot women threads on here. From hottest news anchor to hot redheads just this week. The Christina, Lindsay and gaga weight gain/looking ragged threads are pretty awful. Rarely is there a thread like that for a male star on here. Hell, there was a Jessica Simpson is fat thread while she was pregnant and people were teasing her for not losing the weight immediately. Again, I know it partially has to do with my own issues, but reading comments on those threads always make me take a break from gaf.
I know this may appear like a pity party post, but it's something I've been talking about with my boyfriend and reading some of the posts on here was so disheartening.
This is from last week I believe:
"Eight-pack abs: Did this man have the best body in history?"
This isn't meant as an attack, I'm asking the following out of curiosity. Do you actively work out or try to work on those things you don't like about your body? Or is it something that couldn't be fixed no matter how much work you put into it?
ColonelColon
Member
For some reason, this sounds more difficult than making sure I don't eat too much junk food.
More often than not, genuinely fat men are the butt of the joke in movies and TV shows. They get roles because people like laughing at them, not because they find them physically attractive.
And how about an overweight woman in popular music?
And unfortunately Mc donalds and other places aren't helping to reduce that either with dollar menu deals that people live off of everyday.
I thought about this at one point, but even then that wouldn't stop anything. Speech is the one thing in the U.S when it comes to regular day activities that will never be controlled, theres no real way to do it especially when are law overall in the country sucks.
industrian
will gently cradle you as time slowly ticks away.
"Am I tough/athletic/strong enough?" pales in comparison to the absolute atom bomb of male insecurity that is "Is my dick big enough?"
lol that reminds me of all the dating site profiles of 5'0 girls saying you must be 6'0 or taller to message them.
I hate this.
You see a lot of "fat" guys in movies and TV shows with leading roles and such. Very rarely is that the case for "fat" women.
Devolution
Member
Even in games. Pretty much the same female model every time.
Arsenic Yellow
Member
I constantly work on the things I see. Part of it is now trying to figure out if what I see actually exists in a way, or if what I'm seeing in the mirror is so distorted from reality. I'm constantly tryig to work on my skin, my boyfriend and friends say my skin is clear, but I see every flaw, every pore, every hair out of place. I can't tell how much of it is in my mind, if I look in the mirror and see fat or cellulite, If its really there. I eat relatively healthy, vegetarian and i eat tons of vegetables and fruits. juice often, though i partake in pizza once a week. i was much worse when I was younger, wouldn't let a guy touch my legs if I hadn't shaved for a day or two. I'm trying to get better about it. It's weird because I know if anyone would meet me, they'd never guess I feel this way.
On a side note: I was dealing with my sculpture professor for a long time. He was a real jerk to me, during our critiques he would ask why I wasn't a lesbian. I don't know if this was due to my pieces being about gender identity or my short hair always being up. He was never helpful, never really assisted me because he felt that I was "introspective". My last semester, I started wearing my hair down and I glasses. Suddenly, he was shocked everyday, commenting on my "hot hair" and how I had a "classic actress" look. Only Then did he become helpful. He always liked my work, but it really disgusted me that he would treat me so different just based on how I looked. I regret not getting him fired, but the art department here is so small, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get a letter of recommendation for grad school.
What a prick that guy is.
I'm 25 and I still feel like this. I'm trying to work through it in therapy, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to get to a place of acceptance with how I look. I feel like if I can look in the mirror and not want to punch myself or cry, I'll be fine. :/
I'm smart, I'm kind, I'm a decent person. But I can't stand the way I look and I'm just not good enough. :/ That's where I am right now.
I'm smart, I'm kind, I'm a decent person. But I can't stand the way I look and I'm just not good enough. :/ That's where I am right now.
Arsenic Yellow
Member
Apparently he's treating a lot of students this way and female faculty are not happy about this. He's up for tenure this semester. Doubt he'll get it.
Turning 26 in two weeks and that's exactly how I feel
Yep in videogames as well, though they just need to get rid of fat characters in general. The gaming world could use more ugly woman in them though the U.S basically has that covered even when they aren't trying to,just look at dragon age lol.
Ah shit a victim of lookism, where is that one ism guy at when ya need him.
Messofanego
Banned
I'll agree the media isn't the sole cause of this. Eating disorders existed before media. Eating disorders have a genetic and neurological link too. If we removed media, the issues wouldn't go away.
However, it's the one factor we can control on the outside if every woman with body-image issues doesn't already have a therapist. The media can be seen as a negative reinforcer for body size overestimation that can feed the woman's lack of self-esteem/personality type as confirmation bias. They need to tout physically healthy ideals of beauty rather than anorexic models being the norm.
If they're not letting go of super thin models, then at least like drinking leave a disclaimer to take dieting into moderation. They shouldn't glamorise celebrities losing weight and present a greater variety of body shapes or sizes.
Shouta
Member
Serious answer? I actually don't think it goes without saying. Men's issues don't get as much attention in some cases., I think guys bring it up because they want to remind people that those issues do exist. It's wildly inappropriate to toss it into a conversation willy-nilly but there are times where it can be appropriate.
It's in a way, the other side of a double-edged sword. Men get more perks and benefits in the way we conduct society currently but their issues aren't as discussed at times. For example, prostate cancer awareness is nowhere near breast cancer awareness.
Of course, that doesn't have as much bearing on this thread. The article was on women so.
Femmeworth
Banned
What a piece of shit.
Messofanego
Banned
I heard about this from my sister who's a huge k-pop/japanese fan. Have there been articles showing evidence of how bad it is over there?
I think that teaching media literacy from a young age is a good place to start and something that parents actually have the power to do something about in the short term. Kids who learn media literacy are more likely to be informed and critical consumers of the media they consume, and it could help them to resist harmful messages. This is also true for other issues besides body image issues which can be affected by media images and messages.
Yeah I'd be interested in doing some reading too. I watched this the other day, which deals with that in part, and is also generally entertaining: http://www.vice.com/fashion-week-internationale/seoul-fashion-week-full-length
wat
Being fat can be useful for a narative, or character development. Or even to just look funny, like doughnut drake. There's no harm in it. The same as ugliness.
I was remembering this thread from the over day. http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=497048
Edit: talked about the same Vice video as above
Turning 26 in two weeks and that's exactly how I feel
Yep.
Hopefully someday I can not hate myself. I hope you can learn to like yourself. Are you looking into any kind of therapy or anything?Being fat or ugly doesn't necessarily stop the portrayal of a male character from being either positive or serious. With female characters, that's rarely the case.
I remember seeing a picture of you in one of these threads. You are attractive
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/
I am just going to pimp this site for people who are dieting/want to change their look or simply feel better
After going on this diet, i lost about 20 pounds and have never felt better. I used to always get colds as well as issues like minor acne and the like. All that stopped after I switched to this diet. I have a ton more energy as well and simply FEEL better
What the diet is, is basically avoid grains, sugar, and processed foods. Eat a ton of meat, veggies, and a moderate amount of fruit and dairy if you can handle it. No need to count calories or any BS like that. You will get full and stay full by simply switching from a carb burner to a fat burner.
I have no idea if this will help with body image issues, but it improved my body while improving my overall health and wellness
That's not a reason to get rid of fat characters altogether.
BadAss2961
Member
I was just about to say that everyone on GAF seems to think she's kinda hot. It's a start.
While true they have yet to do it right in videogames. Save it for movies, books hell even cartoons things that seem to do a better job at story telling than video games.
Arsenic Yellow
Member
Yep.
Ive always been really bad at therapy. I often lie for fear of getting committed, due to having suicidal thoughts. I'm from a small town in Louisiana and have had a few friends committed just for saying they were having suicidal thoughts. I'd like to eventually try therapy again, at the moment I'm not financially able to, but hopefully in a few months I can. Hopefully we can both get better
I'm hoping wih age it'll happen, but just the though of getting old terrifies me. The thought of wrinkles! :[Sorry, I somehow got confused and thought you were quoting a different post. I'm in favor of as much variety as possible in character design, including different body types and levels of attractiveness, as long as it makes sense in context. I just wanted to explicitly spell out the way the double standard works for people who decide to be dense about the whole issue.
BadAss2961
Member
I'm drawing a blank on bigger women with prominent roles in video games... Even in fighters with several women, all that come to mind are attractive girls in great shape.
scar tissue
Banned
This.
My teenage years were hell because of the standards I thought I had to live up to, and I know plenty of guys (and girls) for whom the same thing applies.
Stop making everything a gender issue.
Flurrie from Paper Mario TTYD is the only one that comes to mind right now.
There's also Impa in the older Zelda games and GB titles, though I don't know if you'd consider her role "prominent"
Shouta
Member
There are some from time to time but it's not as common. Male-dominated creative process and generally perceived as male-dominated consumer base makes it difficult. You'll get the token larger woman in games from time to time, typically in a motherly role though that's more prominent from Japanese games than American ones, I think.
Ive always been really bad at therapy. I often lie for fear of getting committed, due to having suicidal thoughts. I'm from a small town in Louisiana and have had a few friends committed just for saying they were having suicidal thoughts. I'd like to eventually try therapy again, at the moment I'm not financially able to, but hopefully in a few months I can. Hopefully we can both get better
Hm...that's kind of bad. :< Don't have suicidal thoughts!
Good luck. Haha, I've given up on "getting older" will make it better. I have to actually do something about it. Whether I can is the question.
Wrinkles, no :<
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
Being proactive about stuff related to your body will help a lot. Just getting to the gym and knowing you're working towards something is such a mental uplift. It's definitely tough when it feels like you're constantly being judged primarily through your looks, though. :/
And, I so feel you on the wrinkles. They're considered a plus for guys (more experienced, more wise looking), but such a negative for women. I keep buying new lotions hoping to head them off at the pass.
Meh. It's pretty much the same for both genders. Leads are classically attractive in most mediums. From videogames and comics to cinema and television. Even music is filled with attractive front men and women despite it not being a visual medium. Once in a while, a Joey Ramone appears, but for the most part, popular music is full of hot peoples.
Yeah see what you mean but it just seemed wrong to force it into a discussion about women.
Devolution
Member
Always happens. Even when threads are made about men's issues they are largely ignored. Instead you get the derails in these.
Not if your black we get all the flack
. I don't even think this is actually true anymore outside of entertainment media.Arsenic Yellow
Member
For eye wrinkles, I get vitamin e gel tablets, poke a hole in it and use the liquid on my eyes nightly. Saves you a ton of money. Has to be good quality vitamin e tablets. A little goes a long way though. 1 pill usually lasts me a week or two.
The problem I face is I obsess when in working on something. :/ trying to work on not doing that
Shouta
Member
Which leads to my reaction.
(ノ`Д´)ノ彡┻━┻ (ノ`Д´)ノ彡┻━┻ (ノ`Д´)ノ彡┻━┻ (ノ`Д´)ノ彡┻━┻ (ノ`Д´)ノ彡┻━┻
There's probably a lot to discuss including the reasons as to why it's ignored but eh, best saved for another thread and when I have free time/the energy to.
Or how about this crap being fostered on young girls:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR742do-Jtk
Who the hell thinks up this shit?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR742do-Jtk
Who the hell thinks up this shit?
Devolution
Member
Fuck. Thank god my parents got me nerf, remote control cars and lego.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
Not if your black we get all the flack
Really? I didn't know a distinction was made for black guys. :/ It's always seemed a general + thing for men, or at least, not commented on. Women aging has always been such a big thing. Like we only have a shelf life from 16-30 or something. I do think we (and the media) are becoming more accepting of people aging, but there's such pressure to keep that youthful look.
Ooooo, good idea. I will definitely try that. Thanks! I've been using Olay and trying like hell to sleep on my back, but... All I can say is thank the gods I was an expressionless child/adult most of my life.
And, obsessing doesn't sound too healthy. Have you worked out a cool down hobby to break the cycle yet?
What the shit is this shit? -_-
ThisWreckage
Banned
I'm not sure I agree with this article. Even our pop stars are overweight now.
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