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What are the worst professional reviews you've ever read/watched?

Hilary Goldstein of IGN's review of Sonic Unleashed. He gave it a lower score than Sonic 06'. The video review and his criticisms are complete BS as well. He says the controls are broken and the video review shows him deliberately walking and jumping off an edge. -__-
 
IGN's review of Afrika...I shudder to think how many people were turned off from a unique and beautiful experience because of one close-minded review.
 

MechaX

Member
Man, let me find some old Judgment Day/Reviews on the Run episodes. I can find quite a few Tommy Tallarico reviews that made my brain explode.
 
NotebookJ2 said:
The problem with these reviews is that that they're not just misguided, they're often flat out wrong about things about the game itself. It's one thing to say that you don't like the graphics, it's another to outright say that they look too similar to another game when it's very much clear that that's not the case.
I agree that getting facts wrong is really unprofessional and deserve to be ridiculed, I just feel like reviews in general are getting so eaten up by social media and metacritic that I am surprised that people even really care. It makes me a little nostalgic to be honest. I am just glad that I am not a games reveiwer and my feelings on games aren't on a pedestal.
 

Roto13

Member
The_Technomancer said:
Hardly any reviews for other mediums work on a ten point scale though. 4 stars out of 4 does carry a different emotional weight then 10/10 for most people.
Oh please. Lots of review outlets for other art forms uses a ten point scale or even a hundred point scale. And lots of video game sites and magazines use different scales, too. The degree of variation within the scale has nothing to do with it. There's no excuse for the fact that gamers think game review scales should range from 6 to 9 with a 10 being saved for when the medium peaks.
 
With most games getting pre-release demos these days, I pay less and less attention to reviews as time goes on. The only thing I really look at is how many hours it takes to finish the campaign.

Another key factor is that many of the best games are sequels or iterations of other games so you already know what it's gonna be like.

I guess the only time I'd really look to reviews as a big part of my decision-making is if all of these are true:

1. Game has no demo
2. Game is a new original IP
3. Game has unique gameplay, premise, mystery surrounding it

Perfect example of the above is LA Noire
 

Roto13

Member
Dark Octave said:
I don't agree with him at all except for one point. Using energy to melee is derp. Using all of it for a single attack is even worse. Still a great game though. One of my favorites of all times.
Melee attacks are like crazy strong, though. I think the penalty for using them is fair.
 
Ironically, it was the terrible Joystiq review and the hullabaloo behind not finishing the game that turned me on to Nier and eventually lead to me buying it. For the most part, I use reviews to turn me onto games I usually would not even think about.

I think I started to not care about reviews back when I was a big DDR fan, and not a single reviewer mentioned that the US version of DDR Extreme had no dance pad settings, making the game on the harder difficulties frustrating. That game was a total mess, but I don't think a single reviewer actually played it to see if it was any good. It left my high school self rather jaded about reviewers.
 

randrews

Neo Member
shidoshi said:
Somebody who wants to remain anonymous asked me to post this (click for full size):


Please tell me that you have access to Game Players' review of Izzy. It's not bad, but it is utterly amazing.
 

EatChildren

Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
That GameTrailers compilation was terrible, but there wasn't a whole lot wrong with the Uncharted 2 section. The game isn't particularly original, and a 9.25 (or whatever) is is a very, very high score.
 

tiff

Banned
EatChildren said:
That GameTrailers compilation was terrible, but there wasn't a whole lot wrong with the Uncharted 2 section. The game isn't particularly original, and a 9.25 (or whatever) is is a very, very high score.
I thought the point was the juxtaposition between that and their praise for Modern Warfare 2, not that U2 got slighted in anyway (because it didn't).
 

Riposte

Member
Dark Octave said:
I don't agree with him at all except for one point. Using energy to melee is derp. Using all of it for a single attack is even worse. Still a great game though. One of my favorites of all times.

It is a one-hit kill attack on almost every enemy. That + fast movement + cover would allow you to secure an easy position in just about any non-boss scenario.
 

EatChildren

Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
tiff said:
I thought the point was the juxtaposition between that and their praise for Modern Warfare 2.

True that. My bad.
 
How about IGN's 9.0 review of Prey: http://xbox360.ign.com/articles/717/717824p1.html

Here's a fun exercise: try to actually find something in the text that actually says what the game does well, rather than blandly listing features and gameplay mechanics. Also, this:

It turns into a pretty heavy-duty multiplayer skill in the end, and though I like it, I think some folks might end up getting tired of it real quick...

... The multiplayer modes are sure to have gamers deeply involved over the next several months.

And of course, the wonderful story behind the review: http://vgmwatch.com/archives/1111

I hear Doug saying to Marci something along the lines of “No, I’m sure it is a great game. I’m pretty sure it is going to do well. That’s why we want the exclusive. We don’t want the exclusive on crappy games… ” so on… He gets off the phone and heads over to Tom and asks him, “Tom, what were you thinking you were going to give Prey?” That’s sort of a no-no to begin with, but Tom says, “I haven’t even played it. I have no idea.” Doug persists, “No, but if you were gonna guess… like 9 or higher, right? Nothing lower than an 8, obviously?”...

... Once again, Tom replies that he has no idea. I scolded Doug again and he went back to his desk where he calls Marci Ditter and says that he’s sure it will do 9 or higher.
 
UnlovedJew said:
Hilary Goldstein of IGN's review of Sonic Unleashed. He gave it a lower score than Sonic 06'. The video review and his criticisms are complete BS as well. He says the controls are broken and the video review shows him deliberately walking and jumping off an edge. -__-

No, I'm pretty much with the writer on this one. Sure, I would argue that Unleashed deserves to be put in contrast to the previous game, giving it a kind of 'redeeming value', but ultimately, you probably wouldn't be playing this for sheer fun.

What sucks is that "4.0" is considered 'low enough' when Sonic 06 really is that game that deserves the last two digits of its year of release to be its score.
It's not even a real game. Like pinokkio really, except here the toy stays a toy and breaks too, ya know? :')


A bad review would be something like Dean Takahashi's Mass Defect. This really was a clear-cut case of 'playing it wrong' after all. Even if he wrote the piece to the best of his writing abilities (I do not pretend to know), it's still embarassing for himself and unfair towards the product.
However... he might also, by accident, have given a lot of casual players a voice if they too forgot about upgrading.

That isn't something that is usually taken into account in reviews. The fact that clarity of design, interface and sometimes blatant handholding also factor into the average consumer opinion and can be the source of great difference between the experience of 'core' and 'casual' gamers (an ill-defined distinction, I admit). I am always left to wonder a bit whether professional writers take this aspect in consideration and whether or not they realize "whom they are writing for" in a particular article. Because even if they do, and I would assume that professional journalists are well aware of this, there appears to be no room or time for them to clarify in particular where they are coming from and want they were looking for during their time with the game / product. This probably doesn't need to be done in the review itself, but without those out and in the open, it's always going to be anyone's guess which way the wind happened to be blowing when they were playing and writing about the game. Which, to make things even more complicated, are usually also two completely separate events.

Even EDGE switches between these two (extreme) positions between different editors, even though the 'core' voice is clearly dominant in that magazine. Which one of those gave 10's to Halo 3 and GTA 4? To make things seem fair and even, Edge favors design as the basis for its writings. And I can get behind this for Halo 3, for which it is well deserved from either perspective. I don't think many people would contest that. But the GTA 4 review interestingly chose the cultural aspect of the design and cheared it on from that angle only. It seemed to forget that beneath all that shiny stuff, there is also a set of mechanisms that count as design and are ultimately the ones that decide (for the core voice at least) what makes a game fun to keep playing.
This topic would simply call that last review 'bad' because it failed to observe GTA4's shortcomings when played longer. The same thing happened, despite in a different manner, with IGN's and many other reviews. But are they really simply 'bad'? We learned afterwards that the process by which these reviews were made, was highly manipulated to ensure good results.
What were the writers supposed to do in this case? Come clean to the audience? I don't think that was even possible (legally) at the time. And when it was, the reviews were out already and the point of coming clean was rendered moot.


Practical process aside, I consider the IGN God Hand review to be a case where a game that "demands" a core voice (it is unfortunately designed that way) got reviewed in the casual 'voice'. And from that same voice, I personally honestly found God Hand to be... well, as that review described really.
I do not believe that these reviews are fundamentally 'wrong'. More often, I think that the 'needed voice' doesn't match either the product (god hand was obviously not intended for foolish mortals such as myself) or the audience the writer believes will be interested in reading that particular piece.


to summarize to some extend:
1. the reviewer's starting position in terms of desired challenge or experience remains largely unknown. Casual or core expectations of a game resulting in a review "voiced" in those terms, results in near-instant conflict between the two perspectives, unless a game caters to both in a convincing manner, like Halo 3.
2. the reviewing process is not made public and it is not possible to know how balanced (average thoughts and feelings after many sessions or hours) the opinion in reviews is. Not only that, the time to get there is by and large unavaible to all who write professionally.
3. it is not possible to say whether a review is actually bad ór good in a manner approaching some sense of objectivity without knowing the status of the previous two points.

one additional point:

4. the belief that quality is inherent to a product and can be measured in a lineair fashion across multiple, almost mutual-exclusive consumer perspectives may not serve the industry to balance the needs of its producers and consumers and may blind them to 'would be obvious' problems with that balance.

Some would go as far as saying that metacritic is indeed a destructive force within the industry, but that ignores the fact that metacritic provides a service based on a belief that is widely shared by consumers, most certainly in this particular thread. What else decides that a review is "wrong", if not the score given?
 
Ah, sad to see that people still think that you can objectively review video games (or any other piece of entertainment media). In due time.
 
Foxtastical said:
Ah, sad to see that people still think that you can objectively review video games (or any other piece of entertainment media). In due time.

I do hope that this is not a reply to my post.

Because the 'all opinions are equal' (and worse: true) position is equally untenable.
 

Leucrota

Member
kpx0 said:
pretty much any review on destructoid

Destructoid is a blog. Not professional.

I am probably defending them because their views more or less align with mine. Them and gamecritics.com.
 

Leucrota

Member
Zeitgeister said:
I do hope that this is not a reply to my post.

Because the 'all opinions are equal' (and worse: true) position is equally untenable.

Reviewers need to back up their opinions in their reviews, thus, THEIR gameplay experience comes out in the written work, and the score given to the game reflects that experience. There is no reason why one persons experience with a game, and opinions of the parts of the game would not radically differ from that of someone else.

Hence, why I defend Jim Sterling, for if one would actually READ his work (and not just glance at the score) one would notice that he actually DEFENDS his points and most likely legitimately does not like some AAA titles.
Case in point: Everyone bemoans his low scoring reviews of big games, but totally forget the conformist scores he gives to other games, or claim he was just not trying to troll, or some crap.
 

Leucrota

Member
Curufinwe said:
If they get paid, then it's professional.

The site is also very tongue-in-cheek and meant to be fun. People hate Jim for his style. If you don't like it, don't go there. Every hates Jim because he calls out the people who comment on his articles and makes fun of them. Well that is because he is allowed to. Most other sites wouldn't let their employees do that because of rules. Most of the people he calls out are making bad, stupid, or illogical arguments anyway.

I don't get the hate, besides that most people don't like his more laid back style.
 

commish

Jason Kidd murdered my dog in cold blood!
A lot of the early Diehard Gamefan reviews were pretty ridiculous. I seem to remember them blowing a load over many 3DO/Jaguar games that were pretty damn terrible.
 

IrishNinja

Member
PepsimanVsJoe said:
We're never going to have a thread dedicated to good reviews are we?

Oh well.

this is actually a really good idea for a thread, after all we've done around these topics recently.

PepsimanVsJoe said:
Chris Slate must have been sipping a bit too much of the Donkey Kong Country koolaid when he did that Yoshi's Island review.

i know ive asked, but what is Slate up to these days?

also, Sterling is not simply "laid back", he's inept and gets paid to troll with reviews that range from poorly written to going-against-the-grain-for-hits...which isnt to say any reviewer should tow the line of universal acclaim if they dont agree, but what ive read of his stuff was so weak, it blurred with his non-funny parody stuff. if that works for you, that's cool too, but you can't be surprised when people who don't care to frequent his cesspit (frequently) feel free to call him out likewise on his own ignorance around here & other places.

additionally, tongue-in-cheek doesn't give you a pass. the point stands: are you paid? do you get press passes and promo games for review? you're professional, act the part.

commish said:
A lot of the early Diehard Gamefan reviews were pretty ridiculous. I seem to remember them blowing a load over many 3DO/Jaguar games that were pretty damn terrible.

i love seeing their crew around here, but ive quietly never forgiven whoever wrote that shining preview (or was it a review? i forget) for Tail of the Sun. ugh, last time i took their word for it.
 

GhaleonQ

Member
I'll also add that Seth Schiesel squanders his position the worst. He has the most visibility of anyone (source: nothing), and yet he is an utter void. He has never written an interesting thing. That's bad in its own way.
 

MYE

Member
Probably mentioned already but

Variety's Super Mario Galaxy Review
(..)
As good as the game is, though, it’s evidence of how bad the Wii is for third-person action games, a problem first made clear in last year’s “Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.” Holding the nunchuk, which moves Mario, and the Wii-mote, which makes him jump and spin, in separate hands is an awkward arrangement. Since there’s only one thumbstick, players rarely have control of the camera, and when they do, it’s not easy to manipulate. While the designers usually put the camera in the best position possible, it’s inevitable that gamers will sometimes wish they had a better view.

More importantly, “Galaxy” doesn’t make good use of the console’s motion-sensing abilities. In a transparent add-on to make use of the Wii-mote, players can collect “star bits” by pointing at them. But they aren’t integral to the game and pointing at them is a chore.

A second player can join in by using his or her Wii-mote to collect and shoot star bits, but again, it’s completely gratuitous. As brilliant as “Super Mario Galaxy” is, in fact, it’s one of the worst two-player experiences ever seen in a videogame.

Fans may claim the graphics are good as far as the Wii is concerned, but that argument quickly grows tired. There’s clever art design on many of the planets Mario visits, but given the vastly superior quality of the graphics in a game like “Ratchet and Clank: Tools of Destruction,” currently available for the PS3, “Galaxy” looks old fashioned and lifeless.
 

Y2Kev

TLG Fan Caretaker Est. 2009
All jim sterling
All present and future Arthur from ign
All Greg miller

Seems consistent!
 

RedFalcon

Neo Member
Foxtastical said:
Ah, sad to see that people still think that you can objectively review video games (or any other piece of entertainment media). In due time.
You'll find no argument from me there, Fox. You can't slap an objective number or concluding statement on a subjective thing like a video game. However, what a lot of people are pointing out is the utter lack of professionalism and poor writing standards in games "journalism." As a former member of the field, I can definitely attest to that.
 
Tommy Tallarico's review of Metroid Prime for Electric Playground.

Apparently he had an axe to grind because he was supposed to be the sound designer, however they went in a different direction, so he trashed the shit out of the game (and specifically the music) in the review.
 

Roto13

Member
MYE said:
Probably mentioned already but
Holding the nunchuk, which moves Mario, and the Wii-mote, which makes him jump and spin, in separate hands is an awkward arrangement. Since there’s only one thumbstick, players rarely have control of the camera, and when they do, it’s not easy to manipulate. While the designers usually put the camera in the best position possible, it’s inevitable that gamers will sometimes wish they had a better view.
There’s clever art design on many of the planets Mario visits, but given the vastly superior quality of the graphics in a game like “Ratchet and Clank: Tools of Destruction,” currently available for the PS3, “Galaxy” looks old fashioned and lifeless.
Good fucking lord. This person has no business reviewing video games.
 

Moofers

Member
shidoshi said:
Somebody who wants to remain anonymous asked me to post this (click for full size):

Holy shit dude, Game Players? Or is that Ultra Game Players? I used LOVE that mag back in high school. I'd love to look through some of those again. That magazine is one of the reasons I got a PlayStation at launch.
 

giggas

Member
DeaconKnowledge said:
Tommy Tallarico's review of Metroid Prime for Electric Playground.

Apparently he had an axe to grind because he was supposed to be the sound designer, however they went in a different direction, so he trashed the shit out of the game (and specifically the music) in the review.

Oh god. Well, they made the right decision.

But yeah, EP always had the worst reviews. They're so bad.
 

Bentendo

Member
shidoshi said:
Somebody who wants to remain anonymous asked me to post this (click for full size):


Hahaha. That's Chris Slate! He's the Editor in Chief at Nintendo Power now. I think he said a few issues back that he likes Yoshi's Island, so his opinion might have changed (I may just be imagining this though). I do know for a fact that in the latest issue they say that Yoshi's Island on the GBA was one of the better re-releases for the system.

And... what the Hell! Were SNES games really $70 back then? Why don't I remember this?
 
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